lunatic

I totally agree with KellBell on this one!

OK I am a man and I have never ever cheated on any of the women I have ever been involved with. The only time I have ever had the urge to cheat was when Things in my last long term relationship went south and sex was like going to the dentist. Very painful and the whole time I was there in bed with her it sucked. So to tell you the truth buster I don't agree with either of you guys. I think that if the OP wants to sow his oats then he should be man enough to break up with her and to go do what ever he wants. Watch yourself buster your on thin ice with this last post borderline flaming.

I have to agree with fairie16 on this one. It is not what you wanted to hear but, you don't have any control and the only way to get some control is to walk away with some of your dignity intact. If you want her back and to have any control then you need to stand up for yourself. You deserve to be treated like a person who has feelings and not a piece of crap.

GET OUT NOW!!!! Dont stay there anymore go stay with friends or family. No one ever deserves to be hit or abused in anyway. As I was reading your post I saw my ex girlfriend saying the same things to me a few years back. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! Period!! It is hard when you are scared because you don't know what this monster will do to you when he gets mad. Get the hell out of there and kick this loser to the curb! Please don't stay because the violence will only get worse over the years. Get out while you STILL CAN!!!

WOW that is a tough situation to be in. **Hugs** I am going to be honest here with you and I will not sugar coat my response. Please understand that I went thru something similar with someone in the past. I will not berate you or put you down don't worry. I think he is really hurt by your actions in the past. In a cruel way, he just maybe punishing you for all the hell you put him thru in the past. I know it sounds immature and it is but, people still do it. I think you both need time to see what life is like apart. Who knows maybe he will feel differently in the next few weeks/months. Remember that when you break someones heart the trust and compassion go out the window. I think you may have pushed him too far away and kept him at arms length for too long. Have you ever heard the old saying "a little too little too late"?? Well maybe he is testing you to see if he can trust you again. I think once the trust is gone the relationship is gone. That is of course from my own personal hell from the past. My advice to you is to start NC with him right away. If you feel that you want to talk to him one more time and explain to him what your doing then go for it. I would let him know that you realized you messed up in the past and truly sorry for it but, you cannot be punished like this forever. I would let him know that you still would like to try and see where it goes(if that's what you want) but, right now it is not possible. I would take the time away from him to stop dating for a little while and work on you. Have you thought about counseling or seeing a professional? Sometimes there maybe things going on in our behavior that we cannot see but, someone outside your life maybe able to pinpoint. I mean you stated you walked away from a guy you were engaged to because you were scared. Then with this guy you started arguments and were not nice to him. Have you ever wondered why you did this to him? Maybe there is something more going on here than meets the eye. I am not saying your crazy or should be committed. What I am saying there is something more going on here and if you don't want to be alone the rest of your life you need to figure out why you keep pushing people away when they get close to you. I hope this makes sense, Hub

The only thing that does not make sense is when you stated that you had fights about "your commitment fears". Could you please elaborate more on this because it may give us a new look at why he would act like this. Maybe he was hurt really badly by you in the past because of your fears. So lets not totally condemn this guy yet as he may be hurt and is lashing out at the OP because of it. Please what do you mean you had fights about your fears. It would be greatly appreciated and would help me help you. Hub

I have been on Wellbutrin XL for well over a year and a half now. I would not worry about this drug too much as it has the least side effect and no withdrawal symptoms at all. I have noticed that over the time I have been using this that I have become immune to it and I have bumped the dosage up with my doctors approval of course from 300 Mg a day to 450 Mgs. What type of Wellbutrin are you on? Do you take it once a day or twice? The reason I ask is some people have problems sleeping while on the twice a day version. It takes about six weeks to start showing the effects so don't worry about feeling anything at all till then. I do have to admit that when I started I noticed within two weeks that I was feeling something and it was easier to concentrate and make decisions.

Damn ain't it funny how we can convince ourselves something will be ok in the heat of the moment? I am not proud to admit that but, I have done the same in the past but, that was in the '80's and I was a stupid teenager.

Well I would not know about an affair but, I can say that when I first meet someone I usually use protection till I can get her tested. I get tested bi-annually so I would like my SO to get tested as well.

NO CONTACT!!!! It is that easy bro all you have to do with that is worry about you! Oh BTW I think it is a great idea to NOT let her know your down in the dumps over this whole mess. This way she cannot get some kind of gratification from it.

Kick her sorry butt to the curb and implement NC ASAP! I would call her up and tell her that it is over. That you deserve to be treated better and that all the problems in a relationship are not mine. After all a relationship is a two way street and blame falls on both of you no matter what when things come to an end. Time to move on to greener pastures! Remember that sometimes the grass is GREENER on the other side of the fence and in this case I truly believe it is for you! Be strong and move on from this immature woman!

It just sounds like she is young and wants to sow her oats. How can you live life not knowing whats out there? I would just tell her that this is not working out anymore since she does not know if she wants you or not. Dude do you want to be strung along or as NJRon stated take control of the situation? I would go see her one last time and tell her things are not working out for you. Since she does not know what she wants and you don't want to be left hanging. I would just say I am giving you the space you need even though I love you and it is killing me to do this but I have to do what is right for me. Get out now and who knows what will happen once she realizes you are not her puppet and will not be treated like this. I don't mean this as a flame but, dude get a spine and stick up for yourself! Respect yourself and stand up for yourself because at this time that is all you have left to do. There is nothing you can do to MAKE or encourage her to fall back in love with you without letting her know what life is like without you.

My advice is in total agreement with the last two posters. I think you should give her the space she needs by implementing NC. I think NJRon is on point with this one because I too would break up with her completely. If space is what she needs then space is what she will get. I mean there are plenty of single women at school and I am sure in no time you will be dating again. If there were me I would break up with her and take the control back. I would implement No Contact ASAP and start working on YOU now. At the end of the day it all comes down to what you want and are willing to put up with. Do you feel that she treats you right and are you happy with HER?

Hey man no one ever said love was perfect or easy to get over. It sucks to have your insides ripped out and feel like that is a big part of you missing. You need to give her and yourself some time to adjust to being without each other. I look at love and loss this way: It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all or Falling in love is easy but, trying to get along after the one you love leaves is not. Life is not fair sometimes and we all must just get used to it.

First I would like to welcome you to Enotalone.com. The only advice to you is to give her the space she needs no matter how much it hurts. I know it is easier said than done but, trust me I have been there done that. You need to back off NOW and implement No Contact(NC from now on). That means no emails, no phone calls, no letters mailed to her, No nothing at all. There was a disturbing trend in your post that I don't know if you realized it at the time you wrote it. That being said is that you have not mentioned YOU in that post at all. Everything was I did this for her or I did that for her. When you put NC in place you take control back that you lost due to the breakup and use it as a tool to heal yourself. Time to be selfish and only worry about YOU for now. Go out with your friends and family. Workout at a gym or volunteer your time somewhere like a local hospital. Keep BUSY for the next few months and leave as little down time as possible. That is the time I find that I sulk and fall back a few step when I am sitting idle. Get up and do something whether it being working out, hiking, what ever you need to do so you can move on. I know this is not what you asked for but, at this point I think it is your last choice. Respect her wishes and stop all contact. At the same time preserve your dignity by backing off NOW.

Don't contact her is the only way to leave your dignity intact. If you must contact her then you take the risk of having it backfire and blow up in your face. The choice is yours but, I recommend to you not to contact her.

Hey bro I was in your situation about two years ago. It hurt so badly that I try not to think about the day I left as that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I do have to say that in time you will recover and be back to who is important in your life and that's YOU. Implement NC as soon as possible because you deserve to be treated better. Even though she is the one who is losing out on the deal. You have to let her go and if she does have any feelings for you she will contact you. I would then talk to her and once that call is over I would never talk to her again. Unless she is apologizing to you and offering you to say your goodbyes to her daughter. Then I would try to hold out as long as possible with her so you can see the child. You do have to remove yourself from their lives but, you can try to do it slowly. I don't know I tried this and it worked out for a week or so then I could not take them talking about her new guy(the twins were five at the time). If she does go bad to the baby's father then it is her loss not yours. Hang in there because you deserve to be treated better than this. Stay strong and hold your ground. Don't under any circumstances contact her! Let her come to you. Good luck and I am sorry I know what your going thru(somewhat), Hub

You may have a virus or the flu. I know I have the freaking flu and it just started today. Thank God for my laptop otherwise I think I would have lost my mind. Get some rest and drink plenty of fluids and if your not better tomorrow see your doctor. At least you wont be the only person going to the Doctor.

Last time I contracted food poisoning I was sick for 2 straight days. I think RC gives the best advice by keeping your body's phosphates and electrolytes up.

Not a biggie and I am glad you did not take it to the flaming level CarnelianButterfly. Everyone has said things to someone they did not mean when they are hurting. It is totally natural and understandable.

I guess one can tell how individuals opinions differ when it comes to a topic like this. I bet that as long as the person does not have too many partners over the amount that the other partner had is starting to look like a precedence.

I could not have said that better myself DN.

See we agree with each other on that point. The sad fact that Deveryn only complained about this situation because of all the time they spend together. It could be a man or woman in this situation and I would give the same advice. I think when your with someone and your in love one should be able to make compromises. You know pick your battles wisely. Isn't that what a relationship is about love, respect, honesty, and compromise?

You know that was pretty harsh pointing at DN like that. I too agree with DN that it is not right for her to move in wit this guy after her BF told her how uncomfortable he is with this man spending everyday with her. To be honest I would HAVE A MAJOR problem with it. The major point that she is moving in with this guy even after her bf told her how uncomfortable he is with it. Why would you take DN's comment so personally? I think if you put yourself into this poor mans shoes you would have a problem with this move too. It's easy to say something when your not in the position and there are no feelings attached.

I do agree with Wild on her last comment. It is never a bad thing to try and show someone you care about some compassion. Even though they are broken up it was a nice gesture.