cochise5

I am just curious, I had the post earlier about peoples opinions/views on casual sex? That got me to thinking, how many would you think is too many for past number of sexual partners?? I mean I know there are averages out there and the whole woman lie and say less, men lie and say more, but I am just curious, on this board, if you are dating someone and they finally tell you "I have been with x number of people", what number would make you jump back and say "wow, that is a lot of people, I don't think I can deal with that" Say in age range from: teens to twenty twenty to twenty-five twenty-five to thirty thirty-five to forty Also, making the assumption they were never married, maybe in a couple long term relationships, but never married. So, say you are a guy, dating a woman 38 years old, never married, and she finally says "I have been with x number of people", what would be the number that would make you say, wow, that is just too many sexual partners……… I am curious also if the numbers are different when talking about a man or a woman??

Thanks for the advice. I am still completely confused though. I know its my battle, I either have to forgive and forget or move on. I guess time will tell, maybe I need a bit of alone time to figure out what I truly want. Geez, I thought I was a bit of a nut being hung up on a subject like this, but after doing a bit of searching it seems that this is not an uncommon problem for people, men or women.............

I don't know, I am so confused, I don't really know. One minute I think I am over it, the next I feel sick to my stomach thinking about her with someone so casual...............I don't know if this feeling will go away in time or if it won;t go away ever.............. As far as the relationship beyond this difference, it is really good. We have so much fun when we are together, she is like a breath of fresh air in my life and I love spending time with her.

That is exactly the way I feel. So my question to you: If you met someone who didn't feel that way and slept around thinking it was no big deal, do you think you could forgive this and not dwell on it?? Do you think you could have a relationship with that person and not let it bother you??

I wouldn't say she paints it in a positive light, but she doesn't think it is a big deal and doesn't understand why it bothers me. As for age, well she is 39, I am 37. She had no problems with one night stands back in her mid twenties, but has not had one (or so she says) since then. She was 36-37 when she was having htis other "friend with benifits" relationship. I should also mention that she did have a semi serious relationship back when she was 28-29 and had a child who is now 10 and is the love of her life. She said she completely gave up dating and apparently this guy and myself are the only two people she has been with in the past 10 years since her child was born (or again, so she says..........) believe me, I would never expect to meet a virgin at my age and that is not what I am looking for. I couldn't care less how many guys she had been with, she is almost 40. Its just the casualness that bothers me.............

Well, no, at least I don't think so?? I think it has more to do with how I morally don't feel right about it? I think sex is something to be shared between two people who care for each other. Making it something so casual makes me feel like it cheapens the whole concept of what sex is supposed to show a person in a commited relationship. As I said, I can'r get past the feeling of now being"just a number" even though she has told me its more than that. I don't know, I am just really confused and feel like this is going to destroy our relationship because I can not get past it..............

Well that is kind of what bothers me, I don't think we are on the same page still?? She doesn't view cazsual sex any diferent than what she did before?? She still sees it as no big deal "its just sex" and sees nothing wrong with it................

I just had a quick question, I was curious what peoples thoughts are here on casual sex?? You know, no true feeling behind it, no love, no emotion, just sex The reason I am curious is that, well I was brought up always thinking that sex was something special that was to be shared between people who care about each other. I am not on the opposite end, I didn't wait until marriage myself or anything, I just mean waiting until you know you had a connection with someone, something where you at least cared for the person. My reason for asking, well, I married young but separated about 5 years ago after about 12 years. After the separation I started to date, but never really met anyone who truly interested me. Never once did I sleep with any of them because of my feelings towards casual sex. Except once, well twice (same person, two weekends in a row), after which I felt completely guilty about it and swore that I would never treat anyone (or myself) like an object like that again. Plus I wanted the person I did end up with to respect me and know I didn't sleep around. Forward to today. I finally met someone who I really care about and love being around. We have been together for eight months now. But, we definitely grew up differently, her feelings towards casual sex or one night stands were thought of as no big deal "its just sex" is her famous quote. Granted, one night stands she says she hasn't done since in her 20's (she is 38 now). But prior to me she was seeing a guy for about a year or two. Both of them new the relationship was going nowhere, both of them new they were just each others "friend with benefits". It was a relationship strictly based on them meeting up once or twice a month for sex and that was it. I am having a real problem dealing with this. I mean I love her, but the thought of her having "just sex" cheapens the whole thing for me and makes me feel like just a number. This is the whole reason I didn't live my life that way, because I didn't want someone to feel that way about me. I hate to say it, but I lack respect for her that she treated sex this way. Every time I hear her talk about it or say "its just sex" its like someone just punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. Maybe I am old fashioned, maybe I have lived my life with my head buried in my sand, but I am just curious as to what other people here think about casual sex? Do you feel this is just the modern way people now look at sex? No real emotions needed, just sex?? And before anyone says "well you just said you did it twice yourself"….yes I did, but as I mentioned, I felt completely guilty about it and mad at myself that I gave into the moment like that. She never felt that way, never felt guilty about it, never looked at it as inappropriate behavoiur. To her its still "just sex". Granted, she now says that it has never been as good as it is with me because with me it is on another level, with emotions and love involved. So, am I crazy, are we to different, is there any chance I can get over the way I feel and make this relationship work??