I_KicKed_keNNedy

I note the "Thirds Rule" when it comes to getting over a relationship. In most, if not all, situations an individual requires a third of the elapsed relationship length to recover. Example: You have dated for 1 year. 1 Year divided by 3 equals 4 months. It takes four months to get over a one year relationship.

Probably not.

Solution: Date someone hotter than him. That simple.

In response to many of the questions I've been asked in this: 1. Sex and a meaningful relationship is about being able to lose your inhibitions around someone... yes, I wholeheartedly agree. With that person you can nibble, giggle, moan, and groan, all you want, but when someone starts speaking about it in the crudest of manners, I have a right to be offended by that too. Some of us still hold the act to be a little more than just getting your rocks off. 2. I don't want her learning about "me" through magazines claiming to know "me" when they base their info on many men who aren't "me". As this thread has shown, what floats my boat isn't the same as the others. I don't like dirty talk, I don't like a girl licking that area between my sack and my anus... She can learn everything about me by doing what comes naturally and seeing how I respond. That's how I learned about every single one of the areas on her body that elevate her. 3. A relationship with someone is about being honest and listening to your own feelings. Yes, you may be able to analyze me and tell me why psychologically i'm turned off by her talking dirty... but I'm turned off nonetheless. Yes, an ideal relationship might involve all kinds of adjusting and accepting the other person's idiosyncracies... I'm still turned off by locker room vernacular. If you dig it, dig it. If I don't, I won't. If I express disdain about something, don't tell me how to feel about it. peace.

I'm a little nervous about my girlfriend's vernacular when I am being physical with her. We don't have intercourse, we have been engaging in oral sex and mutual masturbation for a while now, and its fun but... When she's nearing climax she says the most disgusting/childish things. The only one I'm gonna mention here is "i'm gonna come baby..." followed by other expletives. Granted, at the time she says that, I have my face buried in her nethers, but still... I want a girl with some class/maturity, and she's got that except for these five-ten minute periods of time. I don't like that, but I don't want to say something because she's sort of the self-conscious type who would stop it, but she'd be really embarrassed... what do I do? On a seemingly unrelated note, she wasn't very good at giving oral, and I was unable to orgasm for a while. Then one night she "suddenly" started doing some very different things, and I know it has something to do with one of the magazines I saw in her kitchen which recommended some of the things she started doing. I know that I should be thankful for her taking an interest in being better at that stuff, but I feel like it almost cheapened the act. Like, suddenly her focus was on satisfying me rather than just having fun.

you know what's funny? I rarely hear men mention money or status when they describe their ideal mate... just an observation. kisses.

When you start out as friends then move into something else it turns out to be the best relationship... for the girl. In those relationships she feels less pressure to put out. Hooray. She gets a "best friend", and you get a "best friend that I'm spending all my money on and not getting any..." but the best part is you snuggle a lot. Oh, and as an added bonus, you're usually the sucker who ends up marrying her and sticking with her no matter how much weight she puts on. You are such a good friend. Women need more friends like you.

Um, ok. So you left, and you wanna know what went wrong? Well, I'm not a marriage counselor, but I can assure you that when you leave someone, the marriage is definitely going south. Oh, there were problems before? You think she may have been having an affair? Well, that sucks. Not your problem. She made the mistake of fooling around on you. She doesn't realize what she's missing. Mature, experienced guy like you should have no problem on the rebound. Get over the old bag and let loose. There's plenty of swingin' fiftysomethings out there looking to get their freak on. I'd recommend working it with the older chicks. They get discount coffee at McDonalds. Perfect for the "morning after". Go get 'em tiger.

Sounds like he's bored. Don't worry, he's already juicing up his sexual desires. Too bad they're going to be for something younger, skinner, and with a slightly tighter labia. But hey, at least you got a ring out of the deal? You did get a ring, right?

Feel like you're rolling a boulder to the top of the hill only to watch it roll back down, time and time again? Yeah, well... that's life. Enjoy the scenery.

Yeah dude, your welcome.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Maybe she was just interested in the topic of coffee. This may not be true, but this is how you have to approach it the next time you go in there. Being too forward might frighten her off, but being distant and unnoticing will ruin your chances of talking with a pretty cool gal. Your best bet is to go in there and strike up a conversation about something else that just "comes up." What that topic is? Well, wait to see if she tries to start another conversation. This is where she has to make the move. She may have just been a good worker by being friendly with the customers. That's how the business world works. However, if she seems genuinely interested in various topics you discuss... well, maybe you should offer to take her out for a cup of coffee. Hell, that could be a great way to test the waters: "Hey, last time I was in here and I thought of a great place that has good coffee if you ever wanna check it out..."

Advice: Be VERY careful with this. Your boss has already crossed a line that is very difficult to back away from. Simple rule: Never mix business with pleasure because in the end you may find you'll lose both. Your work life and your personal life should be kept as separate as possible because when one affects the other, it can be very difficult. Let's say, hypothetically, that you were to start a relationship with him. If you get in an argument at work, he's still pissy when you go out to the opera later (assuming you're into opera). If you have a bad episode while your at the bar after the opera, you find he's being short with you at work. Your co-workers will notice this and it will create a lose lose situation. If you are promoted, its because your "bangin' the boss". If he demotes you, its because "you aren't performing ALL of your duties well... *wink* *wink*". But he's already put you in a precarious situation. If you say to him "I think you're being very up front with your personal intentions, I'd rather we keep this a strictly professional relationship," suddenly he is short with you and hesitant about saying anything you might take the wrong way. Your professional relationship will be bruised because of something that has occurred in the personal realm. Also, you may find yourself experiencing anxiety with your work because your worried that if you mess up, he will find you less desireable. In summary, a relationship with someone at work is very risky business and something that should be avoided, but often... avoiding risky business is risky as well. Catch-22. Sorry, that's how life is and it sucks.

I notice a bunch of topics that feature the title with the following formula: (How hopeless you feel) + (Age) + Virgin + (Optional: # of relationships...usually 0). Like "Lonely and disenfranchised 22 year-old virgin, never been in a serious relationship". Why is this necessary? If you're going to post a pathetic personal ad, improve your marketing and try not to come up with a title to make yourself appear... well... pathetic. But seriously, I don't think mentioning that you're a virgin is necessary because what does that signify? Nothing. I know plenty of people who have had sex but have yet to experience a true connection with a person or a lasting relationship. The number of times you've had sex is, in my opinion, extraneous and inconsequential. Have you ever considered why you would (if you are one of these people) post something like that? Maybe you are slowly coming to terms with how uncomfortable you are with your sexuality? Maybe you have abandoned a perfectly good opportunity to be close to someone just because you didn't feel comfortable with them on a physical level? Maybe you are yearning for physical involvement more than personal involvement? Get over it. With some people, their virginity is baggage rather than a badge. I think that society's obsession with sex has made some of us feel uncomfortable about our conscious/unconscious decision not to give it up so easily. I also think our natural genetic predisposition to "mate, feed, repeat..." spurs this discord as well. Get over it. You haven't had sex yet. Great. That means you haven't had the experience of spooning on a moisture spotted sheet, a "two-pump dump", or waking up the next morning looking into the eyes of someone who means less to you than they had the night prior. With sex, like anything in life, there's good and bad, and some of us are already trying to balance the good and bad in life, and if you're bent out of shape about the fact that "everybody else has had more sex than me (funny flash movie if you haven't seen it)" then you're just adding more bad to the already delicate scale of life. Get over it. Experience life as it comes and concentrate on making connections with people emotionally rather than worrying about your deficits in physical endeavors. Thank you.

1) Parents separated when I was 9, but they got back together. Probably woulda been better if they didn't. They're psychotic. 2) Sometimes I think I look snazzy, other times I feel like a skinny dweeb. Depends on my moods. 3) I've had a lot of opportunities that I've missed because of insecurity. But insecurity has made me smarter. Like take this thread for instance, I know full well that this is a coddle thread. People won't read any one else's posts very closely, rather, they'll skim through them and quickly post their own little sob story like I had done, hoping in vain for a pat on the shoulder. They will notice mine however because I'm going to talk in caps: THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO ME! BUT THEY DON'T CARE. THEY SACRIFICE MY SELF-CONCEPT FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH DESIRES! I HATE THEM!!! See? Now I sound more pitiful than the rest of you.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I truly believe in the "all's fair" rule. I don't think its wrong for your friend to start a gig with the girl after you've put it down (even if you say its not cool), but i don't think its wrong if you decide he isn't your friend after this... because he isn't if this is what he's doing.

Wow. Sorry, that's all I got. (closes another window on his browser) 8-[ I thought i used it as a substitute for not getting any. Wonder if its why I'm not getting any. Sorry I turned this on myself, but I really don't have any advice for you except maybe get another guy. Not worth your time, in the years of your prime, ya know?

Ok, here's the argument. I am talking with a girl who had expressed interest in me, which is not something that happens regularly. However, whereas I have been in only one 2 month relationship (3 years ago) in my whole life, she's been with at least four guys and engaged to two. I told her that I am looking for a girl who is just as new to the relationship experience and not carrying a lot of baggage, so I feel like I'm on the same page with someone. She gets kind of angry, and says that I can't be choosey about those sort of things and I gotta let love happen, that I can't see that she loves me, yadda yadda... I'm not picky, I just can't stand when I'm first meeting girls, and the first time we hang out or go anywhere, I can't go five minutes without some mention of something she did with an ex, or what the relationship was like (this girl in particular is ten times as worse, she's been engaged and all), etc. I'm a rookie, I don't want someone teaching me what's going on, I want to learn with someone. Lastly, she gives me one retort that I couldn't really argue against. She said "at your age, you have a better chance of winning the lottery, than meeting a normal person who hasn't been in a serious relationship" (I'm 22). Can I want someone new, or should I learn to settle? Thoughts?

I realize that everyone on the board will raise an eyebrow when they read this post, but only those who have ever been that close to the edge will understand fully what I am about to say. Suicide will take the pain away. Everything will go away, and for once, you won't feel the pin pricks that seem to surround your skull. Then, think to yourself for a moment... do I want to get rid of the pain? I can't remember what love and joy feel like, but sure as heck do remember the pain. I still feel the pain. I still feel the regret. I still feel the madness. Do I really want to get rid of this? Would I rather deal with a few days/months/years of pain, rather than an eternity of feeling nothing? I'm not ready for an eternity of anything or nothing. Do I really want to do this? "That which doesn't kill me only serves to make me stronger." Nietzsche Trust me. After you step away you will find yourself a stronger person than most. Whereas most people fear death, you've stepped to the edge and seen what its like not only not to fear death, but to have embraced it. Death cannot exist without life and vice versa. People "live" their lives fearing death, thus shying from life. Those who have embraced their death are ready to embrace their lives. Once again, this may seem like madness to many, but rest assured it won't to those who've lived with the madness and despair that very few of us are blessed enough to experience. This is by no means advocating going through these sort of episodes, for history shows that many people don't come out of it. Plus, to quote a great man: "People hang themselves upon crosses only with the hope of being seen at a greater distance. To be admired for their suffering." Don't be one of those people.

you want a common thread? we go to the world wide web to talk about this $hit, we never feel comfortable enough with actual people to talk about this. we could all list a sh!tload of things that are phucked up in our lives, but they aren't reasons... for us they're excuses. we are the voice of our generation. we are smart enough to realize how phucked up and impossible everything is, and we use it as an excuse to do nothing whatsover. crippled by t.v. we think we can achieve some sort of actualization by sitting around and doing nothing about nothing, and we let it bother the hell out of us... well, we're older, and the t.v. and the internet doesn't coddle us like it used'ta... now we want something real to cuddle with, and we have trouble doing that because nothing we've done up until now is real... its all just binary code and electromagnetic waves in this great ball of absurdity on which we travel... man i'm drunk.

22 years old. virgin. dated a girl for 2 and a half years without getting physically intimate because i thought we agreed that we didn't want to change the strength of our relationship... she slept with three guys during that. i am now single living in a house with two other couples. i'm not looking for pity, really i'm just trying to present it to myself so i can learn to accept this and realize... why don't i feel any better? some people are saying stay away from the drugs and alcohol, i disagree. do whatever comes naturally. drugs, alcohol, and nicotine give ya a nice numb feeling, probably not the best solution, but i think its way better than waiting for "something more" that never arrives...