Getting in my own head

[Jibralta]

It got me thinking about how when he and I first started dating I was strong and independent. I let him have space and was very level headed. I didn't care what he thought, and I was always myself.

 

I was strong and level headed before. I knew who I was and did what I felt was right.

 

That's not actually true. You were as off-kilter then as you are now. You were obsessing over your coworker, pining over an internet friend who wouldn't meet you, and having trouble with interpersonal dynamics in your office. And when you met this guy, you were afraid to be yourself.

 

From your very first post on this thread:

 

I find myself censoring a bit. I'm trying to pace things, but in the process feel like I am not my true fun self. I'm holding back. Paranoid. I'm in my head not sure how he feels. If he'll up and run away at my weight.

 

He openly shares hos opinion. This intimidates me, so I feel more passive and shy. When with others, I am not. I just want to be me. He thinks I am cute and smart so far as he seems impressed with me. I guess my worst fear besides me turning someone off with my weight, is someone getting bored of me.

 

I'm in my head already. He's very attractive and opinionated and it scares me to be my open self.

 

However, you're absolutely right about this:

 

If he doesn't like it, he can take me or leave me. I can't be afraid to be me.

 

If only you actually believed it.

[boltnrun]

Your posts are all "does he like me, do you think he likes me???" I think you even started a thread titled "Do you think he likes me"?

 

So you try to talk the talk but you don't walk the walk.

 

Are you in therapy? Any kind?

[katrina1980]

I think Wiseman touched on this, but perhaps if amk didn't allow her anxiety to drive the ship, and thus stopped pushing for more time, more commitment, more everything, he'd be more inclined to want to see her, on his own, from his heart, not because she's pushing for it.

 

Her anxieties and pushing for more is killing his desire, it typically does.

 

Another poster (sorry can't remember who it may have been bolt) mentioned that too, that if she doesn't back off and stop acting on her anxiety, she will end up causing the very thing she fears most.

 

That said I agree with Jellybean:

 

He shouldn't expect you to drop everything at the drop of a hat when he wants to see you. That's wrong. And you shouldn't come running when he clicks his fingers. It will turn into a relationship dynamic that isn't healthy.

[figureitout23]

I think Wiseman touched on this, but perhaps if amk didn't allow her anxiety to drive the ship, and thus stopped pushing for more time, more commitment, more everything, he'd be more inclined to want to see her, on his own, from his heart, not because she's pushing for it.

 

Her anxieties and pushing for more is killing his desire, it typically does.

 

Another poster (sorry can't remember who it may have been bolt) mentioned that too, that if she doesn't back off and stop acting on her anxiety, she will end up causing the very thing she fears most.

 

That said I agree with Jellybean:

 

He shouldn't expect you to drop everything at the drop of a hat when he wants to see you. That's wrong. And you shouldn't come running when he clicks his fingers. It will turn into a relationship dynamic that isn't healthy.

 

Granted both you and jellybean are analyzing the mouse while the elephants suffocating you.

 

I dont think anyone views this man as prince charming. People pointed out red flags from the start.

 

The love bombing, the high expectations matches perfectly with her apparent need to be love bombed and to over analyze and find fault in every single minuet thing.

 

Broken.seeks.broken.

 

Does this guy have issues? OF COURSE HE DOES! So does she.

 

It would be like me being a cheater and being indignant that Im dating a compulsive liar. Hes wrong, but I'm wrong too!

 

Like I said, theyre both allowing their issues to manifest themselves so neither one gets to point fingers and play martyr. They're both actively drilling holes in the boat but as long as they're both patching them, it is what it is.

 

Bolt and Jilbralta have made excellent points but these posts just keep on going in circles because normal parameters are being placed on her. Thats not the issue here.

[Jellybean9]

I agree there are definitely issues on both sides which has lead to this bizzare relationship!

 

It should be the "honeymoon" phase but instead it is anxiety ridden. I couldn't think of anything worst.

 

I do believe if a man or woman wants to see you they will actively make the time. It doesn't seem like he wants to or just does not share that same need.

 

What I've found bizzare was following there weekend together amk still was not happy as it wasn't "enough" time. He left early to sort his laundry out... Which let me tell you after revising everything gets left behind. So that's a valid reason and then the pre-prep for starting work. Which to me is a normal thing to want to do? No? So I don't think he was wrong for leaving early that day.

 

She still felt it was not enough time and it was essentially him not making an effort. Then they had countless phone calls that entire day. Which I couldn't think of anything worst after spending alot of close time with someone the night before - but that's just me.

 

To be that sounds like an active effort on his side but yet it still was not enough for her. I just feel like she will push for this relationship and it will never be "enough" or live up to her expectations. As he is clearly a very free spirited man who is so used just doing his "own" thing that he does not know how to have a proper relationship.

 

After not seeing each other for 5 weeks. I wouldn't be sitting there analysing how long we spent and what he had to go off and do after. I would be enjoying it and catching up with the one you "love". Sounds like amk didn't which makes me question. What is she really getting from this relationship other than stress and anxiety?

 

After not seeing someone for ages you should be on cloud nine not getting all worked up about scheduling the next "date".

 

This in it's self sounds incredibly stressful.

 

I do think a talk needs to happen. Unfortunately she may find after this talk he is not ready for a relationship. Sometimes when men have a lot going on in life. They would rather focus on that than focus on a relationship.

 

It is better to find out now than months down the line.

[Alex39]

So things have not gone well. I had this weird feeling about my boyfriend. He kept saying he was fine, but he seemed off. Finally after some chatting with my girl friend, we deduced that maybe he was depressed about not being home for the holidays. His work was making him work for Thanksgiving.

 

I figured that was it, but was not sure about what to do about it. I go home to my family on Wednesday, day before the holiday.

 

I send him one letting him know I made it home. We're talking on the phone in the car and he seems bummed. I'm enjoying time at home. Making food with my family. I sent him a picture of a pie I was making.

 

He sends me a message "are you trying to make me feel bad?"

 

I was so confused. He complains when I don't share my life with him and I was excited to be with my family. I was sending bragging messages, just sharing.

 

I responded "I would be happy to make you a pie anytime. Just trying to share my life with you"

 

He responds "don't"

 

I feel taken back by this. I give him a call. He isn't himself. He's angered and nasty. Cursing while he's talking and complaining about being alone and not with his family for the holiday.

 

I told him I felt bad and wasn't trying to make him feel bad. He was so angry. I had never heard him this way. He was then very strange and was saying he wasn't mad at me, but he just didn't want to see all the amazing stuff everyone was doing because he was alone and not with his family. I told him I was sorry, but he cannot take that out on me, and he has to look beyond himself to be happy for others. He was angry, bitter, and even mocked me. I told him he was being mean to me. He then felt he had no idea what I was talking about. We ended the conversation, and it was awkward and it ruined my night.

 

The next day, on the holiday he seemed better. He wished me a happy Thanksgiving and asked how I was etc...

 

I thought maybe he took my words to heart. I didn't send him pictures or tried to make him feel bad with info about my day.

 

Friday comes. We text and snapchat throughout the day. I send him pictures of me and told him I was buying stuff for black friday. I was happy and excited. I was out late, got in, made dinner, did some wrapping gifts, and then finally passed out on the couch with my families cat.

 

He hates cats, but I love this cat. He's been ours since I was a kid. I fell asleep. I sent him a message late, but he didn't respond.

 

This morning, saturday, we are snapchatting. I send him a pic of me making breakfast.

 

We are chatting. I tell him I was snuggled with my cat last night on the couch with my family so couldn't call him, but couldn't wait to see him etc...

 

He was angry again. He started sending me messages about how if I ever use my cat as an excuse to not call him again, we will be done and he will never talk to me again.

 

I was so confused. The messages were mean. I asked him what he meant and he said it again. He would leave me if I ever pick my cat over him again.

 

I was frustrated, upset, and confused. Who threatens to leave the person you love over a pet cat. I tell him I passed out on the couch, and the cat was on me. It wasn't a huge deal. It was late and I was exhausted.

 

He is angry and says stuff like how my cat is more important than him etc...

 

I tell him it isnt a comparison. He's a cat amd he's my boyfriend.

 

He's angry and mad.

 

I call him. He is nasty to me on the phone, swearing and I was trying to reason with him. At one point he tells me to shut the up. I started crying. He flips and then seems nice and telling me not to cry. He is weird. Not himself. He is saying all this stuff about "you don't know me, you think you do, but you don't know how results are going to be and what you think isn't reality"

 

I had no idea what he was talking about. I told him I was confused. I told him to explain and I didn't know what he was saying. He couldn't. Seemed itritated and irate.

 

I cried more. He told me to stop. I told him he treated me mean and that I didn't deserve it. He then acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him how he told me to shut the up and I had no words for that behavior. He then claimed he never said that, even though 10 to 15 minutes earlier he said that to me. I told him I wasn't crazy and if he didn't remember, then he needed to seek medical help. That made him mad.

 

I then asked him if he would talk to his mother that way? He got mad and said I was on thin ice. I didn't do anything. He was the irate one. I was calmy trying to figure this out.

 

He started swearing about my cat. It was nasty. Accusing me of picking my cat over him. I told him ten times that I fell asleep. My cat had nothing to do with it.

 

He didn't seem to listen to anything I said. He then started complaining about being alone and saying how he was alone for the holiday and hearing how much food people ate and how much fun they had with their family and he went on and on.

 

I never sent him that. I told him I never told him how much food I ate or made a comment about it. I also never braggee about how much fun I had either. He was talking generally, but taking it out on me. I told him over and over I didn't do that. He was frustrated, bitter, and mean.

 

He was continually complaining about working on the holiday and being alone. I then finally got frustrated and told him a bunch of my relatives, nurses, had to work too. Nurses were needed. The phone goes dead. I call him back. He answers. Claims he didn't hang up, but I don't know if he did. My reception was bad too.

 

He then says he gives me 30 seconds to talk. I grow upset saying "why are you giving me a time limit to talk and that why is it so easy to say you would leave me over a cat, and people who claim they love someone wouldn't leave them so easily"

 

He had nothing to say and acted like he forgot. He was mean and not himself. Almost mentally unsound. We get another hangup. I try abd call back.

 

His phone is turned off. Then I know he purposefully did it.

 

I'm very upset and do not think I deserve this.

[Honeycomb8]

No offence but why the hell are you wasting your breath. He's crazy so dump him. You've been with him for two seconds and he's behaving like this. Why the fck are you still stalling...? Are u that desperate for a bf that anyone will do. Being berated, jumping through hoops, feeling sick to your stomach and having someone who clearly doesn't want to spend time with you... Shouldn't that be sign enough to know it's time to dump and block and get some therapy?????

 

Serious question.

[mustlovedogs]

You clearly antagonize him. Why send him all these posts about how happy you are doing the very thing he’s sad to be missing out on?

 

Imagine if you couldn’t get pregnant and your friend kept sending you pregnancy or baby snaps. You’d be hurt.

 

And you allow him to treat you like this. The conversation with him lasted 10x as long as it should have.

 

I would normally blame him more than I am.

 

But you KNOW better. You KNOW he will do this. And, to some extent, I think you encourage it.

 

You know the answer.

[Batya33]

I am just not sure who's to "blame" and maybe it doesn't matter (not saying I don't agree with honeycomb and MLD -I actually do see both their perspectives, clearly!) - it doesn't matter because this is ridiculous and you two should not be together or interacting -oil and water. Maybe this is out of the blue, maybe it's been building but it's just not right or healthy and way too early to be dealing with this nonsense. I'd bail right now and not look back and without any "I need closure" excuses. Dodge the bullet.

[figureitout23]

It’s not out of the blue nor has it been building, it’s been there the entire time. This is how unhealthy relationships go down. I know, I’ve been in one as well as been an audience member to them ( social media has made watching the slow motion crashes of unhealthy relationships much more visible.)

 

This is going to be their tango and we have front seat tickets to learning what their issues are.

 

We now see that this guys issues unfortunately are not harmless. They appear to be abusive. I’ve said this before, not every abuser is a blatant villain cackling as he beats a woman, many abusers do so because control and destroying your self esteem are the only way they know how to handle their anxiety and sometimes they’re lashing out simply because they never learned proper coping skills, I had to learned that in therapy myself.

 

This guys already starting. It would be fascinating to see how he acts, what he does, what triggers him, of course he’s far too dangeeuous to be with but I won’t lie, I’m curious.

 

Xoxo on the other hand is a complainer, I’ve known a few, someone who knows full well they aren’t being treated right and will tell anyone who will listen but has absolutely no intention of leaving. On top of it she’s a poker. I was like this when I was young, stir up drama, couldn’t tell you why I did it, maybe I thought drama and passion meant love, didn’t even know at the time I was doing it but after therapy I can pinpoint dozens of times I’ve done it.

 

Like watching a bad movie the ending is obvious,she’s going to continue to poke, he’s going to continue to emotionally abuse her escalating worse and worse as time goes on, unfortunately it has the potential to escalate to physical abuse.

 

I know the way I’m writing sounds detached, but truthfully I am concerned for you xoxo, but I also am realizing you vent to us then you go do whatever you want so all we can do is watch the slow moving crash and hope for the best.

[Alex39]

I truly didn't feel like I was rubbimg it in his face. I tried so hard not to. On Wednesday when he was mean the first time, I stopped sending anything. I didn't send him anything about food I ate, what I wore, not one photo of me with my family on the actual day, and nothing until the friday after and all I sent him was selfies and stuff I bought.

 

Saturday all I sent was me making breakfast and a selfie. Reason to raise his voice, curse, tell me to shut the f**** up? I don't think so. He was so nasty, I was crying. I told him he was talking to me like I was trash.

 

Sending him breakfast and my new computer I bought. I could have done that any weekend. I think he was angry because his family usually makes a nice honemade breakfast. It slipped my mind. But that is not my fault. So I can never send or talk about anything that reminds him of his family because he is depressed by it? I think thats unreasonable and unrealistic, but thats just me.

 

I did not antagonize him. He was mean and nasty. I was factual and calm, besides the upset and crying, but I was not mean or nasty at all. I didn't swear or throw a low blow or put anything to hurt him.

 

He kept saying he could care f**** less about my cat etc...over and over. I don't shove my family cat down his throat. I love the cat. He's elderly and a great pet. I would never down something I know he loves.

[Honeycomb8]

They're both mentally unstable so we should stop wasting our breath. We are enabling her behaviour so what's the point?

[mustlovedogs]

You literally used the word bragging in your description.

 

You’re picking and choosing points to discuss.

 

You. Know. The. Answer.

 

Agreed with honeycomb.

[Alex39]

No no, bragging was a typo in the first post today.

 

I couldn't edit it.

 

I meant to write I was not bragging at all. He asked how my day was on thanksgiving, and I said its going well.

 

I didn't brag.

 

I mentioned getting doughnuts for my family in the morning. Don't think its hugely bragging.

 

I made a good pie. I was happy. I wanted to share a success with my boyfriend.

[katrina1980]

I thought after watching HBO's "Big Little Lies" (see my previous thread) I had a better understanding of abusive toxic relationships, but apparently not as I am absolutely appalled and disgusted at what went down with you amk and this sad pathetic excuse of a man and boyfriend.

 

I don't care if you were poking him or not, any man, let alone your own bf, tells you to shut the f*** up when talking about your damn cat or anything else, and all the other nastiness he spewed at you for simply sharing about your day, you STOP talking to, like immediately.

 

And then you next him!

 

You don't cry, you don't defend your actions, you just stop responding!!! And end it!

 

amk, what the h*** is wrong with you girl?? Why are you still with this turkey?? Serious question.

 

He's verbally and emotionally abusive, why can't you see that?? Another serious question.

 

You are only TWO months in for goodness sakes, get the hell out, what's stopping you?

 

What story are you telling yourself that makes any of this even remotely acceptable such that you have not left??

 

I truly don't understand. I am appalled and disgusted, I wish I had not read your update.

[boltnrun]

No no, bragging was a typo in the first post today.

 

I couldn't edit it.

 

I meant to write I was not bragging at all. He asked how my day was on thanksgiving, and I said its going well.

 

I didn't brag.

 

I mentioned getting doughnuts for my family in the morning. Don't think its hugely bragging.

 

I made a good pie. I was happy. I wanted to share a success with my boyfriend.

 

Did you end it or do you plan to stay with him?

 

I noticed you are dodging the question. Can I presume you intend to keep dating him? If so, why?

[Alex39]

He was so much not himself, that I even asked him a few times if he had been drinking because he was irate, extremely angry, and some stuff he said did not even make sense.

 

I truly did not try or think I was making him feel bad. I apologized to him and said that it was not my intention at all, if he took it that way. No matter what I said it was never ever good enough, nor was it accepted by him. He was sarcastic, mean, and he scared me, he was so uncontrollable.

 

I truly think I held back sending him stuff that would hurt him. I censored myself to make him feel better. I sent him pictures of breakfast and my one black friday splurge. A cheapo laptop. Wow! Really makes you angry, a laptop.

 

And I don't see any of my other friends needing to do that. Censor. My past experiences had their fair share of issues, but a boyfriend wanting to get texts and snapchats of a girlfriend was not one. I should be able to trust him, share with him, and tell him anything within reason. Me cooking eggs and bacon for my family should not set someone off. Maybe it reminded him of being away from his own family. I know they all cook big breakfasts together. But that is not my fault that he couldn't be with them. I sympathized for him. Tried to be understanding. He had to work. If I had to work all day on a holiday then I wouldn't have seen my family either. My neighbors down the hall. Middle aged couple said they were working wednesday and friday. So they did nothing thursday and stayed in by themselves. Not alone, so a bit different, but they had families. They were content being alone.

 

Me saying I cuddled with my cat, fell asleep, and didn't call him, again, does not seem so crazy to set someone off.

 

I still am in an upset state of shock. He was just so mean.

 

I love my cat. My last boyfriend didn't like cats. I knew this. If I would send a photo or tell him about the cat, we would make sarcastic banter back and forth. He knew I liked him so he supported me. He never said "I don't give a f*** about your cat" and continuously swearing about it at me. We didn't work out for other reasons, but still.

 

I love this cat. I told my new boyfriend that. Demands that I tell him if I value him or my cat more in my life. Thats crazy.

 

Like he's worried about a cat who I don't even live with regularly who lives an hour and a half away? Really? Compared to a man, my boyfriend. At least my cat doesn't curse and tell me to shut my trap.

 

Yes, I love my cat. I grew up with him. He's the sweetest and we've been through a lot together since he was a kitten. He's older now and has some health issues. Could be severe. I told my boyfriend all this.

 

No sympathy or compassion or understanding. No appreciation or support. He likes things that I don't like. I accept him for it. I would never make him touch the cat or pick it up or be near it. But shouldn't a boyfriend at least respect that I love him?

[Alex39]

I'm on the fence. I don't want to break up. Didn't plan to. But a big part of me is so scared and perturbed by how he spoke and treated me that a huge part of me thinks I should leave him.

 

His behavior seemed a bit indicative of someone who is an controlling abuser. I'm avoiding him for now. I'm still thinking a lot about what I want to do. I will not stand for that behavior, and I will make it known regardless if we are together or not.

[milly007]

Your bf told you to ‘shut the f up’?

 

amk, I have only read through your most recent posts, so I don’t know the full story.

 

But regardless, don’t think I need to.

 

Dump the punk. I mean, what’s there to think about here?

 

Please have some respect for yourself and leave this dud.

 

The only way to not stand for this behaviour is to leave. If you stay with him, you’re letting him know it’s okay to treat you this way.

 

A stern talk won’t do anything. He’ll be back to his evil ways in no time and you will continue to be miserable.

 

I can’t imagine marrying someone like this. If he’s like this now, imagine the level of toxicity down the road.

[Wiseman2]

He's obviously trying to end it. He's using the "invitation to leave" technique which is being so obnoxious and nasty that hopefully you'll just pull the plug. Stop chasing this jerk. He was an ahole all along including ridiculous "marry you" talk after 3 dates..

I don't want to break up. His behavior seemed a bit indicative of someone who is an controlling abuser.

[boltnrun]

He's testing you to see if you will accept his abuse. He will expect you to apologize, then come back for more.

 

If you do, it will be open season. He will conclude you like being cursed at. You will be giving him a license to treat you worse.

[Batya33]

I agree after two months there's no need to analyze or justify or explain. And I completely understood the "bragging" was a typo and I also agree with Figureitout that you baited him too. You were testing him to see if he met your expectations that "he is my BOYFRIEND so if he really loves me he will want to see pictures of every little thing I am doing and he will put aside his own disappointment and be delighted to see photos of food, purchases and my kitty and he will want to know all the details of all I am doing -and I won't rub it in of course but since he is my BOYFRIEND let's make sure he's like all my friends' boyfriends who hang on every pic, every word, every description of my daily adventures when I'm not with him". I don't think I'm exaggerating - that is what you want from someone -that is your "he SHOULD care this much" and you throw out comments and tests like this to see the reaction. That is why you "forgot" the breakfast pic might bother him - because you were so focused on getting reassurance from him that of course he'd be delighted to get a glimpse of his sweetie and what she's doing while she's away.

 

Does it "justify" his reaction -of course not. No way. I'm just pointing out that for the future - not with this guy!! - don't stir up drama with innocent "comments" or "just a pic of the kitty I love" - don't test or bait because all your girlfriends told you that their boyfriends dote on them and would love a bacon and eggs photo and you've convinced yourself that you want that too so you're just gonna check and see if he does care as much as allll those other boyfriends. Because if you meet a healthy, put together guy - he won't rip into you and get nasty for pushing his buttons and testing him - but he might calmly tell you not "shut the f up" but "I've had enough and I'm feeling like I'll never be enough for you." - and then he'll walk away calmly. Same result (but without the overreaction and toxicity).

 

This is all for the future. You've been dating him two months. Don't let yourself go down the path of "it was two months but we saw each other allll the time and he wanted to marry me!!!" - two months. No counseling, no big talks- cut your losses and move on now. If you feel like analyzing your behavior for the purpose of considering your personal standards for how much attention and focus you need from a boyfriend(especially a new boyfriend) sure, once you've moved on completely - but not as a way of explaining to yourself why you should be with him.

 

Yes, if he messed up on a steroids prescription or similar - remotest chance of that - my sense is he being an adult would have thought to himself that he was feeling/acting off. Women do that all the time when they have PMS and forget they have it but the irritability comes on and you stop, pause, and say "hmm why do I want to throw something right now just because someone _____" - because that is what adults do. They know themselves and know when they are off and do what they can to prevent subjecting others. Not perfectly sometimes but also not "shut the F up". I hope this doesn't come across as me trying to analyze him for you as far as you staying with him. No. It's just that you know full well he's not on prescription drugs that went awry. And if it's because of drug or alcohol then you leave because of his choices to get drunk, etc and then subject you to all of this. Either way, you leave.

[katrina1980]

amk, perhaps I read this on a different forum but weren't you in a severely abusive RL many years ago in your early 20s??

 

I recall your saying it was a RL of many years, and the abuse you endured destroyed your self esteem.

 

If I am mistaken I apologize (don't think so though) but if I am correct, I am shocked you are even on the fence about this.

 

From what I've read about abusive RLs, it's usually great for the first year or two, and then the abuse starts, and escalates often into physical abuse.

 

You are only two months in! And he's pulling this crap with you?

 

I don't think you were intentionally poking him, a bit insensitive perhaps, but you meant well.

 

Nevertheless, his incredibly low self esteem and insecurities caused him to lash out in a very ugly and nasty way, which of course is not acceptable and indicative of a man who needs to control and verbally abuse and debase you to make himself feel strong and powerful.

 

Then again, you have literally no self-esteem (clearly) so it's no surprise why you're drawn to him, and now rationalizing and justifying.

 

Interesting how history tends to repeat itself, in this case in a very toxic, dysfunctionsal and dangerous way.

 

Edit: Not sure why I wrote this, you're not gonna listen, but I do feel better for posting it anyway.

[Jellybean9]

I have no idea why you are on the fence amk!

 

But nothing any of us will really sink in.

 

He told you to "f*** off" basically. I've never had any bf or even friend say that to me in a serious way.

 

You also said "He was so much not himself, that I even asked him a few times if he had been drinking because he was irate, extremely angry, and some stuff he said did not even make sense."

 

But how do you know this is just not him in general? You have been together only 2 months with 5 weeks of that him away on holiday and prepping for exams. So you really haven't spend quality time getting to know him.

 

His actions were awful. There is no excuse for it.

 

But before Thanksgiving we did establish it was such an unhealthy relationship. It was causing you too much stress in what should be the most exciting time the honeymoon phase.

 

I know you'll beat yourself up about messaging him. I do not think you rubbed your Thanksgiving in his face. You was sharing what you were up to.

 

He is an adult and should get his emotions in check and be happy for his "girlfriend" enjoying her time.

 

No different than when I was on holiday and my bf at the time asked for pics even though he was stuck back at work. Sent him pics and he commented on how lovely it looked and how happy I seemed. As that's a supporting relationship.

 

He should have been happy for you. Instead he used his bitterness to ruin you happiness during the holidays. Selfish on his part!

 

I guarantee you it you stay expect many more festive holidays like this.

 

On a final note. Why would you want to be with a man who hates cats? I'm a massive at lover and love mine. Any man that hated cats are literally straight out the door!

[figureitout23]

No sympathy or compassion or understanding. No appreciation or support. He likes things that I don't like. I accept him for it. I would never make him touch the cat or pick it up or be near it. But shouldn't a boyfriend at least respect that I love him?

 

 

I have been saying this so dangone much repeating nyself over and over and over again, I’m sure it’s annoying, but y’all keep putting normal parameters on her. I think I’ve said this before, my therapist after hearing my whole story told me she would be surprised if I DIDNT end up in an abusive relationship. I not only made myself out to be a sitting duck but the expectations I had for a relationship and my actions at the time would literally only be appealing to someone else with issues.

 

 

I didn’t know her history Kat but you’re right about women who have patterns of relationships with abusive men, Gah don’t quote me, I’m going off of memory, but I think women who endured childhood trauma are statistically more likely to get into multiple abusive relationships.

 

Am I blaming her for his behavior? God no, I’m pointing out her role. You have to have noticed by now how strategic she is about who and what she responds to, at many many points completely ignoring everyone and just going onto her next complaint. She’s not as naive as you’re thinking.

 

Fiftyleven people have been jumping up and down yelling OMG AMK HES ABUSIVE PLEASE DUMP HIM and look where her focus is. A DANGONE CAT!! Look at the quoted. She’s not well. I don’t mean that in an insulting way, I mean her issues are too dang ingrained for any of us to get through. Every post is the same, no one ever gets through. We’re simply a piece of her dysfunctional cycling. As honeycomb said at this point we’re doing more harm than good responding to it.