Getting in my own head

[katrina1980]

Agree with you fio which was the reason for my edit at the bottom of my last post.

 

I know she won't be listening to any of it, for reasons you said, but I did feel better for posting it, cause right or wrong, I am finding this all very disturbing and needed to vent.

 

I posted it for selfish reasons, owning that.

 

If she does happen to read it and listens, and takes steps to move on from this insecure abusive loser, then even better.

 

Good post though FIO, very insightful, I lack such insight re the dynamics of these types of relationships, unfortunately.

 

All I know is to leave.

[figureitout23]

Tried to give points, the system can be annoying sometimes lol.

 

It’s not unfortunate.

 

I wish i didn’t have insight.

 

I wish I didn’t have the history I do.

 

I wish I didn’t flinch where ever someone moved too quickly in my peripheral.

 

I wish I had someone telling me to get help, but I won’t lie, I was so far gone emotionally and seeking completion is someone else so desperately, I doubt I would have listened.

 

I get hoping something gets through, that’s a big reason I keep yapping, like bolt often says if one person can avoid a toxic relationship the advice is all worth it. So I get it. I’m just ranting. I’ll stop now haha.

 

Have a nice Sunday.

[katrina1980]

@Fio, did you catch my thread in the "abuse" section called "Big Little Lies"?

 

It discussed abusive relationships; both it and the HBO series of the same name provided some insight but would be very interested in your perspective, since admittedly you've been through it.

 

If you're inclined and interested of course.

 

If not, understand.

[Sportster2005]

You two are not a good match.

[purplepaisley]

He is Mormon...or raised Mormon. I don't think you have any idea what a crazy Hotel California that is and the psychological trampoline that comes with it...I married one and live in it...it's a completely different world.

 

You baited him. You knew he was unhappy with his holiday/family situation, and you threw everything in his face with your happy, happy, joy, joy, and you blew him off over the cat and made quite the spectacle over this. I think he is childish when the cat became the issue, but you made it the issue, purposefully. Shall I mention the home-life issue around this and the religiosity? It's a big nightmare that goes beyond a holiday.

 

You need to walk away from this. The whole thing is a disaster area, including the cultural differences...the guilt, the shame, and self-loathing...huge can o' worms best left unopened. This guy is not worth it. Move on.

[Jibralta]

He's testing you to see if you will accept his abuse. He will expect you to apologize, then come back for more.

 

If you do, it will be open season. He will conclude you like being cursed at. You will be giving him a license to treat you worse.

 

Exactly.

 

Don't waffle about this. Just end it. You hit it right on the money when you said his behavior is that of a controlling abuser.

 

How ridiculous that you have to censor yourself, lest you be accused of making him feel bad. Ugh. Don't accept that. Don't be afraid to freely speak of your day, and any FUN you may have had. If it makes someone else miserable, it's their problem, not yours.

[Honeycomb8]

She's not going to end this. She's gonna hang in there, conjure up stories in her head and whine about it some more. Maybe he'll come with some saccharine verbiage and she'll forget it happened. Rinse and repeat. She will stay because she doesn't think she deserves any better and is needing a bf full stop. Any guy will do as long as they appear to want her foreverrrrr.

[Alex39]

I know I have not posted in a while. I know I may get a lot of "I told you so's" but I think it may be over now. I am heartbroken and confused. I've been crying for days. Depressed beyond belief.

 

My boyfriend ended up calling after the Thanksgiving incident. We talked things out. A lot. He begged, pleaded, and explained what had happened.

 

He was depressed about being alone and away from family for the holiday. He started drinking. He is not a drinker. His job requires them to work and they cannot drink. They get tested all the time. He never drinks. I swear I am not in denial, he is purely not a big drinker.

 

But he had a day off and he said he drank more than he usually ever would. He not only called me, but his mother as well. Who knows what he said to her? But he said that she was upset as well. He cried telling me he was ashamed, embarrassed, and hurt the two most important people in his life. He must have passed out asleep, because he barely remembers talking to me or what he said.

 

I gave him a play by play of the horrible things he said and how he acted. I went through every line and told him how it made me feel, how horrible it was, and how I will never ever take the treatment ever again. How he is never to say anything like it to me again. And how I will not tolerate such behavior and he will have to earn my trust back. He promised me he would. I told him to be the man he preached to be. I told him not to drink in excess or at all again.

 

After this incident he stopped drinking anything ever, and he has stuck to this promise. He has not drank anything since. And has not acted in such a way since. He was wonderful in the weeks following this incident. Showering me with love, attention and kind words. We saw each other about once a week on the weekends and it was always a good time with him.

 

He would make comments about changing my last name to his, moving to his family's area someday and building a house together, and taking off my fashion ring (on my wedding finger) for his own in its place.

 

He saw a future with me and I was really happy. I started falling harder for him. It wasn't his words that did it, but his interactions with others and his care for me. Making sure I am safe and loved. Treating my friends with the utmost respect. That impresses me.

 

Something that didn't change was his tight schedule, lack of planning, and time prioritization to see me. I felt like his work schedule had become even more rigid, which didn't make a lot of sense to me. He went from knowing a few days in advance of his days off when we first met, to knowing the night before what his schedule was. I would make little comments here and there about it to him and how I did not like to be left hanging and got frustrated when I felt like he wasn't committing to plans.

 

An example was my impending work holiday party. I told him about it ahead of time. Then again right before to remind him. The night before the party I still didn't know if he could go. I was frustrated and annoyed. I reached out to him and told him that I felt left hanging and that he didn't value my time. He said he didn't mean to and was trying to plan his schedule around the party. He said he didn't forget and knew how important it was to me. I told him not to leave me hanging and its a huge pet peeve of mine, especially when I could invite someone else or make an alternate plan. Hard to do at the last minute.

 

He did end up going with me and we had a great time. My co-workers loved him and told me to keep him forever. He was so nice to them and very respectful.

 

One thing I do remember him mentioning was that he wished he could have gone to his family's annual holiday party. They own a huge business and they told him all about the big party they had for it. He was a bit bummed he couldn't have gone and my party seemed to remind him of such fact.

 

I figured we could exchange Christmas gifts the weekend before the holiday, since we were both traveling. He ended up having to work the whole weekend. I was quite disappointed. I was afraid we wouldn't have time to do it, so we made a plan for me to come out to him, since he had come to me the last time. I drove out one night after work. We exchanged gifts, had a great time, went for dinner, and headed back to relax together. I stayed over and we cuddled up on the couch in our pajamas. I caught him continually looking at me from time to time. I loved him and he loved me. He made a comment that he was so happy now that his bed would smell like me, where I slept.

 

We woke in the morning and he drove me out to where he works. He gave me a whole grand tour and it was fun. All his idea. Then he suggested we ride around for a while and look at apartments for me, as I am moving in the next coming months. Again all his idea. He expresses he cannot wait until I am closer to him.

 

We then grab some lunch and head back to his house before I take off. We kiss and hug a ton and he tells me he has to see me more, like a mantra over and over. He tells me that maybe next year I can come home for Christmas with him. I didn't agree and just said we will see and something about my family. He knows I am close to them. In the months before this he kept mentioning me moving to his home state with him in the future, and I would sometimes say yes, and other times I would say "Its going to be so hard leaving my family. I love them so much."

 

But I never said I didn't want to go or wouldn't. I felt it was early to commit to moving with him.

 

I felt like I was on cloud nine. We were in a good loving place, my job was good, and it was a holidays.

 

He was flying home to see his family and I was headed home to see mine. We texted all around the holiday. He sends me "I love you'" and "I miss you" and "I wish you were here"

 

The holiday came and went on a Tuesday. He was coming back Thursday. He texted me, but I noticed he seemed preoccupied. His answers were basic, one word, if any at all. I chalked it up to him having a busy day traveling. He goes back to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. All throughout, he kept up with his basic answers, and distant communication. I felt like something was wrong. On Friday he asked me again, when my friends New Years Eve party was. I tell him Monday night. He never mentions it again. By Sunday, I feel myself waiting around to see if he can go, and that left hanging feeling comes back. I finally text him asking him if he can go or not, so I can make my own plans to go. He responds saying he told me he was working.

 

He never told me. I was waiting all weekend. I tell him I didn't know. He insists he told me. I then tell him how he asked about the day, but never followed up with me on an answer. He tells me he is working. This is fine, I just wanted to know.

 

I still felt something was off with him.

 

Monday, New Years Eve comes and I send him a heartfelt message saying "Happy New Year. I love you and am so grateful you came into my life. Cannot wait to see what 2019 holds for us."

 

He never responds or says anything to me about New Years.

 

Tuesday rolls around and I don't speak to him. I was a bit sad that my boyfriend couldn't wish me a Happy New Year. He texts me in the afternoon seeing if I am okay since he hadn't heard from me. I tell him I sent him messages the night before with no response. He insists his phone died in the night and he never got them.

 

So you don't get messages when you charge your phone back up? That seems very unlikely. I let it pass. Whatever. It was a snapchat. Snapchat did tell me he opened my messages.

 

We talk on the phone Tuesday night. He seems okay talking to me. I ask him why he has been distant. He says it was not intentional and he didn't even realize. He said he was busy with work and figured I was busy with my family. I let it go.

 

Later on in the conversation I am asking him when I will see him and I am so excited to see him again. He says he misses me and will be seeing me soon. He mentions that he has all day the next day off. The only day for the week and that he is going to do so much laundry and cleaning and groceries and gym.

 

I am sort of perturbed by this. I work until 5pm that day and he didn't want to try and do something with me, to see me ?

 

We wish goodnights and exchange I love you's.

 

Wednesday comes. We are snap chatting a bit while I am at work. Its a slow season right now, so I have time.

 

He seems a bit distant. Not really talking and giving me one word answers again. He is just sitting at home doing laundry. I call him on my way home, and all hell breaks loose. We are talking like normal at first. I am telling him about my friends and stuff in my life. Something is mentioned about him eventually wanting to move home and how "I know you don't want to live there"

 

I tell him I never said that and I just said how it will be sad to leave my family since we are so close. We talk about living and I even say that when the time comes we could even move somewhere in between our families. He doesn't like this idea and shoots it down. He already has land in his families area and why would we buy when we can build something on free land? I agree with him.

 

He starts talking about how much he hates it here and he only knows me and he hates the people and lifestyle and can't wait to go home. The way he was talking was so HIM HIM HIM and him going back there eventually and all this stuff. I felt kind of weird about it.

 

I came out and asked him "If you got the opportunity to go down there tomorrow, would you leave me and end this and go?"

 

He wouldn't answer and tried to totally change the subject to something lighter. I wanted to know so I asked again. He tried to tread around it I then asked "are you just seeing me while you are here?"

 

He then got defensive and said "Alex, I am not going anywhere anytime soon and I am not in the place to do that. I want to, and sooner rather than later, but I am not leaving anytime soon. You are making up scenarios that aren't even happening."

 

He then hastily told me he had to get off the phone and call his family back to check in on something and we got off the phone.

 

I felt upset and uneasy about things. Maybe I was badgering him.

 

A while after, I texted him that I was sorry if I pushed on him and I was just scared.

 

He sent me back "I would go"

 

I asked what he was talking about and he sent "If I got the opportunity I would go"

 

I was a bit taken back. I then asked "and breakup with me?"

 

He replied "I don't know"

 

A couple minutes later he said "I guess"

 

I was so upset I asked again "So you would breakup with me instead of wanting me to come with you?"

 

He replied "I guess"

 

I was in shock. I started crying. I was upset that maybe this was all a huge miscommunication.

 

I responded and said. "I don't understand. I never said I wouldn't or didn't want to go, as you thought. I hate arguing like this. I love you and want to be with you. The future isn't here yet."

 

He didn't respond. I tried calling and he didn't respond.

 

I cried almost all night.

 

And the morning.

 

Later in the morning he sends me a text "Good Morning"

 

I was so bothered I did not respond. That was Thursday morning.

 

I thought he would call, try to talk it out, fight for me. I waited and waited and waited. Finally this morning, Sunday, I gave in and called him. No answer. I left a voicemail.

 

I still have not heard from him since.

 

I don't know if its over or not. I am distraught. I love him. I would move with him. I want to be with him.

 

My parents do not like him and say that if he really loved me he would have called and tried to make it right. They say he would never want to let me go. They wonder if he was just dating me while he was here.

 

I have such a hard time believing that. He told his whole family all about me. I know because they mentioned it on the phone. He told me he would never leave and he loved me more than I loved him. He would tell me that all the time. He seemed so genuine in his adorations. I thought he loved me and now everything is a mess. My family insists I did nothing wrong and this is all him.

 

I don't know if I did. I wish we never talked about the moving thing.

 

I think he was depressed leaving home to come back here after the holidays. It all makes sense. He got depressed and withdrawn the day he came back until now. I just never thought it would lead to this.

 

He loved what I got him for Christmas and was sending pictures to his family. Everything was fine like a week and a half ago. He sent me heartfelt holiday messages on the holiday and wanted to talk to me.

 

I hate this and I feel so low. I want to make it right, but I feel I have done everything I can.

 

I am so upset I cry everyday.

 

Will he ever call? I fear he will not. How can it be over, when he seemed to love me so much? It makes no sense. I truly felt he did care for me and love me.

[figureitout23]

What do you need to hear from us?

 

I’m not being snarky, we’ve been going back and forth with you and it always falls on deaf ears so advice is not what you gain from us, what do you need? Again being serious , what are you needing? Reassurance? what? Be honest, let’s cut to the chase

[milly007]

I’ll be honest, I haven’t read all of the posts in this thread (although did read some of the prior posts) but just based on your most recent post, I can’t help but think that you’re so much better off without this guy, OP. He’s playing games with you and wants you to cater to him, and beg and plead. I just have this impression of him being a big man-child, at least that’s what I envisioned while I was reading your most recent post.

 

I know it’s hard, because you clearly care about this guy. But he’s a game player, conniving it seems, controlling and manipulative.

 

If he cared and respected you, he would have responded to your heartfelt messages.

 

I hope you continue with the no contact and not look back. You’ll thank yourself for it down the road.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Spend more time with your friends and family. He was flaky and insincere from the start.

I then asked "and breakup with me?"

He replied "I don't know". A couple minutes later he said "I guess"

[Batya33]

What do you need to hear from us?

 

I’m not being snarky, we’ve been going back and forth with you and it always falls on deaf ears so advice is not what you gain from us, what do you need? Again being serious , what are you needing? Reassurance? what? Be honest, let’s cut to the chase

 

I agree. I think the signs were there from very early on and it was not a long relationship of course (not that it can't hurt terribly after short term -of course it can, I get it! - just mean that combined with short term you saw red flags very early on and serious issues).

 

I think this is for the best and I hope you don't give him yet another chance. He seems troubled and tried to coast by using sweet words without the actions you two had discussed that you needed for a fulfilling relationship with potential.

[Wiseman2]

Agree there is a huge learning opportunity here. If someone is talking about rings on your finger, changing your last name, moving, buying a house and all that after a few months of dating...it's a huge red flag. So make sure your need to hear this type of stuff or convey this type of stuff to your folks as if you've found a husband is in check.

 

Also if someone is flaky, moody, unreliable, makes a lot of excuses, etc. It's a red flag. So is long extended phone calls and text chitchats in lieu of real visits, real dates and real conversation (as opposed to this weirdos Disneyland double-talk)

He would make comments about changing my last name to his, moving to his family's area someday and building a house together, and taking off my fashion ring (on my wedding finger) for his own in its place.

[Alex39]

I thought he would call. I thought I was worth more. A little part of me hokds out hope he will reach out. I don't know what else to do. I thought he'd miss me. He was the guy I always described that I wanted. His deep voice, old fashioned values, and manly man personality.

 

I'm going to miss never hearing tgat voice again. Hugging him. He was tall, so he enveloped me in amazing hugs. I truly thought he loved me.

 

I feel so guilty like I lead to this. I feel so broken inside. Depressed. I cry multiple times a day. I don't know what to do. I want to fix it.

 

Has he lost all feelings? Why doesn't he want to see me, talk to me, make things right again?

 

And now to just ghost me and not just break up with me? That hurts even more. I'd rather just know then to be left confused and upset. I feel like if you really love someone you would want to make it right, to call, to show up and make the person yours again. But I guess I'm not worth that, to anyone.

 

I have messages saved from him saying he'll never leave me. Saying that if I let him keep me forever he would be the happiest man. Him telling me he is a one woman guy, who is serious about relationships and marriage. I feel like maybe I lead him to believe I qould go with him, move eventually, but then maybe I gave him mixed messages too. That I would miss my family and I would know no one.

 

Truly though, I wanted it. I wanted the life with him. I wanted it all. I would have moved. And yes, it would have been hard for me, but he was the person I loved.

 

I wish we could talk and I could tell him how I really feel. I wrote out exactly what I would say to him. Part of me wants to just send it to him. So he can see where my mind was and is at. But it seems moot. He is avoiding me. And I don't want to chase him down. He is the man. He said he would leave me. He should be chasing me down.

 

I never expected this. I just so heartbroken.

[katrina1980]

Since there is no advice to give amk other than "we told you so" which you said you don't want to hear, my advice would be start a journal in the journal section. Or ask mods to move this thread there.

 

You can post your feelings, thoughts, pain, joys etc there. Day to day.

 

Breakups suck, expect to experience the full range of emotions while you process and move on.

 

I'm sorry. :(

[figureitout23]

 

And now to just ghost me and not just break up with me? That hurts even more. I'd rather just know then to be left confused and upset. I feel like if you really love someone you would want to make it right, to call, to show up and make the person yours again. But I guess I'm not worth that, to anyone.

 

I have messages saved from him saying he'll never leave me. Saying that if I let him keep me forever he would be the happiest man. Him telling me he is a one woman guy, who is serious about relationships and marriage. I feel like maybe I lead him to believe I qould go with him, move eventually, but then maybe I gave him mixed messages too. That I would miss my family and I would know no one.

 

Truly though, I wanted it. I wanted the life with him. I wanted it all. I would have moved. And yes, it would have been hard for me, but he was the person I loved.

 

I wish we could talk and I could tell him how I really feel. I wrote out exactly what I would say to him. Part of me wants to just send it to him. So he can see where my mind was and is at. But it seems moot. He is avoiding me. And I don't want to chase him down. He is the man. He said he would leave me. He should be chasing me down.

 

I never expected this. I just so heartbroken.

 

First off I’m so sorry.

 

Second AMK, eventually you’re going to have to start looking out for yourself.

 

‘I never expected this’ is a lie. Not only did you acknowledge we told you the risk you were taking but you acknowledged it. If I keep putting my hand in the lions mouth I don’t get to act surprised when he clamps down.

 

You say how could someone who loves you act like this, they wouldn’t. How could someone tell you they loved you weeks after meeting you and mean it?

 

Broken seeks broken and he has baggage.

 

He’s throwing a fit like a baby right now.

 

I can almost guarantee you he will be back and I can guarantee you you’ll accept him back and I am guarantee he will keep doing this because he doesn’t have proper coping skills and you will accept it because you don’t either.

 

I’m sorry this is happening but this is a conscious choice you’ve made so either batten down the hatches and prepared to be hurt for a while until he comes sniffing around again or break up be single work on yourself and then meet someone worthwhile.

 

It’s honestly your choice.

[Alex39]

Its going to hurt for a while. I cared about him.

 

I look back though and see that he has some issues with his family and being away from them that is something he needs to fix on his own. It is not healthy for him and as a secondary, for me.

 

I do still care for him.

 

I look back knowing he was a mama's boy, but maybe its more severe than that.

 

Every time I look back and remember when he was distant or depressed, even for a very short time, I connect it with his family. There is something wrong there.

 

He and I went on a day trip and he seemed a bit off. Now I remember he kept snapping pictures of where we were and commenting that his mother would love this and that, while sending them to her. He did also send her a picture of us.

 

Then he commented at my work holiday party that he wishes he could have gone to his family's and then he seemed depressed.

 

Another time he went home to his family. We were talking on the phone and I asked what he was doing. He said he was finishing up a "honey do list" for his mother.

 

I remember thinking that phrasing was so weird, for your mother. Honey do lists to me are for husband and wife. Made me think he was very far up his mothers a**.

 

Every time he comes back from being with them, he is depressed and distant. He bounces back out of it, but it seems like being with his family is the cause.

 

I remember he was freaking out and stressed one time on the phone because he needed to fill out some paperwork for his work. Like retirement stuff of something and there was a deadline and he needed his mom to help him look over it. She wasn't answering her phone and he was upset. I remember partly being understanding, because I have called on my mom for similar things, but then also thinking that he was being a huge baby.

 

I even offered to help him since I had just filled out all of my benefits information for the year all by myself and understood it. He didn't take my help. He did not take my help and I didn't push it.

 

And the whole Thanksgiving drunken temper tantrum. That all seemed to be stemmed from his family and him not being there and them telling him all the fun stuff they had bern doing without him. No one is that depressed like that, though the alcohol intensified it. I almost feel bad for him. I don't understand how he feels inside. Being away from home. My family is only two hours away. But he is 28 years old. I think it seems excessice, his reactions and severe need to go home like he does.

[Wiseman2]

He's the common denominator of this drama.

[Batya33]

It's not about "losing feelings" - I can feel really frustrated with my husband and still act in a caring way. It's a choice. He is making the choice to sulk I guess. I agree with Figureitout and I too am sorry you are feeling so upset and going through this stress and disappointment. And I agree with figureitout your eyes were wide open and you took the (unnecessary to me) risks to keep dating him despite all the red flags.

[katrina1980]

 

A little part of me hokds out hope he will reach out.

 

May I ask why? To formally end it to you can get your closure? Okay, I get that, but I hope to high heaven you are not hoping he reaches out to work this out.

 

This man is unstable, borderline verbally abusive, if not full on verbally abusive as the Thanksgiving incident would suggest. I mean I literally shuddered when I read your post describing what happened, his verbal abuse towards you. Did you tell your parents about that? What did they say?

 

And now? Telling you he would move away, not bring you with him and break up with you?

 

Why the h would you want to go back to that??? Serious question.

 

This man does NOT respect you amk, he doesn't love you, as men who love women do NOT treat them like this!!

 

Please stop being his doormat and allowing him to wipe his feet on you and then toss you away like you're garbage.

 

He's done this several times throughout, and you just continue taking him back, NEVER allowing him to suffer the consequences of his atrocious actions!

 

This has caused him to lose respect for you, which is why he's treating you this way now.

 

Please understand this, gather up all the self-respect you can and IF/WHEN he calls, tell him you are done!

 

You are a beautiful sensitive woman, you deserve WAY better than this crap, I wish you knew that too!

 

 

 

I have messages saved from him saying he'll never leave me.

 

amk, going forward, never take this type of statement seriously. It's literally impossible to know for sure whether or not any of us will leave our partners.

 

In one ear and out the other, in fact taking it a step further, whenever a man has said this to me, I call him out on it because it's pure BS.

 

Or I simply ignore it.

 

Even marriages fail sometimes, so to make a statement like that shows how unrealistic he is, prefers living in fantasy, and once a RL hits the reality phase, he sabotages by being abusive, nasty, and then running. Can't even end it properly, and resorts to ghosting you.

 

And in thinking back, many if not most of the things he said to you early on and throughout (when his mood was on the upswing) sounded like they came straight from some Harlequin fantasy romance novel. Totally unrealistic. RED FLAG.

 

You may not be in a position to listen to any of this now because you're reeling, but once everything calms down and you feel better, I would strongly advise you read back throughout your threads re this RL, so you can LEARN, so you never allow yourself to become so attached to such an unstable, abusive man and situation again.

 

Again I'm sorry it's come to this, time heals, I promise.

[katrina1980]

I don't think he was sulking at all.

 

He set this up and used this incident to justify ending it with you, finally.

 

Something he clearly has had in the back of his mind for awhile, perhaps even before the Thanksgiving incident.

 

He's an avoider, a "commitment phobic", prefers living in fantasy. As evidenced by all the unrealistic bizarre things he said to you early on, his hot/cold, his back and forth, the list goes on!! Classic case and CP is a real thing.

 

He is now DONE. There, he finally said it, by telling you he would move away, not take you and end it. I could tell how you described it, that saying these things was a struggle for him, but he finally did and most likely is feeling a sense of relief now.

 

Meanwhile, you're reeling and don't know what to do with your feelings. That's how it usually goes down with these types of men.

 

Anyway, this was him ending it with you amk, heed the message and stop waiting to hear from him, he's not worth it!!

 

Edit: Please be aware once he gets his "space" (after weeks, months) he may return. Begging, pleading, just like after the Thanksgiving incident.

 

DO NOT fall for it amk, please. The man's got serious SERIOUS issues and if YOU allow it, he has the potential of emotionally destroying you, and I am not exaggerating, I mean look at you now, you're already a bit destroyed!

 

Your choice.

[Honeycomb8]

You guys are wasting your breath. She won't listen and will need to truly hit rock bottom before she learns.

[katrina1980]

You guys are wasting your breath. She won't listen and will need to truly hit rock bottom before she learns.

 

An old friend of mine tolerated this same nonsense from a guy for seven years! I have posted about her previously, but it was the same sh** as what amk is experiencing.

 

She took him back every time, for seven years; after the last time he pulled this crap and disappeared, he NEVER returned and that was after seven years.

 

Once it hit her he was never returning, she had a breakdown, and last I heard she hasn't been able to date since, and this was MANY years ago!

 

It totally destroyed her, drove her literally crazy; amk if you want this to be you, carry on with him, good luck.

[Alex39]

At this point I am extremely hurt and just trying to cope with the pain I feel. I know I need to move on. I feel I did everything I could and I reached out to try and make it right to no avail.

 

I must move on. I don't have a choice. Maybe he wasn't the one for me. Maybe he is. As it looks right niw he is avoiding me. So he isn't the one.

 

I want a mature, communicating, remorseful man, who has high value for me. I am not seeing that, so I'm guessing its over. I have no other answer to contradict that.

 

Silence speaks volumes.

[katrina1980]

 

I want a mature, communicating, remorseful man, who has high value for me.

 

Don't we all. But please understand amk, no man will ever value you until you value yourself first. He surely didn't.

 

I don't mean to make you feel worse, but you need to hear this so this won't ever happen again.

 

Stop believing in fairytales. You behaved very recklessly with this man, straight from the get go. Ignoring major red flags, falling for his fantasy-driven pursuit, eventually succumbing to severe verbal and mental abuse, excusing it, justifying it, taking him back, again the list goes on.

 

This would suggest you do NOT value yourself, because a woman who does would not tolerate any of that!

 

So, take all this as lesson learned hopefully. Take the necessary steps to build your self-esteem, regain your self respect and start valuing yourself, because again no man ever will until you value yourself first.