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Sportster2005

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Sportster2005 last won the day on June 13 2019

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About Sportster2005

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  • Birthday 04/21/1962
  1. Classic logical fallacy. Just because B follows A, does not mean A caused B. The only thing here that seems obvious is he's not behaving terribly interested. I agree less is probably more in this situation. Not because it will be effective, but because of her dignity. I really doubt there is going to be a successful end to this story. Not interested is not interested. Most of the advice out there from books and the myriad snake oil salespeople who profit from this are full of crap. I have all day for a true behaviour scientist but these dime a dozen experts are interested in profit, not you
  2. What a person does is more important than what they say. You can debate until the cows come home if his behaviour is 'normal'. You'll be more productive understanding that's the way he behaves and it's not likely to change. You can accept the behaviour, or you can move on. Your brother, or any other man doesn't know how all men act in all relationships. Avoid generalizations.
  3. Dump him and offer to support him through his trial. Or, dump him.
  4. Nothing crappier than sitting waiting for that phone notification that never comes. Start over, repeat until you get it right :)
  5. Let it go. You have more important things to deal with. There is NOTHING we can do to get people back, once they have checked out. NOTHING. Deal with your issues and prevent this from happening in the future.
  6. I'll tell you what to do. Beg, borrow or steal some self-esteem and dump this guy. Then head to the local Al-Anon meeting.
  7. Dumping someone always feels bad. Or it should, unless your soulless ghoul. When it comes to dumping, less is more. Honesty without discretion is cruelty. Keep it simple and firm. Doubts may linger, all part of the process. Ultimately we usually prove ourselves correct.
  8. Wow, you're hardly out of the gate, and people are pulling this crap on you. I don't know if it's possible or not. I think it's too early to be asking. I would encourage you not to put too much stress on yourself. Society can go f itself. Do what you need to do to get confident and comfortable with yourself. Continue your treatment, you are getting treatment?? A much wiser person once said to me "You can't lie to yourself". What he meant was if you say things like "EVERYTHING revolves around relationships,romance,dating" then that will be your reality, regardless if it's true or false.
  9. Sounds like a false dichotomy to me. I think you need to explore ALL alternatives and explore the myriad outcomes of different alternatives. You have yourself wrapped in a dilemma of your own making. And you should consider so with your partner. He might be adamant as an opening negotiating position. Not smart, but predictably human.
  10. I doubt she has changed. Once you get past the honeymoon phase people reveal their true self. Sometimes the revelation doesn't go so well. At this point it's kind of a moot point. She is what she is. At this perch, it seems this relationship is past it's best before date. I can see things getting worse, that is the trendline. I can't see things getting better. The reality is staring you in the face, your call.
  11. No. Bad timing can never be fixed. If it's not there at the start, it will never be there. By the time he is sorted you will both be two different people. Once the divorce is signed, nothing magical happens. It's just a legal document. It takes a while to adjust to a new life. Think years, not weeks. There are exceptions, there always is. More people go down in flames chasing exceptions, instead of reality. You live by your values, or you don't. You can't have your cake and eat it.
  12. It sounds like you don't have any good options. If she is this ill at this young age, it's unlikely going to improve. That is my amateur prognosis. If you were together for fifty years then staying out of love and devotion would seem reasonable. You're not in that position. And it seems staying out of a sense of pity will do neither of you any good in the long run. This poor woman's condition is heartbreaking. I can understand and empathize how difficult a decision this is. Make it soon.
  13. Someone who wanted to spend more of my time to save a few cents would set my alarm bells ringing. Nothing is more valuable than time. I'm not criticizing, I'm pointing out the differences people have to the OP. OP this isn't about money. The money is a symptom, not the cause. The cause is you see and live life differently. IMHO he's a joyless tightwad, to others he's the model of responsibility. People are going to see it differently. The important thing is, how do you see it? You wouldn't be here if you were happy about it.
  14. He's a person that knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. I don't want anything to do with people like this. Life is too short. Your mileage may differ. Stop and get the $7 ice cream. If he can't even tolerate a small treat like that, then you really, really, REALLY need to consider what it would be like going through life with a man like this.
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