Getting in my own head

[Batya33]

Nothing to do with love or not love. Also you keep mentioning "his girl". Do you really want to be "someone's girl?" You're just a girl who's going to belong to someone who spoils/pampers/pets her? That's how it comes across. There is nothing at all wrong with being in love AND wanting time to oneself. In fact, it's really healthy. In this situation it's not about love. He preferred his own company to your company because you two weren't getting along. Pretty basic.

 

If you keep dating him then it's clear as day you do not want a serious relationship leading to marriage. You want to play at being a couple, to be spoiled and have someone who tries to impress you (your words -your focus on what is so awesome about him) and you want to live up to all those cliches about "love" and "romance" - and you get to be invested in this drama cycle. But please don't tell yourself you're looking for a healthy serious relationship leading to marriage. And you don't have to - you can just date and chase the distant/unavailable guys who are "so great" because they throw you crumbs now and again with their sweet words and spoiling you like a "girl". But just be honest with yourself that you're not ready for someone who's serious about you in any healthy way where that is mutual.

[mustlovedogs]

The days thing seems to maybe be confusing.

 

The argument was Wednesday night of last week. I left him text messages and a call after he told me he would leave me and go back home and he never responded to me at the end of the night. I cried all night. Thursday morning, the next morning, he sent me good morning. I did not respond. I was hurt and almost insulted that good morning was all he could send. I assumed he would follow up. He always has in the past with more texting, snapchatting, or a call. He did not. I waited days. I finally called him on Sunday. No answer. I know he got it. I gave him some time to think. Maybe he needed it too. I sent him a final text message Tuesday. One which was nice, saying how I needed some time to think, because I was so hurt over out last conversation. But how I think we should be talking and communicating to work through issues as a team and not shutting each other out. I put that my intention was never for us to be ignoring each other and I hoped we could talk soon to better understand each other.

 

I thought the message was nice, to the point, and mature. I never got anything from him. It is now Wednesday. This is what leads me to think I will never hear from him again.

 

I mean he told his whole family about me. They had a nickname for me. Its insane to me that he would do that and then leave me high and dry.

 

And if you really didn't want to see me anymore, call me and say something. It would have hurt, but at least then I would have known.

 

I'm almost positive he had days off this weekend too. He was just home by himself. What guy who loves the girl would not want to see them? Clearly he didn't.

 

Keep in mind - YOU said you wanted to communicate and not shut each other out. You shut him out. So why aren’t you following your own advice?

[figureitout23]

Keep in mind - YOU said you wanted to communicate and not shut each other out. You shut him out. So why aren’t you following your own advice?

 

Oh she did not.

 

She has a history of abuse and each time she comes on here she gets a little more of it.

 

She ignored him for a few hours, not 3 days which is what I think many were confused about.

 

Not sayin she’s right or wrong and Don’t get me wrong I get feeling nothing is getting through, but I promise you the self blame is.

 

After getting clarification and knowing she’s reached out many times and attempted to communicate. What he’s doing is straight up cruel.

[mustlovedogs]

Oh she did not.

 

She has a history of abuse and each time she comes on here she gets a little more of it.

 

She ignored him for a few hours, not 3 days which is what I think many were confused about.

 

Not sayin she’s right or wrong and Don’t get me wrong I get feeling nothing is getting through, but I promise you the self blame is.

 

After getting clarification and knowing she’s reached out many times and attempted to communicate. What he’s doing is straight up cruel.

 

She just clarified - she ignored his good morning texts.

 

Yes he’s in the wrong. But she can’t come back at him saying “please talk to me” after ignoring him for days. Re read her clarification - that’s what happened.

 

I say this because she’s feeding in to the toxicity.

[Wiseman2]

amk, don't play anymore games with guys. He played you at your own game....but won. Why not use the golden rule about treating others how you wish to be treated instead of all these "a guy should..." mindsets, where you feel entitled to better treatment than you are willing to provide? Life would be a lot happier and more satisfying if you moved away from entitlement and toward mature interactions. You and your friends/parents may think you deserve a special princess treatment but most normal guys are not going to agree.

[Alex39]

My parents thought he should be tryong to work harder and fight for me a little after he mentioned he would up and leave me to move back to his hometown. That was so mean and hurtful. They also thought it mean and hurtful that he purposely ignored my calls and texts after that conversation. Leaving me extremely hurt.

 

I wish things went differently. I wish I made different decisions. I'm broken and hurt. I do still want him back. I care about him. I do think he loved me too. I feel so guilty like I ruined everything.

 

I feel like maybe I gave him the impression that I didn't want to move to where he wanted. I would have. I made sone comments though about missing my family and considering a place in between our two homes. Maybe tgus came across to him as me not wanting to go. Which is so untrue. I just felt like this early on for me to know and have to make that decision is a bit much. I figure if he was considering a job there, he would tell me and we could make a solid plan to make that kind of move together.

 

I want to fix this still. I feel l messed up. I was just so hurt and taken back by his comments about he would breakup with me and leave to go back if he got the chance sooner. How was I supposed to react. I tried texting and calling after that. He ignored me. And I was supposed to be all happy when he texted me good morning.

 

I thought he would call. Want to talk more about it. But he never did. I finally gave in and called, but the damage was done.

[katrina1980]

The days thing seems to maybe be confusing.

 

The argument was Wednesday night of last week. I left him text messages and a call after he told me he would leave me and go back home and he never responded to me at the end of the night. I cried all night.

 

Thursday morning, the next morning, he sent me good morning. I did not respond. I was hurt and almost insulted that good morning was all he could send. I assumed he would follow up. He always has in the past with more texting, snapchatting, or a call. He did not. I waited days. I finally called him on Sunday.

 

No answer. I know he got it. I gave him some time to think. Maybe he needed it too. I sent him a final text message Tuesday. One which was nice, saying how I needed some time to think, because I was so hurt over out last conversation. But how I think we should be talking and communicating to work through issues as a team and not shutting each other out. I put that my intention was never for us to be ignoring each other and I hoped we could talk soon to better understand each other.

 

 

The above indicates she "ignored" his 'good morning' text from Thurs to Sunday -- 3-4 days.

 

I could understand that given on Wed he told her he was leaving, not taking her and would end the relationship. Needing space to process, re-think and decide whether or not to end it herself, now.

 

However, amk that is NOT why you ignored him, is it. You were shyt-testing him. You wanted him to chase you, you expected him to chase you. Fight for you! You just admitted it!!

 

That is wrong, and trust me it's only within recent years, I learned that. I used to play that game too, and it's manipulative and controlling.

 

It just is amk, no question.

 

I also agree with Bat that you are not looking for a committed relationship leading to marriage.

 

Oh I know you think you are, but I ask you to please think about this.

 

IF you were, this toxic, unstable, at times abusive dysfunctional "relationship" and clearly unavailable man would NOT be acceptable to you.

 

You would have walked away a long time ago as any woman looking for a serious stable commitment would do.

 

You prefer fairly tales and fantasy. You want to be spoiled and chased. Own it!!

 

You feel entitled to this, as if as Wiseman said, you are some special princess who deserves to be chased, spoiled and doted on.

 

I mean no disrespect but stop whining and grow up. You sound like a spoiled entitled child, again no disrespect.

 

Figure out what you want once and for all, and IF it's a serious relationship leading to commitment and marriage, then stop playing games, stop shyt-testing men, and stay away from unavailable men who lovebomb you, run hot/cold, verbally/mentally abuse you as he did during Thanksgiving!

 

Among other behaviors that strongly suggest (prove) he is UNAVAILABLE for anything even remotely resembling a loving caring stable committed relationship! Clearly!!

 

This is now on you girl.

 

Now pick yourself up, wipe your tears, block him, and move the hell on!

 

It's time amk, and a long time coming.

 

Finally, pick up some books about interpersonal relationships, commitment, attachment styles and the like and LEARN!!

 

And seek professional help.

[Metaltwin70]

'I mean no disrespect but stop whining and grow up. You sound like a spoiled entitled child, again no disrespect.'

 

It is so easy to say 'stop whining and grow up' when it's not YOUR story. Not your feelings. We haven't felt, smelt, kissed, touched. We just read words on the screen. That's why it's so easy for us to give OP all this great advise re: what she should and shouldn't do. I don't think Alex is either spoilt or entitled. She essentially wants what every other human being on this planet does: to share her life with the person she loves, and for this person to love her back.

 

I have no idea what went wrong with him - something clearly did. I have to admit there were lots of red flags; then again, anyone over 25 who's lived life will have 'red flags' and any new relationship, no matter how slow-going, cautious and observant and 'feet on the ground' you are, can disintegrate regardless, at 3, 6, 12 months - or 2 years.

 

I'm sorry Alex. God knows I can empathise with you. It hurts like crazy, and you torture yourself trying to understand why. What he's doing now IS extremely cruel, horribly so. If he wanted out, he should have called or at the very least texted you a version of 'I'm no longer feeling it' thing. Your time will come. You WILL get over him, no matter how impossible it seems to you now. Again, very sorry that it hurts so bad.

[katrina1980]

Metaltwin, you are so wrong.

 

I've been there too believe me, to hell and back you don't know my story, so I can certainly empathize and in fact have been empathizing for years. Which has gotten her literally nowhere.

 

It was only when I stopped whining, feeling sorry for myself, blaming myself, picked myself up and faced reality when I was finally able to move on.

 

You also obviously don't know the OP's story, her history with this man and other men.

 

It's been going on for literally years, different face, same story! I suggest you read this thread in its entitety and all her threads for better understanding.

 

So I stand by what I said, even though it sounds harsh.

 

I'm sorry you don't agree.

[Metaltwin70]

Oh I have. I have read this entire thread, and other threads too. I stand by what has always been my opinion with regards to successful relationships: she needs to find herself in the right place, at the right time, next to the RIGHT man. I didn't have any long-lasting luck with men from the age of around 18 to 34 - had all sorts, a marriage, short relationships, longer relationships, flings, ons-s, you name it, I've done it. I'm not just paraphrasing a book I've read. At 34, I met my husband.

 

I didn't change a single thing about myself. I was my same 'even I wouldn't date me' self. I didn't 'work on myself'. I didn't try to turn myself into someone I was not. I didn't read self-help books or go to therapy or settle for someone who wasn't my exact type physically/mentally. I just found myself in the right place, at the right time. He was the one for me, and me for him. 15 years later, we still are. By lord we aren't anywhere near perfect - a boatload of red flags and issues in fact, both him and me. Yet for each other and with each other... we work. It's as simple as that.

[katrina1980]

I'm happy things worked out for you that way Metal! I truly am.

 

I've finally met the right man for me too, but prior to that I fully admit I did have issues that needed exploring and resolving within myself.

 

So I did a lot of reading, not necessarily self-help books as many are fluff, but good solid books about interpersonal relationships, commitment, avoidance etc written by reputable authors.

 

I did a lot of introspecting, self-reflecting as I believe we should all do when any of our relationships end. Learning, growing, evolving in an effort to make better choices for ourselves and live happier more fulfilling lives.

 

Again, I am thrilled you did not need any of that, but imo amk does, otherwise this unhealthy toxic pattern of attracting and chasing unavailable men will continue. :)

[Alex39]

'I mean no disrespect but stop whining and grow up. You sound like a spoiled entitled child, again no disrespect.'

 

It is so easy to say 'stop whining and grow up' when it's not YOUR story. Not your feelings. We haven't felt, smelt, kissed, touched. We just read words on the screen. That's why it's so easy for us to give OP all this great advise re: what she should and shouldn't do. I don't think Alex is either spoilt or entitled. She essentially wants what every other human being on this planet does: to share her life with the person she loves, and for this person to love her back.

 

I have no idea what went wrong with him - something clearly did. I have to admit there were lots of red flags; then again, anyone over 25 who's lived life will have 'red flags' and any new relationship, no matter how slow-going, cautious and observant and 'feet on the ground' you are, can disintegrate regardless, at 3, 6, 12 months - or 2 years.

 

I'm sorry Alex. God knows I can empathise with you. It hurts like crazy, and you torture yourself trying to understand why. What he's doing now IS extremely cruel, horribly so. If he wanted out, he should have called or at the very least texted you a version of 'I'm no longer feeling it' thing. Your time will come. You WILL get over him, no matter how impossible it seems to you now. Again, very sorry that it hurts so bad.

 

Yes, exactly this is how I am feeling. Thank you for understanding.

 

Thank you all for talking this over with me, supporting me, and giving me some tough love. It is hard. My emotions are fragile right now. I keep going over our relationship analyzing everything he ever said, we ever did.

 

It hurts, bad. My heart hurts. My body hurts, my mind hurts. I think its natural to wonder, to feel sad, to blame yourself, because of the lack of communication and answers, and try to fix it. I think anyone here who cared for a man would try to fix it.

 

I have a huge heart. My father told me the other day that I am way too nice, sweet, and accepting and as good of traits those are, they leave me vulnerable to people walking all over me and hurting me. He's right.

 

But that's me. I'd rather be that way, give my all, and love deeply, or else not be myself. Be a shell of me.

 

I do want love, long term love. Marriage.

 

I was a tough cookie before I met him. Didn't care nor think about marriage. Or at least that's what I said, but deep down I was holding a desire of mine at bay. I wanted passionate love, long term love, marriage and a family.

 

I was too afraid to admit it openly. I thought if I put up the 'I don't care' facade, acting like it wasn't something I thought about, I couldn't get hurt.

 

This guy, he cracked me open. He brought out what I truly wanted in me. It took some warming up, but eventually I grew excited that this man wanted what I truly wanted. A life long love. A companion. A support system. He wanted a wife to love and care for him. I wanted a little strong husband to protect and care for me.

 

I eventually opened up to him and was comfortable admitting my feelings of love to him. I couldn't be afraid. I went all in on the dream. Our life together. He painted the picture, and I bought it for my wall.

 

Maybe it was a mistake. But I tried. I love him still. I care for him. I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy with me, but I have to move on. For myself. I still cry everyday. I'm hoping it slowly gets less and less. I'm anti social, because I'm depressed. I'm hoping that slowly fades too. I've been trying to stay close with my friends and talk to them. Co-workers too. Its hard.

 

Everything reminds me of him. Music in my car. We'd always blast music and he's sing. Laying in bed at night, thinking about never feeling his arms around me. Pulling into my work parking lot every day. That is where we met for our first date.

 

I have all pictures of his face on my phone from times he sent me them. Some with captions promoting his love for me, and that he is a happy man with me. Those hurt to look at, but I miss seeing his face. Holding him. Kissing him. I've even gotten choked up going to some restaursnts, because we went there not that long ago.

 

I may vent on here some more. But I think my feelungs are valid. I'm heartbroken and distraught.

 

I appreciate the comments. I read them all. Some I even think of more deeply, trying to figure out other perspectives and how my boyfriend might be thinking.

 

I might be like this for a while. Going in citcles. He essentially ghosted me. Leaves a lot of blanks to be filled in.

 

I'm working hard with all the support of my family, friends, and forum posters to stop the self blame and try and move on.

 

I have a lot to offer and love to give. I love with everything I have. I want to have someone someday and for it to just fit. For them not to leave. I thought he was that guy. I wish he would come back, talk to me, and we could grow from this together. But it has been so long now. Almost a week. I do not see that happening and I must push on with my life.

[Batya33]

'I mean no disrespect but stop whining and grow up. You sound like a spoiled entitled child, again no disrespect.'

 

It is so easy to say 'stop whining and grow up' when it's not YOUR story. Not your feelings. We haven't felt, smelt, kissed, touched. We just read words on the screen. That's why it's so easy for us to give OP all this great advise re: what she should and shouldn't do. I don't think Alex is either spoilt or entitled. She essentially wants what every other human being on this planet does: to share her life with the person she loves, and for this person to love her back.

 

I have no idea what went wrong with him - something clearly did. I have to admit there were lots of red flags; then again, anyone over 25 who's lived life will have 'red flags' and any new relationship, no matter how slow-going, cautious and observant and 'feet on the ground' you are, can disintegrate regardless, at 3, 6, 12 months - or 2 years.

 

I'm sorry Alex. God knows I can empathise with you. It hurts like crazy, and you torture yourself trying to understand why. What he's doing now IS extremely cruel, horribly so. If he wanted out, he should have called or at the very least texted you a version of 'I'm no longer feeling it' thing. Your time will come. You WILL get over him, no matter how impossible it seems to you now. Again, very sorry that it hurts so bad.

 

No I don't agree from what I read and yes I can give opinions without being there. I don't agree with "everyone has red flags" - that's dismissive - it depends what red flags, what's being done to work on them, where in the relationship you are when you learn them -so many things. She's written she loves how he spoiled her and tried to impress her. Her words, not mine. It hurts of course and of course she asked for it- especially after he acted like such a jerk on Thanksgiving when they'd been dating only a few months. She was buying stuff for his apartment after only a few dates -so yes with all of that I agree with Katrina's analysis (and of course with her analysis of what I wrote LOL).

 

It's not easy for me to say "stop whining". At all. I reserve that for situations like this where a person continues to touch a burning hot stove. For what purpose- so she can be just like her friends who ALLLL have boyfriends who dote on them. I recognize the limits of words on a screen and I think I limited my opinions accordingly. I don't think it much matters how someone smells, how they kiss etc because she's not asking about that. She's asking whether to give a short term relationship that had red flags from early on yet another chance. And if she does that's fine - all it says it that she is a person who prioritizes glomming on to someone over all else and who won't be honest with herself about what she truly wants.

[figureitout23]

I just wanna know if it was a few hours or days...

[katrina1980]

I just wanna know if it was a few hours or days...

 

amk wrote:

 

"Thursday morning, the next morning, he sent me good morning. I did not respond. I was hurt and almost insulted that good morning was all he could send. I assumed he would follow up. He always has in the past with more texting, snapchatting, or a call. He did not. I waited days. I finally called him on Sunday. "

Thursday- Sunday = three days.

[figureitout23]

amk wrote:

 

"Thursday morning, the next morning, he sent me good morning. I did not respond. I was hurt and almost insulted that good morning was all he could send. I assumed he would follow up. He always has in the past with more texting, snapchatting, or a call. He did not. I waited days. I finally called him on Sunday. "

Thursday- Sunday = three days.

 

OK then I apologize MLD for my confusion.

 

That what I originally thought but then on other responses it seemed like it was mere hours so I was confused but yean it’s there in black and white.

 

I also played those games when I was younger.

 

Yes OPer you were wrong for ignoring now him.

 

BUT I agree with you that he was wrong for ignoring you all night and then texting good morning as if nothing happened.

 

It shows immaturity on his part for doing that but hey maybe that was his olive branch.

 

Him now ignoring you, doesn’t makw you right but it certainly doesn’t make him right either especially after you attempted to open communication, which is way more than he did.

 

I still think this is a mutually destructive relationship and I do think you were very wrong and a bit of a hypocrite. I do, BUT I still think ignoring you after you attempting multiple times to reach out is cruel.

 

And I do think it’s possible he is ‘punishing you’ for your actions, but so we’re you so I don’t know...

 

I still don’t think you deserve all the blame.

 

I think you need to accept this for what it is though.

[katrina1980]

Some things seem to be falling through the cracks, so fio, while I agree she was wrong for ignoring, I am wondering if you read my earlier post explaining why she didn't call for three days - her rationale behind it as she explained it originally? Which at least IMO is understandable.

 

I probably would not have contacted him at all after what he just told me the night prior -- or waited a few days to process and then contacted to end the RL.

 

Anyway, it's quoted again below in case you missed it.

 

 

The above indicates she "ignored" his 'good morning' text from Thurs to Sunday -- 3-4 days.

 

I could understand that given on Wed he told her he was leaving, not taking her and would end the relationship. Needing space to process, re-think and decide whether or not to end it herself, now.

 

However, amk that is NOT why you ignored him, is it. You were shyt-testing him. You wanted him to chase you, you expected him to chase you. Fight for you! You just admitted it!!

 

That is wrong, and trust me it's only within recent years, I learned that. I used to play that game too, and it's manipulative and controlling.

 

It just is amk, no question.

 

I think this RL is done for him. JMO.

[boltnrun]

I think you need to get over this "My parents said he should have chased me!!" mindset.

 

I mean, you are not in high school.

 

And I still hold to my belief (which you don't respond to), that you just want A BOYFRIEND and you convince yourself you "love" every guy you date because you want what you say everyone else in your life has. You don't want to be the only boyfriend-less loser.

 

But, you're not a boyfriend-less loser. You're the only one who thinks you are. That's why you chase after men who treat you dismissively, like "work guy". You want some male human to fill the role of "boyfriend" and eventually "husband" so you put up with all kinds of crap in order to try to get that.

 

Your goal should be meeting and having a relationship with the RIGHT man, not just anyone with a pulse. Be selective because this is your LIFE you're talking about.

[figureitout23]

Yeah i read it Kat, I think you were being overly critical. It comes off as everything is her fault, and it’s not, they’re both acting immaturely in this relationship.

 

Like I said her being wrong doesn’t suddently make him right.

 

She’s here though and he isn’t so yes she should be told hey those are very bad ways to act in a relationship.

 

BUT like you said it should have been over by her choice after he said what he said and then ignored her. He technically threw the first blow she threw the second and now he’s like “ok I’ll finish it”

 

This guy is bad news.

 

She has a lot to work on, a lot. And if she had ignored him for 3 days while he attempted to reach out to her ok, I think I could understand the stance you’re taking, admittedly I am not 100% clear on all 37 pages but you did just remind me of the crap he pulled on Thanksgiving.

 

This dudes showing a ton of abusive signs, I would hate for her to go back to him with her tail between her legs because of words said here.

 

Changing your way of thinking is SO important Alex. This could be SO bad. You gotta be single and work on your self esteem, there really is no other option.

 

When I first separated from my ex husband, I still had an ‘abused’ mindset, not that I deserved to be talked down to and treated bad, more like I expected it, I think an aura is kinda put off that just makes it easy to kinda dump on someone with low self esteem. I had a friend who would be so verbally abusive to me, and I never saw it, it’s as if it never sank in. Now I look back in shock that I accepted it. Overtime, gaining my confidence back, I learned to not let people dump on me.You kinda seem to pretend it’s not there.

 

I do hope you choose to leave this guy alone for you and work on yourself

 

If you don’t, the only advice I can give is accept the reality of all this,I’ve said that like 3 times already but that’s really the he only solution if you stay.

 

I don’t know that broken can fix broken if you’re both triggering each other ya know?

[katrina1980]

Fair enough fio, I realize that post was harsh, but my intention was not to make everything her fault cause I don't believe it is, but I do think she should own her role, if for no other purpose than to prevent this from happening again with the next guy.

 

And to clarify my thoughts on him, I think he was beyond immature, I think he is controlling, abusive, and like you said very bad news (putting it mildly), I am pretty sure I had stated that in previous posts.

 

I wish amk could see that too, but she's too blinded by whatever to see it, or perhaps doesn't want to see it because facing reality is just too painful for her deal with right now; she would prefer living in never-never land believing he's some fantasy god or something.

 

Which I can actually relate too believe it or not (i.e. my long term ex), which is kind of how I know and why I post what I do.

 

Anyway, no I certainly do not think everything is her fault, I think her response to him is her fault or her responsibility, and hope when things calm down and she feels better, she will recognize that and attempt to make different choices, again to prevent this from happening again.

 

Edit: Alex, I really hope you're reading and absorbing these posts, all of them. But if not now, than later when you feel better otherwise this same unhealthy pattern of attracting abusive and unavailable men will continue.

[Alex39]

My response, the not talking for three days?

 

Is my fault?

 

I can own up to that. I was so hurt. And "good morning" after saying you would leave me just made it worse.

 

I would have responded if he said I'm sorry

 

But I just thought he might have called and wanted to talk things out.

 

I think I was also a bit mad he didn't return my texts or calls the night before after the discussion about him leaving me. I kind of felt angry and almost didn't want to jump and answer him, since he didn't to me. I really thought he would try to reach me to make things better.

 

Anything else my fault?

 

I do see the error of ignoring him. I regret it and feel terribly that it could be the cause of our relationship being potentially over right now. It was out of spite. I should have been the better person and answered him. My parents felt like answering him, was me chasing a man who said he'd leave me. They encouraged me to not answer. I should have known better. They were upset and mad because I cried to them hurt all night.

[figureitout23]

My response, the not talking for three days?

 

Is my fault?

 

I can own up to that. I was so hurt. And "good morning" after saying you would leave me just made it worse.

 

I would have responded if he said I'm sorry

 

But I just thought he might have called and wanted to talk things out.

 

I think I was also a bit mad he didn't return my texts or calls the night before after the discussion about him leaving me. I kind of felt angry and almost didn't want to jump and answer him, since he didn't to me. I really thought he would try to reach me to make things better.

 

Anything else my fault?

 

I do see the error of ignoring him. I regret it and feel terribly that it could be the cause of our relationship being potentially over right now. It was out of spite. I should have been the better person and answered him. My parents felt like answering him, was me chasing a man who said he'd leave me. They encouraged me to not answer. I should have known better. They were upset and mad because I cried to them hurt all night.

 

They dont want their daughter to be with a guy who has her crying all night.

 

Not a shocker to me at all.

 

Why do you want to be with someone who makes you cry all night?

[katrina1980]

 

My parents felt like answering him, was me chasing a man who said he'd leave me. They encouraged me to not answer. I should have known better. They were upset and mad because I cried to them hurt all night.

 

Alex, please think about that for a second. He told you he was leaving, not taking you and planning to end the RL.

 

He may as well have broken up with you right there and then because that is essentially what he did, what he was attempting to tell you.

 

So I ask you, why do YOU feel guilty? Why are you blaming yourself? Why do you think you should be the "better" person and reach out to a man who essentially dumped you or was planning to dump you? And why on earth would you ever even consider going back to a POS like him?

 

Not just because of what he said (hell, at least he was honest when you asked) but because of everything, have you forgotten the mental abuse he subjected you to over Thanksgiving? And all the other times he's gone cold, kept you off balance, feeling like crap, crying? This RL is only five months old for goodness sakes!

 

I am not understanding your mindset here, I am truly at a loss. I mean it's right there in black and white, but you refuse to see it, why? Serious question.

 

You said you want a man who values you, do you think this jerk values you? Do you think him ignoring you now (ghosting you imo) is how a man who values a woman treats her? Do you think the way he treated you over Thanksgiving was valuing you? Not to mention all the other times he's gone cold and distant, ignored you, made you cry.

 

Again, not quite sure what you're thinking, you should be furious! You should be blocking him and deleting him, NOT blaming yourself and hoping he contacts you so you can go back to this mess of a man and RL.

[boltnrun]

Katrina, she thought she had finally found a husband.

 

Alex, finding a husband, any husband, should not be your goal. Your goal should be a healthy relationship where the two of you treat one another with love and respect at all times. Not a relationship where he's barreling back and forth between sweet, meaningless words and verbal abuse.

[katrina1980]

Katrina, she thought she had finally found a husband.

 

Alex, finding a husband, any husband, should not be your goal. Your goal should be a healthy relationship where the two of you treat one another with love and respect at all times. Not a relationship where he's barreling back and forth between sweet, meaningless words and verbal abuse.

 

And mental abuse. Certainly, going from hot to cold in the blink of an eye, ignoring (this is NOT the first instance), and all the other various mind games he has subjected her to within this very short five month RL would be considered mental abuse imo.

 

Alex, you've already been involved in one abusive RL. PLEASE do not go back there again, which if you go back to this bozo, you would be.

 

One would have assumed you learned, in fact when you posted about it on a different forum, I thought you had learned from it.

 

But yet, every single RL you've had since then has been dysfunctional in one form or another. Including this one, and already the signs of abuse of there.

 

I am really fearful for you right now Alex, which is why I am posting so much. You are heading towards very dangerous territory with him, emotionally, mentally and perhaps in time, physically. And given the totality of all that's gone down to date, I don't think I'm exaggerating.

 

I wish you were my friend locally, I would take you to a therapist myself, and I mean that sincerely.