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Jellybean9

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Jellybean9 last won the day on December 6 2018

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  1. Watchers by Dean Koontz is one of my favourite books of all time. I am about to start to re-read it this week as I've just found it when clearing my shelves. Can't wait to finish it all over again!
  2. Philadelphia - with my two favorite actors. Haven't seen it in years and just as moving watching it again!
  3. Okay this isn't a getting back together story as such but it could be if I wanted it to be... Now this thread was like a lifeline for me last September when my bf broke up with me. I know people say about false hope but I honestly think it gave me a chance to heal. Made me realise whether he comes back or not. I'll be okay and guess what I am! I went instant no contact after the break up last September. He did it over the phone so I felt I had no closure. Think I sent him an essay to get it all off my chest and told him to never contact me again and I never contacted him. For the record he was a lovely person minus the fact I had to live in secret with him from his family as his mum never approved. We were in our mid-twenties! His family aren't religious so the problem with his mum I'll never know but she was like this with her eldest son too. So all in all it wasn't by no means perfect. But I've always said if it wasn't for his mum it would have been an amazing relationship. He had the same core values as me. We shared so many similarities and we were litterally like best friends as well as lovers. Fast forward 8 months from the breakup. I'm a better person feeling some what healed. Yes he pops up in my mind from time to time but that was normal when I would see things that reminded me of him. One day going to work there he was at the train station. Shocked as he would never get that train. Funny enough I was running super late that day so it was all by chance meeting him. Then guess what... He only happens to need my train too. We stopped on the platform and spoke. It was bizzare. Got on the train and spoke some more. He got off the stop before me and hugged me goodbye. Now you can imagine by head is spinning as I can't believe what has just happened. I would say a solid 6 months after the break up I would have done anything to see him again. The hope he would text me was there again and the tempation to text him also re-emerged. The next week I had hoped to see him at the station again. He was only using the station for 2 weeks so by time his last week set in and I didn't see him I felt a little deflated. I kinda felt like the same girl after the break up who lived on this forum reading away. The day before his last day using the station I see him again. My heart lights up and we sit on the train again. Chatting away like nothing ever happened. As he is getting off his stop he hugs me goodbye and says we should do this again sometime and hopefully see you soon. Now I didn't know why I said it at the time but now know why I did but I said "hopefully not". I headed into work that day and went over and over as to why I said that. I had my chance I had been waiting for and ruined it by not hinting to meet again. As I knew him well enough to know that he would see it as please leave me alone and never contact me again. So his last day using my station... I get there in hope to see him again and maybe repair my "hopefully not" statement. But he is no where to be seen. Now when I had seen him the week before, when I got home I rooted around for his phone number and found it in an old address book. So that morning after not seeing him on the train I texted him something like "was a shame not seeing my train buddy this morning". He texted back instantly! Now this was a Friday. We had texted all weekend as if things were normal. Catching up about old friends. Even had a phone call on one of the nights. It felt like old times. Now the Monday of that weekend was a national holiday - we had arranged to meet up. The Monday came and I got doubts. Like I said texting him the weekend felt like old times. Reason being he hadn't changed in those 8 months. He was the same person. His mum situation hadn't changed it was all the same. The only difference was me. I had changed. I had become this confident outgoing women in his absence. I was going out more with friends and doing well at work. Things was genuinely going well with family and life in general. I was a new improved me in the 8 months away from him. The thought of meeting him and going back to that life before the break up scared me. Yes he was a nice guy but his situation was still the same. Seeing me Monday would have meant he would have had to sneak out and lie to his mum. A grown man at 26! I couldn't deal with that anymore. So I cancelled and dropped contact. We deleted each other's numbers and that was the end of things so it seemed. Fast forward to a couple weeks later. Yes it messed up my mind a little. I was thinking about him more than I had been in the last two months and maybe a slight temptation to text him crept back in but I didn't. One day out of the blue I get a Facebook message from him! Now he never used Facebook when I was with him. It was bizzare. He was checking in on how I was doing. I replied a couple days later, we messaged backwards and forwards. He asked for my number as he deleted it (didn't want the temptation to message). Which explains the odd Facebook message. What struck me was the fact he didn't even add me as a friend as he knew his family would see. So it hit me things hadn't changed! Anyway we texted all that day. It then arrived to the topic of meeting. I decided not to yet again. He respected that and we haven't spoken again since. I know it's not a getting back together story. But I do believe if I wanted to settle for being a secret from his family again we would have got back together. Would I of been happy? No! Deep down despite wanting to hear from him and being confused from seeing him. In my gut I knew as he was leaving the train that day I didn't want to reconnect as I said "hopefully not". I can't tell you if I would have been more inclined to meet him if the situation was different and I wasn't a secret from his mum. Like I said he was a lovely guy just the situation of being a secret wore us both down emotionally. Guess I will never know. Anyway the reason it's so detailed and explains all my thoughts was because this time last year I was you guys. I was clinging on to hope. All my thoughts and energy was focused on him. Focused on getting him back. I was so focused on the no contact rule. Even crafted the text I would have break the ice with. Guess what I never sent that text after the 30 days or 3 month period like your are meant to. I decided to focus on that engery on me. I'm not going to lie it took some time. It took me 8 months I would say. I'm so glad I met him after my transformation as this story would have been so different. Probably would have been back with him out of desperation and been really unhappy now. Right now I'm in a good place emotionally in terms of him and in terms of dating and being ready for a relationship. It goes to show that time away from a relationship can really make you realise why it didn't work out the first time around. I was so focused on making us work I damaged myself by being a secret in that relationship. Once I stepped out of it I knew I would never settle for that life again. So taking time out to reflect on the relationship is actually a good thing. You may find your promblem is fixable. Or like me you may see it as a deal breaker. All I can say is take some time to grieve and heal. Whatever happens, happens. Whether your ex comes back or they don't, you will be okay. I didn't think I would be but here I am writing this message a year after my break-up. Wish you all the best in your journeys :)
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