OmegaMan

Great Post Natalia, I admire your philosophy on life and your positivism. I enjoy reading your posts as they always shine with hope (if this makes some sense, well it does to me ). I was wondering, have you been able to maintain this perspective of life for a long time, or was it just one of those moments where you feel like life is great and all that? Would you tell me more of your life philosophy. Positivism is what I'm personally aiming for, I jump at opportunities that gives me a chance to achieve that. Write soon OMEGA man

First of all, I would like to thank you again, Shadow Dancer, and You Neva, for replying again. I will keep showing my appreciation for the replies I get because I don't want to take anything for granted. And so, although I know it also helped you in some way (which I am very glad of), know that this is helping me too. Building your own life philosophy is a work of a lifetime I realise, but also my greatest tool. I've found some answers (temporary one no doubt) to some of the questions I've asked myself, but I'm still wondering about the self-esteem issue. (By the way I've realised that I was using self-esteem in the wrong way. I have a problem with low self-esteem, not with self-esteem as such. I just wanted to mention that because I checked in my english dictionnary and discovered the meaning of self-esteem.) And so onward with this discussion, which, I must admit, interests me quite a lot. I will expect replies, but I might not get them I realise. Ok, let's go with Neva's perception of the situation: Ok, I will need some clarifications as english is not my first language (I've learned my english by reading books ). I have absolutely no idea of what big up means. It's an english expression I am not familiar with to be honest. And so you bring the concept of self-esteem in another direction. In a second dimension one might say. What I mean by that is that, according to this paragraph, self-esteem would come from achieving something which represents a personnal self-achievement. In other words, succeeding to something that is higher than your standards will grant you a good self-esteem. Let's say I was aiming for a 95% in an exam and get a 99% I will feel pride, whereas If I get a 80 % I will be disappointed. Which brings me to another point, someone with high expectations, high standards will find it harder to reach self-esteem than someone with lower standards? I don't understand that sentence, Sorry I am achieving my achieving for what? Could you re-formulate that so that I can understand it? Hmm.. a good question If I do say so myself. I think I am afraid that I might not be able to be in a situation where I'm satisfied with who I am. I get upset at myself because of that because I think I'm a great person and I can't seem to be satisfied with what I do, who I am. And what pisses me off the most, is that I see this bastard in one of my class who makes everyone unhappy but who's so proud of what he is. I personally he doesn't bring anything good to our society, only bad things, and yet he has some friends, although I don't know if they're good friends and he is going out with this nice, intelligent girl. This is what pisses me off. Mediocre people who are satisfied with who they are. Reactions like when someone doesn't study and he gets like a 60% and goes like, well that's fine, instead of wanting to do better next time. And so, to sum it up, I am afraid my high expectations will curse me to a life in which I don't like who I am, whereas I want to. Does this answer your question properly? Yeah, I would agree that fear comes when you make the mental effort of freeing yourself from fears and doubts. How to this I wonder, that's the hard part . Ok, here's an example: I've been drawing stuff since I was a kid. So I consider myself good at drawing. But then I see this person, younger than me, who draws like a god in heat, well I'll have a tendency to compare myself to him, to his talent, and draw the conclusion, that, after all, I'm not so good a drawing. I will tend have such an attitude with everything I'm good at at. Even today I wonder where this reaction is coming from. Indeed, but how can you judge a man if not by his actions? Self-depreciation, paranoia, susceptibility. Those are the main things I believe. If only I could understand where these feelings originate from. You think? I have the feeling most people would be afraid in some stranger came to them and just started talking. Maybe this is just one of my irrational ideas though, I will have to check it out I suppose. I'm not sure I understand this either (sorry). Would you mind quoting what I said just so I can make the link? That would be very nice of you as I would really like to understand everything you've said and mentionned. Not sure I understand... I don't want to overachieve if that's what you mean, but I'm stuck with the perception that I wil discover my value when I can achieve in as many things as possible. No, don't be sorry, the questions and me seeking for their answers is what it's all about. SHADOWDancer I suppose criticism and what other think is important in art. How to make an opinion I wonder.. By listening to other's opinion? That's a hard one to which I cannot answer... Yeah, I ask myself that all the time. I think I understant I will always have high expectations and aim to be better which will push me to act constantly to reach a very temporary satisfaction. I believe self-esteem is actually linked to self-acceptation which leads to self-confidence, good relationships, a loved one, kids and so on... But just how much self-acceptation can we allow ourselves? How can I drive this voice out of my head: I could've done even better? Was I right or what? Awesome, simply awesome. What's the difference though? Hmm.. so it's all about accepting to see who you are, or who you think you are, but still reach for self-improvement. This is all very complicated isn't? Wow, I would've never though self-esteem would be so complicated. It's the key though, the key to everything. According to the dictionary, low self-esteem is when someone doesn't have the feeling that he has some value. Is it really as simple as that? Are there really some worthless people out there? And If so, why do we start thinking that we don't have any value? I don't think this is my case, I KNOW I have value, it's all a matter of acceptiing it. Hope to read from you members soon, Omega Man \

To both of you, Sister and Shadow, I would like to thank you personally. The fact that, out of 20 something people, you two bothered and took the time to type something to make me feel better means A LOT to me. Gives me back some faith in some sense, faith in others. I can only hope others will join in, not so much for what they will say, but for the representations of their action. Actions speak louder than words, If I had to live by something, it would be that. For all you readers out there, I think self-esteem is a subject that isn't well understood by most. I also believe that most people do not have self-esteem. I think everyone would gain from sharing their view on the subject. I've certainly learned of what was said so far. Shadow I think satisfaction should last for only a moment. Long-term satisfaction is what confort is to our physical self. Too much psychological confort will make someone lazy and just act like: Oh I'm fine the way I am. No need to improve any further. But then again, shouldn't we always aim to be better? Who is happy is stagnation? I envy those who never ask themselves question, for by blinding themselves to reality, they can't feel insecurities. Certitudes drives men blind, but also provides them with a self-assurance I would long to get. I believe I will always ask myself question as to why this is that way, and why others things are the other way. I think thereforeeee I am, wasn't? I love your definition of self-esteem and I will try to apply it according to my own perceptions. Do you really think it can't be avoided? Isn't that what we should aim for, a comparison of no one but ourself? Come to think of it, I someone compares himself to himself, he will see his improvements and thus achieve pride in some sense? Also, that would a much more a rational and logical kind of comparison wouldn't? Here's a new premise I'm establishing here: Comparison is the ennemy of esteem. Surely you will find people who you judge worse than you are, but you'll find better ones too. Comparison leads to envy and jealousy, I will try not to compare myself, or too compare myself as little as possible as for now. I think I'll quote on you on this one, I'll try to keep this sentence in my mind for as long as I live. I would also tend to agree with you. So basically, self-esteem can only be attained by overcoming difficult things? And so anything that is easy should be done with whereas challenges should be constantly sought? Effort would lead to self-esteem, lazyness (the easiest way out of anything) would lead people to depriciate themselves. Maybe this is overly simplified, but I think it's reasonnable. I'll try your challenge thing, time to favor actions to word and thoughts. I too learn to love new things, I can never be satisfied it seems, but I'm not complaining about that, it gives some of my motivation to live, in order to learn new things, to fight back ignorance with everything I've got. So you are basically saying that peace comes from the acceptation of being restless? A complete paradox, but this might be possibly true. Yes, indeed, wise words, wise words I will have to accept that I am not satisfied with easy sex, easy humor, easy thoughts, easy tasks. I just have to accept it. Yes, maybe so. This is actually the truth, well, what I think to be the truth. I know I'm a very worthy person, I just feel like I don't fit in. I'm 22, I get along great with older people, 28 (and older), but I can't find some brilliant, beautiful girl my own age it seems. I realise I'm cursing my maturity, which doesn't make much sense, now does it? I have a lot of self-acceptation to do I realise. But then again, doesn't accepting something the best way to stop fighting for it, isn't there a danger to once again fall into passivity? Don't be sorry for your post, it was wondefully instructive. I believe it helped you, by ordering your thoughts, just like it helped me in many ways. Wil be eager to read your posts, shadow. Sister YEaH, agreed about happiness. I have the control over my perceptions, I know that, by I probably have to convince myself of that. I suppose you are right, I should go for constructive thoughts, why is it that finding what makes us feel bad is so much easier? I know, I know, but this requires such a TREMENDOUS MENTAL effort, doesn't? Am I the only one who find it hard to be positive? I will try to learn to be more positive towards me, I have very high expectations though.. we'll see . About the girlfriend: Oh but if only you knew how much I would crave for that. I'm telling you, If I see someone who is a bit spiritual and clever (no in the sense of a genius, but who just like to question herself and others) I will do my best to get her into my life. I've just gotten out of a 1 year relationship and I've realised something. I left her because it had gotten too easy, no more efforts, we just drifted on the current of time. I think making efforts is what I have to learn. I've been pampered quite a lot in my youth, now is the time to make efforts. Thank you once again, sis, I appreciate the fact that you always reply to my requests for advices, I appreacite you a lot for that. Omega Man Etienne

Long message, if you read, please leave a message about your ideas, thoughs, just about anything. That would show respect towards me and my situation and I would appreciate that very much so. Here's your chance to make someone feel better, it's up to you to seize it or choose the way of passivity: I don't think I have a lot of self-esteem just now, whereas I should. I've always had this problem with the concept of self-esteem. Do you believe that self-esteem is attained by achievments? For example having good grades, having numerous relationships, being great in arts, music or sports? I would evalutate myself as being intelligent, handsome, talented in arts, in some sports, not bad with music, well cultured, well educated, and caring for others. Only, not matter how much I DO, it never seems to be enough. My grades just now are not far from 100 % in every subject I study, yet I am not satisfied. How do you explain that? I still feel insecure about who I am, I still live with a lot of fear in my life. I spent a lot of time volunteering and just helping others basically, academically or simply by listening to others and giving advices. I've travelled all over the world, I've learned more than one languages, I've read more books than I can remember, I've had many girlfriends in my life, most of them beautiful and loving. I've also had good friends and no so good one. Why can't I find peace, how can I reach self-satisfaction? When will I find peace? I am aware I'm the only one who had control over my own thoughts, by this feeling, this negative, destructive feeling seems to creep on me before I can notice. I'm wondering wether it's about how much you do just now.. I've tried to be good in everything, and most of the time I manage to, but I'm still not satisfied. I get upset at myself for not being satisfied. I think, «You'Ve done so much, why can't you just be proud of who you are?» I feel stressed often, like I'm running to get something, but I don't know what. I often feel frustrated, as I want to express something, but it just stays impresonned inside. Then I get angry at myself for not having done what I felt like doing. I also do a lot of irrational comparisons, like I look for someone in everyfield in my life that beats me on one ground. Know what I mean? I often use comparison in destructive and illogical ways. I like what I study and have loving and caring parents. I often feel like drinking would get rid of those barriers and allow me to express freely who I am. I feel pressure, constrained by society's unwritten laws. I sometimes see a women I like, but can't find the strength to talk to her, not because I'm afraid of rejection, but because I feel like you just can't talk to strangers nowadays, and this saddens me. I should be proud of myself, I should have more good friends, and a beautiful girlfriend, only I don't. I am entitled to all of this and I feel like I'm a great person, maybe I need to know it. I don't approve and self-satisfaction. I despise people who says: I'm satisfied with who I am! How can they say that? There is so much to do, so much to learn, everyone is incompetant in something, shouldn't they want to constantly improve? The thing is, I think satisfaction is the worst enemy of motivation. I may sound not that satisfied with who I am, but by God I'm a very motivated person! I'm wondering If I can ever learn to ESTEEM who I am. I don't know why, there's like this barrier who prevents me to. I always feel I could be even more than who I am. I fear I'll always want to overachieve. Maybe the answer does not lie in action, but in thoughts. Maybe the answers to my quest lie in the spiritual. I do not believe in man's made religion, they go against reason. I don't know If I believe in a higher being. I'm not sure of anything actually, most of the time I wondering about everything and everything at once. I'm learning to concentrate on the present time, I am glad I've finally managed such a feat at my own age. but it doesn't solve my problem about esteem. THANK you for reading all of this. You, who are in front of your computer just now, please do not limit yourself to reading, take the time to write. I WILL FEEL BETTER about anything you have to say, just mention something, your ideas, your thoughts, they interest me very much so. I always try my best to help others around here, for those who know me, I feel like I deserve some help to, otherwise, what is it all about? Should a community be about helping one another so we all feel stronger? I always give back 100 times what I receive, do participate... Omega Man, Etienne

Why would it be bad? You shouldn't worry about that, I think it would be anormal if you didn't have any interest in nudity whatsoever. Omega Man

Wow, it depends, I don't know many guys who never checked out porn when they were younger. What can I say, it all depends on what you consider a problem. Could you give out more details? Like the frequency and as to why you think it's a problem? Omega

Can anyone help me out with this one? Do you know of any good ways to express frustrations? I mean by that to ventilate frustrations in non-violent or destructive ways? I'm a very rational person but sometimes, I come close to loosing my temper, it boils down inside but I usually manage to tame the beast as they say (well maybe nobody says it but I do). My neighbour is what is commonly known as a chronic whistler in the sense that he whistles all the time (very often). Tell me, is there anything more annoying and nerve grating that someone who whistles on and on and on? Think about it? IT DRIVES ME MAD!! I sometimes feel like I'm gonna bust in there, in his appartment and tell him to shut the hell up but that wouldn't solve much. But I don't want to carry this frustration over though, unexpressed frustrations turn people into aggressive persons, and I don't want to be that, but god the whistling ](*,) I hope good advices will come on this one. Nothing that has to do with breathing please, It doesn't work with this kind of irritant. Omega Man,

Hmm.. I know this isn't the point but if you love someone shouldn't you be proud of your loved one success and intelligence? And which job do you like the most? The arts one or the brned out one? Which will come with practice, just like anything else, wouldn't you say? ARE you sure of that? Has he mentionned it clearly to you? Remember, assumptions are the mother of all f*ck ups. Well, I don't believe intelligence disappears just like that, so I think that you're still a smart woman. As far as successful, maybe you'll become better in the new job than you used to in the other. As far as making money (you live in USA?) It depends on each and every person, but liking someone because he makes money is a time-set bomb. It will blow up in your face in the future. But that's not reasonnable (in the sense that there's no reason in that). I mean, he married you because he wanted you. He didn't want a regular housewife, period. Do you limit yourself to your job? You are so much more than that!! I can understand he feels upset, but you have the right to do what makes you happy in your life. This decision will be up to you and it won't be an easy one. Did you ever ask yourself why money had such importance in your life? It seems like the quantity of money and money in general seems to occupy your thoughts quite a lot, why is that? Advice on how to save my marriage? Ah my god, you were brainwashed. I don't know if you brainwashed yourself or your husband did, but what you just typed there feels like it was driven in your mind with a sledgehammer! I honestly hope you do not believe the bad things you've typed about you. There is one thing that is unacceptable, it is to degrade you so. Shouldn't you to your best to valorise yourself instead?

I would tend to agree with Alien, you my friend, have some guts! =D> =D> =D> It takes a lot of courage AND self-confidence to talk to some girls in the mall. Keep on trying, gives me some motivation to do what you did! Omega Man

Great!, glad it helped, you know identifying your problem is half-solving it. Omega Man

Hello Moore, I don't know if this will help you out to make a decision, I can only hope so. The loss of a human life is a tragic event, but the loss of life provoked by the very person who died is disastrous. A friend of mine commited suicide a few years ago. He had everything for himself but he was schizophreniac. He somehow managed to escape the mental asylum and jumped off a bridge in a shcizophreniac crisis. I'm telling you man, his death had the impact of a bomb, a nuclear bomb on his close friends. His brother hasn't gone over it and it has been years. And her mom, god her mom. They loved each other so much him and his mom. She would've died a thousand times for him, he was everything in his life. She always saw the death of her son as a failure, even though it wasn't her fault. No one was ever able to convince her otherwise. She quit her job and aged terribly and she is on pills from that day on. She is a lifeless shell, beyond depression I think. Think about your mom, there's nothing worse that could happen to her but to loose her own son, the very essense of her life. God, suicide if such a mess, it's only a matter of time and then things start looking up, that's the only absolute in life I'm sure of. I think you should try anything, make everything you want BUT not this. C'mon man, I don't know you and I probably shouldn't give a damn but I do. I can't accept that good people take their life away, it's against everything logic I stand for. Please hang on, Omega man

Do you like yourself? Do you think you're someone exceptionnal, great, unique? Are you proud of yourself? If the answer is no to any of those question, you've got your answer right there, the very reason why you're shy. Saying no, will bring another set of questions: What makes me such a great person? What have I done that I'm proud of? etc.. Answering those questions will drive the shyness away (with time) If you said yes to all, I see no reason why you shouldn't go for it. So you see, only you hold the solution and the answers you seek. Omega Man

I say, convince her not to let the fear of failure motivate her, fear isn't a motivation in most if not all cases. If you love each other go for it. Etienne

I don't know what we find in the answer chest, except probably a different answer for each one of us, as there probably as many truth out there as there are humans Amen to that! [-o I take it you mean this in a general sort of way, in the sense that you consider that the majority of women won't take the back seat. Which I suppose is truer now than it was before. But to what extent I wonder? I don't agree with that. I know you'll say there are exceptions, but that's a given in any situation. I'm studying to become a social worker so In a field dominated by women. Well, you would be surprised as to how many of them would rather have sex and express themselves that way than communicate. This is probably because the Roles aren't as strict and defined as they used to. I believe one consequence of that is women who adopt previously categorised men behaviours, such as having sex instead of talking. I think we all know someone who acts that way. My point is, there are no absolutes, more importantly, I believe that as time goes by, no, in our current modern time, the roles are getting less and less defined to the point the roles are getting mixed up between both men and women. I think this will be more and more dominant with time. My thoughts on the subject. I really enjoy those conversations, there should be a section about philosophical debates on enotalone. Neva That's a shame, I hope you didn't take any of what he thought seriously. I believe that we should only pay attention what other think if we respect them. Why should we care about someone thinks about us, if we know for a fact that the intentions are malevolant or disrespectful?

Hello there, Would you mind being clearer as to your opinion of the role of men and women are in your reply? I can't quite make out what it is... Thank you in advance... Neva I suppose this discussion has been erased right? I have to admit you kind of aroused my curiosity as to what was said in the discussion you are referring to. Omega Man [-o

You shouldn't, you've pushed the discussion to another level, and that, In my opinion, is what discussions should be all about. Why shouldn't it become a debate? Is it your moral premise that debates have to be disrespectul? I wouldn't agree, I love how people think differently from one another. And when two opinions clash, there's some good chances that both sides will change some of thier life phiosophy for the best. In order to answer to this question, to the best of my knowledge, I will quote certain passages from one of my earlier post. This proves my first point when it comes to social roles, enough with the stereotypes. If some people would feel like adopting certain generaly adopted kind of behaviours, fine. But as for those who don't fit in wth a certain kind of role, please don't. I know it's not the issue here, but I've seen to many people lose their identity in the so-called norm. The previous paragraph could be resumed to what Gilgamesh mentionned: Although I wouldn't go as far as say that you can't have any expectations as to what the roles of the opposite sex might be. I thinks it's natural to have certain kind of non-rigid expectations towards member from the opposite sex. Or as Gilgamesh said: Sums it up pretty well. As far as physical differences go, I think some biological (thus psychological) traits facilitates certain kind of behaviour. In the sense that men might be more enclined to work in certain jobs whereas women might be drawn toward others. Same things with so-called roles (which sounds give of strict). Well, I suppose it depends on how your perceive equality. I strongly believe women will be equals to men someday. Actually, considering the high rate of school drop out among men, and a very high rate of education among women, women might actually have the upper hand at some point. And then men will unite just like the women did to bring back a relative equality. I believe equality should be the main concern of feminists. I sometimes have the feeling that they want to go beyond equality and occupy a position of higher power. This tends to get on my nerves. As far as role for men, I've read a lot of clichés here about some men behaviours. I think this is the consequence of the disappearance or the weakening of well defined role. Men now find themselves confronted by a context in which they have to find out who they are by themselves. Some, the majority I believe, will tend to favor stereotypes and then, with time, decide wether or not those stereotype fit in with what they actually are. That's all I have to say on this very interesting topic I honestly hope more people will participate in this discussion and share what they think with the world. Omega Man

Are you sure it's pee? Maybe you're one of the lucky women who can ejaculate Omega

Hello materia, I loved your quotes and so I decided to reply to this as this is something I can relate to and thus understand. I can completely understand how you say you like being funny. Here's what I think, if you consider funny, why not crack a joke just to break up the ice? How would you feel about that? I requires guts but humor is the key to all relationships I think. Then it would only come easier for you to be funny and feel good and comfortable with people. Why is it that he best of us always seem to bout themselves? I think the future lies not with those who believe to know the answers, but rather in those who are constantly troubled with questions. It's pretty hard to be satisfied at any one point, but it's up to you to decide wether or not you are fine the way you are or want to wait later on. The problem is, as time goes by, you'll always wait to be ``better`` to allow yourself to have some self-esteem. See where I'm getting at? Don't wait, see yourself as something in becoming. Don't give yourself the right not to like you. YOU are the masters of your thoughts, LEAD them. And you know what? You were probably pissed off afterwards because you didn't allow yourself to be who you are. I'm pretty sure at time you wanted to be yourself, as if your very being was about to come out right through your mouth but you held it back.. and felt bad afterwards. Self-affirmation, that's what it's all about. Shyness is the wall that's preventing you to be who you want to be, time to break down that wall. I kind of smile when I read the whole story about pink pyjamas . I thought it was just a funny situation, in fact, some time from now, you'll probably talk about this event and laugh about it. You said you wish you had confidence, tell me though, who can decides wether you have it but you? I can understand that. Girls have problem with their weigth and it's turning into a societal flail. I don't think anything I say will change anything about this one. Next time around, why don't you concentrate on what is said then think about what you look like? I act like that sometimes and I can't come up with something to say. But It's not because I don't have anything to say, it's because I think of what I'm going to say next and instead of following my instinct. I think it's hard not be ourself because we don't want anyone not to like us, so we rather stay neutral than be ourself, that way, there are no risks involved. But how can someone like someone who is neutral? Jst be yourself, some people won't like how you are, but that's their problem, you can't start changing to everyone's standards can you? Some people will love you for what you are though, and that's what's great about it. This is pure bliss to me eyes. Wonderful and quite a display of courage. You're right, they can make opinions and judgements, but does it really matter after all? As they are judging something that you aren't, so, come to think of it, why should you care. I think this will help you if you decide it can. Omega Man, Etienne

Hello there, Hmm.. depending on your age, chances are some will be repaired and vanish with time. If you still have some acne, try Acutane, it's very chemical and strong and it does have some pretty severe side effects but it works. You have to have a note from your doctor in order to get it. Omega

You know what, I think you already know the answer to this one. Otherwise you wouldn't have mentionned being too eager in topic's title Omega

Here's what I think about being nice. I think you have to aware that you are being nice for reason. The question is, which reason would that be? Because, when you think about it, you don't actually HAVE TO be nice to other people, that's just something you decided to do yourself. If you're being nice and saying sorry all over the time because you do feel it's your fault, I see no wrong in that. But if you are being nice just so everyone likes you, i don't think that's a good idea. It's hard to accept but nobody can please everyone. We all have someone we dislike just because he is what he is, and that is our right, freedom of thoughts, freedom of speech. What I'm basically saying is, give you the right to be who you are. It's gonna annoy some, disturb some but that's their problem, not yours. I don't really believe in excessive kindness anymore. I think it's just some easy way to get people to like you without being yourself (I'm not talking about you you, I mean in the general sense of the term). I say be yourself, and if they don't like it, screw them. Their intolerance of difference is their problem, not yours. Intolerance of others led to some of humanities worst disasters, so I say be yourself, if that means saying your sorry for everything, fine. If this gets on their nerves, well too bad for them, they just have to deal with it or look for someone who's perfect. Nobody is, and I would be damn if someone came up to me and said: Hey, speak slower, it gets on my nerves. If you don't I will not get to know you. To sum it up, be yourself. If some things you do, gets on your nerves, then you're welcome to change it. [list=]But please, don't it just because someone tells you to They have no right to impose their freedom over yours. Yours, Omega

Right on! \ \ Hope it works out for you! Etienne

Thanks for both replies. I think replying to other people's post is the best way to assure that, they, in the future, also reply to other people's post, and so on, and so on. Russia: First of all, I would like to thank you for your time and concern. This is appreciated and know that should you ever need advice, I'll do my best to help out. Well the parking does cost me something as It's part of my rent. You're right, I will kick her out. She's not bringing me anything but negative perspectives. I've had enough on this one. The problem with being nice is that you always try to understand people and try not to get upset. But enough is enough, she is the weakest link, and she has to go. I do have some very good friends, I don't even see why I bother with her in the first place. It's funny because my life is based on logic, and being friend with someone who makes me feel bad is hardly logic at all now is it? Lol, love the equation (the mathematical one ). That's actually very simple and yet quite true.. quite true. Very interesting, thanks! Doormouse Thank you for your advice and your interest. I agree with your suggestion that I become more assertive, and by god It will come with time. I realize it is quite hard to be free to be what we want to be nowadays. I think I'm afraid of the reaction other will have. I feel better though when I say what I think openly then silently nod to something I disagree with. I have to be honest though, I did offer her my parking space in the first place. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed that she would give me something back in exchange, I should have said flat out what my intentions were, I will next time. As for the whole relationship issue, I'm afraid my post wasn't as clear as it could have. Here's a better explaination of how it went: The Characters Some names were modified to assure confidentiality. Me, Etienne (the good guy O Gen, my friend Ann, Gen's friend which I think is awesome Nicolas, the violent guy, i.e. the bad guy Marie, my ex-girlfriend, who got physically abused by Nicolas 1.Marie went out with Nicolas for 7 years of suffering and violence. 2. I met my friend Gen and we became close quickly 3. Gen talked me about her friend Ann who was dating Nicolas. I investigated and as it turns out, it was the same Nicolas that hurt Marie. 4. I warned Gen and she asked me to talk to Ann, which I did. But this was her first contact with me, like me warning her about her boyfriend. 5. Ann finally believed me and ended her relationship with the guy 6. Time went bye. But from that day on, we always felt uneasy being together Ann and I, which is a shame as I saved (don't take the term literally) from violence and suffering. I feel like I'm not getting an appropriate behaviour coming from her. Am I right? Couldn't she at least have mentionned something about it? Maybe she just feels bad that I know what happened to her. Who knows? So, I hope this make more sense. I don't know how to dissipate this not at ease feeling. Etienne

I don't know if you're crazy but if that's you on the picture you're certainly very pretty. Yours, Omega Man

Hello all, got some perspective advice to share? Read this one, It's complex but I'm sure some of you will see clearer in this than I do. I'm not in such a great mood today though. You know I'm a very nice person. Why am I that way? I don't know, comes naturally, I don't like being an ass to other people. I sometimes feel people will tend to take advantage of that. I tend to give quite lot, my time, my possessions, my advices or whatever. I'm not being negative in any ways, I respect the fact that I'm sad to today, and I'm living this emotion to it's fullest, probably will go away quicklier that way. The reason I'm feeling bad is this friend I have. She always makes me feel bad about me. I didn't notice at first, but she always (very often) tends to me make me feel bad about me. I think that's because she feels bad about herself. But the thing is, I'm too nice to tell her to shut up or to tell her straigth out that she isn't acting like a friend. I also lend her my parking at my appartment so she can save money. But the thing is, every once in a while, I take a ride with her to Quebec (from Chicoutimi) and she charges me the same price as everyone else. Isn't it strange that I'm paying as much money as everyone else when I lend her my parking for free so she can save some? This upsets me very much so, yes very much so. I wish I was meaner sometimes, more of a badass. The same situation happened with another person I met in the first semestre, he took advantage of me and made me feel bad about me, still I stuck with him. Where's the logic behind that? I don't want to be hangry, this resolves nothing. I don't want to hate either. I'll just try to avoid her more often I think. A shame some people act like that, isn't? Why do they? Why do they think that putting people down will make them feeling any better. Also, I've met this girl recently. She's very beautiful, intelligent and talented. I think I'm in her league, but I often feel insecure next to her. Then I get upset at me for being insecure. It's like I know she can feel it and that pisses me off as I have the feeling I've failed with her and it's too late now. Come to think of it, I'm quite confident with women I'm not interested in, but for those I like, I'm lost for words. Anyone else feels that way? I went to dinner with that girl and her friend, and I was fine then, I made the whole crowd laugh and she touched me quite often and I heard this was a sign of affection somewhere. Here's some more information. I didn't use to know this girl but my friend of mine talked to me about her. My friend, let's call her x, mentionned she was going out with this guy, y, but I knew this guy physically abused women. So I went straigth to her (the girl I like) and told her she was in danger. All in all, I managed to get her out of a very bad situation. Unfortunately this made our first meeting odd. This feeling of uneasiness carried on, since the first time we met was very special. I know she thinks I'm very handsome and funny too. As shit, why does it stays there Goddamit. That is all, readers, if you feel like you have some opinion on the situation, do type it here so I can get some perspective on this whole situation. I've done my best to help other members to the best of my knowledge, but this time around, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do about this one. I'm usually able to find my own solutions, but I'm confused here. Is it too late for the girl I like? Should I get rid off my so-called friend? Should I talked to her about it? Thank you so much for anything you have to say, Etienne, aka Omega Man