Natalia Dolce

I just read a post from someone wondering if it was dangerous to have unprotected oral sex, in which one allows their partner's semen to enter the mouth. I was amazed that the replies gave the green light to unprotected sex, saying it was totally safe. WRONG! It may be possible for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases to be spread through any kind of sexual contact, be it oral, vaginal, or anal. Protecting oneself is thereforeeee extremely important! I know everyone is giving out advice in good faith, but we have to remember that in instances which directly involve our health and well-being, advice off of any unscientific forum should not be taken at face value as factual or accurate. Type 'HIV and Oral Sex' into the search engine link removed, and read up on the topic from websites of respected medical and public health associations, such as the Centers for Disease Control. One thing EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW IS THAT UNPROTECTED SEX, IN ANY FORM, IS POTENTIALLY LIFE-THREATENING! Read up on STDs, HIV/AIDS, and risk factors. Do it for your own health. If we don't have our health, what do we have? Be SAFE PLEASE! Sincerely, NATALIA

I don't know what you guys are talking about. Of course swallowing semen is dangerous. What makes you believe it isn't? It is certainly possible to contract HIV from an HIV-positive person's semen. If you have any open cuts, sores or lesions in your mouth or on your lips, bodily fluids such as semen or blood from an HIV-infected individual can certainly put you at risk for contracting the virus. HIV causes AIDS, and AIDS has no cure. Be safe when you have sex in any form--vaginal, oral, anal, God knows what else people do out there. The bottom line is you have to watch out for your own health, and if you didn't realize the truth in what I've just said, you desperately need to do a little STD research. It's as easy as typing "AIDS prevention" or something similar into a search engine such as link removed. BE SAFE PLEASE!! NATALIA

How do you start on top? If you are kissing each other, get into his lap and straddle his lap, facing him. It might take a little guiding, but it is fairly simple to get going. Apparently this position can be most advantageous to the gal because you can grind onto him as it feels best and you can also control how deep he goes. As the girls before me mentioned, you may want your partner to hold onto your hips and keep you close. How to make it enjoyable? Just let go and enjoy yourself. Don't be self-conscious, move how you feel best. One tip I've heard is to sit back a little and rest your rear against his pelvic bone/upper thighs, allowing him a view of your nether regions, so he may be at liberty to increase your enjoyment using whatever faculties he has handy. Most importantly, as long as you love and trust your partner, anything goes. Even if you don't know exactly what you're doing, your partner will surely be glad you're trying. And remember that although sex is natural, most people have to work at their skills in the bedroom. It's all about learning what feels comfortable and right between yourself and another person, in the most intimate and personal way. NATALIA

I was a member of my friend's wedding party today. As she and her fiancee exchanged vows, I felt really heartened about the power of caring relationships and Love. An old boyfriend I had five years ago was there with his wife. It was really neat to be able to say 'hello' to him and not act strange in the situation. A male friend I've secretly held a torch for for years will remain just my friend. I realized yesterday that I cannot change his view of me, and I cannot torture myself hoping for a change of mind, any longer. I write today to remind everyone: Our lives are too precious and not long enough to fret over unrequited love, finding love, abusive and dysfunctional relationships, or arguments with our friends and special ones. I've learned that no amount of advice seeking or late-night helpless hoping will make things happen for me. And the sooner you realize this as well, the sooner you see that you need to be an active player in your own life, going for what you want, putting yourself in positive situations to increase your chances of finding someone or something you desire....the sooner you can start to live. Regain power over your own emotions and behavior. The best feeling is liberating yourself and moving forward from all your subconscious restraints. NATALIA

I don't know much, but I think you probably need to show her you're trustworthy and you have her best interest in mind. Let her feel like you're there for her. Ask her about her feelings, tell her yours. Be honest with her, tell her what you think about her and the relationship and your hopes for it. Make her feel cared about by listening and being available to her in that manner. Getting a girl to let down her barrier takes something more complex than little gifts and cards, though those show thoughtfulness. It sounds like she may be lonely, and thinks you are a nice guy, but is afraid to let you down. She may not know what she wants, so soon after having that other relationship. If you really have strong feelings, let her know that you like her enough to help her through her confusion, whether that means to keep a friendly spin on things, or more distance, or even making the bond more intense. Just do what you both decide is best. The only way you can determine this is to have frank and open conversations. Hope you've found the love of your life! NATALIA

I'm so sad and lonely. My good friend from high school is getting married tomorrow and I just got home from the rehearsal dinner. We're out of college, in our twenties....I'm not feeling right in my current relationship and I know it won't go into the future. I'm just so disappointed that I haven't found the kind of love they have. Seeing them together makes me smile but it almost hurts too. What do I do.

What is the big rush to be married? You love each other, you want to be together forever, etc etc etc. Well guess what? If your love is that intense and that lasting, it will continue to Be even if you delay the actual marriage. Why not wait a few years? Grow up a little more together. Learn more about yourself, too. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. Why can't you be together in a dating sense, strengthening your relationship? And then, at some point in the future, if your feelings still are there, get married? I just don't understand the rushing into marriage thing many people do. If you've got to rush to marry, like you're going to lose everything if you don't, it seems that your relationship is far from being marriage material. Good luck. Even if your family and friends are praising this future wedding and think it's the neatest thing ever to happen, if YOU ARE HAVING DOUBTS IT IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME!

Listen, your ex is one of those sponges who thinks the whole world owes him everything, for whatever reason. And now that he doesn't have you to live off of, the person who has been overly generous and probably too forgiving, he is going to try every trick he can to guilt trip you back into his hands. You don't need that, and you already know it. Who wants a needy, unstable appendage? You have children of your own, and yourself to put at top priority. If this man had any merit, he would have given you at least what you've given him, and it sounds like he's not that type of person. So, he's threatening to kill himself? It is a mind game. He knows you have cared, and he's trying not to lose you. Forget him! You are so much better off being single if that is what a relationship has to offer. Hold out for someone who helps support you emotionally, physically, financially, etc. Hold out for a real man. And don't feel guilty if you don't hold his hand in his pathetic attempts for pity. I'm afraid all he wants is control. And remember, any guy who is that helpless as to be nothing without another person, has a lot of work to do in their own life, and fortunately it really has nothing to do with you. If, God forbid, he would kill himself (which I am almost totally convinced he isn't really thinking about doing), it means he had much deeper problems than you ever could have caused. NATALIA

Don't think that your fluctuating comfort level with socializing is weird. In your last post it sounded like you were describing what I do. Just realize that everybody has their own way of doing things, including talking to the opposite (or same) sex or just being sociable. Some people are outgoing and not intimidated by anything. Others are quiet and prefer to avoid conversations. Then there is the wide spectrum that lies between. You, my friend, are somewhere in the wide range of normality, even if you feel like you are abnormal. Just do what is comfortable to you. A workable way to change a behavior is to do it at your own pace, identifying what you did and didn't like about how you responded to a social situation, and then looking at how you'd like to be. It's difficult when you overanalyze your every move while you're in action. I understand how it feels, being hyperconscious of your words, your mannerisms, your appearance--everything that inevitably makes you lose confidence and feel like a social failure, and then want to clam up and walk away! But I encourage you to step outside of yourself and focus on the other person, rather than You. Don't concentrate so much on what you're going to say, or how you must appear to this person, or how they might be perceiving you. Just imagine that each person you meet is glad to be talking to you and likes you. Feigning confidence is just about as effective as actual confidence in these situations. If a person seems to be comfortable and cool on the surface, I know that I seem to subconsciously respect them more and be more receptive to what they say. So... even if you're burning up inside with insecurity or embarrassment, try your best to ACT like you're confident in yourself. You might be able to gain more confidence doing that, by the more positive and reassuring responses you'll receive. And if all else fails, remember, you're totally OK as is!! There's nothing wrong with being variably sociable. I bet there are many more people like that than we think. NATALIA

Thanks, you guys are all so great. Your input helps so much. And Shyguy, thanks! I like my name, too. NATALIA

I think you're also after the novelty of this guy, and so it's easy to stay infatuated. You haven't been able to spend enough domestic moments with him to realize he's not some legendary god-being or untouchable magic genie...haha...Seriously though, I understand you exactly and it's just funny how we spin ourselves into these unhelpful obsessions. If you honestly feel something could take flight with military guy, by all means, let your feelings be known! But only you know if the potential exists there. If it's only a fantasy, maybe just accept that you can keep fantasies within your head as a fun and sexy escape, but they are not to be confused with reality. NATALIA

Darling, I think you know the answers to your questions already, you just want someone to say that running off with the magical military man is your best bet and will result in a lifetime of love and wonderment! Unfortunately, no one knows that the more romantic and fairytale-like route will work out in the end. I loved my military friend for years as well, meanwhile I had a loving and present and devoted boyfriend who just didn't provide the same magic. I lusted after my friend and this sucked a lot of energy out of my Real relationship, but it was like an addiction, I just couldn't stop dreaming over this hilarious, hot and neat friend. If you're unhappy with your boyfriend, inform him of your quest for spice. Let him help make things better. If you don't find him attractive, start exercising with him, or help him dress differently. If you think he doesn't understand you as well, communicate more. If you think he doesn't share as much in common with you as the male friend, ask him to come with you next time you're doing what you enjoy. If you really want this friend of yours, go for him, but don't be surprised if it lacks the major components of a trusting and real relationship, as you have already pointed out this guy cannot offer you the stability and support you need. You need to clear your head. Figure out what you really want, and what consequences you're willing to deal with. I don't think it is OK to continue in a relationship that isn't completely fulfilling, but nothing will be perfect, so you've just got to know your priorities. If you want adventure and uncertainty and magic and lust, go for that. If you want stability and comfort and status quo, go for that. If you want something else entirely, do so. You've got to live your life the way which works for you. Do what is right and intelligent for yourself, and hopefully those are the things that make you happy and leave the smallest trail of hurt. Good luck girl, I'm really hoping you can figure things out. NATALIA

Thanks to all who have answered, I will see if he'd be willing to try some "sexy" lighting, and maybe I'll ask him why he would like to turn the lights out. I probably am overreacting, but I think he's so sexy, I'd at least like to connect with him visually somewhat. Thanks again, and more input is welcomed gratefully!

I care a lot for my boyfriend. However, I don't think he appreciates my physical entity enough. I am a petite clothes model, and I am in-shape and in my opinion, a sexy person. My current squeeze is a very serious, structured person, he's not into having sex before marriage for one reason only--an untimely baby would forever wreck and ruin his life goals and plans. He's pretty sexual at night, he seems to be physically into me, but somehow he seems to hold back too. He turns off the lights a lot. Most guys seem to want to leave them ON so they can see the action unfolding. This is troubling because: One time he told me he'd be in a relationship with either a woman or a man, it didn't even matter gender as long as that person was right and it was love. However, he did say he's only sexually attracted to women, and he'd feel strange doing things with a guy. He has joked around with me that I could be a guy in the dark. And he likes to play around in a doggy style position (no sex like I said), but he does enjoy touching my all-female region up on top. I feel pretty sure I would only like heterosexual relationships, and the same out of any man I love, so this confusion puzzles and worries me. And now, I just wonder if at night he's wishing he were with a man, in the dark, he can't see my face, in the dark, skin is skin! He isn't very experienced in relationships, being younger and all, and he was very smart and didn't fit in with the immature crowds of high school. So maybe this is just residual low self-confidence showing up in the bedroom, or just the way he prefers to do things? I just want to feel sexually and physically attractive to him, but I can't be sure. Can people feel very attracted to their partner without acting over the top about it? Or is there a problem? Like, could he perchance, be more attracted to the male form? Thanks, NATALIA

You leave much to the imagination, but I will try to help. It can be very hard to tell to what degree someone "likes" you from their behavior, depending upon age, maturity level, personality, gender, and normal mannerisms, among numerous other things. I guess you need to go with your gut feeling. When this person is around, how do they respond to you? Does this person look into your eyes a lot and smile, or conversely, do they look at you, and shyly look away sometimes when you are talking, with a pleasant look on their face (not of anger/disdain/other more negative expression)? Do they make as much as an effort as you to be in contact, do they initiate times spent, do they treat you well all the time? From my point of view, when someone likes a person, be it their longtime friend or a new person, they try to put their best foot forward, try (if they are mature) to be polite and kind to the object of affection, may act somewhat shy or embarrassed when around that person in fear of looking stupid or giving a bad impression, may try to make the other laugh more or work some other behavior of their personality to impress or 'woo' the other person. These are just some ideas. NATALIA