adahy

Yeah, totally agree w/ Superdave. I like to cook also, but it is usually just for myself..so if it doesn't turn out great, it's no big deal. However, if I'm cooking for a girl I like, it makes me a little nervous and stressed....I don't take it lighty. For me, cooking is a personal thing...and choosing to share that is I sign I really like someone. There are exceptions...some guys are really confident in the kitchen and used to cooking for others. However, in general, most single guys aren't used to it...it is an effort of sorts for most guys (we don't do it for anyone) and definitely a compliment as Superdave mentioned. I agree w/ other details such as candles and wine. I'm a bit of a wino, but I NEVER break out candles unless a girl is coming over...specifically one that I like.

That he's hoping for some dessert. If a guy invites you over, it is a positive gesture. It means he had to clean up, clean the toilet, etc. Cooking on top of that....I'd say he likes you!

Just sounds like it's about someone on a 'rampage' of sorts. Someone w/ no clear direction (maze) that has closed people out. People are trying to reach him/her but the 'door is closed'...they are shut out. So, the 'rampage' continues....and don't interfere, or they will shut the door on you. Heck if I know. Poems are intentionally cryptic.

Mutual funds. With the money you're "saving" each month, you need to be purchasing more shares not sitting on it (you're actually losing money)...keep reinvesting and have it automatically withdrawn each month.

Well, if it is any comfort you aren't the only one that's been there. I dated a girl similar to this once. I gave and gave, compromised and compromised, but it was never quite enough...and nothing was ever 'really' appreciated. Yes, she would lie about going out w/ girlfriends, etc. It doesn't feel good and I 'rolled with it' for far too long. Ultimately, I just left and didn't contact her again. It was the only way I could free myself. Looking back, I think I kept staying around because I wanted her to appreciate me, not because I really liked her or the situation. We were just in different places. It was great when I got away from it all!! One thing with your GF - she is still very young. Some of that behavior is expected when turning 21, etc. But, she still hasn't treated you very well from what you say. Personally, I think you've compromised yourself too much. Go back to school if you have to (or whatever) and get yourself back on track first. You're off balance...chasing a girl to new cities, having to guess what she's doing, etc. That's hard livin' for a man. I'd take a step back and "regroup". Forgive your mother...if she's paying for your car in mid to late 20's, just consider the stop-payment 'tough love'. Also, if you aren't financially independent or stable, I probably wouldn't be rushing to get married. All I can say is...if this person doesn't make you happy...nuff said. You might still love her, but you've gotta think about you. Don't let this woman be your ruin...emotionally or otherwise. Get yourself on track first and better days lie ahead for you! Good luck.

I'm in an artistic related profession as well, and I have great disdain for professions like insurance & finance...or any profession that doesn't produce or create anything, merely sponging and shuffling other people's money around. Somebody's gotta do it I suppose, but if you hear those types talk they actually believe they contribute something meaningful to society...it's hilarious really. They contribute less than a garbage man, who unfortunately doesn't get near enough respect. Sorry....just my own personal rant!!!

If it is a girl I like, I never worry about my own pleasure the first time (or few times). Often, I just zone in on the C & G spots with tongue an hands...no penis required. Plenty of other spots as well...nipples, neck, etc. If you start worrying about 'you', then you aren't going to be focused on 'her'. Unfortunately, there is a lot of pressure placed on men regarding their size....by both men and women. However, your size is something you can not control or change, so don't worry about it. Yes, there are "size queens" out there but they're mostly all {Mod Edit}, so don't worry about it. Unless you like that kind of girl?? I have average length/girth (not large), yet my current GF has a big vagina (shes had a few kids and such). Yeah, I wish it was tighter a fit but we have no problems giving each other pleasure, thru penetration or otherwise. One of my guy friends constantly brags about his "largeness" (supposedly a thick 10). Pretty good looking guy, however in the 4 years I've know him, he's been with 2 girls. He was with the 1st girl once and the 2nd girl three times. So, although he's got a big one, he apparently isn't getting it done in other departments. A big one alone doesn't make you a good lover. Good lovers focus on the one they're with, not themselves. Make her feel like the sole object of your desire, and you should make her happy. Hesitation and insecurity suggest you aren't overcome w/ desire....and it spells doom.

I wouldn't be so sure. There's likely some "stroking" they'd both like to do and it's not the ego! Let's be realistic...we don't spend time around people we don't like. There are lots of men and women I respect professionally (and even like as people), but I don't go out of my way to hang around them on a personal level. Sure this girl enjoys the attention. But, girls don't enjoy attention from guys they don't like! Business or not. You can shower a girl w/ all the attention you want, but if she isn't into you it is a major turn off....and vice versa. Also, if you don't think women pursue married men, you better think again. Many women (some I even know) love going after married men. It's a game, it's empowering, and they love it. In short, I'm saying this behavior is not conducive for a healthy relationship. We can call it business, helping someone in need, or whatever else, but that doesn't make it good or something a person should have to tolerate. If this girl thinks this showering of attention is all business, then she IS naive. If not, then she knows exactly what's going on...and she's going along with it.

If I'm really into a girl, there's nothing sweeter to the ears than hearing her express positive feelings for me. If it's a girl I don't really like or have just met...then yeah, it 'might' scare me away. In this case, I think you 2 are over that awkward initial hump (so to speak), where sharing feelings is difficult. So, I'd tell him how you feel. If he doesn't respond positively or reciprocate, at least you know. In my opinion, you should never feel bad or guilty for honestly expressing good thoughts and feelings. People should do that more often in general.

hmm..I have a different take on this. It may not be what you want to hear, but maybe he isn't being entirely honest with you. In fact, people rarely are so it is best to be cautious. If a guy likes you, he will make an effort to be with you. Never listen to excuses, whether it is work, army, etc. I would watch his reactions carefully. If he turns cold immediately, becomes unresponsive, and creates distance...it's his way of breaking things of 'nicely'. Guys rarely come right out and say, "I don't want to date you"...they say they're busy with work, don't have time, whatever. He may very well be going back to the army, but if it were me and I liked a girl, she would be that much more special to me. I'd want to spend as much time with her as I could before I departed. Sure, I would call him again and let him know you care, want to see him still, etc. If he responds with excuses, or doesn't react....my gut says he in not being honest with you. Actually, I'm not sure why he hasn't texted you back yet...work or not, it takes about 8 seconds! Something stinks here in my opinion. If he makes excuses not to see you....then that's what they are, excuses. Don't invest too much emotion yet, until you know for sure where he stands. Good Luck...keep us posted.

In my own life, I've grown to rarely listen to what people say and focus primarly on what they do. It's hard to know where people stand otherwise, as they'll say all sorts of things to be nice, impress others, whatever...but you never really know if it is their true nature or feeling. I admit I'm naturally cynical, but based on 'actions' lets look at this guy: talks openly about money (which usually means they really only have debt), trying to impress, buying your girl dinner & paying for classes, drives her home (!!!), strokes her ego, etc. These are all classic signs of a pretensious, superficial, cheese-d**k...one that is trying to move in on your girlfriend. Combine that with the fact the he's out "clubbing" and spending time/money on another girl, while his wife & kids are at home?! Please...No mature, self-respecting man is out clubbing while the wife and kids are at home. I'm sure he tells his wife it's an important "business" meeting. Speaking of which, nobody I know has been "courted" to that extent in a business/professional capacity (it's a little too personal) and some of my friends have very impressive credentials. Your girlfriend might choose to believe that it's all business (she sounds very naive), but I'm not buying it. This guy is a dirt bag...it's just that simple. Unfortunately, anything you say will be viewed as jealousy or something negative. Btw, If you have to bother explaining to your GF about simple respect or common courtesy (what's it like in your shoe's, etc.) it's not worth the air it takes...these are things good/respectful people just know and are conscious of. It's not something that can be taught in my opinion. . Take it easy. You deserve better than having to put up with this.

He's acting like a little boy for sure. Be a little more proactive. Tell him when you are coming, don't keep waiting for him. Also, get a friend or two (or family members) to go with you if need be. People often act a little more mature when other people are present. Anyway, let him know when you (or you and friends) will be coming. If he says that date doesn't work, then say you need it within a week (something reasonable) and ask what day you should be there. Be polite, even if he doesn't deserve that courtesy.

If I were him, I would have interpreted your actions as rejection...especially the text message. I'm not sure what he meant by "good friends"...perhaps he was fishing for something more from you. I think the comments about moving back home where all about you...yet you tell him essentially 'do what he wants'. That's not exactly the answer guys go fishing for. Besides, you even said he was willing to stay if that's where you wanted to be. Regardless, it was very clear he was into you. Perhaps there was just some miscommunication. Sounds like you 2 just need to talk things through. Also, it might be good to spend some 'real' time together before you make these major life decisions about what city to live in. Its sounds like you've actually only spent a little over a week of 'real time' together?? Communicating via text messages, email or telephone isn't the best way to communicate or really get to know somebody (things are easily misunderstood).

Yes, this is unfair to you. And yes, he wants in her pants. She's being seduced my friend, plain and simple. I've been where you are. Also, I found direct confrontation does not work well. It makes you look possesive and insecure, even though you aren't. In contrast, seduction is not direct...this guy has certain luxuries you don't. He has the luxury of being all good, along with promises of good things to come....he can wine and dine under the guise of business with no obligation. It's a good spot to be in...lots of promises and BS, smoke and mirrors. Guys like this are usually weak where it counts, and it's clearly visible once their "shine" wears off. Unfortunately, if you approach YOUR girl about it she's gonna view you in a negative light because women like to believe in shiny things. You're ruining that for her. However, she'll realize after she's dropped her pants that she didn't get the job afterall. Nonetheless, women find a way to 'give in' to seduction. That means making you look possessive, maybe inserting some distance, finding that 'convenient' opportunity, etc. When the apologies come later, she'll be able to 'conveniently' claim she had no control in the matter. Seriously, I have no idea...Icould be totally wrong. But, from experience, if a woman isn't making you a priority, then read the signs. Trust me, it'll save you a lot of grief down the road. Find a good girl..it's amazing when you meet a girl that goes out of her way to make you feel good. A girl that really cares about you won't make you uncomfortable, blow your calls off, etc. If you're in a position where your mind is going crazy, uncomfortable, etc....there is usually a reason for that. It's not healthy and don't let your male ego keep you in that place.

The odds of one's existence is nothing short of miraculous and I've never understood why so many people don't give it it's proper respect. Sure if there was a mass extinction, mass suicide, or total annilation of the universe for that matter...there would be no need to ponder any questions. All conflicts would be solved. But, we are here. Part of what makes us special is that we do search for meaning. We are more than a random piece of matter spinning thru the galaxy. You have the ability to chart your own course, and find your own meaning in life. Freewill is a great thing. It provides us w/ dominion over matter and ultimately the universe. If freewill was not real and merely a phenomenon or illusion created by tiny particles of matter, then I might be apt to get bogged down with questons like "what is the point". However, as conscious beings, that is not what we experience. a)Find something to live for. b)Find something that doesn't bore you. c)There is really no such thing as failure. Society just made that crap up, as it does most things. There are different outcomes in life, but one outcome is as worthy as the next. Unfortunately, most people don't search for "meaning" as you do. Most people rush to and from work (or wherever) doing "meaningless" exercises that they proclaim important, only to validate their own existence. Ironically, they are the one's really "peddling away time" because they don't stop to find "meaning" in all the madness. They are conditioned and programmed, much like the workings of public school. So, for now let your search for meaning carry you where it will...there are some fascinating things out there. Mind-boggling things. There are also great pleasures and great adventures to be had. The fact that you bother to ask the question shows that you're special and ahead of the pack.

I call the next day...almost always. It works for me. The way I see it, there is no use playing games. Besides, a woman's wandering mind can lead to many things...and usually it's not in your favor. Keep her attention from the beginning!! If she likes you, it doesn't matter if you call the next day. If she doesn't like you, it doesn't matter when you call. If she likes you and you wait a week, her mind will go to work....she'll likely think you're an * * *, a player, or just not interested....she may have even met somebody else already. A lot can happen in a week.

Your feelings are totally justified. For me, when a woman does this it is a sign of disrespect. She shouldn't place you in a situation where you "have to trust her"...or one that makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are normal. I (as a man) would NEVER take a girlfriend around one of my ex's, much less invite one over to the house. I wouldn't put someone I cared about in an uncomfortable situation intentionally. Yet, women do this far too often. Then, they (or their friends) have the nerve to question you and make you feel guilty..."stop being insecure". Screw that, it is disrespectful plain and simple. These days, I will leave if it happens. I wouldn't get mad or anything like that, I'd just calmly leave...for good. And no, I wouldn't feel the least bit inclined to give her an explanation. People that don't comprehend basic respect, usually aren't worth the time. In my book, your girlfriend is 'suspect'.

Yeah, don't waste your time on this girl. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but you'll find out on your own given time. Most of us had to learn the hard way. Don't be that guy that sits listening to a girl ramble for hours about their ex/boyfriend/whatever. Don't get sucked into her drama, it's pathetic. I know there is something in the male psyche that draws us to a woman in distress, but get over it. This isn't real distress...she's right where she wants to be. Be strong, get over her drama, get over the crush and live your own life...above all her crap. Move out if you have to.

I think general planning is WAY over-rated. Society conditions us to be linear. Plan, start, finish? How boring?? People become obsessed with the "plan" as opposed to actually "living life"....and enjoying the many things that come their way. As a result, people feel disappointed or depressed if they don't make it to the laundry mat (as planned) on a particular day. It's a foolish way to live. Obsessing over plans or feeling the need to always have one, it not always good. It fact it is usually an unnecessary burden we place on ourselves. It's a good thing to have goals and aspirations, even general plans...but I wouldn't worry about planning every little aspect of your life regardless of what society might say. It's okay to be flexible! It's okay to keep options open...that way you're able to respond effectively to life circumstances that come your way. Many people become buried in the guilt over a "plan" and become very ineffective..they get flustered under real circumstances, confused, depressed, etc....both professionally and personally. It is good to take care of your priorities, but don't let a fabricated plan weigh you down.

Well, you don't have a "problem" so to speak. It's all normal. Everybody struggles w/ the same things, they just express them differently. The girls you're checking out also have insecurities. I think you know what you want, just not sure how to deal with it. At some point, you just gotta try. Again, there's lots of books that will help with your confidence, etc...but you can't go wrong with being honest. If someone doesn't appreciate that, at least you're mind can be at rest. People spend their lives wrestling with this stuff...so don't worry too much about it or beat yourself up. Just try.

It's hard to break-up, otherwise they'd call it something else. Nonetheless, I would move on and resume no contact. It's amazing the clarity you'll have once you 'actually' get away from a negative situation. It is good you've gotten in shape and found some 'positive' outlets. Stay on that course. However, do it for you...not for her or anyone else. Stay off the booze for a week or two (or getting rid of the phone may be easier..ha) until you have control of the drunk dialing. I've definitely been there...don't do it. Ultimately, you can't 'really' move on until you purge this person from your life. You don't have to be mean or have ill wishes, you just have to be gone. Also, guilt is a strange thing (you expressed guilt above)...it is good to feel guilt, but it will often keep you in a bad situation because you feel obligated to correct something. However sometimes for the greater good, you just have to say screw it and move on. That's my .02.

Hmmm. Every case is different, but generally speaking a guy will make an effort to be with you if he wants to be with you...especially if he already knows how a girl feels. Guys leave girlfriends, wives, etc. all the time...it's not rocket science. Maybe his feelings changed, maybe he's scared, maybe, maybe, maybe.....point is, he isn't making the effort to be with you! And, unless he's blind, he knows he can have you. So, I would move on if I were you....spare your heart the grief of uncertainty. I'm a guy, and I can say - this guy is an A-hole for leaving you hanging like this! If he has feelings, he should act on them. If he doesn't, he shouldn't lead you on...and he should tell you. If his actions don't support his words, trust his actions. Always judge one by their actions, never their words. So, based on his actions, I would say he'd rather remain with his present girlfriend. I could be wrong, just trying to spare you unnecessary grief and frustration. Good luck.

I agree w/ Beec regarding body language, etc. Also, there are books out there for miles on this subject (meeting women that is)...read them...what better subject is there to study? Regardless of any knowledge gained, at some point you just have to "go in". Try not to look at it as a big deal. That leads to anxiety and akwardness. Don't be afraid of getting 'shot down'...it really doesn't matter. You're friends might ride you about it, but so what...screw them. I'd prefer to get shot down any day, compared to that empty feeling you're stuck with from not approaching a girl. In some cases, that can stick with you for a lifetime. I'd much prefer a few minutes of uneasiness and throw my chips in the game.