stlyooper

Tony, The sensitive side of my that feels for and can relate to your situation wants to tell you that I am sorry that it didn't work out as you had hoped. However, I do not feel sorrow towards you and you sound like a pretty good guy... so just remember, it's her loss. What I do want to tell you though is pretty simple... CONGRATULATIONS! You have been successful in finding your way back to you, and you had the inner strength and fortitude to face your ex and rationally explain yourself and your feelings to her. That takes a man, and a fine man to pull it off. Pat yourself on your back and look forward to what life may bring you next! I wish you the best!

LITTLE UPDATE FROM TODAY... Had a great lunch with the ex. It was very nice. Great conversation, a lot of laughs and smiles all around. A little playful flirting and teasing. There was absolutely no talk about us and only minimal talk about the past. By that, I mean I never initiated any topics and let her do most of the talking. On occasion, she would reference or mention something from the past... and thankfully, each time it was something pleasant or really good. Nothing negative. Towards the end of the lunch, she did bust out the question, "So what was the occasion for this lunch"... to which I replied "It's Friday!", and it was pretty much left at that. To me, it was lunch, not really a date... baby steps! It ended on a high note, and no mention on my part to get together again... just simply an exchange of thank you's and good seeing you's. Who knows what the future holds? Maybe nothing, and I'm fine with that. But this felt like a nice start down a potentially good path. Either way, It's Friday night, time to go out and have some fun!!! Have a great weekend ya'll.

TijuanaJones & rsxguy520, Thanks for the kind words! TijuanaJones, no worries my man! I got it on lock down mentally and I couldn't agree more with everything you said. I'm just looking forward to a nice lunch with an attractive person of the opposite sex (history what? ) Cheers!

SuperDave71, Wandering_Sword, Ellie2006, Thank you to all of you for your kind replies! God, I feel so good lately and I wish the same feeling to any and all of you out here on this forum that are feeling in the pits after your respective splits. Trust me, life goes on... just don't stand still and expect it to happen, take action and start rebuilding and improving YOUR life TODAY! SuperDave71, special thanks to you for the occasional kick in the pants you gave me with some of your replies to my earlier postings! They definitely helped me to open my eyes a bit wider! Ellie2006, special thanks to you as well for being one of the first and most supportive responders when I stumbled upon this website in my improving (but still weakened) state! ADDED GOOD NEWS BONUS FROM TODAY... Got myself a lunch date with the ex tomorrow! Really going into it with no expectations, and already downgrading it mentally so that my workout and getting to sleep early tomorrow will be highlights number 1 and 2 regardless of how the lunch goes! I'd say "wish me luck", but that's not necessary... it's just lunch, and I like me some food Cheers!

Thanks Hope75!

Yesterday was a bit of a small victory on my part in terms of regaining my confidence and dignity, and I just wanted to share it with all of you fine people! I haven't posted much the last couple of days, but I've been reading a lot of posts here. I've probably read of MajorD's Perfect Plan and Perfect Plan Mach II a half dozen times each. Thanks MajorD, it's been very inspiring and helpful! It's been almost 7 weeks since the ex left me, and I certainly do still carry a lot of her memory with me... but the intense feelings of pain and remorse are pretty much non-existent at this point. I still care about her very much and am still very much attracted to her, but I've really come to terms with the fact that we might never reconcile and I have to move on... so that's exactly what I've done. I've been catching up with old friends more lately. I've really been hitting the gym with passion. I've talked to my parents a lot more lately (they live 600 miles away & I haven't always been good at staying in touch regularly). I've gone out a lot and just had fun with friends and new people I meet while I'm out. I've gone on some dates and hung out with some new women I've recently met while being out enjoying life. I've gotten back into going to church on a regular basis. I've been doing some charity work. I'm enjoying my job more and putting even more effort into it. Basically, I've just been really busy and putting a lot of effort into improving ME and MY LIFE! I've been on pretty good NC for about 3 weeks now (I did break it once). Over the past week and a half though, she's initiated contact a lot. Kind of along the lines of the perfect plan mach II, I've been doing the friends, but not really a friend, thing. Honestly, we've actually had a lot of great conversations. Talking again like we did back in the day, but with less giving of information on my behalf, and thankfully, no drudging up on either of our parts any negatives from the past. Yesterday was the best though, and why I feel like I've really come a long way. She stopped by on a business related matter that took about a minute, but proceeded to hang around for almost thrity minutes. For the first time I can really recall, she sincerely came at me with the dreaded "so how are you doing" question. Another thanks to MajorD from his perfect plan... I was able to tell her that I was doing great and couldn't be better! The best part... it was absolutely true and I meant it!!! For the first time since the break up, I actually felt in control of myself and my emotions... I finally felt really happy and was able to portray that in actions, not just words! It really feels like a huge milestone in regaining myself back! I think it clearly rubbed off on her too. She started talking about nice things with me again, and threw out some hints that she hasn't been up to much lately. Talked a little bit about her fitness activities, and she hinted around and came just short of flat out asking me to do some training with her (Fitness was part of our relationship, and we would occasionally train together and always tried to support and motivate each other). I just played along and remained mostly aloof. It seems to me like were starting to make some head way to reconciliation, but the honest truth is... I don't really care that much anymore if we do or do not ever get back together. In a perfect world, I'd love the opportunity again to be with her... but now I know things would have to be different... and if they wouldn't be, I honestly don't think I could even consider taking her back. BIG THANKS to everyone on this forum! I've enjoyed reading your stories and advice to each other (and myself) so much... it's help tremendously!

I guess the big question comes down too... Did she really lie to you, or was it nothing more than a quick rebound-type relationship that ultimately meant nothing to her? In essense, do you believe she LIED to you or did she WITHHOLD information from you that meant little to her and she might have assumed would upset you? What happened... happened, and it happened while you to were separated from each other. If you try to move forward with her under the belief she LIED to you, you are setting both her and yourself up for another failed relationship. I'm sure you don't want that... but if you can't let the knowledge you know have die alone within your mind... you're probably better off not rekindling this relationship... it will probably be doomed from the start.

Yeah, I'd let it go... it's tough, but you have to let it go if want a productive future together. You had a relationship after the split, so don't be hippocritical. Actually, take it as a compliment. She HAD to rebound after you and it DID NOT last... she ultimately came back to you. When separated, people will make decisions they normally wouldn't and people will do things we ultimately wouldn't like... but if your desire for her is strong, focus on the good things you've shared together and the good things you hope to share together in the future. Getting mad at her for this is would be really no different then getting mad at her for something she did years before you even met... it's pointless, and no good if you want to have a healthy relationship from this day forward!

Thanks for the replies... Just to be clear, she is the one that has in the past done the drunk dialing... I was tempted when drunk this past weekend... but I didn't I do want her back, very much so... For all intents and purposes, I am still doing NC... but she has been initiating contact a lot more lately... and I'm not going to be rude and I never talk about the past with her in these conversations... I guess the point of my tables turning or wishful thinking... is I'm wondering if this is normal behavior... I start really moving on, not contacting her, and being cool and confident when she comes to see and/or talk to me... and now she is the one making up reasons for contact and initiating contact a lot lately! She knows I don't want to be just friends, I've told her I'm open to reconciliation... so why all the interest in talking to me lately???

Looking for a little feedback... And advice on how to proceed... It's been about 6 1/2 weeks since my ex left me (we split on a Friday), and YES, I absolutely still WANT her back... Personal Interlude: I've been working out like crazy the whole time, lost a bunch of weight and look better than I have in 5 or 6 years. I've been doing a lot with friends. Got back into some charity things and going to church again. Been out partying with some new women, and even had a couple casual first dates (no seconds & honestly, no desire). Week 1 I did the whole beg, plead, promise bit. It got me nowhere, but we both still cared about each other and maintained contact throughout. Week 2 started off with us attending a party together, and I got drunk and acted like the * * * I acted like (only) once before that was the ultimate deal-breaker in the relationship. Finished the week up with a couple more rounds of apologies, promises and a little bit of pleading. Again... got me no where really... or so I thought... Week 3 started off with her calling me on a drunk dial telling me how much she missed me, wished I was there with her so she didn't feel like she had to flirt with boys (she was out of town at a bar with some girlfriends), and how all she wanted was for me to be there so I could take her home and sleep with her. I left that next morning for a week of vacation 600 miles away. She called nearly every day, conversations were great and not "friend-like" at all... so I naturally started to think we were on the right track towards reconciliation. Week 4 started with me returning from vacation and visiting her. Probably a bad move on my part, but I initiated talks about getting back together since I thought that past week had been so perfect. Apparently not, she decline yet again. This was a Saturday, and on Tuesday I finally decided I had to start healing without her and informed her of my decision to go NC. Didn't talk the rest of the week. I was clear that friendship was not an option, that I still cared and wanted her, but if she didn't change her mind... there was no reason for her to contact me anymore. Week 5 started with me breaking NC. I spent a lot of time thinking in week 3 and healing in week 4 (actually, the biggest thing I did was read a book that changed my life, or at least, my perception of how I've been living it and how I really wanted to live it going forward). I'm an adult, she didn't take the NC decision well at all, and I do have to deal with her occasionally on a professional level. It seemed pointless, plus, I can always just not contact her and let her come to me if she has anything to say. We talked a little that day, but I pretty much resumed NC after that. We didn't talk again until Thursday... she came to see me. To this day (and it's only been 8 days), I haven't initiated contact with her since I first broke NC. Okay, so that was last Thursday. We had contact twice that day, both very good conversations. Then comes Friday, she initiated contact in person and by phone 3 times. Never for any really good reasons. To me it seems like she's trying finding excuses to talk to me. See her briefly Saturday morning. I will admit, I set myself up with a lot of hope that she'd contact me over the weekend. She did not however, and yes, it hurt. At one point I was feeling down and really wanted to txt her, but I refrained, and upon waking up sober on Sunday... knew I did the right thing in refraining... And here we are now today. I had to see someone else (who she shares an office with) this morning. Did my thing and proceeded to leave. She does an about face... and throws out the "Well.... Hello." I just say "hey" and proceed on my way out. Now, in the middle of the afternoon, she starts msg'ing me, with just random chit chat of no real importance. Again, I'm thinking she's just trying to have contact with me... Penny for your thoughts???

calgaryguy, You are my new hero! I would definitely like to message you and seek some of your advice! Congratulations on the successful reconciliation between the both of you! That's excellent!

I wouldn't classify this book as a book on how to get your ex back, but it is probably the best book I've ever read along those lines. This book is more about getting yourself back and it's a real eye opener in terms of what you may have done to cause the split. More importantly, helps you to realize where you need to improve your life. With any luck, changing yourself for the better, and hopefully that better change will re-inspire your ex... Anyway, the book is "Bonds That Make Us Free" by C. Terry Warner I read the whole thing over one weekend, and trust me, it really changed my life and my perception of myself and my relationship(s).

Don't do it!!! I've shared hugs with my ex twice since our split. It's hard to hold them and not feel like you don't want to let go... but eventually you have to and it hurts even worse afterwards. Save yourself the pain and don't let it happen. It's only temporary relief to any pain you might be feeling because of her, but the pain afterwards and what it could do to your head is much worse.

Let me clarify a little... I was a sucker and bought into one of those "get your ex back" plans and it advocates starting to date women. If anything, just to feel attractive and to help regain some confidence. In reality, I don't really want to date anyone else right now... just doing it because it seems like the right thing to do. The reality is I DO want her back. I don't particularly want to form another meaningful relationship. I want to bring back that attraction we had for each other. I know she still is somewhat attracted to me. I know she still kinda likes me. I know she stills cares. She's just not at a point right now where she is willing to let herself get back into a relationship with me. I'm just trying to do all the right things... get my confidence back, improve my appearance, live my life to the fullest (ie, going out, having fun, casual dating)... I'm just feeling frustrated. Like I know exactly why things ended, why she feels the way she does right now... and I'm doing everything I can to improve my situation and my life... but it's been so easy lately to have our talks come back full circle to the past and feels like it always stunts the progress I think we've been making towards reconciliation. I guess I'm just not very good at deflecting "past" talk when she brings it up. This is not every time we talk, but when we do a little part is me is always worrying that it will come up.