jessicake

hall, i agree with vermilion, what do you want?? you are the only one capable of taking care of yourself ultimately... so think about what you want with her in the end and how hard she and you is willing to work on it! you should listen to the song butterfly by mariah carey!! but yeah.. if you really want to hold on, make sure that you both are willing to work at it for the long haul! i sincerely hope that you will find out what you want and get it. xoxo

thanks for the comment ellie2006!! hhaha seems like faking it till u make it did not work for me! i just had a mini break down but now i'm ok. i put it in another thread: if you're interested. but yeah your right! i should not let the break up emotions consume you!! i have to stay positive and true to myself!

so i rang my ex and we talked. what happened was i had been avoiding my ex because i wanted nc (or at least lc) to heal myself.... when he rings i would just be civil and non emotional and when i saw him at the friends party, i acted all happy and just small chatted with him. i thought i was being strong! and i was... even though i was all broken up inside... anyways... so we talked about what we have been doing these two weeks and i told him the reason i have been avoiding him is because i didnt want to risk being upset if i talked to him. i was fine until i saw him last night and had to pretend to be all smiles and laughs. he said that he thought things were really distant between us and he understood it will be hard for both of us even though he knows that breaking up was the right decision and he stands by it. i on the other hand, feel much better now that i am not going to put on a front... that way, i feel that i am being true to myself and also this way, i won't be thinking that this break up is a huge deal! it was a good 3 year relationship. it was not an extraordinary mind blowing kind but it was beautiful and we both grew immensely because of it. This break up will lead us to people better suited to us hopefully! i don't feel so lost anymore after talking to him because i do think that ultimately, it was the right choice to break up... but i guess it just hurts to hear the ex say it. do u think that nc is necessary? i feel that because i have been putting on a front, i am not allowing myself to be true to myself but at the same time... everyone believes nc is the best... 2 weeks is not very long for me to think clearly. however, i think i will maintain a limited contact so that i make sure i realise he is no longer in my life... i am still quite confused about what i am feeling.. i'm sorry for the rambling... but any feedback would be great.. i think my head is not very clear at the moment and would love to hear what you have to say.

2 weeks since break up with 3 yr relationship... i just heard from a friend that everything that happened since the breakup has confirmed his making the right choice of our break up... i feel so lost about that!! i dont know what to think... so what happened was " was with my ex for about 2.5, 3 years. We met at the first year of university and at first I was not completely over my ex ex. But as time grew, I loved my ex more and more. We are both 22. Two weeks ago, we broke up because he was unsure whether I am the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He is also unsure whether we are compatible enough to be life partners. I was his first proper girlfriend. He says hes been thinking for a few months now and he doesn't want me to waste my time with someone cannot commit for life. He says that he loves me and cares about me a lot and he wants to stay friends and support each other throughout our lives. It was a extremely amiable break up (for now anyway!) At first i was shattered but then I understood what he meant. We are both young and we have a lot to look forward to in our lives. He is a beautiful person inside and out, and is extremely successful for his age, and I am ok. When he first broke it off I felt that I was not good enough. And then I realised that in relationships, its not about who is better than whom. Its about whether two people can make it work. In our case, we couldnt. A part of me feels extremely relieved that I am able to move on with my life and meet new people and try new things. The other part of me miss him so bad and want us back together. The first night of our break up, he called and said it was too rushed, but I pushed him away and told him that I respect his decision and it will ultimately be for the best. I was very proud of that. Throughout these two weeks I have not made a move to contact him because I need to realise that he is no longer a significant part of my life. I have been meeting up with friends and meeting new guys, exercising and spending time on myself. I have not cried since day 2 of break up. I have probably the most prettiest and confident I have felt for a while... But i know its forced. I have not contacted him, but have been polite and happy when he contacts me. I am afraid of myself feeling empty and full of longing.. I dont want to talk to him for a while. How do I make myself believe that we will never be again? I do not want any hope. I know this breakup is for the best for both of us because by him breaking up with me, it gives me opporunities to meet the one who will never break up with me. My brain says yay and my heart is not co-operating. " (from another thread) but like i said, i just heard from my friend that he said he is really firm with his decision... and was really happy that he made it (not happy but like, it was the right decision) and my composure just went down the drain.... my heart was just telling me that this is not what i want!!!! i just rang another mutual friend and talked to him about it and decide that i shouldn't fake it until i make it anymore.....

wow... from your post it sounds like he has got social problems! it seems that he is a miserable person. this time of the year is for giving and recieving and celebrating the birth of christ (if you are christian) with your loved ones. He does not seem to deserve your love (from what i percieve in your posts) and i recommend for you to spend this holiday season catching up and creating new bonds with your friends and family. If your car is in your name, then please take them back asap. Or rather, if you don't think he will give them back, just take it from him and let him know you took them becase of (insert reason) after you have taken them- they are rightfully yours! He seems to be acting like a bully in the relationship and perhaps its time for both of you to move on.. There will always be reasons as to why not to break up. (valentines days, his bday, ur bday, weddins etc etc) but ultimately, your feelings come first, and if you don't feel comfortable to be in this relationship anymore then perhaps you need to respect your own decision and break it off. good luck!!

dear piseces princess, i am very sorry for what you had to go through. i'm glad to hear that you are in therapy and i hope that it helps you. i predict that it will be very hard to nc... but at the same time, i would suggest for you to rule out the possibilities of getting back togehter.. i'm not saying that you will not get back together with your ex. but if you keep holding on, you will never be able to heal the wounds properly. And if your ex meets someone else (it is possible!) then your wound will get cut up all over again! However, i wish you the best! everything happens for a reason and i'm sure you know that what doesn't kill us will eventually make us stronger.

perhaps contact him to meet up. if he has a few more 'excuses' then it seems that is your answer: he does not really want to continue a relationship with you, be it friends or what. However, you will never know if you guys can get back or be friends if you don't contact him to meet up! you will not be afool because of wanting to meet up with someone who was important to you at any stage of your life. good luck!

i think that sometimes rebounds can turn out to be meaningful relationships if you are at the right mind frame... Lke at the beginning you might still be into your ex, but in due time, you might find that you realli like this rebound guy and he turns into your next relationship properly before you even know it! thas what happened to me once a while ago. (but of course, all good things come to an end! ) hehe

openheart, he broke up with me. my ex was a v. responsible kind of guy and he thinks that if its been 3 yrs and he still doesnt know for sure i'm the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he doesnt want to hold me down and make me 'wait' while i'm young and should b enjoying life and freedom. candy 604, thats great to hear your friends had a good time.. did they go just as friends? and do you know if anything happened in mexico? i am a bit worried because i dont awtn anything to happen whilst overseas in case wound gets cut deeper.

Hi guys.. I met my ex last night at the party. I forced myself to put on a smile and laughed the whole night away. I was sober because I know if i drank i would break down. We had small chat and it was all friendly and stuff. I miss him heaps though.. all i could think about after the party was how much I missed him and how sad it is that we will miss out on so much that could have been. He was so beautiful last night.. It was tearing me up apart meanwhile I was putting on a brave front. I am really trying the forcing it until i make it. But is that unhealthy? Should i let myself be upset and wallow? i still love him a lot and all i feel like is that I am so jealous of the fact that he will love another who is not me. Even if no one responses, thanks for listening! (or rather reading!)

The post you wrote definitely gives yourself good advice about getting over her!!! hope is v. hard to give up... but i feel perhaps just reminding yourself everytime you think abut it. "its never going to work out.. i need to move on FOREVER"

please keep going!! i understand what you are going through.. the future seems so uncertain without your ex... but perhaps think of it as an opporunity that by her breaking up with you, you will be able to find the one that will never break up with u again... I know that I had thoughts of suicide after break ups, but I also think of all the hurt of my friends and family and all the life and people I will not be able to live and meet. All the opporunities shut down... Please try to be strong! I know its hard... Talk to you friends, your family, your counsellor, people on this forum... anyone who cares about you will love to help.

Thanks for the replies guys.. laboheme, angry animator, you guys are right! i shouldn't let a breakup shortchange me of a trip i would have loved to go on.. We haven't really discused it other than on the day of the break up where we were like, yeah! we should go!! but then, he has shown signs that he doesn't want to go... but i was thinking that i might go by myself even if he doesnt... then he can forfeit the $2000 and i can go by myself!! although i will feel extremely hurt that he would rather lose 2k than to spend a week and a half with me! We are both in our early twenties (21, 22) and we've never discussed marriage until when we broke up because he was not sure he could make a life commitment to me at this stage of his life. So i am not looking for a marriage in him (at the moment). i really believe that i would like to be friends!! (the optomist in me.) I am going to try and get into seeing him as a friend in this month so that even if we go togehter, hopefully nothing will happen... there is defintely part of me that still wants to get back togehter with him, but i know that i shouldnt and don't want to hope!!

My ex and i broke up 2 weeks ago. Before we broke up, we booked a package to go skiing in Japan for 2 weeks in January 28. It was pretty expensive and because it was a good deal, it is non refundable and non transferable. I have not contacted him since the breakup. He checks up on me and I have been polite and civil. I saw him at a girlfriend's party and i smiled and small chatted with him and had a good time with my friends, and he seemed to have a good time with his friends- i always had a smile on my face, although sometimes it was forced. I am not over him yet- it pained me to see him and i don't think he is over me yet either. But we both need to move on to see what's out there and to experience life. We were togehter for almost 3 years and we're only early twenties. What should i do? Should i go or should i just forfeit $2000? Thanks!

It's tempting to contact him... but stick with it!! you will feel stronger for it!!! good luck.. we all know its hard... have a great weekend with your friends. try to distract yourself!! its the weekend!! thats why you should go meet new people!!

i was with my ex for about 2.5, 3 years. We met at the first year of university and at first I was not completely over my ex ex. But as time grew, I loved my ex more and more. We are both 22. Two weeks ago, we broke up because he was unsure whether I am the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He is also unsure whether we are compatible enough to be life partners. I was his first proper girlfriend. He says hes been thinking for a few months now and he doesn't want me to waste my time with someone cannot commit for life. He says that he loves me and cares about me a lot and he wants to stay friends and support each other throughout our lives. It was a extremely amiable break up (for now anyway!) At first i was shattered but then I understood what he meant. We are both young and we have a lot to look forward to in our lives. He is a beautiful person inside and out, and is extremely successful for his age, and I am ok. When he first broke it off I felt that I was not good enough. And then I realised that in relationships, its not about who is better than whom. Its about whether two people can make it work. In our case, we couldnt. A part of me feels extremely relieved that I am able to move on with my life and meet new people and try new things. The other part of me miss him so bad and want us back together. The first night of our break up, he called and said it was too rushed, but I pushed him away and told him that I respect his decision and it will ultimately be for the best. I was very proud of that. Throughout these two weeks I have not made a move to contact him because I need to realise that he is no longer a significant part of my life. I have been meeting up with friends and meeting new guys, exercising and spending time on myself. I have not cried since day 2 of break up. I have probably the most prettiest and confident I have felt for a while... But i know its forced. I have not contacted him, but have been polite and happy when he contacts me. I am afraid of myself feeling empty and full of longing.. I dont want to talk to him for a while. How do I make myself believe that we will never be again? I do not want any hope. I know this breakup is for the best for both of us because by him breaking up with me, it gives me opporunities to meet the one who will never break up with me. My brain says yay and my heart is not co-operating. I am seeing him soon at a mutual friends place. How do i cope? Any advice or comments would be extremely appreciated. xoxox Jessicake.

i think that it depends. if you NC your ex because you feel like you need to heal yourself, then it would not cause any harm to let him or her know. if they care about your friendship then they would respect your decision. if you are doing it to heal yourself to potentially get back togehter, then perhaps not letting them know, but have limited contact with only answering briefly/politely to their contact is the go. icemoto boy has some good points!!

your girlfriend is only 19 and i think most girls who are at that age are not looking for commitment. they want to know whats out there before settling down. she seems quite insecure and tends to victimise herself, thus she still has quite a bit of growing up.. what did you do to her? force yourself to go out and make new friends. go join the marines, do whatever makes you happy because in the first time in 3 years, you can do what you want rather than worry about your girlfriend all the time. not that its a burden, but think of this time as freedom. go to college, further your career. Make goals. good luck

I agree, couples don't break up for no reasons... but if you guys were so close for two years, i'm sure he still cares for you! However, before you contact him, make sure you are in the right mind frame and that you can actually accept you guys to just be friends. Otherwise contacting him at all will probably be disastrous, much like your last meeting. It seems that you both said somethings that you don't mean and perhaps its better to give it some time to settle before you rush into things. Maybe txt him to let him know that you didnt mean such harsh words but leave it at that so you can heal from the breakup before pursuing a friendship. Remember that ultimately, only you can take care of yourself.

Superdave, your amazing... the posts you write really hit the spot! My ex and i broke up 2 weeks ago because he was not certain i'm the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and i've been dealing with it really well, not contacting him at all.. but he does occasionally text or email me to check in and i've been polite but non-emotional. But we have a mutual friend's birthday coming up and i'm not sure what to do.. she is a really good friend and i'm scared that if i go i will not know what to do. I want to initiate complete NC but i don't want him to think i am avoiding him because we were really good friends before we had our 3 year relationship. any advice anyone?

i agree with scotcha but i also think that the underlying message wealwulf could convey is that , yeah its a plan that may or may not work. but ultimately even if you never get your ex back, you'll be in the right mind frame to move on. you'll be feeling confident, and good about yourself. if there was not a huge reason to break up, i feel that your plan might work. from a girl's point of view, i think that if my ex was all good and confident, i would probably get dumper's remorse... but then if you do get back together, it is important to be able to resolve the underlying problem of what the reason of the break ups were.

wow... remember to always put yourself first!! There are occasions when abusive people change.. but in acouple of weeks... i'm not sure about that... if you really would like to give it another chance, make sure he is seeking the right help and not just 'changing' himself! if he can't change... do you thnk you can handle all the hurt again? no one deserves or should be abused. try be strong for your future's sake.

congratulations!!! its great to hear a happy ending!!! i hope everything keeps going uphill for you.

Sometimes it does take time to fully get over your ex... i know that it took me half a year into my last relationship to get over my last last relationship... its cruel i know... but i didnt realise it at the time. the thing is, i grew to love my ex so much more than my ex ex and was extremely glad to have stayed in the relationship. Its important to figure out what you want from your current relationship and your past relationship. And when or if you know, healthy communication is key!!! i suggest to let your current girlfriend know your thoughts whatever they are.. its the fair thing to do for both you nad her. good luck!!

thats great. time does heal all wounds it seems!! Your story is definitely helpful. It makes me believe that there are much more out there. It;s just sometimes our vision is blocked from all that heartache! Thanks for sharing your story. good luck on the rest of your journey of healing!