boybornbad

Yeah Joyce I know you're right so are you bcuz, I am motivated simply by anger. If that cools I won't care. I haven't given myself time to be away from her to see it for what it was. I'm gonna break all ties with her. I have a 5 day vacation at the opposite end of Ireland from where this girl is and want to use that time to emotionally detox. Its just the thought of splitting her up with him that is obsessing me. She's been with him for years and this chick is so bad at being alone I would get gratification out of knowing she finally understands the consequences of her actions. I really don't fancy a week in traction though lol. But once I cool off I'll realise that he'll probably take her back anyway, she's an accomplished liar and I'll have lost my spleen all for a losing day at the races. Who knows, I could wait a year and drop the bomb then. I have text msgs to prove it. But if I'm any kind of a man I won't give enough of a toss by then to waste my breath. Time to fan the flame of desire with the bellows of apathy. Lets hope I don't get drunk and do something stupid.

Thanks for the wise words all. My motivation is simply to hurt her and break up her relationship. It is not to win her back. I know its wrong I know revenge is not the answer but apart from anything else this guy should know what a lousy g/f he has. She dumped him for me at one point and he took her back.. She continues sleeping with me, I mean more than when we were together.. Frankly I've been hurt before and am sick of being on the receiving end of it and just want to see this woman suffer. Can anyone understand why I want her to hurt?

Hi all. not sure what forum this should be in but any advice appreciated. I posted on here a whle back about being dumped by my girlfriend who got straight back with her ex. Anyhow I still have strong feelings for her and we were sleeping together up until about 5 days ago. Yeah, we were getting together behind his back for sex which was frankly mindblowing. I'm not proud of it but I figured I deserved it for the pain she put me through (is putting me through). I will never get her back, don't want her back (honestly..would you trust her..?)but I know that if he found out about the details that she would be history. Believe me. And I'm so tempted to let him know. Easily enough done. He's suspicious of me anyway. I know some of his friends and know where he drinks. I might lose a coupla teeth in the process (he's huge) but part of me wants to destroy her relationship. I apologise if this seems vindictive, I am not usually but she really trashed me bad. I want her to feel what its like to hurt. Even though I'll lose her forever. I already have and can't be her buddy anyway.

Hey there Sorry about what happened to you. Like most of the others who posted here I went through the most horrendous breakup 10 years ago. I pined for months. I felt everything you feel now and completely understand what you are saying. Don't feel like a loser or sad and pathetic because you have these feelings and are talking about them. There are no rules in this game and no magic wand. There are also no time limits to how long you will feel this way. Like grief, being dumped is intensely personal and as individual as your relationship was. Be gentle with yourself. Just because you weren't right for her doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. There's someone out there for you who's world you will rock. Its ok to hurt and still miss her even if its months. You have been badly hurt and this will take some time to get over. believe me you will smile again and this will be history sooner than you think. I didn't think I would but I have. I still have the scar but I was pretty much ok after about a year or so. You have learned a lot about women and about youself from this, which will help you in future relationships. I never saw her again which helped immensly but hurt like crazy. I did date again within a few months and a couple of unplanned casual flings helped my confidence and self esteem immensely. I would highly recommend it..just don't talk about your ex!!! I didn't use anybody it was just fun for all concerned, but helped to make me feel like I counted again and had a lot to offer. You have to be strong where your feelings are concerned and try not to stew over what happened. Distraction and time is the key. I would lose anything that directly reminds you of her..photos, gifts. Don't listen to 'that' song etc. But don't throw out your couch lol ...its expensive.. Your heart is not your brain. The "how can you love her when she hurt you" argument is bollocks and whoever sayes this has never been dumped. You are right. This isn't logic its love. I think you're doing the right things already.. just don't keep thinking "God its been 6 months why am I not over this". You will find you start to think about it less and less and dating a girl with a cute smile who laughs at your jokes is a great remedy for the pain you're in. It will also have the pleasant side effect of letting your ex know that you're doing great without her. This will p1ss her off. Believe me when I tell you that she was not the one for you. Try to have fun as much as you can. You will get through this. Life insists on it. Take care and keep your head up. BBB

This isn't about him really. Its about you and how you feel about yourself. Don't spend your time waiting on some other persons whim. Respect yourself. Think about it this way. Dumping this guy is like sucessful chemotherapy. It will strip you to the bone in the short term. But in the long term you have your life. Whats more important than that? Then you'll find your real love and life will be amazing.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my eldest brother when he was 10. He was killed by a speeding driver. My dad was the local doctor on call at the time and was called out to the accident. He didn't know it was his eldest son, his first born, until he pulled back the blanket. It was his dearest child lying there. It has been 20 years and he still hasn't really got over it. There are still 6 of us thank God and he has us. We've been through it all and the adage about time healing wounds isn't exactly true. Because the scars remain. We all suffer still for our loss. I can only offer you the comfort of knowing that your child is in heaven and you will see him again. God knows your pain, your suffering will pale into distant memory when you get to meet your special child again. I don't know why and I'm still angry. Please believe, your child is with you every single day of your life. God bless T

For Lisa Though the willow weeps autumnal tears In the cold November rain, You smile and life is summer, And summer it remains. Every petal lends a kiss, A kiss that changes all, and lingers long in memory.. Long after petals fall. I dream my love, and touch your face, But you know I'm only sleeping, As I wake to face an empty space.. and the willow gently weeping. It's winter now but I will never forget.

Don't let your mum and dad be too much of an influence. Sure..respect them.. they're wiser than you but remember their opinions are only opinions. Listen to your heart. Maybe you're mum doesn't think he's good enough for you. But only you can decide if this is right. I think you'll learn a lot in Rome when its just you and him and you're with each other 24/7. thats pressure. you'll either love him or hate him by the end of it. I reckon it'll be make or break.. They say if you want to get to know someone..travel with them.

You will end up resenting this guy. I don't know about your previous boyfriend or the nature of the breakup but he must of been more exciting than this boy. Women do go for exciting men and even the bad boys are a real turn on. They don't make good husbands or fathers though and this guy probably will to someone else..just not you. You're not looking for either of those 2 things at the minute and I think you should end this sooner than later because you will end up hurting this guy. He's definitely not right for you. Not physically or from what I can tell, any other way. Sure he's good to you, but so is your mum lol. 'If you worship the ground she walks on you end up getting walked over' is the old adage and its true you'll probably end up treating him bad.. He's doing everything for you but you're not getting what you need. Are you on the rebound?? I don't know what to say about Rome. I've been and I can't say not to go..its ammmaaaaing. I met a girl there and the whole thing blew my world, so don't go alone. I think you should go but maybe be a bit more honest with this guy. If you refer to your future without him in it..he may start to realise this is not a long term deal. This will end. Sooner or later. Don't dump him the day you get back lol wait a week. You will meet the guy that rocks your world soon enough (probably in Rome !!) and then you'll know the difference. You will love Rome by the way..its busy, frantic ancient, modern ..sexy..everything. Its bloody expensive too so be prepared. Visit the Trevi fountain its just amazing. You're 18.....enjoy yourself!!!!

I wouldn't read into the 'looking at her laptop thing 'it was you who offered and probably saved her about 42 squillion bucks having it looked at by some PC cowboy. So in that repect anybody would have jumped at the chance. I do think there's a vibe though as women know what they're doing when they do the "I'll buy you lunch " thing. In your opinion was there more contact than would have been really necessary over the laptop thing? I suggest you play it a bit cool and don't be skippin over there for random "Systems checks" or some other excuse. See if she calls/visits whatever in a non laptop capacity (but if you ballsed up her settings she'll be back anyway lol). you're an IT manager, thats probably adds to the attraction so the force is on your side buddy. As long as you're cool and confident (hard after being dumped) I reckon you'll at least score a drink with her. As long as she ain't got a man. Which is unlikely to be honest, if she's hot. You don't know and you'll need to find out. If she has..AVOID. I say again AVOID. ](*,) Otherwise give it a week or two then ask her out for a drink. What have you got to lose. 10 bucks says you get a date.

lol its much easier for women to be 'honest' than men.. if I was totally honest with every girl I bumped into that I had a crush on it would be more like.. "hi there..ain't seen you in a while...do you want to come to bed...?" that won't work (99% of the time).. So ...we guy's have to lie for good reasons...like.. "sure..course I'd love to read your latest poem about saving the trees" and "my God...you're lookin younger than ever.....have you lost weight?" Its nature's way of making sure the world doesn't run outta people. that thing you pulled on your friend...would work with every guy I know including me. lol. now you got any tips for us????

Got 2 suggestions: Jean-Dominique Bauby: 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly' its short, you'll read it in an afternoon and its very profound. makes you love yor life Sebastian Faulks 'Birdsong ' Love/Loss. V. powerful

Don't worry he's enjoying it immensly. Being a guy I know. When I was younger, sex etc was all very new and I was shy and my confidence wasn't great, due mainly to inexperience. It takes a while for a guy to be totally relaxed and comfortable with women when 'getting down to it'. I have no trouble now with the noises I make when I'm turned on, and talking sexy etc but at that time was very self conscious. You'll probably find as things progress and if you're together a while that he'll open up a bit especially if you take the lead. My advice is not to make an issue of it and just go with the flow. When he knows that that turning him on turns you on he'll probably open up. As Neva said also, some people are naturally quite shy. Confidence and trust are the key. One step at a time.

...Nah..you know what they say..a bad shag beats a good wank... Go for it girl..

Don't lose your virginity to a hooker. Trust me. You will be haunted by that bad boy for the rest of your lifer. You have lady issues, I think you need to relax about the whole thing. I you're not ready to have sex. I was a virgin till I was 21. It wasn't an issue and shouldn't be to you. you'll meet a girl who rocks your world and it will happen. Just be patient and be gentle with yourself. Don't get deflowered by a hooker. its a bit rock and roll but the reality of being with a prositiute is that it leaves you feeling very empty (excue the pun) and could affect your future relationships.

Thanks for the above all. You're all right what you;re sayin mostly. Objectively it seems that she's just a using B1tch but the way its worked out it doesn't quite feel that way. i know I'm important to her. But I'm 34 and been around the block a few times and I know that I should know better. Thing about being a guy is that you don't mind being used for sex lol. Its just that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I'm moving jobs and am trying to pursue other women so hopefully the spell will be broken soon, as I feel so depressed and low all the fu@king time. There aren't a lot of people in my life where I am and I think thats part of the problem. Its just is that having something feels better than nothing. But actually "nothing" is probably preferable than what I have at the minute.

Thanks guys, I suppose I know what I should do but actually doing it is the hard part. There's no coming back to me. She's with him thats official. It probably would have ended way back but I work with her and see her every day. She's all I have at work. And of course there's the sex whcih is frankly amazing. Dunno why she's cheating on him. Kind of feels good because I hate the guy. You're also right about trusting her. I never would. I'm changing my job soon. Maybe that will help, just can't get her off my mind.

Simple answer...leave her. you're wasting your time. trust me on this.

I'm sorry you're hurting friend. In my experience there's only one thing that will make you move on and that is time. She has moved on and by what you said she was thinking about leaving a long time before it actually happened. Believe me when I say there is life beyond her. Don't trap yourself in a prison of thinking about where she is or what she's doing. A year from now you'll wake up smiling and your pain will be history. You'll be better equipped for future relationships. I hope you went on the trip. I understand your grief and how personal it is. Nobody really knows how hard it is to think of a person's face and how you'd give your life for 5 minutes of what you had. Its over and the only way life evergoes is forward. I hope your OK. Sometimes the fish you spoke of find you whether you are looking or not. I promise you that. Take care of yourself. T

Hi all Really confused. Thought I knew all the answers, but realise I do not. I met a girl in work. She was just finishing a relationship with a guy she'd been with for 3 years. we got together for 3 months. had a great time. She suddenly broke it off, her reasons being that she wasn't ready for another relationship as she'd never been single since the age of 14. I accepted this but she has since got back with her ex. About a week later. That would have been it as far as I'm concerned, but since we broke up we've been meeting for really horny sex. Despite her being with him. I can't stop wanting her but am consumed with jealousy when she leaves, because I know she's going to him. We have this really intimate relationship which I can't break. I'm in love with her. The boyfriend is an as*h*le. just interested in drinking and not with her. This girl rings me every day. I live with a constant pain and wake up every day thinking about her. She will never be mine, I can't compete with a 3 year relationship. I know I deserve better than this. Any advice appreciated. T

Well, you need to talk. You need her to clarify her feelings. Don't let her dodge the issue. Don't see things that aren't there. She may love you she may not and you need to know. The self esteem stuff I don't know about I don't know her history. Has she been hurt? Abused? Is her family life ok? Whats she so afraid of? We all have to take chances in life. Love is a risk, a gamble but how will you ever win if you don't place a bet?. Even if we get hurt we learn. If she's afraid, then you're just going to have to make her not afraid. Be a man. And don't get messed about. Find out how she feels about you. If she thinks there's a future. Otherwise walk because you'll be saving yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache..

Yeah Fox I know it can work for other people but my point was that from reading his posts it doesn't seem to me that it will work for him. The emphasis in his messages was on the physical side, specifcally naked inages of men. I was simply trying to empasise that there is so much more involved in being gay than simply being aroused by a picture of a penis.

Girls come. Fact. They can have a clitoral orgasm from stimulation of the clit, or a vaginal orgasm (through intercourse). Your best bet is to start with the clit, as for a bloke lasting long enough inside a girl can be difficult. The trick is rhythmic stimulation,varying speed and pressure. Getting gradually quicker. You can use your fingers/tongue, it might take a bit of practice, but if you're in a relationship or with the same girl enough, you'll get there and you'll know..trust me...you'll know. You'll get more confident with time. Don't be afraid to ask her what works.

That converstaion you quoted sounds to me like she doesn't want to start a relationship with you because she's unsure of her feelings for you. i.e if they're not strong enough 3 months from now she drops you and bingo...you get hurt. She ain't planning it but she's not sure she can trust her feelings. Hope I am wrong.