LovinIt

Well, I just posted a few days ago, stating that a breakup might be in order for my boyfriend of a year, and I. I have been contemplating the issue for the last few days, becoming more annoyed with him, and more frustrated with the way things have been going. This morning, we woke up and he had a work thing to do. So i ran errands, and then upon completing them, I decided him and I would go to lunch....after calling, he tells me that he has already eaten lunch out. I became extremely irritated, not so much that he had eaten without me, but moreover that I had it in my mind that we would meet, it is not his fault... We started fighting over the phone, and then it all came out. How I felt about him holding my cheating over my head, how no matter what lies hes told, he would always be up one because I cheated, which was worse. I think a lot of things were said, about how he cant see a long long term relationship with me right now..etc. I asked him what the point of working on issues, or rebuilding trust would be, if in the end, we would not be together. I said, it was better off just being over...and he agreed. We plan on having a nice dinner Sunday, to talk some more things through, and exchange stuff that we have of each other's. I guess in a way, its closure. This happened a half hour ago, and he has already called me twice, saying he is scared/confused/not feeling right/sad etc. He is not sure he really wants to break up. In a way, it feels very weird, perhaps not so much right now, because the reality has not hit home, that I am no longer his girlfriend, but no matter what, I think him and I definitely need time apart. Maybe to see the good in each other, and get past all the issues that have been plaguing our relationship since Day 1. I think we need a chance to remember what we truly love about each other, rather than what we hate...which is all we have been doing. Nothng is forever right? right now is not the time for us. Any ideas on how to cope??

For those who have looked back at my previous posts, you can see that my boyfriend of a year and i have had quite a few rough patches. Since my last post, I feel like we have been doing alright. The last few days however, I met someone new....and although I havent been cheating on him, this man has been very into me, and thinks I am amazing. I like the way he looks at me, because I feel as if my boyfriend doesnt look at me anymore like that. I feel like I cant talk to him about important things anymore...we fight constantly about trust issues, and although he told some lies, I cheated...thereforeeee I feel as if he keeps holding it over my head. I thought that we would be able to recover, but Im not so sure these days. I love him, and the thought of not being with him anymore..is very scary, and Im not sure I am ready to let him go....but I am not happy with our current relationship. This new guy is leaving today on a 2 month trip, which is probably best, considering I dont want to be entering a new relationship while currently in one...not a good plan. I am sad that hes leaving, because I feel as if this new guy is someone I could really talk to, and spend time with. The more I feel like that, the more disgusted i am with my current boyfriend. I know what desicion will be best, but I am not sure I am strong enough to go through with it. What if I start dating other people and realize I made a mistake...and its too late??? I also do not want to break up with him for someone else...I want it to be a desicion i Make regardless of anyone else's feelings for me, you know? Does anyone have any advice for me...is there any way to salvage our relationship..or should I move on, and try to deal with how much this might hurt? ANy advice would be appreciated.

it's so hard. I love this man so much. We get along pretty wel most of the time, and overall, we have this great love for each other. I think he is one of the hottest guys I have ever seen in my life. We have been together for a little over a year now....and I cant seem to shake him. Like I said, i love this man, but I dont know if we are right for each other. I dont know if it is enough to just love someone, because if your personailtys do not go well together then you are screwed. What do you do when you love someone, and dont want to let the relatiionship go......yet you know that you guys probably wont end up together......do you let it go now...or do you let it flow and take its course. I dont know what will hurt worse....maybe someday letting it go..and it hurting SOO much, or dealing with it now...or what?? Im so depsressed. I love him. I just want to be happy.

I feel so frustrated. It seems like my boyfriend and I have been hitting a really rough patch in our relationship. He sayes I am always mad at him, which I feel like most of the time I am, because I think hes insensitive, and a bit of a jerk at times. I dont even know where to start. We have been together for about a year now. I know why I am always mad at him. I feel as if he doesnt respect me at times, he isnt there for me when I need him, and overall I feel as if I didnt put up with some of the stuff he does, that him and I would not be together anymore. It is hard to be in a relationship like that, where one person feels like they are holding it together. I am tired of fighting with him. How can we get back on the right track?? Im always mad at him, hes alwyas disappoiting me. AM i to hard to please, or is he just insensitive? I dont know which one it is, maybe a little bit of both. I really want to make it work. I guess I just needed to vent. Can anyone tell me if this relationship is salvable. How do we stop fighting. I have read similiar posts and gotten a little more of an idea of why Im so frustrated. I feel like he is always making me out to be so sensitive, so mad all the time, so jealous, so....everything. Nothing is ever really his fault. He is driving me crazy. How do you know when its you, or him? How do I know if I'm the one with the problem. He told me tonight that one day I'm gonna have to be a big girl.....what the hell is that! I dont know if I can be with this man anymore. It's so good when its good.....I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want him out of my life, but I cant keep going like this. Advice please!!

I dont know where to start. I cant trust my boyfriend. I cant stand the thought of him having fun without me. I cant stand the fact that he works in a college bar. I cant stand how insensitive he is, and how hard it is for him to just assure me that I am the only woman he wants to be with. He has lied before. Our relationship started out with him still in a previous one. He ended it with her, well, what was really left of it, and since then, its been a rollercoaster of emotions. He wouldnt committ to me forever, and it finally resulted in me cheating on him. After he found out, I vowed never to make the same mistake again, because I know that no matter how sad I was about the relationship failing, cheating was not the answer. I then heard from the grapevine that he had cheated on me, and, before I had ever cheated on him. I know what your thinking, wow, yeah, wonder why trust issues are there right? Since all of this, we have moved on, to the best of our ability. I do not keep in contact with this guy, and he, as FAR AS i know, does not talk to her, since she got fired. I do not snoop into his things, because once i start I know i wont stop. He trusts me, COMPLETELY which is weird, since he knows about the cheating. He knows that I love him, and he knows that it would never happen again. I think he even feels safe, because he knows he will never find another girl that loves him quite as much as i do. But i do not think he feels the same about me. I am constantly questioning everything he does. I cant be at peace until I have either talked to him, made plans with him, or seen him. I hate this about me. It is tearing us apart, because he does not like how insecure i am, but I cant stand the fact that i have made it clear i dont trust him, and would like to find a way to get past it, and he doesnt seem to really care all that much. He wants us to stop arguing, but at the same time, he doesnt take care of the problems that lead to the same arguments. Hopefuly this is making sense. Last night we were talking about his company christmas party. SOme of his comments make me believe that he is only bringing me, becasue he knows I would kill him if he didnt, and when I state that I feel that way, he says nothing. I ask him why he cant answer me, or acknowledge my feelings, and he sayes, "i think your feelings are stupid". You guys, he is so wonderful sometimes, we laugh, we love, and we generally get along, but there are so many things holding us back from a solid relationship. I cant get past the lies he has told, especially when I feel as if he brushes my feelings away. IS there ever a point when nothing you say or do, or try to do will ever make the relationship work again? I know this is so scattered, I just have so many emotions. I dont want to be without him, but I would like to trust him more, and i would like to become more independent, so he is not the center of my world. I want to no longer love this man. I dont think we are right for each other, but its so hard to let him go. I dont think I can do it, but i want to.

Let me clarify. After I got caught doing something else, I profusely apologized, and learned that no matter what, it was not worth it. I did whatever I could to make things work, but to find out that he might have cheated before I did, and then put me throuhg the ringer is really hard to swallow, because I will never know. I dont think he would ever tell me especially now that its been so long.

Hello. I have been feeling really uncomfortable about my boyfriend and I am not sure why. He spends all of his time with me, and I should not suspect him of anything, however, him and I have been through some rough times in the past. When things were just going wrong with him, I started hanging out with someone else, and after all that went down, I found out he might have done a little something of HIS own. A couple people have told me he did, but I have no real proof, and he has denied everything. Now, we have moved on..for the most part, and out of respect to him, I have no contact with this other man, and all I ask for is that he does not have contact with this girl. They work together, well, we ALL worked together, and after fidning some pictures online of halloween, i see a picture of them together, with their arms around each other. It makes me VERY suspicious, and angry, even though it is only a picture. I hate this girl, i really do, and I find it disrespectful that they are close in this picture, even if it is of all the employees. SHould I be upset about this..or even annoyed, or is it silly?? It just hurts me to much, and bothers me to see her hand touching his leg! He is always with me, so why am I having such a hard time believing that nothing ever happened. Chances are I will NEVER find out, if something did, so is there any sense in letting this hurt my relationship?? I dont know what to do. I love him very much, and do not want to feel upset about this. Help!!! Am i silly?

I have been in your same situation. He has made me feel bad for going out and having a good time with guys friends, saying, "thats just your personality" but screw that. We cannot wait around forever, and honestly, if they want us to care about them, they need to care about us, and be making just as much as an effort. I dont like your man. I think he sounds like mine, and he sounds like a total jerk. You will only be treated how you let someone treat you. Dont put up with this. NC is hard, but try to just do your own thing. If he loves you, he will make it work.

It seems like the last few days he and I havent been calling as much, which makes it easier on me, becasue I dont have to be disappointed if I dont see him. He says he still loves me, and that he doesnt see a future at this moment. I love him, with all my heart, but deep down, realize that what we had was unhealthy. I hope for the world that he returns to his normal self. I hope he realizes that we can make it work, even through the trust issues, and I hope that someday soon, our love will be stronger than ever. But i cant keep trying when it seems he isnt. He called me last night, saying, hun, babe, blah blah. I havent heard from him today. He stil has a key to my apartment, and still uses it from time to time, so he remembers it is there. He says when he is with me, he has a hard time not having fun. I miss this man so much. I dont know what happened to the guy I Knew, and I really thought that our love would take us through. I dont know what to think about all this. Do you think its a sign that he really isnt ready to move on, since he still has kept the key. I would think he would have given it back, if he really was serious right?? But another part of me also thinks, why would I want a man, who might not necessarily want me. We have been through so much, and I dont know if he treats me poorly or hurts me, because I have hurt him in other ways. I dont even know if it is worth mending. I still owe him around 500 dollars. I just dont know where to turn anymore. What do you guys think? especially about the key thing?

I miss my boyfriend. I miss the good times, the laughter, the love that I thought we both shared. I have no doubt in my mind, that I did love him. But if I look deep inside, I wonder if perhaps it was lonliness that forced me to become a person I never thought I would. I have been trying to let go, because I dont want to feel disappointed when he says he is not stopping by. I feel so hurt, now that he no longer feels that he "owes" me a phone call. I have realized in the last day or so, that for the first time, I DO look forward to a bright future, and a love that someday will fall upon me. But right after that uplifting moment, he calls, and tells me he will call me in 10 minutes. That turns into an hour. I'm expecting that he will come over. It's late, and Ive already stayed up past my bedtime, in the hopes that he will want to see me. He then tells me hes going over to a buddys. I once again, feel hurt and rejection, and let him know that I kind of thought he was coming. He sayes, Im sorry. But now Im angry with myself, that I let him disappoint me yet again. Most of our relationship he has disappointed. I am smart, I have it figured out, but I cant seem to put my knowledge into action. I want that person back. The person I thought I knew. But maybe I never really knew him. Maybe the person I thought he was, was just a figment of my imagination, a look through my rose colored glasses. How am I ever going to get through this, to a day when I wont be disappointed when he does not call. It hurts me so much. I miss him, I really miss him, and I wish that I could take the pain away. Time and strength i know. I dont want to be disappointed anymore, or sad. Does anyone else feel this way?

I am going through a breakup/still in this relationship, that is killing me. He treats me, so horribly, that I don't know where to turn. After many posts in the past, I have yet another story. Its so hard to sum everything up, so you all can see exactly what has happened, but I will try, so you dont have to go back and read my other posts. I met this man back in January, we worked together. He cheated and broke up with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years to be with me. After their breakup, a month or so down the road, I asked if he would like to be official. He said he wasnt ready but he was committed to me fully. I let it go. Another month goes by, I ask again. He still isnt ready. I find out he lies to me about hanging out with the ex,however I do not believe he messed around on me with her. So, 5 more months go by, he still doesnt want to committ to me. I think that sucks. He told me that he was giving me all the love he could give at that time. I stuck with him, figuring that eventually he would come around, and just really truly love me. Another month goes by, and I'm feeling as if this man I love does not really love me. He was saying nasty things to me, treating me like I was expendable, and not giving me the things I longed for the most. JUst some love and affection. So I cheated. With one of our co workers. This man wanted to spend time with me, he wanted to hold me, he would have done anything for me. I knew it was wrong, but my heart was hurting so much from the guy I was dating, that I wanted to make it go away. Well, my man found out through some text messages on my phone. He told me he is done, and that he loved me, and couldnt believe after everything hes given me that I would do this. Wait, given me what?? A hard time? Telling me that if he cant hang out with his friends, that he will have time for me? I cried, I begged, I pleaded, to get him back. A week after it all went down I got fired from that job, relating to that. My man was devastated. He decided that he wanted to be there for me, and that no matter what he would try to make things work with us. So things were good, for three weeks. I finally found a new job, and him and I seemed to be, getting stronger, and closer than ever. A little less than a week ago, him and i went out. We had a great time. We got home, I was looking throuhg his phone, IN FRONT OF HIM, as a sort of joke, since obviously we all have trust issues now. He picks up mine, and starts digging into me asking who this one guy is. This guy is a friend, and I hung out with him a few times, but did not tell my man, because i knew he would get on my case, and start telling me how no one is really my friend, and he's never heard of this guy, and how I befriend people too fast and yadda yadda. So we get into a fight about that, and then he sayes...if I find out that you had sex with the guy you cheated on me with in the future, I will never be with you again. So here I am feeling guilty because I did not tell him I had sex with this guy. I worry and worry, so the next day I come home from school, and lay it out for him. I tell him, because I want things to be good with us. He leaves, I dont talk to him. I go to work the next day, get fired from a SECOND JOB, and right after that I call him, he tells me hes sorry but he doesnt think things will work out. I cry, I get wasted, I think its the end of the world. That same night he comes over, we have been doing it practically every day since then. He still sees no future for us, and now, he's all, "we can be friends, buddies." Im telling him Im not comfortable with being called a buddy yet. Hes like, why not BUDDY, whats wrong BUDDY, whats wrong with being a BUDDY. This man is evil. When i cry, and ask him if he still loves me, he tells me that i should stop asking him grade school questions, and if I need to aks more questions, that he needs to know how many in advance and he can decide if he wants to take a nap in the middle of them. EXCUSE ME, but i do NOT deserve to be treated like a piece of crap. If you want the truth, I may have cheated, and trust me, I payed my dues, I felt bad, Ill never do it again. but he has hurt me over the last 9 months more than i have ever hurt him. I need to be out of this. He is not good for me, but how can i take these steps. Listen, I love him, I know how things can be, but, I dont think things will ever be ok. SOmetimes, I see what i saw in him, last night, he was being all, honey, oh baby, ok honey, blah blah. Then, the next phone call is like, welp see ya later. He has problems, and I do to. HELP ME GET OUT. I need to move on.

Do not tell him. I think he would be weirded out by it.

I usually post about my relationship problems with the guy I am dating. But this time, I have a little more on my plate. I started working at this college bar, and I loved it. I never dreaded coming to work, and after I started bartending there, I was even happier. I ended up getting fired, after things went down with my boyfriend. I cheated on him with another co worker, and after he found out, it was a disaster. I got SO wasted at the bar I work at, that, they basically ended up letting me go. It was So hard, since I loved my job, and if anything I was looking for emotional support during a hard time. My boyfriend and the guy I cheated on him with, and I, all worked together. When I got fired, I was so upset, but maintained the attitude that this would be better for my guy and I in order to work things out. My boyfriend has since been pretty wonderful to me. We have worked on a lot of issues we were having before the incident. I finally found a new job, at another bar, serving/cocktailing. The bar is more upscale than the last one, and the money will be about the same, if not a little tiny bit less. I feel very consumed with the memories of my old job, and my love for bartending. I am glad to have another job, but I miss the old one so much. I feel very depressed about it, and feel like life just isnt the same, especially since I no longer work with my boyfriend. I wish I could explain the feeling, of just disbelief, almost, how much things have changed. I hate it. I hate working with these new people, even though they are very nice. They have after-hours parties, which dont feel the same to me, since it is not the people I used to work with. I dont even know if this makes sense. I am just feeling so down about life. I know that life does go on, but i just feel sad. is that normal?

I have done everything in my power to show him that I am worthy of being trusted. I cheated, and I was sorry. I have learned from my mistake, and will never do anything of the sort again. But there is a point where he needs to forgive, and I feel as if he has forgiven, in a lot of ways. He is just using this as an excuse now.

Hey there. I am feeling very frustrated today at my situation. I dated this guy for 6 months, and although we have been having a great time together, he also has not been willing to say that we are in fact, "boyfriend girlfriend". However, we both love each other, and it was definitely clear that we were not seeing anyone else. Hooking up with someone else would be clearly cheating. I feel like he does not respect me sometimes, and nothing is ever his fault, its always me being crazy. I finally ended up cheating on him with a co worker, all three of us worked together at the time. It was rough, especially after he found out. I did not think he would ever forgive me. We started spending a little bit of time together, and he expressed that he wanted to work on things, but was not ready to get back together with me. The day after he expresed that he was willing to work on things, I got fired from my job, that, like I said, we all worked together. He was devastated. He came over that night and expressed that he wanted MORE than anything to give me what I needed, and he would do whatever he could to make me happy, that he really honestly wanted to work on things, even more so than the night before, and if I needed any money, that he would loan me whatever I wanted. I have been more than grateful to him for what he has given me. Its been close to three weeks. I still do not have a job. I have spent every night with him except for twice, in the last three weeks. I have also hung out with him for several several hours a day, every day. A couple times, I have brought up getting back together. He tells me that he is still not ready, and that, he's sorry if he's led me on, but he just isnt into being with me yet. He said that he has just been trying to be here for me, since i got fired. He also sayes, that, he sees marriage someday in our future, and he would like to end up with me. I dont push it, because he says if I push it, that I will push him away. But, how is this fair. He gets everything he wants out of this. Before I cheated, he did not really want to be boyfriend girlfriend, and he didnt really have a good excuse. NOW, he has a GREAT excuse as to why he shouldnt make the committment. And now, I cant push it because it pisses him off. He says he needs to heal, but in my opinion, the hardest part of forgiving someone is spending time with them again, and being intimate. He has no problem acting as if we are back together. He says he really loves me, but I feel as if I am being strung along. I mean, when is it ever going to be ok to be together. When is this struggle ever going to end. I love him, and dont want to lose him, but, seriously, I dont think this adds up. If he loves me, and isnt with anyone else, why is it so hard to committ. It also hurts me, when he says, gosh, "I dont want to lead you on, but I dont think we are back together". That sucks, I mean, that just sucks. I just want a normal relationship. The reason i even cheated in the first place, is because I was so frustrated with our relationship. After 6 months, I felt like he should have committed. And why does he think he is so perfect in this relationship. Why am I always to blame?? Sorry if this is long, I just need some advice. Should I just let this man go???? Is he screwing with me? I cant do this for 6 more months you know?? Please help. Does anyone have ANY advice for me?

HA, and after all these posts, hes the one that cheated on me first!!!!!!! AHH!!

You all have read my posts. I cheated on my man, and he found out. He put me through hell. I cried i begged for him back, anything. I felt like complete dirt. Come to find out today..he cheated on me BEFORE i cheated on him with ANOTHER one of our co workers.....I am so mad, and so BETRAYED. this guy is A PIECE OF DIRT. I cant believe after all of this, he did that to me. OH MY GOD! I thought I lost everything. Everything. After I cheated on him, but to find out that he put me through the ringer...after he did the SAME thing to me, is to hard to swallow. I dont think I can forgive him for this. I feel so hurt.

Yeah i was hurt. 7 months I put up with this back and forth bull. I have met his sister...but never his mom, and he lives with her! Everyone knew we were dating, but it took forever to even get to THAT point. He had an ex that he wanted to keep it from for awhile i think. Thankfully, finally, someone sees more to the story, than me just being a jerk for hooking up with someone else. All of his friends knew of me, he didnt hide me, really?

He wanted to be exclusive, and we were, however, he refused to have the boyfriend girlfriend title with me....i found it extremely shady...and hurtful, because he didnt want to shout to the rooftop that I was his. I guess you can cal it cheating, since we were exclusive, but he WOULD not call me his girlfriend...I find that weird. The whole relationship was just sooooo shady, and weird. I know he needs time. I loved this man, more than anyone I have ever been with....and if you ask most people about the situation with me cheating, they are SHOCKED as they saw how much i LOVED him...i think he wasnt ready for waht i was ready for...and that was forever...and I was so afraid that he would leave me, that I put my effort into something else to ease the pain that I thought would be coming. And who knows it might have, or things might have worked out....I just want to make it work with him.

no longer available

Good idea, now, if i can only follow my own ADVICE! Someone help!!!! UHH!! Ive begged to, ive pleaded, ive cried, Ive pouted! if its meant to be, it will come back around! Hard to believe, but believe it i guess!!!

that is some intense stuff. i am sorry for what has happened. Honestly, I dont know why he is so afraid of talking about this with you. He perhaps doesnt know what to do, or how exactly to handle it. It seems like it is enough of an issue for you, that you need someone, especially him to support you. I think what A did is SO wrong and so disrespectful, I dont know how W can sit back and let this just be. I think he does care about you, but obviously there is more to this than what you can see. Is there anything A knows about W that he did to you such as cheating, or something, not saying he would, and thats why he isnt getting mad at A??? Just a thought?? I dont know your relationship but i am just covering all the bases. I think you need to confront W and let him know how much this is affecting you, and if he really isnt there for you, on this issue, than i would rethink being with him. This is a big deal, dont let your feelings be pushed aside! Good luck, and I am sorry again!

I agree with Lady, why are you judging her, but not judging yourself. That really bothers me, because as girls we take so much flack for what we do, when it takes two to tango. Get over it, unless she does something to do, then you might have to rethink if she is ready to settle down. Stop judging her, and stop thinking about her past. Dont punish her for her mistakes, unless you want to be punished for yours.

You can do it!

I felt like I could never get 100 percent from him...and I felt like at times he didnt really care to compromise in the relationship. I realize now that maybe I was just asking for to much. It was my fault. He loved me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and now I have nothing. He would have given me everything.