LovinIt

I cheated. I am so sorry for it. I am so sorry for everything I have done, and I cant stop thinking about how it will never be again. I feel so alone, and so sad, and I cant what a bad dream this is. I will not have any more memories with him, and I wont see his smiling face anymore. This is so hard.

I am so stuck. I have made a mistake, and I want to prove it to him, and show him that i will do anything to be with him again, but it hurts me SO much when he sayes he cannot be with me right now. I dont know if he ever will be able to again, and a part of me is hurting so much, that I dont think it is good for my health to keep pining away. But I am afraid If i try to move on, he will definitely never want to be with me again. How much can i take though! He knows I love him. But I feel as if I should pick up, and get on with life, as Im not sure if he will ever come around. I miss him so much.

I feel so alone, and so desperate. I dont think it will ever be ok. I cant believe it is really over. How could I be so stupid. I will never find a love like this again, I am freaking out in my head, I just cant take it. I need a way out.

I HATE THIS sooo much! I cant sleep, I can't eat, and I don't have the love of my life....life is empty. Where the hell do I go from here.

I guess I do not deserve anyones sympathy. If you all have read my previous posts, I cheated on the guy I have been dating for 6 months with one of our mutual co workers. I cheated because, ultimately I found myself wanting so much out of my relationship with Chris, and afraid that if we found ourselves uncompatible that it would hurt to much. It only lasted a week and a half. He found text messages on my phone. I know that my pain is probably not half the pain he is going through, as he said I was his everything. He has told me that he was willing to committ and give all he had to this relationship. Unfortunately a turn of events has changed his mind. You guys, I was wrong. I MESSED up, and I know that I do love this man with all my heart. He has been calling, and texting, and telling me how he misses me, but hates me at the same time. He also cant stand to see me and the other guy working together, which we often do. I have thought about finding another job, since I want this to work with Chris. I never knew how much I loved him until this happened, and I will never betray his trust, or any other future boyfriends trust, if he does not take me back. After i got off work last night, at 4 in the morning, we talked for a long time. He keeps replaying images in his head, of me staying over with another guy. I do not blame him, yet, the things he says dig so far into my self esteem, that I wonder if he will ever be able to forgive me. I understand hes mad, and he has every right to be hurt, but how will i ever be able to forgive myself if he keeps saying these hurtful things. Anyway, he told me that he hates me, but misses me so much, and hates that he wants to see me. I ended up picking him up at home, we got burritos and i spent the night at his house. He told me he didnt want to lead me on, since he was unsure of how long it would take him to forgive me, however, he also said, he might never be able to. I am hopeful that he will forgive, and take me back, as it seems like he does truly still love me. This hurts me to, and I'm afraid that if I let him walk all over me in order to make him see that I will never do it again, that he still wont change his mind. I love him and want to make it work, but I dont want to beat a dead horse. I would rather move on and try to pick up the pieces rather than keep trying when there is no hope, and losing all the self esteem I have. I hope that does not sound selfish. What do i do in the meantime? My heart is breaking, because I know the mistakes I made, and cant change them, and I dont think I will ever love another man like i love him. I want him in my future. From my post, does it seem like he will find a way to forgive?? You all dont have a ton of information, but I think its a good sign that he wanted to see me, and he held me, kissed me, and told me he does care about me. I told him this morning that I wil not die if he does not want to ever be with me again, because we know that is silly. When one door closes another opens, but I let him know that there is no other man that could take his place in my heart, and I wish for a future with him. How am I supposed to cope with this?? I feel alone, sad, torn up as all hell, and I dont know what Im supposed to do to make him realize that it will never happen again! Do you think leaving my job is the answer? Its a great job, bartending, but He is more important than that. I dont want to hurt him more by working next to this other man. Any advice please. I am just hurting so much.

We loved each other, and the only reason I wanted out is because I did not see him compromising, however, I think he was getting to that point. He did not want to lose me, and I think he was willing to be 100 percent. I looked for a way to escape because I was afraid of the pain i would feel if I lost him. But i did love him and was happy most of the time. How do i prove to him that i want to be with him????

how do i prove it to him???

I love him...and I didnt know how much until now. I wish I could take it all back....I miss him soo much. I cant believe the pain this is causing...It makes me sick to think about how much we are hurting. I just want to hold him. The thing is....he cheated on his girlfriend for a month with me before we got together....can't he understand what it's like??? He did the SAME thing, and she just never found out. Does that count for anything?

What can I say. I posted before about being unfaithful to the guy I was dating. I was so unhappy with our relationship...he could never fully give me his heart, and I realized that. I did something despicable....and hooked up with one of our co workers. I never thought he would find out....as this guy would never say anything and either would I. I realized what I was doing was wrong....and after fighting with my man for a week and a half...I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop seeing this other guy in order to fix the relationship with my man. My man's name is *Chris. So, Chris and I talked on Saturday and we made plans to go hiking on Sunday....and to go on a real date...to try and patch things up. I had planned on letting this other guy know that I needed to stop seeing him, since he was affecting my relationship to much. Saturday night Chris came over after work...at 4 in the morning. For the first time in two weeks I was happy to see him. While Chris was outside, I was text messaging the other guy, telling him I missed him, and was sorry I could not spend the night with him...and he was equally missing me. I fell asleep while Chris was still having some beers with my boss, who is messing around with my roomate. I was awakened by Chris holding my phone and asking me to explain. It was so bad from there. He took all of his stuff, told me he no longer loved me, and that I was nothing to him. After a battle, he left my house. He came back the next day to pick up some of the stuff he lent me, and he then gave me a ride to campus where my car had been from the night before. On the way there, he started crying. My heart broke. We both ended up getting wasted at bars next to each other, i was at one, he was at the one we work at. You guys, I know I did something wrong. I am sorry for it. But i love this man, and I cheated on him because I felt like I needed to get out of the relationship i was in. I was unhappy, and I looked for a way to escape. Chris told me today, that he felt like a fool, and that he wanted more than anything to see me, and that he missed me, but he can't let himself feel like that right now. I understand. Do you think it will get better???I cant lose him, but I dont know what to do. I messed up. But i love him, and I want y future to be with him. How can I fix this??? Please, some advice, although I do not deserve anyones sympathy, I would like to know that I am not alone. I feel like dying almost, because it hurts so much. IS anyone there? ](*,)

I am still talking about the same one. Some people have not been reading the other posts, so I was starting fresh.

It seems the cheating I am doing is only getting worse. The guy I have been dating and I have separated in the last few days. I have let him know what his options are after 6 months of being in the gray area. I have given him three.....that is, he can either committ completely, become my boyfriend and be 100 percent into the relationship, OR we can become less serious and keep more of our options open, OR it needs to be over. He doesn't like any of them, as, he wants to keep me as a so called girlfriend, but not call me that. I find it weird, not normal, and a way to keep himself from the responsibility of one. I am no longer standing for it. But the only way I have gotten through being so strong, is because I have been having sex, and spending time with another co worker. We all work together, including the guy I WAS dating. I feel bad sometimes, but other times I don't. I am not even sure I would want to be his girlfriend anymore, even if he did decide to committ. I thought I was really in love with him, and maybe i am...but this other guy has totally made me question my love for the other man. I am wondering if I am enjoying the newness of another man's attention, something that I felt i was not receiving in my own relationship. I am nervous that the more time I spend with this other guy, which has been a lot, will ruin my other relationship that i cherished so much just the other week. I am also nervous that I am spending time with someone whom I have no intentions of having a relationship with, he is a good 5 years older than me, and seems as if he does not have his stuff together. I know he will never say a word about anything that has happened with him and I, but I can't help but think I will hurt him in the process. He mentioned today that he did not want to be, "kicked to the curb." I guess my question is this. With the guy I am currently dating/figuring things out with, it is time to call it quits.? He asked me today why I needed him to be my boyfriend and I simply stated that it was a normal thing to do, and that I was not willing to back down. I also asked why he didn't want to do something that would make me happy, and he asked me why i wanted to make him do something that made him unhappy. I find that a very hurtful response from someone who says they love me. I dont want to make this guy committ when he doesnt want to, yet he wont let me be with anyone else. I am afraid if i keep seeing this other guy behind his back that it will ultimately destroy this other relationship. I cant decide if that is a good thing. I dont want to find myself missing him in the end, after i decide that I have had enough with the new guy. I feel like a horrible person. I dont see this being good for anyone ultimatly. Any advice on whhich way to go? I dont want to hurt anyone, but I have a feeling someone is going to be. Please help.

That was a very thought out response. I have many things to say to it...and i suppose i did contradict myself a little didn't I. Him and I were dating, however, after 6 months of trying to get him to committ and come out with the fact we were boyfriend girlfriend he was not into. I subconsciously went over to a co workers house, knowing something might in fact happen, but was surprised of my actions. I do call it cheating, and IF i had told my man, he would have considered it cheating too. He, however, does not consider me his girlfriend, so how is that fair to me? I did not sting him, and I would not tell him, strictly because it would hurt him, so I did what I could do at the least, and that was to break up with him, which I think is far better than continuing on. If anything, I needed that to realize that maybe this guy is not what i thought he was. He claims we arent serious, yet we go away to Mexico for long weekends, and are not allowed to date other people. To me that is serious, and the fact he can't explain this to other people is an issue, especially when he is hiding it from an ex girlfriend. I don't believe myself to be sick, but a woman who is confused with a relationship I thought I could not live without.

I think I have issues with being lonely...I can forget about someone else as long as I have someone else in the picture and it's deifnitely not healthy. I am looking for excitement...something to look forward to. If I dont have anything then I feel alone...and I hate that. How do you even go about fixing that.

I previously posted a few days ago, about "cheating" on my man...however, many of you saw the situation and didnt techically call it cheating since my man would not commit to me. Well, after the night I had sex with another one of our co workers, I broke up with him. It seems as if he doesnt take it seriously really. Nothing changes, except I told him I need more and if he isnt willing then he isnt the person for me. I care about him, and he;s my best friend, and it's hard not to just call him and shoot the * * * *, but he takes that as me not really being serious about breaking up. The screwed up thing is that I can't get this co worker out of my head. Last night when my man was spending the night all i could think about was how i wished it was this other guy. The night after hooking up with this co worker we worked together, and a bunch of other co workers were going to his house to hang out after work....we work at a bar..but he didn't invite me, which bothered me. Could it be that he is trying to watch out for himself and I by not making it look like we are doing anything??? I all of a sudden feel so enticed by him, and no longer by my man....what happened??? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy...and all of a sudden I find myself really not affected.... I just want to be physical with this other man. Since other people were going over to his house..and my man was working that night as well.....did the co worker just not want to be obvious about what is going on...I feel almost a little put off...should i be??? Am i just being ridiculous with this whole thing? Whats my problem....any advice???? I dont want this other guy thinking I am breaking up with my man for him...but I definitely am intrested in being more physical with him. Please, advice!

no longer avilable

Henny....I hate those situations, because rarely do they work out how anyone wants it. There are exceptions, but I think you should spare yourself now before you get to into it. Nothing hurts more than thinking things are going SO well, and your going to change his mind to realize months down the line that things still havent changed. I think you should find someone who is more readily available to give you what you want, and that sounds like a true committment. Good luck! And, Im not really one to talk....haha

I agree with Joyce. She keeps cancelling, because in her mind, she still has something of yours which she ultimately knows she will have to see you in order to give it back. If she was really done with it, she would have no problem even leaving it on her back porch so you could grab it when she isn't there. So, are you over this??? Do you want to be with her? Either way, I think you should go to her house, and get it yourself, and possibly even ask her why she has kept it so long. If you are done, take your camera, leave and if it makes you feel better I am all for saying what you need to say. You are already going to make yourself seem assertive for not waiting for her anymore, which it sounds like you did in your relationship. Good luck.

I'm sure you all are getting tired of my posts....they are always so scattered, as my brain is so filled with things to say, it's hard to put it into words. My man is still out of town.....we have been talking about once a day, sometimes not at all. That is fine with me, although I am missing him like crazy after we get off the phone. I'm afraid for him to come back...it seems like our relationship has gotten better since we have been spending less time together being as though he is thousands of miles away. When our conversations are brief, we seem to have so much love for each other...and the longer the conversations are...the more i sense the sarcastic side of him coming back. I don't want to be in a rollercoaster relationship with him anymore. He jokes with me a lot, saying I need a lot from him, etc....I have begun to take it seriously, since we all know that jokes have some sort of truth to them. I end up getting upset, he gets annoyed, and we are back to that spot I hate. How the hell do I communicate to this guy....he feels like I bring stuff up alot, but when are we ever going to fix the problem. Besides sitting down and having a heart to heart with him....is it reasonable to compromise with him, by giving him more space to do whatever he wants whenever he wants...if he can promise a night a week, or a day to just do whatever, get coffee, talk, touch base? I would like to open the lines of communication more. It feels like so much stuff has built up in my heart and head that every time we get into one of those little arguments, or he jokes about something that hurts me in a way, I get very teary eyed. I don't want to cry, or be emotional so much....it just seems the tears start when I think about how often or much I have been hurting. AS i was talking to my mom on the phone the other day...she said, "You've been run over a lot....and I am so sorry for that. I wish he could understand." The more I think about how disappointed I have been in the past, the more upset I get with my present situation. I feel like I walk around on eggshells in order to not upset him. I cant talk about our relationship without him turning away, and giving me the "Oh jeez". How can I get this guy to understand that he is hurting me??? What will open his eyes? I dont want to be the crying girlfriend...I want to approach all of this in a calm manner. Please...some advice....How can i get what i need out of this????

It depends how your heart feels you know....are you constantly finding yourself disappointed in the lack of time he spends with you....or i dont know....other things??? I am in a similar situation, and it's very hard to let something go that could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to you.....considering you wait it out and play your cards right....But i ask myself....if playing my cards right is something I should even have to do...I feel as if there could be someone even better out there that does not leave you wondering what the hell is going on. I understand your dillemma, and I guess it's up to you how much you can take??? If he treats you well, generous, loving, committed, (not necesarily the bf- gf title) But you know that he's ONLY with you, then I would wait it out a little longer...I wish I could take my own advice!! Something else.....I have learned through past relationships is that you can't be afraid to rock the boat. If you have needs that arent being met, then you need to say something...it's fair to neither of you to be unsatisfied...if something is hurting you, say so. In the end....if it isnt supposed to be, then why drag it out longer...and keep yourself unavailable for meeting the person who IS right for you. It sounds like you and I are a lot alike...its hard to give it up when it can be so good...however, we have needs to! I wish you luck...keep me posted!

I'm so glad I found this site. It has made things so much easier when you know people care. I have posted a few times in Relationship Conflicts....My man is out of town...and I have been debating on whether or not to break up with him, simply because I don't think he cares enough about the relationship...he never wants to discuss problems, and turns away from me when I bring anything negative up. I find this disrespectful, and hurtful, since he is not only the love of my life, but my best friend too. At times I think that I am a little less independent then i should be. This could be part of the problem. I find myself to be very suspicious of him, and I question where he has been, or what he has been doing. He has told some lies to me, even when I have given him the oppurtunity to tell me the truth. Now you know why I have a hard time trusting him. He was daating someone before we started hanging out....and broke up with her in January. They did not have a good relationship...as i have heard from him, and others close to both of them. I do not know this girl...but find myself very jealous of her....I was checking her myspace page daily..to check up on her, until i cancelled it, because I found it very unhealthy that I needed this kind of comfort. Throughtout the last 5 months of my relationship with my man, he has not wanted to make it official with me...however, everyone we work with, (we work together), all of our friends, etc, consider us together. He is not looking for any other girls, I see him every day, and I know emotionally and pyschically he is 100 percent committed to me. The main reason he does want to be my boyfriend, is that he is afraid of hurting the ex, and feels much guilt considering he started dating me before they even broke up. She calls him quite often to tell him how much it hurts that he has already moved on. He then, feels bad about it, and tells me that him and I need to slow down....as he has told me from the beginning that he did not want to be serious right away. I find this hurtful, since my feelings seem to be not as important as hers. I have told him how i feel. He does not look at things that way. I think that my man does not have the balls to tell her how things are. They started as friends, and ended as friends, and he would like it to stay that way. I dont see that as possible, since she obviously is having issues with it. I also believe that there is a lot more to the story....over the past few days I have been evaluating my relationship and realized that maybe I dont know my man as well as i thought i did. We have never sat down and really talked about our fears...what we both REALLY REALLY want out of this relationship. I could learn a lot, maybe things I didn't even know about, which could benefit us. I don't want to lose him, and i think him and i have something very special. Is there any way to ask him these questions??? He comes back home in a little less than a week. Could this save our relationship, if i just sat down with him...and we each discusssed what we want...things we could do to make the other happy....etc. WHat happens if we dont want the same thing. I know his responce and that is to keep hanging out....but i can't spend forever just having fun with someone. I dont know what advice I'm really asking for. I just felt like writing. Comment if you have anything to say, or maybe a similar situation. I just like hearing from people.

On my previous posts, I have stated some issues i am having with my guy.....and I've been thinking about it. Is it possible that it's me that is the problem??? Maybe he's annoyed because I don't do my own thing. I think he worries that he disappoints me a lot, since he is a homebody.....he does not always want to sleep together....except, he will hang out and spend time with me during the day. I wonder how he cannot want to hold me every night. I think I am a typical girl. I want to make it work with him....is there any advice you all have that could push me in more of my own direction. I feel like part of the problem is my lack of independence. Ideas??? I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy....what can we do to stop the pattern of fighting....goes something like this.... Me: Do you want to do something later Him: Uhhh, maybe, babe, we'll see (I start turning away from him in the car) Him: Oh jeez babe, come on, I hate when you do that, you always need so much from me....(He's saying it in a joking manner) Me: Whatever. (I start tearing up) Him: Oh my god....your so sensitive...why do you put a black cloud over everything Me: Because you don't handle the problems..you act like it's always me...it's not, and I dont appreciate you joking about me needing you all the time... Somehow we get over it....but it seems like we have that same fight every time....is this me being to sensitive...or him being insensitive. I think I want for him to comfort me and tell me how much he loves me...etc...but he does not like someone to tell him he has to say it....what is a happy medium...I want this to work...any advice...sorry this post is so scattered...I'm a litle hungover.

He has been out of town....so I have not been given the chance to talk to him. There are times when I read these posts and realize that I am a doormat...and while he does show me he loves me, and is there for me....there are times when I do feel very alone. Yesterday I was watching various couples at the pool, and started feeling nostalgic about my relationship with him. I dont want it to end!! But, you all are right...something has to be done. I am just feeling pretty upset about it...I love so many things about him...and no one laughs like we do....how will I ever find that again, much less anyone who loves me. Im afraid of starting over...and whats worse is that we work together, side by side a lot of the time on weekends....I can't get space, nor do I want to quit my job. I want him to grow some balls. The only reason we have not made it official is because of his ex girlfriend...he doesnt want to hurt her....but what about me??? I want to be understanding, but she can't keep coming in between my relationship with him. For the record the guy is completely committed to me, and most everyone knows that him and I are basically boyfriend girlfriend...he needs to stand up to her...does that change anything??? He's a great guy, really....just confused and needs some time to be ready for another relationship. Right????

But, you know, life is life.....sometimes you can't help the way you feel. I understand that dating him while with someone else might not have been right, but, she was in fact cheating as well. I can't say I feel THAT bad for her. And I also do not in any way consider myself a rebound. His feelings are genuine, however, there are some loose ends with the past relationship that have not been tied.

I have posted before....so I will summarize. I have been with my man for 5 months, I'm 22, he is 25. We met when he had a girlfriend, and started dating before they broke up. Their relationship was not a good one, which ultimately would have ended in the near future even if he had not met me. Him and I became serious very fast, I love you, was uttered in the first month of our relationship. From the beginning he stressed that he was not ready for a serious relationship considering he just got out of one, or to have the boyfriend girlfriend title for awhile. I understood that, and did my best to not pressure him into it. After two months of dating...it started to bother me, that we had not reached any desicions on where things were going. He assured me that it was only me he wanted to be with, but he was yet not ready to be boyfriend girlfriend. Things kept going along...yet, I found myself unhappy with the situation. It seemed like things were secretive, especially at work....since we both work together. I became suspicious that he did not want his ex girlfriend to know that he was in fact dating someone else, although he did "love" me very much, and enjoyed being with me. He denied this for a long time, saying she was not the reason for secrecy. As the months have gone by, we still have not become boyfriend girlfriend. He has gotten comfotable with me, because I do not give him these ultimatums, or take action when he does not decide. He is very generous to me, and at times extremely loving, but the last month it seems that he ignores the issues that bother me, especially having to do with what is going on in the relationship. I know that it is uncomfortable for him, and he knows that the issues I am having are valid, and I'm guessing he doesn't have the right responses to solve the problems. He also feels like I am constantly putting a black cloud over the times we do spend together. It is hard for an outsider to know everything that happens in the relationship, but understand that, in all honesty, I don't want the time we spend together to be unhappy. Our issues are always there, since he pushes them away. They keep coming up, and will continue to be present when they are not acknowledged. He also sayes things when we are together, such as, "God, you ask so much from me" in a joking way, and even though he sayes he is kidding, he gives me that sick feeling inside. The feeling that tells me that my relationship is failing. We are stuck in a pattern that is hard to get out of. Not only does that sadden me, but it is exactly what happened in my parents marriage. I am willing to accept that the problem is not just his, I may also cause them as well, but all i want is a loving respectful relationship. So, he is out of town for the next nine days, many states away. I have in a way let him know that I need to do some soul searching while he is away. I think he is very nervous about it. I came up with this. I have decided to calmy let him know when he comes back, that I will give him some time to decide what he wants...with no pressure, but that I will leave him in two months if he has not made up his mind. I should not have to deal with a wishy washy relationship, correct?? I also will leave the situation if I feel like he has been disrespectful to me. I do not want to fight with him anymore. So, my question is this....do you have any other ideas, or suggestions on how to effectively deal with this in a calm manner. It is hard to admit that my relationship is failing, and I would like some advice on how to save it, or even if you think it might not be worth saving. Thanks for taking the time to read this...I am feeling a little better

I have posted a few times in Relationship Conflicts. I have been dating this guy for around 5 months, and we started dating while he was still with a girlfriend of 2 and a half years...before you judge me, the relationship they had was pointless, and was heading for a breakup long before i came along. I realized that he needed a little time before he started into another boyfriend girlfriend relationship...but as the months have passed we have become very serious, talking about an eventual marriage perhaps in the future. Hes 25, and I am 22, so I am in a place to begin thinking about it. I have tried to be patient with him, not pushing him into a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, but at times, especially when I have been drinking, (whoops!) I choose to bring it up and end up in tears, upset that he doesnt want to shout it to the roof top. Every time he has consoled me, saying that he's sorry he can't give me that right now. This whole time, I have been suspicious of what the motives are for not wanting to be COMPLETELY public about our love....I have thought this whole time that it might be that he's afraid to hurt his ex, and for her to know how serious he is with someone else. He in some ways has confirmed this, but a few days ago, she called him and was crying about how she cant believe hes moved on so fast, yadda yadda. Now, before he called me, and told me this, I had been planning on talking to him about taking a break...i know he cares about me, and loves me, and is not with anyone else, but he has not given me 100 percent, and thats not fair to me...I dont mean to sound self centered, but I am a beautiful girl, with a great heart, and a loving personality. I know I deserve 100 percent. Anyway, so he calls me, and tells me shes upset, and that he basically thinks we need some space so he can figure things out. He assured me he does not want to be with her AT ALL, but he is sad that he has hurt her, since they started out as friends, and wanted to end as friends. I am not heartless, I understand them being friends. I do not however, want their past affecting my future the way it seems to be. After much discusiion, he clearly stated that he wants to end up with me, and he doesnt plan on dating anyone else, or even has the desire to. I feel the same way. ALl i want is to wake up every morning happy with my relationship, and not have to worry about any ex girlfriends, or where things are going. So, we decided to go on that break, but the next day he asked to come over and since then we have not even brought up our "break" talk. He seems to have come around....but you know...I notice a change in my behavior. I have trouble saying I love you....or opening myself up to him. I am afraid of him hurting me again. The break would have been hard...but I'm afraid nothing has really changed. I dont want to be in this cycle anymore. I leave tomorrow for a week, so I think that might be good time away from him. What do you think? Should I bring up this break talk again, and stick to it, or at least bring up whats going on??? I can't sit back anymore and let things take its course...I dont know if it will ever go down the right one...I love him very much. And dont want to lose him....Any advice??? Has he really changed???