Daddy Bear

i agree that actions speak louder than words. no girl ever told me she was mean and bad, either. but i don't think it has anything to do with gender--the same thing probably goes on in gay and lesbian relationships. found on heartless-bi***link removed (sorry so long, and yes, it's a real website run by women) The Man With No Spine - A parable for "Nice Guys" There once was a man without a spine. He was a very likable guy. The advantage of not having a spine was that he could fit himself to anyone, and he frequently did. He could flex this way and that. But he couldn't stand up ... ...and being kinda mushy and flat most of the time, people often walked on him without realizing he was there. So he got sad, having this dreadful absense of a spine, and he was resentful too. He wondered why other people couldn't fit themselves to him the way he fit himself to others, but that was silly because he never felt he had the right to ask anyone directly to fit themselves to him. He was formless, what was there to fit to anyway? In cyberspace he talked tough as if he had a spine, but people could clearly see by his rage and resentment that he didn't have one in real life, and he perished in the flame wars he provoked and only came out feeling more ashamed and ineffectual. He wished he could be with a woman, to help him the way a spine would. If he clung to a woman with a spine, he could stand up, but women didn't like it when he did that. He often called them "bi***es" for the women with spines coldly asked him to let go of them, or unceremoniously shrugged him and his issues off onto the ground telling him to get his own spine. If he fancied a spineless woman, on the other hand, he couldn't get her interest because they were looking for men with spines that they could cling to. But the spineless women would hang around with him for sympathy, and he'd be their platonic male friend and play "therapist" though he was as sick as they were. He'd often call himself a "feminist" and lecture these spineless women how to stand on their own when he had no idea of how to stand for himself. With all the bending and flopping around he did, a spine never could get a chance to grow. Then one day he had a brainstorm, he decided he'd make himself a spine. He took a long stick.... and he put it far up his a**. It was an improvement, though uncomfortable. It was the first time in his life he could walk tall, if not a bit stiff. He found he could have opinions at odds with others, and stand for them. He found out that he didn't have to be liked, that the world didn't end if he pissed someone off. He didn't want to fit easily with other people anymore, in fact he became inflexible. People commented on the change, some people didn't particularly like him with the stick up his a** but they did notice him more. Some people felt that at least they could respect him, even if they didn't always like him because he did less whining. At least nobody stepped on him by accident. However relationships still didn't come easy, it was hard for a woman with a spine to love him with the stick up his a**. He was stiff, cold, brutally opinionated, condescending, and self-righteously hostile. But eventually he did attract a very pretty woman without a spine who saw him as a tower of strength to cling to. At first he loved this woman, he thought the stick up his a** was the answer to his dating problems. He was finally being loved the way he once loved others. At first it was great, and then it was good, and then it was ok, and then it was uncomfortable, and by the end of a year it was infuriatingly suffocating. The spineless woman clung like a straightjacket. The horror!!! The horror!!! But the stick up his a** made him so inflexible he didn't know how to get the spineless woman off of him, If only he could bend. He was trapped, upright in his "obligations", "duty to her", "guilt", "pride in his commitment", he spent months with his arms helplessly flapping about trying to get her off of him and trying not to look like he was doing that. He was hoping that she would leave by hinting her indirectly, he used sarcasic tones, said mean things that were "just a joke", neglect, "constructive" criticism intended to insult. He only made the spineless woman feel more insecure, so she clung HARDER. Spineless men envied him, called him a jerk for the way he was treating her, just the way he remembered how he used to envy other men before he had the stick up his a** (when he'd play consoler to their teary-eyed spineless girlfriends). If only they knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of a spineless person's embrace they'd understand. He wished she'd leave him for one of the spineless men who envied him. He felt ashamed for the way he must have made women feel in the past when he was trying to cling to them, he knew that they weren't so evil after all. One day he decided that there was only one way to be free of the spineless woman once and for all, the stick up his a** had to go. So he pulled the stick out, and to his amazement a miracle happened: he was still standing! All of the years of inflexibility allowed him the chance to grow a spine. At first he was still a bit stiff but eventually he had the flexibility to contort a bit and yet maintained the firmness to struggle, push, and wriggle from the spineless woman's grasp (though she protested much). He stayed far out of her reach and the reach of other spineless women so that he could never be grasped by one again. He was overjoyed with his new-found freedom; he could bend sometimes like he used to (but not too far) and also he could stand tall. He went out, partied, enjoyed life to the fullest, and eventually found a woman with a normal spine like his. They stood together as separate individuals giving mutual support and enjoying time alone too, and lived (relatively) "happily ever after"... The end

All I was trying to say (while specifically denouncing self-labeling) was some like it gentle and some like it rough, and to each her own. Sorry for not writing that more clearly.

Vamp, a psychologist should be able to determine whether or not you need meds and refer you to an M.D. if you do, but will do what she or he can to assist you without automatically resorting to them. keep ya chin up

If cheating was a good thing, they would call it "going to Disneyland". Divorce can be hell in cases like this but imo it beats behaving scandalously or wasting your life in misery.

good use of the 'return' device in the road metaphor. me likes.

Refreshingly unique... Hunter S. Thompson would be proud.

that's really good! i was stunned after i read it to see that you're only 13.

good stuff, dl23. i haven't read any of your other work yet but this seems like a keeper to me.

better than a lot of the stuff on my fav radio station/mp3 playa/hd

thanks, peeps. not quite an ex, because she had a crush on me when i was married/buried and i fell hard for her right about the time she wrote me off. and yes, i still idolize her so much it half chokes me sometimes...

you are the sunlight and i--just a moon when you're in front of me i lose me in you when you are smiling it lights up the world i exist to reflect you my beautiful girl but i am earthbound i can't stop spinning 'round i feel your warm irresistible charm a release from my pain take me away from here save me from bondage come to me, sunshine i call out your name i long to be in you knowing the whole of you engulfed in magnificence to burst into flame it seems like you're next to me surrounded by stars it's hard to believe, my love you're so very far yes, i am dark at times but you make me full you are my destiny who wouldn't be pulled? yet i am earthbound i must keep looking down i sense your warm and benevolent glow and it tears me apart so soft and innocent mother of everyone jewel of the universe it is who you are the center of gravity sitting there quietly oh, how i could melt in you deep in your heart i am nothing... lonely, orbiting, vacant, eternally sorrowful... every moment... i love you

Memi, I wish someone would have said something like that to me 2 years ago. I met a girl who was so much more than I had ever dare hope for and she stirred feelings in me that up to that point I had thought were the stuff of fairy tales. She let me know in many ways that she had some deep feelings for me, but I was more interested in protecting myself from getting hurt than in showing her how much I really cared about her, and she finally got discouraged and slipped away, but not before denying all feeling for me, which frankly crushed me like a ripe grape. I will never forget the sad look in her eyes the last time I saw her, and the other day I was devastated to hear from a mutual friend that she is in hospital on suicide watch, apparently over another failed relationship. Of course, she wants nothing whatsoever to do with me now, and I can't blame her. All I have to show now for my self-serving caution are tortured dreams and a handful of ashes that used to be a heart, and at the very best I will probably kick myself for the next several decades.

That's not weak, it's deep and honest. Killer choice of wording, too. If they ever have an American Poetry Idol, sign up!!

I can so relate to how you feel, my fellow heartbroken insomniac. You were right, that was one long-@$$ post, but let me try to hit a few main points with my two cents, in no particular order. First off, there ain't one damn thing wrong with being bi, if that's what you decide to be. If you don't like drugs then don't see a psychiatrist, see a psychologist because they don't prescribe medicine. Mine is a totally awesome dude. Guys are like buses. Another one will be along in 45 minutes. I can't make my mind go blank either, so sometimes I just repeat the word "one" over and over in my head and it stops all the other chatter. Can't give you any advice on the broken heart except to say that "you are not alone". I got the same condition and it's a beeyotch! Well, I'm starting to nod now (yay) but in those times when I can't, I just lie there and relax all over like I'm gonna ooze through my bed onto the floor. I read somewhere that's the next best thing to sleep. I hope my reply wasn't too rambling and you found something in it you can use. "my heart is broke/but i have some glue" ("Dumb", Nirvana)

Wow, 27 views and no replies! This IS a toughie, lol. All I can offer is this: don't try to plan the whole date ahead of time. Go with the flow, say what comes to mind and respond from your heart to whatever he says and does. To put it in even more cliche terms, just be yourself and wing it. One more thing, a little guy secret: 99% of us are not overly concerned about what you pick to wear, and the 100th guy will probably find out someday that he really doesn't need the company of women anyway. Chillax and have fun!

Imho a 'nice guy' is one who treats women with respect and equality, and it's a title that a guy earns by virtue of his actions and one that he shouldn't hang on himself. I have also observed that some chicks are into that kind of thing and others just ain't.

Speaking as a guy, I think Matt should step. He's being just a hair scandalous and breaking the "dude code" by coming on to you after Curtis told him that he liked you himself, not to mention trying to discourage Curtis from pursuing a relationship with you. But that's between them. I don't think you should have to blow Curtis off if you really like him, or feel bad about choosing one over the other. If they're good friends, they'll work it out. Just don't forget, we guys (meaning Matt) need to be let down firmly but gently so we don't bruise our fragile egos. Hope that helps!

Like CarnelianButterfly, I used this compound (under the brand name Zyban) with little or no discernible results. On the other hand, in my case it produced no ill effects, so my opinion is that you needn't worry too awful much about your daughter taking it under a doctor's care. Furthermore, even if it does not physiologically improve her brain chemistry there could be a beneficial placebo effect. Stay positive!

I'm brand spankin' new to enotalone, but I have been through a similar experience to yours and thereforeeee feel fairly confident in offering my opinion. As I see it, you have three (lawful) options in dealing with your wife's morbid insecurity: get her to address it in counseling (I have heard of this behavior being overcome, but there are no guarantees); run like hell before you have kids; or stick your head in the sand like I did many long years ago and hope in vain that the situation will resolve itself. Obviously, I can't recommend this third course, and the fact that you are discussing the issue here indicates that you are better able to proactively deal with it than I was. Good luck to you both.