I stumbled accross this website tonight while trying to find some guidance on the internet. I figured I would see what people say.
I think the title sums it up. I'm not happy, and I'm not sure there is any way for me to be happy in my marriage. My wife actually admitted to me the other night that she doesn't trust me. Why, you might ask? Because she has been betrayed by men in the past. She's been cheated on, sexually abused, raped. Now, when we were first dating she told me she had spent years in counseling and had worked through her issues. Of course, little did I know she had this trust thing that wasn't worked out. So, what does it mean when I say she doesn't trust me? She cannot trust me alone with another woman. Nor can she trust me in a situation where I could potentially be alone with another woman. So, if you think about that for a second, the potential to be alone with another woman is quite a few situations, isn't it? I can't go to any work related event because of this. I can't do things I used to do before I met my wife because of this. I pretty much get to go to work, and then I get to go home. Of course, she tells me that she loves me, but how is it possible to love someone that you don't trust? I've never cheated on my wife, or any female I was involved in for that matter. But somehow, I'm supposed to stay in this relationship?
She regularly tells me that I'm dishonest. As an example, I didn't tell her that I didn't feel well last night, but I came out of my room (yes, we have separate rooms) and ate with her. I didn't complement her on her cooking, I simply asked her what kind of pasta it was. I only ate half of the meal, and then sat back while she finished hers. She queried me as to if I was going to eat any more and I told her I would have a bit more. She asked me if I like the noodles, and I said that was why I asked her what kind it was. She got mad at me because she had no way of knowing that I liked the pasta and she certainly coudn't infer that from my comment. As I was cleaning up after dinner, I asked her if she wanted dessert, which she made it a point not to answer. She simply stared at me, and then after 30 seconds or so, got up and left the table without saying a word.
An hour or so later, she then wanted to watch a movie that we have watched 4 times in the last week, at which point I said I had a headache and didn't want to watch it. She assumed i was pissed off at her and proceeded to turn the movie off and go to her room, shut the door and go to bed.
The next morning we have this long discussion about me not answering her question about if I was going to have any more pasta. She then tells me that I'm dishonest because I didn't tell her that I had a headache and didn't feel well.
This is a regular occurrence. In her eyes, I'm a dishonest person, and she is regularly letting me know that.
Now, here's the really strange thing. I'm such a dishonest person (insert sarcasm here) that she insisted I see a counselor, which I've been doing. My counselor tells me that he doesn't think I'm a dishonest person at all. In fact, he has asked me if there is something else we need to spend our time talking about because he doesn't think we need to talk about being honest.
Sorry for the long winded story here, but geez, I could go on for pages and pages. I can't see myself staying in this marriage without some major changes. We haven't even been married for two years at this point, we have no kids. There isn't much keeping me here. I can't reason with her on a mental/emotional level. I'm just not smart enough that way. She has a degree in psych and her dad is a psychiatrist, so she has spent most of her life dealing with these type of things. It's gotten to a point where I feel that she is just manipulating me to get what she wants, which is me, stuffed into a corner feeling completely and totally inadequate about myself. Tonight she walked into my room and told me that I could start biking in to work like I used to do(I stopped because she wanted to jog with me after work, which we have never done) I said "aren't we going to jog?" and she says, "no." I say, "why not?" She says, "because you don't love me." and then walks out.
Am I crazy here or does my wife need some counseling? Maybe we both should get some marriage counseling? I love her, but I'm done being a doormat.
