designer71

I think that you should let him go - if he goes and doesnt do anything wrong, then it will help you begin to build trust again. If he screws up again, then you know he's not the guy for you. He did do the right thing and tell you he cheated last time, so that counts for something. You have to let go a little to see if you can trust him again, maybe you can't, but you'll never know unless you let him out of your sight and wait and see if he does it again. Good luck honey, and you know, he may not want you to go to orlando because it's a "guy's thing" like he'd be considered wipped if he "had" to bring his girlfriend....

Maybe he's afraid of initiating contact to see you because he doesn't want to mislead you or give you false hope?

It sounds like you scared him with cutting yourself like that. Has anything like that ever happened before? (Cutting yourself open?) And I know he didn't call you to see if you were OK, but do you really want someone like that in your life anyway?

I think Danielle sounds so confident and fun....and I think she's for real and that you could really have some fun times with her if you don't analyze it too much....just go with it and see what happens - you NEVER know what's around the next bend!! Good Luck!

I agree - especially when he does things like drive a 1/2 hour just to see you for 20 minutes....people don't do those kinds of things unless they really care. When someone says they love you, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words, and his actions seem loud and clear...that he does!! Sounds like a keeper!

thank u so much shelly - I know i have to cut him out, but it is so hard! When he calls me today, I am going to tell him that he needs to leave me alone and stop hurting me until he figures out what it is he is doing with her. It is not fair to me at all. God, I can't stand this!

I am in the same boat...am having sex with the ex while he is in "love" with someone else just hoping like a loser that he will suddenly decide that he wants me instead of her. He was supposed to come over tonight but he is home talking to her on the phone. I am beside myself - I feel addicted to him. Like, I will take any scrap of anything he will throw my way or something. What the hell is wrong with me? He says stuff like there is a chance for us again in the future and that's what keeps me hanging on. Most days I am just sorry I ever met him.

I had a FWB that actually worked out wonderfully...and no one was more surprised than me! He and I were friends, but not close,close friends - for about 4 or 5 years. More or less we hung out in the same group of friends on weekends. He was gorgeous, and really, really smart. One night after going to a party, he was driving me home - with no idea it was going there, it just kind of happened. And it was great and steamy, but the key was, neither of us was interested in the other as bf/gf. I was amazed at myself b/c I am usually the girl who can't separate love and sex. So this went on for a few years...we were super safe (condoms and all) and when one of us was dating someone else, we remained friends and talked on the phone and got together platonically, but whenever we were both free at the same time, it would be on again. It was so odd too because we would talk to each other about our ex's and how we were trying to get over them after we'd have sex. How odd! But it worked for us!! i do feel that it was a once in a lifetime thing though, because we often marveled to each other that we were able to do this without anyone feeling hurt. We even tried a few official dates - but the spark wasn't there romantically, just sexually! We went along like that until my last serious boyfriend and his last serious girlfriend...we are still friends, but we don't do the sex thing anymore - the older we have gotten the more we realize that sex means more than steamy passion without love. But we are a very rare example, and I don't think it can work for everyone, and I don't think it will ever happen that way for me ever again! Just my $00.2 Thinking of it now, boy I miss him!! LOLOLOL

I am with you metro....I know if I contact my ex, more bad than good could ever come from it. So I don't. And I post here. Days while I am at work are easy, it's when I'm home on the weekends and at night when it's the worst.

ahhhhh...A Bronx Tale...Another classic! You might be right...wasn't it one of Coligino's friends who tell him that?

I am 34 and started dating when cars didn't always have automatic locks, and I was actually taught by my Father to unlock a guy's door for him after he lets you in! I was thrown off when guys started having automatic door locks and openers! So I would say, I would've opened your door, but your automatic locks beat me to it! I obviously don't think anyone should read too much into this one way or another, was it Casino DeNiro said that in, or was it something else? I've seen all his movies and I forget which one it was!

thank you all - I got through the better part of the nite b/c of your support!! And serenity - you've got yourself a deal!! I will post or PM you anytime I feel like I want to look him up - and you do the same!!! : )

Thanks FriscoDj, I like the way you put things! I too, have the therapy bills to prove it - and THANK GOD!! She has been such a help with healing through this mess. I have been doing pretty well - just a set back today I guess. The 4 week itch I guess!!

Thanks so much Serendipity..I guess the biggest thing I am struggling with is the restraining order thing....I can't seem to get a grip on why he would ever say something like that?? I am so shocked about it! I've been anything but a stalker - and I asked him for NC....I just don't get it.

I know what you are going through - it's been 4 weeks for me and I have been rehashing it out in my mind for days now. The saddest thing in life is that for as quick as you can fall in love with someone, then can just as quickly fall out of love with you. Sometimes with no warning at all. Sometimes though, if we look deep enough into it, we can see warning signs that weren't as visible before. I am sorry you are going through this....don't you wish we could all fast-forward to a year from now with our healing sometimes? I know I do!

Hi all, This has been an ongoing drama for me since January. My previous posts talk about it. Sorry if this is so long!!! My ex-bf met someone on-line on one of the gaming websites and kept it a secret from me. He proposed to me and asked me to have his baby about a month and a 1/2 before I happened to look up his profile on the site and saw how he wrote that his relationship status is "taken" by this other woman - who at that point he had never met. And that he loved her. I confronted him, and he was embarrassed that he was caught, but it was all true. So I did NC right away for 2 weeks. He contacted me when we had some flooding around here to see if I was OK. I folded like a deck of cards and contacted him back. This started a week of talking where I offered to help him find a job and to lend him MORE money. I know...i am a * * * * * * *. He was walking all over me. Anyway, I smartened up and sent him an e-mail asking him to never, ever contact me again, that I don't hate him. I wish him luck in his new relationship, and that I hope he moves away and goes to live with her and is happy. I also proceeded to tell him that his new girlfriend should be the one finding him a job and he should be asking her for money, not me. Well, he called me up screaming mad and proceeded to throw every bad thing I ever did to him over the last 2 years in my face. He then told me if I ever called him or e-mailed him again that he would get a restraining order against me. I was so shocked...it's not like I called him more than once every few days, and I never, ever went by his house or places where he'd hang out after I found out about her, I have more self-respect than that! And anyway, I was the one who told him not to contact me anymore! My therapist says she thinks he got so mad and blew up because he thought he was finally in control of the relationship, and I took that control away. He did mention while we were talking for that one week that things weren't so good w/his new girlfriend. Now after all that, Sunday will be 4 weeks NC for me. I am not at all considering breaking NC to actually contact him, but I wouldn't mind googling him or checking his profile on that website again just to see if he's still here or if he's moved to be with her already. I don't know why I want to know....actually, yes I do....and I am embarrassed to admit this, but in my fantasies, he comes back to me groveling for my forgiveness. Do I really want him back? No - I think it's a pride thing. But I do kind of feel that just because you don't contact someone to their knowledge it is still breaking NC if you look stuff up about them on-line b/c it can just fuel the flames. I guess I also just feel so confused as to why he would ever say he was going to get a restraining order on me. Everyone I tell that to is like huh?? I just can't understand his thinking! I guess that really has hurt my pride that he would say that. And I would feel more accomplishment from NC if he didn't think I wasn't not contacting him because of the police! I know he's a user and a loser - and I know I don't want him back - so why am I writing such a long posting? I don't know....most of the time I am good, but some days, I rehash it all in my head. Sorry this was so long!!

I'm gone - Kelly Clarkson

i guess he could be just protecting himself, but I feel that was a little creepy.

It is a really obscure city that hardly anyone's ever heard of! that's why the red flag went up!

OK - I have a question.... I met this guy on-line. We have had a few conversations. He lives sorta near-by, so we decided to meet. It was pleasant enough, so we met a second time. Here's the weird part....I mentioned a state I used to live in, and he blurted out the name of the city. I said, I don't remember telling you that. He said, well, it's always the one on the news. What the?? I googled myself with that state and nothing comes up. What the hell did he do a freakin background check on me? Should I confront him or just run for the hills now?

Hi, and welcome to ENA. This is a great site where you will gets lots of support and where you can post frequently. There will always be someone here to support you as most of us have been in the same place you are right now. I am so sorry to hear that you are so broken-hearted. I get the feeling from your post that things are over, but just for now. I don't know much of the history or background of your situation, but I moved to a new city to be with a man I loved once, and things were good until I started missing my family and friends immensely. Does anything like that have anything to do with her uncertainty? If so, have you discussed moving to where she came from? Write here as much and as often as you need to, it really does help.

Make sure to look into her eyes once in a while you are in the middle of it. Sometimes with inexperience, things can feel so good to our own bodies that we forget there's another person there! And make sure you hold her and tell her you love her/she's beautiful/etc./(whatever sweet things you guys usually say to each other) when it's over. And most of all, HAVE FUN!!! I took sex so seriously when I first started (at 17 as well) but the best part of sex can sometimes be how much fun it can actually be! So have a blast!!!!

My recent ex was on-line every night. First it was just chat. He said he only chatted with women because if he initiated chat with other guys, they would think he was "gay". Then he started swapping pics. He didn't come right and tell me this willingly, I asked and asked because I couldn't understand why he spent so much time on-line. He asked me to marry him and have his babies on March 10th (this year). On April 28th I found out from a posting he put on this web site we both go to that he was in love with a woman he's been chatting with. He's never met her. But of course now, things are over with us. I am DEVASTATED. I am sure that what your boyfriend is doing is nothing as psychotic as what mine did, but because you were suspicious and snooped, tells me that you had a feeling or a reason to be suspicious in the first place. I for one do not understand the need to get on the computer when you have a SO and chat with strangers and exchange pics when there are so many warm bodies all around us who are lonely and love to chat in real life!! I understand this forum because we all need advice and caring, but to establish a relationship, why go on-line? And why go on-line especially when you have somebody already?? Is it just because they need to prove their worth by seeing how many people could possibly be interested in them? I don't know. Snooping definitely isn't good, but you might be suspicious for a reason, just talk to him. And keep your eyes open.

I have been doing NC for a few weeks now, and I find that every day I get under my belt makes it that much easier to do it again the next day. When i successfully make it through a day without calling or e-mailing him, I am so proud of my accomplishment that i don't want to "spoil" it the next day by making myself start at zero days of NC. Hope that helps!

and yes, this is still the same guy who had a naked pic sent to him and is on-line all the time. same guy.