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EnglishSilver

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  1. EnglishSilver
    Hi, why don't you try posting this in the LGBT section? You don't say how old you are, or give details on same sex crushes. These could be a temporary thing, or the beginning of something deeper. Try not to worry about it too much, lots of teenagers have same sex crushes, and if it turns out to be more than that, its great being gay - honest!!
  2. EnglishSilver
    Hi, I'm not really ready for dating yet, still hurting from being left by my ex, but i filled in one of these online things to support a friend of mine who was trying straight internet dating. I paid my subscription (approx £25.00 british money). As I said I'm not really looking for a date, but have now made email contact with a very nice woman, who I'm hoping will turn out to be a good friend, so from my perspective, probably worth parting with your cash for !
  3. EnglishSilver
    Having met quite a few lesbians who have only realised their orientation a bit later on (age range approx 20 - 40) this is very similar to what they say! you don't need a label unless you want one, enjoy these wonderful feelings! It's a bit of a surprise for you at the moment, time will tell you if you ever want to be with a man again. (Sometimes its hard to imagine not being with a man if you've spent your whole previous life thinking thats what you're supposed to do, but then after time spent with women you cant imagine going back to men as it just wouldn't feel right.) Your friend sounds wonderful! Good luck xx
  4. EnglishSilver
    Great news, hope it continues to go well! Just thought I'd share with you that I recently met a lesbian couple in their 90's who have been together since the second world war! hope for all of us yet.xx
  5. EnglishSilver
    Wow, big alarm bells! that would put me right off too.
  6. EnglishSilver
    You might find a woman who is looking for the same as you initially, but there are so many ways it could all go pear shaped even if you're totally honest and one or both of you could get badly hurt. Just an idea - a friend of mine has started internet and agency dating (she's straight but the principles the same). It does take away the spontenaiety out of meeting someone, but you do get the chance to say what you're looking for, and bypass profiles of people who aren't looking for the same as you. It doesn't guarentee the chemistry will be there but its a step in the right direction if you're both looking for the same sort of relationship.
  7. EnglishSilver
    Everyone has some sort of preference for body type, but for a lot of people its not important enough to affect the way you feel about someone you care for. I think he is insecure, and its not just that more other men might fancy you, its about you having an increased confidence and sense of your own attractiveness that might make you realise you have a wider choice!! not saying you would think like that, but he might think you do! Give him plenty of reassurance, but what you do with your body is entirely up to you.
  8. EnglishSilver
    That would be absolutely lovely, and as a parent it is the way I would be with my kids no matter what they told me, unfortunately not all parents love their children unconditionally. Your g/f shouldn't be putting you under this sort of pressure. She is very lucky that she has loving support and acceptance from her family, but she has got to understand that it wouldn't be the same for you, and at present your education and future depends on their financial support. Just what does she think your relationship would be like if you had no money or home?! That said, I have a friend who's g/f wont publicly acknowledge their relationship at all even though we all mix with a very gay friendly crowd (they're all fine with me- know I'm gay) and this makes my friend feel a bit insecure. Maybe if you can show her in other ways, depending on your circumstances occasionally holding her hand in public, telling a trusted friend or something like that, your g/f will know that you aren't ashamed of her or your sexuality. Don't give in to pressure to tell your family though - thats your choice if and when you do so, and now is definitely not the time.xx
  9. EnglishSilver
    Hi to you, I would in general say to anyone that hiding your sexuality gives people more fuel to gossip, however it sounds as though you are living in a particularly gay-unfriendly situation, and you would have to weigh up the possibility of getting picked on more if you were caught flirting with this lad (cos thats what both of you have been doing !). Is there any chance you could move back with your mum? I don't mean that to sound negative, just a suggestion. From what you describe, this guy sounds as attracted to you as you are to him. If you want to take it a step further, I'd suggest getting to know him a little better as a person. Start talking to him, you could use the class you take together as a starting point to conversation, then find out if you have anything in common. If you find you share any interests, maybe you could suggest getting together out of school, then the focus would be on your activity rather than your attraction to each other - less pressure!!, and away from the prying eyes of the rest of your school. Good luck!
  10. EnglishSilver
    Hi to you both, please don't tie yourselves up in knots trying to give yourselves labels. I know its very confusing, and I wish when I was your age I could have relaxed and allowed my sexuality to develop naturally. It doesn't matter if you're gay/bi/straight, just do what feels right for you, so long as you aren't making your choices to conform to what you think other people want. I agree with a post above, try to seek out gay/bi groups who can give you information and support. If you feel more comfortable with the idea of being bi/gay then you will be better able to listen to what your inner person is telling you. Not sure if i'm explaining this very well!xxxx
  11. EnglishSilver
    What an excellent idea! Its a recent film that lots of people are talking about, so wouldn't seem like a totally contrived topic of conversation. From what you say Foxlocke, I'm almost sure he's gay - my gaydars going off all the way over here in England! how many straight guys would talk about pretty hair? It doesn't sound like he's having too much trouble trying to stay in the closet, if you are quite openly pro-gay even if you don't actually declare yourself, I bet theres even a good chace he'll make the first move in the right situation. Enjoy this flirtation, cos it sounds like there's a good chance of it going somewhere! Good luck. xx
  12. EnglishSilver
    Yes, just tell her! If she's a couple of years older than you she'll understand that your sexuality is just emerging and you simply didn't realise how you felt before. Good luck!xx
  13. EnglishSilver
    I'd have to disagree with this, lots of people are gay but not openly displaying it. Even if you are comfortable with your sexuality which a lot of teenagers aren't, its hard to be "out" in school. It takes a lot of confidence to be publicly gay in a straight environment. Thats not to say this lad is gay at all, lots of people are shy for lots of reasons, so just try being friendly to him, start with a smile and a hello. At the very least you make him feel his class is more pleasant, and it never hurts to make a new friend.
  14. EnglishSilver
    My gaydars pretty good, I'd say about 95% accurate! and once when I thought I was wrong, it turned out that the person was gay, but in denial at the time. I think its down to being good at reading people and picking up on little subtleties. My ex doesn't have a gaydar at all, but isn't generally very observant of whats around her.
  15. EnglishSilver
    Sorry, posted above before i read your next message about how difficult it is for you to find others like yourself at the moment! It may be worth thinking about moving to somewhere where you'll have more a more fruitful social life if you can afford it in the future, but keep your eyes and ears open for any opportunities that arise in the meantime!
  16. EnglishSilver
    Not wanting to go too much off topic, but had to agree with this, my teenage sons have encountered such a lot of homophobia on account of my sexuality at school, despite the teachers being supportive on the whole, and feel a lot of it is what these kids have learnt from their parents. Sounds Jinx, like time to seek out some new friends, maybe some gay ones! but not all straight people are that homophobic, you seem to have struck very unlucky at the moment. When I first came out, my youngest son was just two, and I was shunned by the whole playgroup!! no great loss, most of them were too far up their own bottoms anyway! (what a threat I must have been, all those silly women thinking I would chase them and corrupt their children!!) What was much more upsetting was losing my best friend of 10 years because her husband didn't like it, and was a control freak. I think that although its lovely to have good lifelong friends, it doesn't happen that way for everyone, especially if you have dramatic changes in your life. Real true friends would accept it if you told them you had no sexual or romantic designs on them and not act weird with you. It may be that you have outgrown these women if they're not able to move on with knowing about your sexuality. You don't have to drop them, but I'd start looking to expand your social life where you might meet people who you can connect with without this irritating unspoken prejudice. Good luck!xx
  17. EnglishSilver
    Hi, sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. Keep telling yourself you did the right thing because it would have been a lot harder for your ex if you'd continued the relationship only to leave her further down the line. Once she's over this pain she will be free to find someone who loves her back in the right way. Ive been on both sides of this situation and know that neither is easy. For you, sitting in a bar seeing everyone else with people they know must be deadly, and you also run the risk of people thinking your there to get picked up, when it sounds as though you'd be better off making some friends and leaving relationships alone for a little while. Can you try and find out what else is happening in your local gay community, are there any groups or activities that you could join where you would get to meet other people and the chance to make some of your own friends? Only you know your straight friends and how they might react, but they might be ok, if they care about you they'll want to help even if its a bit of a surprise! I know you want to know your ex is ok, but she isn't going to be for a while. Thats not your fault its part of the process. Unless you have to see her for any reason, like work or anything, its probably best to leave her alone to get over it. She will go through a stage where shes angry at you, again, this is part of the healing process and doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I'm having to stay in touch with the woman who broke my heart a month ago because our children are such close friends and I think it would be easier to heal if I had no contact. People think its easy to be the one who ends the relationship, but i know from past experience its not. Once you've made that decision you have to accept that you can no longer support that person or help them with how they feel because you're the one that hurt them. Thats really hard when you still care a lot about someone and feel guilty.She will be ok, and if you have treated her with kindness and respect which I'm sure you have, in time she will hopefully be ok if you bump into her. Really hope you feel better soon. xxxx
  18. EnglishSilver
    It is a shame you lied to her, but i think most people would understand why. You were angry and upset and travelling so very stressed and not in the best position to think clearly about what your response should be. Youve since explained it to her properly and although as you say you don't have much of a previous track record with her to show you aren't a habitual liar, neither has she any evidence that you are, and it seems a huge overreaction to finish the relationship based on this one incident. I know it hurts to give your heart to someone who doesn't give theirs back for whatever reason, going through something like that myself at the moment. I think there are people who would give a relationship time to develop as you grow to know and understand each other better, and then there are people who have an idealistic view of what they want, and give up at the first hitch rather than take stock, see if there can be some leeway, look at things from the other persons point of view etc and move forward with little adjustments on the way. Sounds to me like your the first sort and she's the second, and I know its really frustrating as well as painful when the other person can't see the potential you can if only they would give it a chance. I'm two weeks out from a breakup, and just starting to see through the heartache that if we'd carried on this difference in outlook may well have caused problems over and over again, so maybe better finished sooner rather than later - at least thats what i'm telling myself! I didn't want to hear this when my friend said it but its true, if you weren't together long theres less memories to keep coming back and hurting you. Hope you feel a bit better soon. xxxxx
  19. EnglishSilver
    My g/f broke up with me just over two weeks ago, I wont go into long detail (theres already a post in the GLBT forum), says her feelings towards me haven't changed, but she couldn't cope with keeping 5 very individual teenagers (2 hers 3 mine) happy at weekends, or living an hour apart with no realistic prospect of living together for several years. I have been heartbroken, tearful, felt it almost as a physical pain, and have just the last couple of days started to cope with the hurt better, although its still very painful. She says she very much wants us to remain friends as there was actually nothing wrong with our relationship as a couple and because she still loves and cares for me. Also, our two youngest children are very close friends and it would be cruel to keep them apart because I'm upset. I'm finding it very hard to get my head round how I could still phone and visit her when I want so badly for it to be more than friendship. I don't blame her because I understand that although we were right for each other all the circumstances were wrong. I just don't know how to go about healing and still keeping the door open for friendship. We haven't been phoning, but have sent daily texts and some emails. I have been quite open about my grief in these emails because she said she wanted me to tell her how I felt rather than bottle it up, but now it seems she is finding it hard to handle that, and isn't replying to emails even though she says in her texts she will send one. Apart from just one evening when I was distraught and i asked her not to text that night, I have tried to keep a small channel of communication open, but if she's not going to email me back I can't keep chasing her as it'll crush my self esteem. I have thought of really cutting back on contact for a while until we both feel a bit stronger, but worry then that I would be reluctant to risk opening wounds again in say a couple of months down the line. I know she feels really bad for hurting me, but I can't pretend to be okay so that she can keep the bits of our relationship she doesn't want to let go of (e.g. shared sense of humour, having fun together doing things, supporting each other over parenting and work issues) without feeling guilty. My son has been talking to her daughter online and on the phone, and i'm glad he is happy he can talk to her, but i scares me that if I can't bring myself to see my ex, the kids are going to get even more hurt. what a mess! Any words of wisdom would be very much appreciated.
  20. EnglishSilver
    Oh dear, Ive been asterisked out! I don't find that term in the least rude or derogeratory, I think its an empowering term to describe a lesbian, but sorry if I offended anyone.
  21. EnglishSilver
    I went to see the film yesterday, and loved it, glad to see lots of straight people there too. Re the above quote, I haven't read the book,so don't know whether the film just didn't get accross any build-up of chemistry and sexual tension between the men prior to the first sex scene, or whether there wasn't supposed to be any. Personally I would have liked that to have been more obvious because then you're really rooting for them to get it together and the sodomy scene might then have appeared passionate rather than aggressive. Maybe thats just cos I'm romantic lol. I did think both the characters were gay, but different personality and upbringing made their reactions very different. Ennis had been shown that awful scene of the dead gay guy by his father as some sort of warning. Although Jack's father clearly didnt approve, Jack had been able to be relatively open with his parents. I could identify much more with Jack's personality, willing to drive hundreds of miles, and to make his wish to be with Ennis more important than all the problems they might face. Ennis seemed much better able to shut his feelings off and put self preservation first seemingly able to handle causing pain to people who loved him, probably because he had learnt to this as a boy, losing each family member one at a time. All in all I thought it an excellent film, and did shed a few tears as did the very butch * * * * in the seat in front of me!
  22. EnglishSilver
    Completely agree with this advice. I don't know anything about your relationship with your ex so can't say anything about that, but being cheated on is very painful and my heart goes out to you. My very recent ex is nothing like yours yet it still made me cry for an hour when I saw she'd changed her MSN profile back to single, so I can only try to imagine how hurt you are when you read what your ex is up to. Two years ago I finished a 7 year relationship, wasn't happy with my partner for many reasons, the main one being how nasty she got when drunk, but still would never have considered cheating. I figure most people deserve more respect than to do that. It is hard to for you to stay away from finding out what she's doing, but it hurts enough just knowing that someone you've lost is carrying on with day to day life without you, let alone all the stuff with her new g/f. I think the no contact option sounds the best for you because it doesn't sound as though you have a basis for friendship with your ex, so theres absolutely no gain to be had from keeping in touch or up to date on what she's doing. Easier said than done mate, I know, but you've got to to give your heart a chance to mend.xxxxxxxx
  23. EnglishSilver
    Hiya, Its not nice feeling being worried about this, and it sounds as though you've gone through a bit of emotional effort recently, coming out to your family etc. Re-reading your post, it sounds as though your g/f left this girl before she got back together with you, she didn't leave her for you? If i've got that right, then your g/f had already decided after quite a short time that she didn't want a relationship with this girl, so isn't really likeley to be getting up to anything with her now. She's chosen to come back to you, I can understand it was hard for her being with you before if shes very out and you wanted it all kept secret, however neither should you be pushed into coming out until you're ready. Theres a good chance you are both in a better place now for it to work out this time. As far as being in contact with ex's is concerned, from my own and friends experiences Ive seen that there are exes who truly become good platonic friends, and then there are others where its never going to be a comfortable friendship. You haven't been in your situation long enough to know where your g/fs ex stands here, but everything seems to be pointing to your g/f wanting to be with you, and you don't sound as though you have any other reason not to trust her, so at this point I don't think it would be helpful to make a fuss about her being in contact with her ex. Personally speaking Im not naturally a jealous person, so if I have suspicions I tend to trust my gut feeling, doesn't sound like you're naturally jealous either so time should tell if you have anything to worry about, but it sounds unlikeley!xxxxxxx
  24. EnglishSilver
    Ok not related to this thread at all, but how do you get quotes to be in those little boxes cos i'm failing miserably here!
  25. EnglishSilver
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