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nickb

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  1. nobody said marriage is easy, and i know you didn't imply that it was, but there will be bumps in the road. you have to ask yourself and make a list of the pros and cons. talk to her more than anything and get feedback. its your marriage, and if you're asking questions like this, you should be talking to her too. takes two to get married. sounds like there are some probs there, but nothing worth throwing in the towel over. tons of marriages have sexual/intimacy issues, and i can't even begin to count the number of people within marriages who have a conflict with {name any relative}. just work through it before you decide to give up and talk to her. don't make your decision without letting her know all this. it'd be unfair.
  2. okay so i'm in the exact same boat i had been rather dormant with exercising most of the year, i'm not overweight by any means, just didn't exercise, ate about whatever i wanted...guys can tend to get away with that. the summer came, started working out, every day, got in amazing shape, loved the body...slowly my visits to the gym dropped down to a few a week, started eating less healthy...on and on recently i've forced myself into the gym...i'm not eating any candy/fast food/soft drinks. try to follow the food pyramid by the usda...you can't go wrong with that. it's so easy to sit at home, eat fast food and watch tv rather than getting out there and sweating. my motivation is knowing that i'm healthy and daily exercise and healthy eating will let me live a much longer and happier life. don't force yourself to go to the gym, allow yourself to take off days, and you don't have to force healthy foods on yourself. i let myself take a day or two off a week from the gym and i eat healthy all week, then eat about anything on the weekends. gives me something to look forward to. i don't pig out on the weekends, but i let myself satisfy my cravings (within reason). hope this helps.
  3. it's the weirdest thing that you posted about this. i was going to post about it a day ago and its been on my mind. my issue is all my friends are coworkers and people in my industry. i'm 21, and been working for 2 years now. i am as social as they get, easy to get along with people person. i had tons of friends in college, tons in high school (few of which i hang out with now) and now it seems like not many at all. i can count the friends that i really talk and hang out with on one hand. isn't that sad? and my boy thinks its weird that all my friends from work are in their 30s and i'm 21. my boy is still in college so he's in the environment with all other 18-20 y/o's, but once you get in the workforce, things change. how odd. i'd like to make more friends my age, but find tough time doing so.
  4. while it might seem justified, its wrong not to try to fix things before deciding to cheat on her with someone else. if fixing things didn't work, then you should end it...whether she's sexual or not, she doesn't deserve to be cheated on. nobody does.
  5. so here goes, btw, i'm gay so remember that when reading this. changes the dynamics of things a bit. but please read, its a relationship either way. just got off the phone with my bf of 2 years. long story short, he's at home for the summer, we drive every 2 weeks to see each other. every weekend he parties hard and i mean hard, like 8 drinks a nite, etc. when partying i always ask him to call me no matter what he's doing. i give him a flexible time frame too...like instead of making him call me at 11 to talk i say call me from 10:45 to 12:15 to talk. that way he can call me whenever. so far, one weekend he got too drunk and passed out while i waited up the whole nite and couldn't sleep worrying about whether he got home okay. he won't call me around his friends, because they'll want to know who he's talking to and he doesn't want to even mention my name or even say its a friend...just because he's afraid that one of them might remotely find out that he's gay. long story short, i told him last night to call from 10:45 to 12:15...he called me at 12:30 last night, 15 minutes later than the timeframe i told him to call. he said he was packed in a car with 5 people and couldn't even text me because someone might ask him who he's talkin or textin and he doesn't want to tell them anything or lie to them. i'm not allowed to meet any of his friends, because he has this weird thing about thinkin he'll be found out or somethin. all my friends thought i was straight until i told them i was gay, so it's not like i'm femme or something. another weird thing...he won't drink with me, he might have one alcoholic beverage or a glass of wine, but when he's with his friends, he unloads and gets drunk as can be with them. he says he can't get drunk around me...odd...yes! he's unwilling to change any of those things. he WILL NOT answer his phone around his friends, always puts it on vibrate, because they'll ask who it is and he can't just say a friend...he feels like he has to tell them everything, under some obligation or something because they're his friends. we've had trust issues in the past b/c of infidelity. we've been to counseling,etc. the problem i'm having is that i've never, in the 2 years we've been together seen him drunk, so i have no clue how he behaves, and i don't know any of the people he hangs out with, so it creates doubt and trust issues for me. i've talked to him about it and he tells me well nick, do what you want. as in, be with me or don't. i don't know what else to say, do what you want. then he'll say whatever. i don't know what to do. i don't see how i can leave him...i've been with him for 2 years, and it seems like he's my entire life, and if he left, as bad as everything is, i'd feel like there's nothing in the world for me. he graduates college in 1 year, i'm already out, working full time. i'm hoping maybe in a year, he'll be more mature, and see that the world isn't meant for you to walk all over people and you can't party all the time. then maybe he'll come out of the closet, because he won't be financially dependent on his parents. but then again, i could be waiting a year, hoping for everything and get nothing, but a year wasted. he is my first true love, and i wanted him to be my last. its with him i've learned how happy it makes me to just hold someones hand and be completely content. i've talked to him about all this that i'm writing and he just always says well i don't know, what do you want me to say. any advice on anything i've posted?
  6. all i get from my boy is 'I don't know' answers. i'm personally sick of it. it's a lack of the ability to communicate effectively or else being scared to fully express yourself. my boyfriend is definitely on a different level, uncommunicative, selfish, self-serving, and this list can go on and on. i've matured and grown up and he hasn't.
  7. thanks for the advice you gave me. another thing you should realize...and people always say it to me, but when you're in a valley, the only way you can go is UP. No matter where your life has been, no matter how bad things are, you and you alone can change every last bit of it. Not saying it'd be easy, but definitely doable. Just devote your time and effort into change. Don't look at the past as failures, look at it as a an opportunity to learn from mistakes. Look at the good side, you've got your health. A friend of my family just got a divorce from her husband, because he wanted out, didn't give a reason why, just up and left. now, she just found out soon after that she has colon cancer, with very little survival rate. she has 2 young boys she's raising. she had to make the decision whether to get chemotherapy and live a year longer, but be sick from the treatment, or to only live 6 months without treatment and get to spend the summer with her boys. point being, no matter how bad your situation is, you have to look at the bright side. you've got your health. best of luck.
  8. remember...it's not about where you've been, its how you use it do decide where you want to go. you can look back on your past as a failure, and make more bad choices, or you can use it to help you in the future make sound, good choices. let this be a fork in the road.
  9. Hi All, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years now. Can definitely say that the honeymoon phase is over. The communication between us sucks...its one sided. I communicate everything, and the emotional one, and he's just along for the ride. Doesn't contribute anything to the relationship but himself. Doesn't ever do anything to make me feel special or loved other than the words 'I Love You', which when not combined with anything else are meaningless. All he ever wants me to do is change to what he wants. I can't honestly look down the road and see myself being happy in the future...if this is as good as it gets...I'm not sure how much longer I can be happy at all. I've spent two years doing everything to make him happy, going really far out of my way. Does he ever do that for me...never. Maybe on a birthday, but that's it. The only thing that is good is the sex. The sex is amazing, great, wonderful. The communication sucks, the trust is okay, but you can't build a relationship on sex. He rarely thinks or calls me unless he has to. He's gone home for the summer, about an hour away. We only see each other every few weeks. We've had some amazing and great times together, but only a string of them. It makes me cry thinking about giving him up because I think on all the good times and think about where we COULD go. I put everything into making this relationship work, and he does nothing. I need to learn to be happy on my own, without him, because I don't see this relationship in all reality lasting much longer. He wants something convenient, I want something deep and real. I've told him all of this, and yet he's the same person. I realize I can't change him, but I want him to do more in our relationship. He has the potential to be the best lover in the world, but more often than not, leaves me disappointed and sad. How do you let go of something that hurts so much, that you think back and have some great memories of...and HOW DO YOU LET GO, WHEN YOU KNOW THAT NOBODY WILL EVER AND I MEAN EVER TREAT THAT PERSON AS GOOD AS YOU HAVE? Right now I'm crying and can't type anymore, because it hurts too much. Any advice is appreciated.
  10. hey-- i know it doesn't seem like a good time to think about this, but hey-- WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...i really believe this in life...he'll reap what he sows...so hope he has a good time finding a decent relationship in the future.
  11. well let me first say that marrige is definitely not something to rush into. it's a lot easier to leave a bad relationship than end a marrige that barely got off the ground. seriously think through things, and talk to him about everything. he might be feeling scared and unsure, and that might be why he proposed. i can't offer much more advice, except i'd wait a while to get married until you're sure about things.
  12. I posted earlier about this, but still need a little direction. My boyfriend left to go home for the summer. We drove to see each other this last weekend. I've been working out and getting in shape. Before he went home for the summer, I just kind of ignored my health, ate whatever came my way, and didn't exercise. I was getting pretty chubby, no definition in my body, etc. I was kind of unhappy with my body and wanted to do something about it, but never had the motivation. With my boyfriend gone for most of the summer, I decided to start working out. He saw that my body had changed, I maybe lost a little more weight than I should have...I started eating healthier also. He was very upset, because he liked my body the way that it was, before he left to go home for the summer. I'm finally happy, because I'm in shape, and enjoy looking in the mirror. What do I do...he's unhappy with my body now, because he used to like me with a little chub on me, now I'm pretty fit and he's not happy with it and would like me to add the weight back...otherwise, he won't be happy. What do I do?
  13. well it's definitely not healthy. a healthy relationship doesn't have boundaries like that. you're just setting yourself up for failure by setting unreasonable limits for both of you. a free, trusting relationship doesn't have boundaries. you need to trust that she will behave good when away from you and she should do the same for you.
  14. ok so here goes: my boy and i have been seeing each other for 2 years now. he's in college, i'm not, i work full time. he goes home to be with his family during his summer break, he lives about an hour away. we see each other every 2 weeks or so because his family doesn't know, and my family knows but doesn't like it. so...anyways to the problem. since he left for the summer, i've been working out almost everyday. i was slightly overweight before. i was 170 and i'm 5'11 with a medium build. i didn't really exercise. all my time was spent with him basically. i wanted that though. now i have all this free time and no clue what to do with it, so i work out. i've dropped down to 165. i've lost a ton of extra flab and converted it into muscle. so this weekend i see him. he's all quiet and reserved after we see each other and he sees me with my shirt off. at dinner he's almost unresponsive, won't look at me. finally i pry it out of him, and he says that i've changed, and he doesn't know what, but that i've changed. more prying (he's very uncommunicative and not very emotionally expressive, i am tho), i find out that he's unhappy with my weight. he says i'm just bare ribs and that he doesn't like to hold me anymore. i'm going on a cruise in 3 weeks and he says i'm only doing it for that. he refuses to accept that i want to do it to better myself and make myself hotter for him. he said he wants me just the way he left for the summer...with something for him to hold on to on my body. how do i respond?!? i don't know what to do. then we talk about it like all weekend. he says it pretty much ruined the weekend. he says that i can do whatever i want with my body, but it will make him unhappy if it's not how he likes it. i'm not obese or anorexic, i just wanna have nice pecs and a 6 pack? is that too much to ask? also, he won't let me tan either. i want to tan twice before the cruise. he says that i look better white and that a tan would be ugly. he says that he would be very unhappy to see me with a tan, even tho i'm going to the bahamas and need a base tan. he wants me to wear SPF 60 the whole time there and back and return white. what do i do about all this...i'm going crazy. i want to make him happy but how much is too much?
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