My wife and I have been married almost 4 years now, no kids, and I'm wondering if I married the wrong person. I find times where I feel love for her and there are also times where I wonder if I want to get divorced.
One problem with our marriage is that sex hasn't ever been frequent or satisfying. We've gone 6 months with no sex in the past. She once told me that 90% of it is my fault because I'm not romantic enough. I can agree that I can be romantically challenged, but I think that a lot of men are. She has also never told me what I need to do differently to correct it and certainly hasn't shown me what romantic is to her by any actions. "I don't kiss her enough" is what she tells me. Who the hell said I had to initiate everything? And most of the time she just lays there anyway. She has never orgasmed and doesn't seem to care if she ever does.
She doesn't get along with my family anymore. She was friends with my mother before we even started dating. About a year ago, my younger brother started seriously dating a young lady. My mother has tried to make her feel welcome. My wife tells me that she was never welcomed as much as the girlfriend and is very hurt by this. This is also compounded by the fact that my wife "hates" her for various reasons but mostly is a clash of personalities. I personally find nothing wrong with her. My wife thinks my brothers girlfriend is fake. It all boils down to the fact that my wife felt like she was being replaced by the girlfriend and became very jealous. This has culminated into my wife refusing to spend any time with my parents or even talk to them. This puts me in a difficult position and I hate it. My wife has now told me that she will only attend major holidays at my parents house and I have to live with that. I have no idea how this will work when we have children.
She has difficulty getting along with my family. She also used to dislike my older brother's wife when she lived here. Now that they've moved away, somehow she likes her again. I think my wife was also threatened by her when she lived near my mother as well. She doesn't care for my father and some of the things he says. She doesn't like my grandmother, but my grandmother said something that wasn't nice so that seems warrented.
I also must say that her sister is the same way with her in-laws and I believe her mother was the same way with hers so it seems to be a family thing with them. I don't agree with her family all the time and her sister will say nasty things to me sometimes, but I don't boycott going to her family events.
Her parents divorced 2 years ago. They never had a good marriage and I don't think it set a very good example for my wife.
We have debt that I want to get paid off so we can be more fiancially secure when we decide to have children and she doesn't seem to care enough to be proactive with me on getting a plan lined out to do it. I do the bills by myself and manage our joint account. I've asked her many times to help me with the bills and planning of the money and she will once or twice and then it falls off to me doing by myself again. She always finds something she wants to buy for the house and is always changing stuff around. It gets expensive.
She wanted to get a new wedding ring for her diamond and I was very hesitant about it. The old one didn't fit but could be resized. It was also because she didn't like it anymore and wanted to be happy with her ring. She continued to push me and told me she would pay for it herself, but only after putting it on a 0% credit card and making monthly payments. This concerned me because in the past she has not been good with carrying credit cards, often buying more than she can pay off by the due date. I have since told her she can't carry any credit cards and she hasn't protested much. I asked her to wait to purchase the ring until we had saved the funds to do it. She didn't want to. We went to the jewelry store so she could show it to me. I told her I wanted to wait a few days so we could discuss it and think about it. She proceeded to tell me there was no reason to wait because in a few days she would be getting it anyways. That really pissed me off because it felt like an ultimatum to me.
Earlier in the year she found a new house she really wanted. I was not comfortable with what the mortgage was going to be because our plan was for her to stay home when we have kids. We went all the way to putting a contract on the new house and ours on the market. I became very stressed out and depressed because I felt it was the wrong decision but I also didn't want to disappoint her. I went all the way to crying like a baby in front of her. So she told me that if I didn't want to go through with it, I should call the realtor and back out. So I did. A couple of days later, I told my wife that she's an unhappy person and that she's looking for happiness in things and that happiness comes from the inside. By the end of the weekend, she moved out of the house to live with her mother because of what I said. The day she left she told me she was going to "get the things she wanted by herself". She was gone for a little over a month. We talked and went out a few times but she was generally a snot. She came back after I stopped persuing her and started focusing on myself.
I never dated a lot of women before we got married and now I think that was a huge mistake. I feel like I'm too young to put up with all this crap by having a spouse that can't get along with anybody and places such high importance on material possessions. I'm just damned near opposite of that. In hindsight, the warning signs were always there but I just didn't recognize them because I was so in love with her. I find myself wondering what it would be like in a relationship with someone else at least to gauge what is normal and what isn't.
I realize that I have nobody to blame buy myself. I asked her to marry me. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but you can't go through life unhappy because you only get 1 and it is very short. I also realize that everybody has flaws, including myself.
Sorry that this is so long but I just needed to get it off my chest.
