EnglishSilver

Hi Laurie, I agree with one of the posters above who said you and your g/f are on different wavelengths. I don't see anything morally wrong with open relationships so long as both partners are honest and happy with this, although it would never be my thing, but your g/f is wanting this and you are definitely not. Im not saying what she wants is wrong, because only she can really decide what she wants/needs at this point in her life, but its not what you want/need. You are trying to be very understanding, and see things from her point of view because you are obviously a loving and caring person, but my own recent experience has taught me that trying to squash your own feelings of hurt down to try and give someone else the space they need just ends up being more painful, and Ive got to say, although Im really hurting now, I think my g/f was right to finish our relationship last week, because if it had gone on for longer I would have felt worse if it had ended some months down the line. Your g/fs already warning you that she quite likes LDR's whereas this is clearly something you find hard, and im sure some LDR's work fine, but I know I would only be able to cope with the distance if there was an eventual plan to live together, and from what you say, I think you probably feel a similar way to me. I'm not saying you SHOULD end it, only you really knows what you are prepared to cope with, goodness knows im no advertisement for that, having spent the last couple of months hanging on in there hoping its going to be all right when I know its really not, but do think about how youd feel 6 months or a year from now if nothings changed, cos Ive found that trying to carry on when somethings painful doesn't work. xxxx

I think my gaydars pretty good, and my eldest son (straight) seems to have inherited it! I have thought myself to have been wrong a couple of times only to discover that the person in question was in denial at the time, so going to trust my instincts from now on.!

I only found this website a few days ago. I have been going through a tough time this week having just split up from my partner (thanks to those who replied to my post). Still very much in the early stages of grieving for the relationship, alternating between numb and devastated. I haven't posted much, head being on another planet, but i have been reading the threads, and you seem like such a great group of people, very helpful and supportive with interesting viewpoints and ideas. I'm looking forward to coming back and reading more, and starting to put in a few posts of my own when I feel more up to it. Thankyou.

In "real life" I tend not to see guys as physically attractive. If I like a man, its purely down to personality. On the TV I do find some male stars attractive, their looks and possibly the character they are playing (e.g the doctor in Lost) but not sexually attacted to them in any way, they can keep their clothes on thanks! So yes, Id say I can appreciate opposite sex beauty, but thats all it is, skin deep beauty. What attracts me to a woman is so much more complex and rich I could write a whole page lol.

Hi guys and thanks for all your replies. Well I am afraid we split up last night, g/f felt she would be unable to handle all the obstacles and didn't want our love to turn sour because of her inability to cope. Moving for her wasn't an option due to her kids being settled in schools and them having already been through massive changes. I already live in a city which is largely gay friendly and am "out" everywhere and have been for the last 9 years, at work, kids friends etc, but she lives in a small rural town. Although she is very fond of my kids, she also finds it a full time job coping with her own two, and wouldn't have managed living with 5 kids ( wouldn't have been too bad for me as hers are lots quieter!) Feeling very hurt today and keep alternating between numb and tearful, but I'm glad she was honest and didn't drag itout any longer. She wants us to stay best friends so we don't lose each other, but I don't think i'm capable of that at the moment - way too painful, so I'll just have to let time do some healing and work out what I can manage. Thanks for all your thoughts.

Hi i'm new here, I posted this in the breaking- up forum too, but thought some of you here may have some similar experiences or be able to offer some unbiased advice? My Background: Married 10 years, 3 kids. Divorced, realised i was gay, in a relationship with a woman for 7 years, gradually became more unhappy due to her controlling behaviour and drinking. Had been apart from her for a year and met a wonderful woman, really thought this one was the one. Never had an argument in the 6 months weve been together, totally in love with her and she with me. Problems are: she has had relentless three years of many problems to do with health, divorce, unhappy relationship and bad break up with previous g/f. Met me before properly healed from last breakup, and is still dealing with how hurt she was. She has two kids ( 5 kids between us age range 11-15). We live 40 miles apart and have been spending most weekends together alternating houses. We both find it hard that we have very little time to ourselves, also that with all our committments around our kids schools, activities and friends means that we are looking at a minimum of 3 years before we could even consider living together. When we are at her house, her son cannot have his friends over, as my g/f cannot be out where she lives, his is not the sort of school environment where having a gay mum would be ok.Its also very hard to work round the varying individual needs of 5 teens to try and keep them happy, especially when theyre not spending the weekend in their own home. Neither of us has much family support, we are both full time single mums as well as working full time, neither dad is involved with the kids on a regular basis (dads choice). I'm not finding it easy, but so delighted to have found her that I'm keeping going by concentrating on the positives and trying to ride out the negatives, however my g/fs stress levels are going through the roof, and she isn't sure she can cope with everything thats going on despite not wanting to lose me. My elder two sons are causing me stress too, oldest has jealousy issues, and middle one is very unhappy at school, and Im not having a lot of support from the teachers, and this is something i'm trying to downplay so I don't add to my g/fs stress. At the moment we are having a "break" to try and take the pressure off her so she can decide what to do. She doesn't want us to split up, but is terrified of causing more hurt if she finds in a few months she really can't cope with the stress, and also our two youngest kids are upset over this as they have grown very close (my son 11 and her daughter 12) She is feeling very much under pressure of time as she knows its hard for us all being in limbo, and i am thinking maybe I need to end the realtionship to take this pressure off her, even though its the last thing I want for myself. If we do split up she wants us to stay best friends so we don't lose each other, but I think right now that would be way too painful for me. Does anyone have any advice or similar experience? Sorry for such a long post.