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  1. Hi All, Apologies for this being long and i am sorry if it doesnt make much sense as its all just going around and around my head and i want to just get it out. I honestly, dont have any one to talk too about everything that has been happening and i just need to get it off my chest. I guess i am writing about this and asking for advice and help as its getting to an unbearable point in my life and i feel like its just slowly killing me. I feel as if each day passes, each week passes, each month and nothing is improving... things are just getting worse and worse. Last year I had an incredibly rough time and i think i was on the verge of having a completely break down. I think I did in a way... and now i feel like such a broken person but i keep telling myself that in time that i, as a person and my life will improve, but as more time slowly passes me by nothing is happening. I left my ex boyfriend, because of his abusive behaviour... we used to live together and were together for more than 4 years, during this time i look back on it and realise he was a very manipulative and controlling man, some of things he did to me would be so unbelievable but it saddens me as i was conducive to all of it by staying with him despite how bad it got... when we broke up he attempted to bash in to my apartment. and then proceeded to stalk me, harass me, intimidate me and my family as I took a restraining order against him, he threatened to destroy me and my life if I ever left him... i was terrified... yet it took so long to go through the courts that i lost hope, and thought maybe its not that big a deal and all my fault so i started talking to him again... he invaded my life again, we started fighting again so i tried to get him out of my life again with no avail.... i fell pregnant to him though during all of this and had a second trimester termination... I didnt tell anyone, not my family, not anyone... I went to work the morning of the termination and left a couple of hours early and got up and went back in the very next day... Anytime i had to go court because of my ex i would only take a couple of hours off work and head straight back into the office, I didnt take any sick leave, i just worked, i put my all into that job... and my boss and the job was absoloutely awful. It ended up in such a bad situation Last year ... it was my frist graduate job, well i have worked for a long time, but its was the first job in the area of my degree, but things were just awful, it ended up with me leaving on really bad terms with the company in response to aggressive behaviour of my boss and a sexual harassment case. Up until this point, i used to be quite active, i used to do a lot of training as i was a middle distance runner, i was quite social but when i found out i was pregnant i just shut everyone out, and just stopped doing anything. I also had a group of friends at the time that started to say really nasty things about me behind my back and i thought they were my friends and i realised not a singe one of them could be relied upon for help... as i thought none of these friends actually gave a damn about what i was going through. And that broke my ability to trust on so many levels. I was tired of being on my own. And had a lot of mixed emotions about my ex, i didnt understand why he was doing all of this to me and making it all so difficult in the legal arena. So i called him to tell him about the pregnancy and the termination. He did not leave my side for two weeks. He would pick me up from work, drop me off... you name it... he was being so nice... I had no one else there for me during this time and he was the only that showed me any positive forms of attention... then things got worse again.... he said once, that when i was pregnant it probably wasnt even his kid... that hurt so much.. that he lacked such little faith in me as a person... also before this two week period he was in Europe on a trip with his friends... when he came back i found a whole bunch of photos on a photo hosting website he had posted of other women and everything... and he spent so much time with me when i told him about the termination, i thought he was being sincere... then i found the photos and realised how much i had just been had... that i shut every one else out even more... I didnt do anything.... i lost all motivation on any level. All i did was sit at home and drink. that was Sept / Oct last year... I worked with a couple of friends from the group of friends i had a falling out with... and i stopped taking lunch with them, i avoided them at work, i would take lunch on my own and drive to a park well away from the office so i wouldnt run into any of them as they all upset me so much. I just felt so isolated with what was happening with my ex and how bad my boss was getting and nobody gave a damn if i was okay. Since then i left my last job because of the situation there in December. Prior to me leaving my job i had two weeks sick leave...Stress leave... my therapist said i needed time away from work and what was happening there. Because i got so bored of sitting at home for two weeks, i had not a soul to talk to, i decided i would go out by myself to a club to see a band play that i really liked at the time... Actually i was meant to see that band with my old group of friends a couple of months before but we since had the falling out, i had the ticket to go but decided not too, so sat at home when i was meant to be out with them.. So this was the last time in 2006 i could see this band play and i thought hey, i should go... While i was out by myself i ran into a group of my ex's friends. One of them i had a fling with years and years ago in my first year of uni (about 7 years ago long before i got together with my ex)... i had quite a few drinks and he was being all nice to me and took me home... i ended up sleeping with him. First person in a long time apart from my ex that had showed me any postive attention and i was blind drunk and acted like such a dipstick and yeah i fell pregnant to him and had a nother termination... I had the termination as soon as i found out i was pregnant a few weeks later. I told my ex about it and he was there for me as a friend... No one knows about the second termination either. I had sex twice in the second half of last year. ANd fell pregnant both times. Before the one night stand with that ex fling of mine it had been years and years since i had slept with anyone but my ex. I dont like people touching me now. Even my family if they want to give me a hug i will move away. I hate it. I have a new job now. Much better than the last. I also have moved apartments to a completely different area, where i dont know any one or anything, and i get lost ALL the time. It just fustrates the hell out of me. I didnt even know where to do grocery shopping... Now the current situation is that my ex is facing several charges, including assualt, breaches of the restraining order, several breaches of his bail conditions you name it... And every time it goes to court, he keeps getting adjournments. This has been going through a court room for nearly twelve months. I feel like this is never going to go away. I just want it to be over with. But i feel deep down that it never is going to go away and its all my fault and he did nothing wrong... I feel like falling pregnant both times was all my fault as i was stupid enough to let it happen... It has been more than six months since i have been out with any one on a social event. It has been about 5 months since i have seen a single friend of mine, the old group of friends i have are long gone. But my old school friends etc i havent seen for even longer. I only talk to my family on the phone who all live out of town. They keep telling me to just forget about my ex and dont worry about it, its all over and done with. He hasnt been charged with a single thing! nothing has happened, nothing is over and done with and besides i am still talking to him... But i have been talking to my ex during all of this time as there is no one else to talk to. Each day goes by and i dont talk to anyone. Not a soul, only work people about work stuff but not that much and my cat when i get home. Sometimes my mother or my grand mother may call or i may call them but i dont talk to my family more than once a week. Seriously. I go to work, I go home from work. I recently joined a gym in my new local area... i used to do dance classes but i feel like i want to leave all of my old life behind, and doing things i used to enjoy with old friends now kinda hurts so i want to do other things instead. So i go to the gym a few times a week... and then on weekends i just fiddle around at home... I have started a garden on my balcony, and i have a cat... I also am starting a small aquarium... just for something to do. It has been months since i have heard from a single friend. I dont talk to anyone. My new job is going okay. But my office is downstairs away from all the other offices. And i dont want to make friends at work, as i want it all to be professional, i just want to come to work, do my work and go home... The last job i had has affected me so much in such a negative way. But i barely talk to any one, only when someone asks me a question. I dont take lunch with any one, no one ever asks me so i just take about 5 - 10 mins to eat in the caffeteria and go for a walk if i dont eat at my desk. I have just turned 26. I used to be this bright and happy vivacious person... and now i am just completely broken. Things make me so angry. I get angry that i dont know what is happening in court. I just get the odd phonecall from a policeman saying it has been adjourned... i dont know when it goes back to court, i dont know anything. I get angry that i am so alone, and that idont have any one. I dont have any one to go and have a coffee with and spend the afternoon chatting about crap... I want to go out and have fun and laugh and smile and just hang out with someone! anyone! But there is no one. Its nearly six months since i have seen a single friend apart from my family. I cant remember the last social conversation i have had with anyone apart from my ex. I feel so detached and isolated. I was thinking last night about how i must appear to other people... how do they see me? And all i can think is that they must think i am a complete raving lunatic. I just feel like i am slowly dying. And i dont want to die. But i dont want to live like this anymore.
  2. This could be long-winded and neurotic, but I'll try to make it entertaining I'm 23, and there's a guy I work with about four years older than me. He's generally a very affectionate person, but he has always been particularly so towards me. He regularly ruffles my hair, winks at me, stands in doorways and won't let me through, pokes his finger in my ear, pulls my ponytail out, pushes me, drapes his hand accross my face.. you get the general idea. Either he's extremely playful, or he's sending me some pretty serious messages, and I suspect it's the latter since I've seen him blush a few times. I generally ignored all this behaviour, because I'm quite short and people like to play silly buggers with me a lot! But, when it was his birthday, I decided to make him a cake.. and standing there half drunk at 1AM putting the icing on, I had a blinding epiphany and realised that I actually really fancied him! He's not my type, and on one occasion I told him so in a sort of joking way. But, I guess, I changed my mind. After I baked the cake, did a bit of swooning, and tried to subtlely let him know how I felt, we ended up chatting away.. and in the context of the conversation said he went somewhere with "this girl I'm seeing". Obviously I was a bit confused, but I decided to ignore that comment since it seemed like it slipped out.. and I had always suspected he liked me, so maybe he had got sick of waiting and went out with her instead. Anyway. We went to a work function where I (naturally) got rotten drunk and decided that this was the perfect opportunity to foist myself upon him. It didn't go so well.. he wasn't very drunk and he just seemed somewhat bewildered by my advances. Once again he took the opportunity to make (what seemed like) a pointed comment about his girlfriend. I felt awfully sorry for myself, absolutely stunned that I had misinterpreted his constant touching, and so I went home defeated. The next day was a bit awkward, but I decided that I could hardly be blamed for mistaking his advances for being romantic, and went about my business as usual.. but in spite of my decision to end "the game", he appeared to want to continue. We would meet in the kitchen and he would stand extremely close to me, asking me vague questions about things he obviously wasn't interested in. I caught him staring at me, and blushing occasionally. He continued to touch me, but now the touches were more intimate than playful and seemed to have a certain longing behind them. The "hair ruffles" would last as long as his arms would stretch as he walked alongside of me, and sometimes I would get a combination hair ruffle, ponytail pull and ear poke all in one! Had he changed his mind? Had it taken him a while to realise that I actually genuinely wanted him? He seemed to find every excuse available to talk to me, and if I asked for his help he would go out of his way to solve my work-related problems. He seemed as though he was desperately trying to tell me something, and given that I had (thought I had) made it quite clear that I wanted him, I couldn't understand why he didn't just ask me out, or make it clear in some otherway that yes, he wanted me too. He was flying back to his home country for a month, and he, another colleague of mine and myself all went out for lunch. He insisted that I sit in the front of the car with him, and chatted away to me almost ignoring the other colleague. Just as I had decided that it was really going to happen, that he really did want me, the topic of his girlfriend came up again. He happened to be very hung over, and the other colleague jokingly accused him of being out all night shagging.. and he said "I'm not like that, and neither is she". My heart sunk, although considering how long he's been going out with her (about 3 months) I found it quite odd that they hadn't had sex yet! He continued to talk to me as though there was no one else there, and everything I said he laughed at or agreed with. He asked me about my friends, my future plans, and all the while stared at me with that ever so familiar "i want you" look. I was, and remain, absolutely completely confused about what he's up to. He's now back from holiday, and from fretting about this for so long I can't even talk to him without blushing and shaking. It's becoming highly embarrassing, and I'm going to have to say something because I'm tired of this game. He has a girlfriend, and if that seemed like his final decision, I would happily retreat and look elsewhere. But as it stands, the touching and the teasing are becoming unbearable. When I stop being totally neurotic and analytical, it's totally obvious that he wants me, but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. He can't have his cake and eat it too! So what do I do? My plan is as follows: Next time he touches me, I will ask him whether he is deliberately tormenting me since it's patently obvious that I'm besotted with him. I don't know. I could just get cold and ignore him, but that will eventually backfire since I have to work with him.. and what if he is just incredibly shy and doesn't know what to do? Someone suggested laying a sexual harassment suit.. I have never known a man to be more complicated than a woman! Please help me!
  3. Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
  4. My relationship is perfectly fine. I have been dating my BF for a year in 2 weeks! A couple of disagreements here and there but we were able to talk it out...we are to laid back to fight. We were good friends from early May to late August before going out so its not like I jumped into a relationship with someone I barely knew. Funny thing is I was at church when I got this feeling like we should be in a relationship. We had talked about it before since we were almost best friends and he liked me from the minute he first talked to me. So...it's all good. Lately it seems like other people are so annoying. A manager at work always asks me if I am still dating "that one guy". I always tell her that I have been for almost a year now and she seems surprised we have been together that long. That doesn't bother me so much. My mom and I were talking about my brother. He was married last fall and is now finally divorced. He and his ex-wife were not married long and the story is too long and complicated to repeat here (in short we think she married him for his money...but this post is NOT about their marriage). She often feels like she did not ask enough questions and did not step in when we knew there was a problem. How does that affect me? Well, my mom is questioning anything that seems negative. My BF quit his job at a camp this summer ...the reason was silly but I do not want to discuss it with my mom. The reason is because he had a dream that he knocked a co-worker up. Being the guy he is he did not think before he spoke and discussed it with a fellow male co-worker. I guess he decided to tell the female co-worker about it since it was bothering him...she got offended by it and reported him for sexual harassment because he dreamed about her (like we can control our dreams). But he went to the office and quit before they had a chance to fire him. I think it's stupid that the girl was so easily offended...so does everyone else that has heard the story. But this is not something I wish to share with my mom. I don't think anything negative of my BF other than he needs to learn to think before he speaks. He's already a very moral person! My mom also said my brother must have been blinded by rose colored glasses to not see it. Again she feels like she should now butt into everyone's relationship a little (not excessively) to prevent further heartbreak by preventing these things and hopefully knocking us to our senses. I told her I did not intend to marry until I graduated from college at least. So even if my BF and I were still together I think I would have noticed some flaws in 2-3 years. She then told me and it bothered me quite a bit...that long relationships like this do not work. I strongly believe that if relationships cannot last a few years then they won't last marriage. Not that I intend to marry my BF...but it's the fact of the matter. Personally, I feel like I would never have a problem with seeing things through "rose colored glasses" since I let my mind control my feelings...not my heart...for teh most part. Thanks for letting me vent. Comments?
  5. OK well I just found out what I have knew all along. My EX is telling people my personal stuff including my breasts. He even told his new Gf that I have Saggy * * * *, and personal its not true! His new gf wrote on his webpage stuff about me and that name I mentioned above. I am so P*ssed off. I dont know if its sexual harassment and I dont know what to do. I am so embarrased.!
  6. I met this guy in one of my classes, and we've really hit it off as friends. We are around the same age, and he is also an English Lit major. Just this weekend we exchanged telephone numbers and met up in the library for a study group. Grant it, he is not the guy in the class that I had a crush on, initially. I had always been focusing on the hot guy that sits in front of me, so much so that I didn't bother looking in back of me to see the guy I'm talking about... Anyway, back to the main issue. The guy I'm talking about is pretty cute as well. However, he is very effiminate. He isn't extremely feminine, ala Carson Cressly, but he has very dainty mannerisms. It is the way he speaks(he has a slight lisp, light voice, and slow speech pattern), and the way he gestures with his hands(limp wrists and etc). I don't mean to stereotype, but that is usually a thing with many gay men(no all gay men, mind you)...BUT, I don't know if he is gay. And I don't know how to find out. He comes from a Christian background as well. However, it is just little things he will say and do(the speech and hand gestures)that makes me think he has to be gay. Like the other day, in our study group, he told me that he loves to get out and expose himself to different people and different cultures. Because, and I quote, " You never know what kind of people you'll be teaching. They could be gay or bisexual or whatever!" End quote. Unfortunately, my gaydar is a work in progress but I think it might actually work in this case...I don't know... How do I find out if he is gay? I don't want to just blatantly ask him if he is or isn't gay. For all I know he could be a very feminine straight guy(although finding one of those would be like finding a unicorn) and become very offended by my assumption. Plus, I consider just blatantly asking someone their sexuality a form of sexual harassment. It is just uncomfortable. Anyway,The only reason I want to know is because we are becoming great friends. And For once I would like to be totally real with my friends and let them know my sexuality... I'm not at a point of being interested in him romantically(even though I could definitely picture myself with him that way. I've never been attracted to feminine guys, but I find him to be attractive). I would just like to have another gay male friend to confide in and talk to about stuff. Well, I am sort of lying when I say I only want him as a friend. I feel so comfortable around him, and he is a really great person. But I've only known him two weeks so I would like to keep it plutonic...if he isn't gay that's fine. But he just acts really, well, "GAY."
  7. I apologize in advance because I know this is going to be a long post. I need to give alot of background so that you all will understand the history of how I got to the point I am at now. I hope a few of you have some time to read this through to the end an offer some thoughts. This is kind of weird for me to explain. I know it must sound silly and crazy for me to be so lost on what to do. But here goes........... This pertains to trying to get back out into the work world again at age 48. I worked previously for 28 years with my husband who is now passed away as of December 2003. We married when I was 18 and he was 20. I never attended college, so I have no education beyond high school. My husband started his own business in 1976 right after we got married. It was a small company , located 2 miles from home ,I was the bookkeeper, secretary, or whatever needed to be done. So I have basically been my own boss all that time. I worked what ever amount of hours it took to get the job done and then some. Some time it was 8 hour days and others it was 10 or more hours a day . I was pretty much my own boss and I was accustomed to a flexible schedule if there were things that I needed to take care of pertaining to the children and family. We started the business back in the 1970's and bookkeeping on the computer was not something that we did. I was a manual bookkeeper I guess you would call it , where everything was done the old fashioned way with out computer . Even up until the business was closed the bookkeeping was always done by hand. thereforeeee I dont have experience now in all the current office programs on the computer. At the time of my husbands death in 2003 I chose to continue running the company for close to another year. I had 25 employees at the time. At the end of 2004 I was forced to sell out the business for purposes of trying to settle his estate. After closing the business there were several months of preparing everything and tying up loose ends to be able to make the sale. I took a few months off to gather my thoughts and figure out what to do next. This was early 2005 by then. I went to work at a retail department store (45 miles away). Keep in mind I had always had a desk job, was my own boss, had a flexible schedule for 28 years. Well the retail proved not to be for me. I couldnt handle the being on my feet 8 - 10 hours a day walking the floor making sales, plus the retail sales pressure and environment was just so different that I was having a hard time adjusting to the whole situation. While working there I had applied for a job in the cash office at a casino style establishment. They called me to work , so I worked out my 2 week notice at the department store, and took the other job. I stayed there only three weeks, and encountered at horrible sexual harassment situation ( another long story, that I wont go into) , and after the harassment I ended up leaving that job quite quickly. So here I was mid year 2005 and jobless again. I live in a rural area, many many miles from any town. The closest little town is only about a population of 1000. Job opportunity in my immediate area is not good. The closest large towns are 45 - 60 miles away, where more jobs are available. Where my problem comes in , is that since I have no college education and no computer office program experience, I am not qualified for even the secretarial jobs and no one seems to keep books manually anymore these days . Another problelm I encountered is that with the price of gas and travel expense round trip to the towns 45 - 60 miles away, and with the hourly wage I was making, I had little or no money left from my paychecks. RIght now I am maintaining on life insurance benefits from my husbands death, but that wont last forever, and I want to save that if I can. The insurance money was not enough to afford me to be able to not have to work. My husband had prior medical problem that wouldnt allow for additional life insurance beyond what he already had, because he was a high risk. All of our money was always put back into expanding the company, so we didnt have alot of money saved. Looking back we should have done more financial planning for future needs. But no one thinks they are going to die at age 48 either. So I guess we were slack on the saving for the future. So after his death, I ended up losing the business, for having to settle his estate, I lost my home, I lost most other possessions we had, other than my car. I had to file bankruptcy and I am pretty much at rock bottom now. I have been entertaining the idea of some kind of work from home business. That way I could be my own boss in a sense, and work hours that are flexible and good for me to an extent. But I dont know where to even start. Where I live is so rural and secluded, I dont think a business of offering some type of services would work. I have looked at some internet based businesses that could be done from home, but its hard to tell what is up and up and what is a scam. I dont have alot of money to initially invest in starting some kind of business. I have a small amount that I could invest in starting something on a small scale. Its just confusing and mind boggling to me, and I know that sounds crazy, coming from a 48 year old that has worked since age 18, ran and managed a production business on my own for the year after my husbands death. Having been my own boss and had my own schedule on doing things, I wonder if I would ever be able to adjust to working for some one else. I again apologize for the length of this post. I feel I may have spent too much time with little details of the past, but those details provide the info on how I got the point I am now. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions based on the whole big picture here of what my history is ???
  8. I've had a past of being badly bullied and sexual harassment so I've naturally grown up not trusting many people and being very shy. I met a guy online and his ex girlfriend was a friend and because he left her she refuse to talk to me then later he decided he liked me so I half wondered if he left her because he was after me. After a while of talking to this guy I felt like I half way like and being too trust him, but then he made plans to travel to see me, he has phoned me before and we've seen each other on web cameras so I guess I felt more trusting no him. Then I find he's into looking at nude woman photographs and claims it's art this upsets me really because I feel very bad about my body I spent all my time wearing jeans and long tops to cover myself because I'm very thin and I'm not attractive, then he tells me about his past girlfriends trying to tell me everything to be honest and he mention he showered with a 14 year old girl and then he said he once had sex three times with a later girlfriend who he claimed he actually loved and enjoyed having sex with her, he didn't use a condom but she was on the pill but she had been sleeping around with other people before him guys and girls but he hasn't checked himself out to see if he had caught STI, she decided to leave him and he won't say why but he decided he keeps forgetting to tell me everything and the more I learn the more hurt I seem to get plus he has a couple of times really had a go at me in his tempers and he emails my friends and people he talks to online telling them what a bad person I am and he goes on like his the innocent victim. He has more female friends then male friends and most of them are ones he dated, I don't mind much for him having female friends but I just worry because he looks at so many page 3 girls, nude woman photographs as well as lesbians photos. I don't know what to do I think I've been hooked because nobody has been interested in me and plus I am shy so I never have any courage to even say hello to anyone but I've been getting myself upset and making myself ill over this, I feel I'm best to stay away from him and not talk but I think Ill find it hard not to talk to him because he can be a nice person to talk to.
  9. Okay I am 28 now and I am starting to wonder if this dating thing can get any more complicated. Finally, after getting over my ex I realize there are other women that I am interested in. But hold up!!! The one I am interested in is very mysterious (which is probably why I like her). What am I going to do? Here is the situation. I am the Chief Executive Officer of a non-profit organization for children. There is a girl that comes twice a week to tutor some kids from my organization. So, I am not her supervisor directly but I have a lot of pull in the organization so I am her supervisor so to speak. Any way. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and she was a little intoxicated not terribly drunk but drunk. She was not overly flirtatious verbally but she was very touchy towards me. I automatically kinda shunned this by not reacting. Well, she comes to work only twice a week and when she does she stops by my office. We just basically chit chat. She told me one day I was cute etc. Then she asked me to go to a movie some time with her but we never did something came up with her. That is what I dont get with this girl. She asks me out but does not stick to her guns. So, what do I do? I can't ask her out I feel like a Sexual harassment case waiting to happen. Every time I see this girl I know I show her some interest, but not enough out of the ordinary if you know what I mean. So, what should I do? She is a super nice girl!! Thanks
  10. So there was a guy a couple weeks ago that i messed around with. Basically i was working and he was working at night. I owed him like 5 bucks and he decided that we should go to seven-eleven so i could buy him a pack of cigs to make up for it. Then after that, he wanted to drive somewhere to talk. Now me.....being stupid, thought he really meant talking, I thought he had some problems that he needed to talk about. I had an experience in high school where I drove with people up to the mountains to see the view and it was just talk. I thought it would be like that. He drove to a dark parking lot. and he started to put his arm around me and to put the moves on. He asked if i wanted to be kissed....cuz it would sexual harassment if I didn't agree. Well, I hadn't touched a guy in 2 years. I hadn't been hit on for a long time and I got out of a rotten situation 2 years ago, so we ended up making out. I ended up with all my clothes off, though we did not have sex. I told him it was a onetime thing and to shut his mouth about it. Then a couple weeks later, we ended up leaving work together, making out at his house. He pressured me to give him head and I did. Making out at the movies, making out in parking lots. I did not have expectations from him. I wanted to be sexual. He was hot physically and I think of him as a disrespectful rude player type. Once I wouldn't go anywhere with him because he expected me to sneak out of the building. I said no, I won't do this. After that we left the building together in public even though he was always looking around. A couple weeks ago, he let me know he wasn't ready for a relationship. I told him, I knew that all along. (I was starting to get bored of him and he seemed stupid and immature, the physical appearance was the only thing I liked). We parted on an emotional high. It felt like a really good ending. I told him I had no expectations from him, that I did have feelings of caring for him. He said that we could be friends and that he doesnt have many female friends. I said, I dont think you have any female friends and he agreed. He said maybe in a year if i graduated school we could be together and that when he lost his job we could hang out and maybe do this (making out, giving head) or go out. Usually we would go out and do something, then get physical. He saw me naked and I saw him naked. We never had sex because I said no. So last night, I realized that I was ashamed of myself. That I got physical with him because I hadn't been with a man for a long time but that it went further than I wanted it to go. I ripped up and deleted his numbers. Today, I get a voicemail from him asking if I want to go out tonight etc. I haven't heard from him in weeks. What do I do? I dont want to make out with him. I dont want to do anything sexual. If we just hang out it's okay. I want to be respected. I dont want him to get angry or mad at me. I think he has some recognition that I am a good person. As close to any respect that he is capable of having for a female. So how do I handle it? Call him and say, hey, thanks I can't be doing this? Or just drop it and hope he doesn't talk about what we did. Never contact or pick up again? I always knew he was a player, I wasn't especially hurt by him or anything. I saw the writing on the wall a long time ago. He didn't really bother to hide it either. I feel regretful and ashamed but it was my fault because I wanted to make out with a hot man. Is there ways I can react to him to command his respect? That is all I want from him, respect. I am not interested in anything else. I really recognize now that I don't like the casual sexual stuff. I'm not that kind of girl even though I have made mistakes. And to make sure he doesn't talk about it. (I dont remember him gossiping much).
  11. This has been bugging me all day. This morning an older customer approached my register and "hit on" (more like sexual harassment) me. I am 19...almost 20. This man was probably 50. You could smell the alcohol on his breath. He wasn't drunk...but you could tell he had had a few drinks. It was the most unpleasant experiance ever. Because I do not being treated with so little respect...I didn't like being treated like this. I would have told him to (censored for the kids) off, but I was at work and knew for sure I would get in trouble for this with the managers. It was frustrating feeling so powerless having to deal with this crap. Is there anything I can do if this happens again? Obviously, ignoring it doesn't work well. It happens every once and awhile and it's honestly one of the few things I hate that I have to deal with in my job (I'm a cashier at a small grocery). It's always the older men too...why is it that they feel it is okay to hit on girls that range from 15-20 that work in the store? Talking with others, I realized it happens more than I thought.
  12. I'm actually very happy to have found this forum...I have such a large weight on my chest that I have no idea where to turn. My 5 year old son returned from school only to share with me that an older kid on the school bus was making him do "nasty" with his friend....I almost stroked out when he went on to tell me the slang words for female parts, and then demonstrated the very acts he was instructed to do of sexual & oral intercourse. (he said he didn't want to do these things, and the boy started hurting his arm and threatened to slap him, but he still didn't). I as a concerned parent contacted the principal at Parks Primary in Parks, La. and arranged a meeting ... from then on I was pressured to leave the room for the purpose of an investigation, which I refused (I had an audio recorder on me)...then the principal told me "If you don't believe in me, well then you don't believe in god" I found that to be totally insulting (I trust in god alone)...This is a public school with supposedly zero tolerance for "sexual harassment" as stated in the handbooks given and signed by all parents of the school. Well, after refusing to leave my sons side, I was asked to leave the premises of the school (I took my son with me)....My son was the victim & b/c my son did not perform the acts, the school was not concerned at all. I got so angry I went to our local TV station to do an investigation, filed a police report, and an app. w/ our attorney. I need any advice I could get on healing my child of this incident that destroyed his innocence, I'm so concerned he might act them out on other children or worse think that what happened to him was his fault. I'm so confused and the way we were treated at the school makes me so angry...I was doing the right thing...and it was treated like nothing! Please help with any advice...
  13. Hello, I am currently in a really great relationship with a girl/coworker for 6 months and we are both 23 years old. My girlfriend has never been in a relationship, had any sexual experiences so she was a virgin(i was her first), and she's always thought men as pigs(until she met me of course). I always thought perhaps she is a very naive girl who was raised in a very strict house, but she told me that she has been a victim of sexual harassment ever since she was a little girl. At the age of 7 a random man would call her house and claim that he is a doctor. He would ask her what color her vagina is, and try to manipulate her to thinking that she has a disease there. She would just hang up the phone and never talked to this man again. During high school, her tutor would forcefully try to kiss her at her own house. And when she resisted, he would grip her arm really hard and tell her to stop. She couldn't tell her parents because she thought it would break their heart. And during college, a professor kept taking random pictures of her and writing her creepy emails. He would often invite her over to his house to watch a movie together. Ever since she declined he would give her a hard time in class by not giving her the grade she deserved. This happened at an Ivy League school. I don't know why she didn't report this to anyone but she told me she didn't want to jepordize her school work and relations with other professors because of this incident. Last night we had a department dinner for our company and we were both late. My director asked me why i was late so I told him that I had to go home and shower. He made a comment "I wonder what you did that you needed to shower." (subtlely saying we had sex) My girlfriend after hearing that was very disgusted. She hates men who make those comments to her due to her past. I'm here trying to support her but I don't know what I should do to make her feel better. I'm just confused to what I am suppose to do as her man. I wanted her to report her professor and the tutor since they're still out there in this world commiting more sexual harassments to other innocent girls. I told her that if she took action now it can prevent other girls like her to become a victim but she doesn't want to do anything. She wants to just forget and move on. Please give me some advice on what I can do for her and how I should handle this situation. Thank you.
  14. I have noticed this girl at work for a few months, and we've always have good conversation about things. Since we don't see each other all the time, so I don't have chance to ask her out. Also, i have concerns regarding sexual harassment in our workplace. People have been fired for dating but i don't know the details as to why they were fired, i.e. gossip. What should I do?
  15. Hi folks, Glad I stumbled onto this site, there's a wealth of insight and advice here! Now I'm hoping for some directly applicable to my problem.... I'm 31 years old. My wife and I have been married for 3 years, and together for about 8 or 9 years. Our relationship has always been a little turbulent. In the beginning years it was more my fault than hers - I was a horribly jealous boyfriend. Thankfully I outgrew that nasty stage of life. Looking back, I was a real putz. On her part, she has always had a very strong negative streak to her personality - always complaining about job/life/weight, rarely looking for solutions, often snapping at me or making negative comments towards things I say or do. It caused us to nearly break up a few times while we were dating. These days things are better. She is trying very hard to make our marriage a happy one. She started taking Nardil which has made her much, MUCH more positive and pleasant to be around. She cooks me meals, bakes for me, we have good (although somewhat infrequent) sex, she's tolerant of my somewhat "loner" personality (I like to read a lot, etc). For my part, I try to be supportive, positive, affectionate, appreciative. By rights, we *should* have a very happy and loving marriage. And intellectually speaking, I realize this. But I feel somewhat empty inside. I feel unfulfilled. Things came to a head recently when I hired a girl who is 9 years younger than me - I was totally NOT attracted to her in the interview and that's no word of a lie. I hired her 100% based on qualifications, and didn't give her a second thought in terms of attractiveness etc. But for some reason when she started work she "knocked me out of the park", so to speak. She's smart, laughs at my jokes (always a plus!), is really beautiful and in great shape, and we have good chemistry when chatting about things other than work. It's one of those things where you just "click" with someone. It is, of course, one-sided on my part I think. I basically have a huge crush on her. She has had a boyfriend for a couple of months and I'm fairly sure is not thinking of me that way. She's just starting out on a new career. What worries me is that this is not the first crush I've had while dating my wife. Is that normal?? I seem to have a personality where I develop crushes on people. I should have outgrown that, but I haven't. So then I wonder if it's because I'm with the wrong person? There are so many reasons to stay with my wife and to NOT pursue anything with this new girl (not least of which is the desire to NOT be sued for sexual harassment!). All the reasons are, I find, "smart" reasons rather than emotional. So my fear is: - I'm a selfish and emotionally immature person. - I am going to ruin something that few people are lucky enough to have (a generally good marriage) because I think the "grass is greener" - if I STAY in the marriage, am I "settling"? Will I ever truly feel happy and fulfilled? WHY am I not happy? Will I horribly regret throwing it away over a few crushes? (probably lol) - I feel trapped in a way, because I feel like I don't want to hurt people (my wife, this girl, my own career, our families) yet I worry that I'm not being true to myself or my own feelings, and that if I have to live life being someone I'm not...well, that leads to feelings of suicide to be perfectly honest. I've always had a problem with that too Basically I just want to appreciate my marriage, feel happy and fulfilled, and NOT feel these strong crushes on other people. But each day I wake up and that isn't the reality. I feel "contented" and also feel like I want to experience new things and new people. It's awful. I don't want to cheat on my wife (and won't). I want to be a good person, and happy. How the heck do I GET THERE? Before suggesting anti-depressants: already on them lol. PS we don't have kids, although someday - assuming things work out between us - we were planning to.
  16. I am 17 years old and have never been on a date. I don't know why. Every one likes me and is very friendly to me. (I mean the girls.) I am starting to wonder why no one has asked me out or shown interest in me. I have observed other guys courting girls but I think I could never do what they do. I mean they go up the them and bother them to death. Poking pushing, bra snapping, etc. I mean that can't possibly be the bets way to do about this. I seen so many guys do things that could be consisted sexual harassment it not funny. But in the end the girl goes out with the guy. You would that it would not last but it does some times for years. Well anyway my question is how to go about getting a girl friend. I know I should probably not be concerned with such tings but I just feel like a piece is missing from me. I feel so lonely, I need my other half. I not interested in the sex part, as it seems all people my age are. But I need some one that is beyond a friend. Some one I can truly share my life with. But I don't know how to achieve this. So I ask you Any advice on this is well appreciated Thank you
  17. I'm back at the same work place I was at 2 years ago. My former boss and I became cool friends. It seems like he wants to be more than just friends. I caught him staring at me in this weird way by the copy machine. Is that sexual harassment? Calls me "goober"....is that just being friends or????????????/
  18. Hmmmm ...where do I start? This is gonna be long ... I think (I know) I'm having some serious issues with my self image and self esteem. It has been effecting my life in a very negative way for 3+ years and maybe longer. I would appreciate only positive responses. I have pretty thin skin these days and I already have enough complexes. I'm a 36 YRO gay man who has been in a monogamus relationship with my significant other for 5 years. I am currently unemployed and haven't worked a real job (one that requires much social interaction) since 2000. My last "real job" was working in a warehouse operating a forklift etc. I worked at that place for 12 years and liked it up until the last few years. All my life I've known I was gay but chose to ignore it until 1997. I was 27 years old. I basically got very anxious and depressed denying myself my real feelings. My worklife and social interactions started to suffer. The majority of jokes at the workplace seemed to be about gays. Not me in particular because no one knew yet. I got more and more anxious and ended up having to take an emergency leave of absense from work. I went to a doctor and broke down in his office. He gave me zoloft and sent me on my way. I felt good that I was actually doing something that might help me feel better. I just couldn't be at work. I felt I would freak out at any minute. A concerned co-worker called me after a few days and asked what was wrong. He eventually pryed it out of me ...I told him I was bisexual or gay and having a tough time handling that. He was the "blabbermouth" of the warehouse so I knew he'd tell everyone (300+ people!). That's actually what I hoped he would do. I wanted to come out of the closet. Doing that was supposed to feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders right?! It was then that I wrote my mother a coming out letter. I sent it and ended up calling her to tell her the news before she got the letter. I was crying and all that gooshy stuff. Pretty embarrassing to think about it now. I felt so powerless and weak in that state. She told me she'd always known and had no problems with it. blah blah blah ...fast forward ...After getting the acceptance from my family/friends and the meds I thought I needed ...I started to feel better about myself. I went back to work. It was great! Everyone knew and most didn't seem to care. The company I worked for had a very strict policy about sexual harassment so those that were homophobic had to keep it to themselves. A couple months went by and the negative things started happening at work. The drawings on the picnic tables of me on my knees performing oral sex on a guy ...my name on bathroom walls with the words faggot, gay, etc etc etc next to it ...people making off color comments about gay sex acts ...it just went on and on and on. The supervisors reprimanded many of my coworkers for the"sexual harassment". One guy came damn close to being fired. All of a sudden the entire workforce is having meetings and classes on sexual harassment, sensitivity and diversity. EVERYONE had to go to these classes and EVERYONE knew why ...because of me. I think that is the start of my rapid self esteem loss. If I could pinpoint a time in my life that would be it. My self esteem has never been great but at least I've led a pretty healthy rewarding life up until that point in 1998. For the next two years my self esteem and self image slowly went down the drain. I didn't really know it at the time but looking back I realize it now. During those 2 years I started having panic attacks and major social phobia. It was all I could do to put on a fake smile and go to work everyday. I stopped eating out in restaraunts, stopped going to the mall, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped visiting family. Basially stopped doing everything I used to enjoy. After a couple more emergency leaves of absense from work, some trips to a psychologist, some visits to different shrinks, many different types of anti-depressants (none seemed to do anything for me) I decided the only thing to do was quit work. It was a great job. I had 5 weeks vacation, 40hrs sick time, I was in the top 5 of seniority in the entire warehouse, I didn't have to do the undesirable jobs anymore, I was one of the few to have weekends off and I made $17 an hour. Just a great job. I hated to quit but I just saw no other alternative so, in 2000 while on my lastest emergency leave of absense I called work and told them I was done. I took 6 months off. Spending my 401K. I know ...not smart but oh well. Then I got a job delivering newspapers. It was a good job for a social phobic like myself. I came in contact with almost no one while "working". For 1.5 years I delivered newspapers. My self esteem actually went lower because I felt like such a failure. While my normal significant other was going to college full time and working partime I was avoiding human contact and doing less outside our home. I envied him but didn't know how to get back to where I once was. I went on a job interview for a better paying job than my last. Based on my resume alone I beat out over 500 people to get that interview. While being interviewed by two people in a room I almost started crying. I don't know where that emotion came from but there it was! They must have thought I was such a freak. I never got another call after that interview. I really wasn't surprised. I wouldn't hire someone with such obvious emotional problems. blah blah blah ....fast forward to now. I can only go out to eat if I'm drunk. I never drank before all this but I learned that a buzz takes almost all the insecurity and self doubt away. I constantly feel as if I could cry at any minute. Sometimes I laugh and it turns into tears and me crying. WTF!? When I do venture out to do necessary errands I feel as if have swollen eyes (I do) and am on the verge of breaking down. I generally wear sunglasses everywhere because I feel like without them people look at me and immediately know I'm a freak, a failure and am about to cry. When I wear sunglasses I feel like I'm hiding some of my insecurities behind the dark lenses. I want my life back but am so far from the good ole days that I don't know how to get there. I want to go out to eat and not worry about what people think of me. I want to walk down the street and look ahead instead of down at the ground in shame, I want my boyfriend to be proud of me like he once was. I want to visit my family. I want to not have to drink alcohol to feel normal. I want some big strong stranger to hold me and tell me everythings gonna be alright while I cry and cry in his arms. I feel like I've stored away years and years of crying, the vault that holds all that pent up emotion is overflowing and there's nowhere for the new emotions to go. What do I do next?
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