tmp0620

"Not that into you= Making fun of you in joking way, yawning, looking at other women, not holding your hand, not calling you back, etc" When I'm into a girl, I definitely make fun of them in a joking way and expect them to do it back.

Letting things go is always a good idea if you ask me.

I was molested when I was 9 by a babysitter, and although I'm not in exactly the same position you are in now, I can relate. I've read up on this stuff a lot. People often forget traumatic events. When you were back in India you were reminded of the event. One of the symptoms of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is to relive the traumatic even over and over again in your head (this doesn't mean you have PTSD obviously, but often people who have been molested have it - I have some symptoms myself). It's impossible for me to know whether your cousin's husband was consciouslly trying to touch you or not, but there's a good chance that he was just being friendly and you felt uncomfortable because it reminded you of what had happened to you before in India. I can tell you that I am very uncomfortable with people touching me, and very uncomfortable touching people (usually). "Aren't people that were molested supposed to be afraid of that stuff. Pleas help. I don't know what to do. Now I'm questioning my whole life, and what I've done and if I behaved in a certain way because of this or because of that….I feel like my head is going to explode." People that are molested aren't necessarily "afraid of that stuff". People respond to molestation differently. For example I was molested by someone who is the same sex as me and was not that much older than I was (he was only 13), so I have trouble having close friends. I'm unconsciously afraid to put trust in other guys. Because of this I isolate myself, and have no contact with girls. I'm also afraid to become a molester (although I would never molest anyone), so when a girl wants me to touch her in any way, I resist it unless I'm extremely sure that they want to be touched. I will never initiate any kind of touching. Don't question your whole life because of this stuff. If you've got friends, if you've had boyfriends etc. and you're not afraid to trust people and aren't afraid to be close to people then you are probably just fine. Sounds like you live a pretty successful life. If you were molested when you were little just accept that it happened, and keep living life the way you have been. All that being said, you should definitely go talk to a therapist, and get everything off your chest. A therapist will help you figure out if your past has effected you and if it has they can help you get past it.

Well hey, you've got a lot more experience than I do if you've been dating at all in college, but if it were me, I'd invite her to my apartment and get drunk (if I didn't live with my parents...). I'm of the opinion that the physical and emotional/mental part of a relationship can coexist peacefully from the beginning of a relationship. If you are both comfortable with going further than kissing when/if she comes to your apartment then I wouldn't think there's anything wrong with that. But to answer your question more directly, if you don't want it to get physical and you think that it might if you both get drunk at ur apartment then go do something interesting somewhere else... BUT if you're both into each other emotionally and physically what's wrong with getting physical early on? I don't see a problem there.

Well I'm a shy guy who has experienced some pretty professional flirting, so I think I might be able to help you by giving you an example: (I'm assuming you're talking about someone that you aren't going out with...) There was a very attractive girl that sat next to me in a physics class in Highschool that I wouldn't talk to. One day she started giving me dead arms (I'm not into S&M or anything but...). I was confused by this, so I just kinda laughed it off, but she kept doing it everyday, adding other things like pulling on my ears, pinching me etc. Well after a couple of days of that I had to defend myself. It became an everyday thing and we both lauged all through physics class (I didn't learn a thing in that class). Needless to say, she burned me after a while when she started going out with another guy in that same class who she hardly talked to. I suspect by flirting with me she was trying to make him jealous, but anyway... that fliritng drove me crazy and definitely brought me out of my shell... But if you do something like that to a shy guy, don't burn him. Take it from me, it's crushing. I get no female contact, so when she was flirting with me every day I was pretty sure she was into me. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of or made a fool.

"if you had to pick the qualities most attractive in a female what would they be and why." The qualities I'm attracted to in women are indepence, intelligence, a good sense of humour, and ight heartedness. I'm into outgoing girls too, cause it's a good counter to my quietness. "Also what would transform a girl from just gf material to potential wife material?" All of the above plus time (time to get to know if we are compatible over the longterm).

"But I don't know. This one guy sits next to me all the time, but maybe he lieks the girl ont he other side of him. He never talks to me, except for the one time I had to ask him a hw question and we talked for a couple min. When I said something to soemone else, he looked up as if he thought I was talking to him so at least he noticed me I guess." It's definitely possible that he's interested in you. There was a really pretty girl in one of my art history classes who sat all alone on one side of the room (there weren't many people in the class), so after a couple of days I went over and sat near her, but I couldn't think of a good reason to say something to her, and I didn't want to look like an idiot so I just sat there hoping she would talk to me. I'm not a confident guy but I'm pretty sure I'm good at faking it. What I'm saying is... I did pretty much the same thing that guy did and I WAS interested in the girl. If you think there is a chance a guy is interested and you think you could be too, talk to him. You don't have to announce your interest, but if you think of any good reason to talk to him take it.

Why does it have to be over? If you have an urge to try to get back together with this person, or at least see how she feels, I don't see why you shouldn't contact her. If contacting her is going to make you feel horrible, then don't do it. Time really does heal all wounds though. If you want it to be over, than just let some time go by, do interesting things that you enjoy doing, and you will move past the place you're at now.

Women GENERALLY have better verbal skills than men, whereas men GENERALLY have better spacial skills. Some people are the opposite, some suck at both, some are good at both and there are spaces in between of course. This is definitely not a black and white issue, but there are tendencies.

I actually suffer from a similar problem (yeah it happens to guys too). It's called body dismorphic disorder. We can be very critical of ourselves, and our minds can play tricks on us, exaggerating small imperfections and making them seem like noticeable defects. At times I look in the mirror and am satisfied with what I see, but a lot of the time I'll step into the bathroom glance at the mirror and immediately become depressed. Lately, I've been concsiouly avoiding looking in the mirror, and it really does help a lot. I've also noticed since looking in the mirror less that when I do look in the mirror, I'm not nearly so judgmental. The more you look in the mirror, the more your mind exaggerates all those tiny imperfections that EVERYONE has. You have a pimple on your cheek? When you look in the mirror it sticks out to you, but no one else even notices. You just have to get out of the habbit. Having said all that, I definitely agree with all the other replys.

I gotta agree with DN. You're interested in the wrong people if jealousy is the only thing that keeps them from cheating and motivates them to stay with you.

Well, speaking as a guy with very little (zero) experience in that kind of thing, I gotta reccomend that you tell him what he's doing wrong and show him how to do it right. Just be sure you approach the subject gently, some people might be defensive about those subjects.

"I don't know how you go from meeting someone to him asking you for a date or to hang out." Why does he have to do the asking? Don't expect the other person to take the action... If they do, that's great, but don't put it all on them. I would never ask a girl out on a date. That's cause I have some issues, but no one likes to put themself out there when they could be rejected. If you have the confidence to do the asking, then you'll get plenty of yesses. PS. At least your not dating retarded

"Try not being available when he calls you late. He will wonder why you aren't home, what you are doing and with whom??????" That's messed up. Do you really play those kind of games with guys you are interested in? "if he tells you that he will call you at X pm, and he doesn't, that's disrespect. Tell him that he's not a man of his words " It's only a phone call. I can tell you that I HATE talking on the phone (having conversations on the phone that is) and I have to admit that I often say I'm going to call someone and then forget to do it also. The only time I call people is if I want to do something with them. To the original poster: I wouldn't take that as disinterest, disinterest would be not calling at all.

You're not alone in feeling that way. It's really frustrating feeling inferior. I've been dealing with that since I started being interested in girls. I feel ugly and small, and I'm also the silent type (often painfully shy). If I had any advice to give, it would be this: look your best (a given), be approachable (don't look angry or bitter, have a good time), and if neither of those work, don't try to pick up chicks and instead make friends with women and get to know them and let them get to know you, so that they have more to go on then your looks and how well you socialize at a party, club or whatever. Also, if you're consciously thinking that "she wouldn't choose me unless I was the last man on the planet", there's a good chance that it shows. You're not gonna look like a very secure, confident person with that running through your mind. Finally, at least give these women a chance to give you a chance. You don't honestly expect women to come flocking to you do you? Smile at the girls you find attractive as you pass them. Disclaimer: I've never had a girlfriend and I'm lucky if I ever talk to girls in person. I'm still pretty sure I'm spot on with this stuff though. Now if only I could follow my own advice...... Edit: I know I'm 20 and you're 32 (more experience), but I think this is pretty universal advice that anyone at any age (over 18 ) could give. Edit #2: You live in New York City? You gotta be able to get into one of those speed dating things.

Yeah definitely a little weird Sounds to me like he's afraid to be alone.