heavensent

I know adoption is an option but if I went through with the pregnancy, there is NO WAY I'd ever be able to give my child up...I'd just be way to attached.

There is really no set time that you should know someone before getting engaged. However, you should make sure you feel comfortable with who they are before and sometimes this may take years for some couples and only months for others. My fiance and I moved in with eachother after 3 months of dating, got engaged after 5 months and we are getting married in 23 days which will be about 10 months of being together. I feel as if he knows me better than anyone else ever has. We are deeply in love and have no doubt that we want to be together forever. When you know, you just know.

Okay, I'm sure some of you remember my post about my fiance not wanting the baby that I'm pregnant with. Well, he was just really scared about it and about a week after letting it sit he came to me and cried telling me how there's nothing in the world he'd rather do with his life than to have a family with me and that he was just so scared of things changing with us that it made him not want a baby yet. Now he is excited and all concerned over everything (if I'm sick, if my stomach hurts, etc) it's really so cute. But now I have been thinking about not having the baby, after being so offended by the suggestion he made of abortion, how can I tell him this? Especially now that he has come around and is happy to be a daddy? Gosh, I'm so confused right now. I want a family with him so bad, just not NOW. I work full time and am attending college at night full time, I have about a year and half left until I have my bachelor's degree and I really want to finish my schooling..but with a baby, that will be so hard. Plus, we have had our share of problems because of my trust issues, which I am going to counseling for. Bringing a baby into the mix might just make things even harder on our relationship and the thought of losing him makes me so sick and sad. I just can't bear the thought of being a single mother, or even worse, not having him in my life. We are getting married in 23 days and are very much in love but I'm so confused. Our love is so strong, but our relationship does have a lot of work, which we are both putting 110% into it, but if we bring a baby into this world, it might just break us. Do you think I'm just scared or do you think we really just aren't ready for this responsibility yet? Any insights would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

I know everyone has heard people say, "all men cheat" and that really concerns me seeing how I have major trust issues already and I am getting married in 3 weeks. What's your guys' take on this? Do you believe it's impossible for a man to be honest and 100% faithful?

Plain and simple it's just easier to be mad. It's a defense mechanism that people use to try to protect themselves. They find it easier to hate you than to love and lose you. Sometimes it's hard to understand but if you've ever been the person who is hurt, you might find that you use this same tactic.

Hey Guys! I went to the doctor..GOOD NEWS!!! It's just a virus, some kind of infection that I guess is really normal. She said there are treatment options if I'm really concerned but that in time they just got away on their own. They aren't like disgusting looking and they are just so small and un-noticeable that I'm not worried about treatment, plus they don't hurt or itch or anything. Anyway, thanks to everyone for all your info and for calming me down while I was stressing. I'm glad it was just a false-alarm!

Ok...lol, as you can tell, I'm pretty worried. But oh well, only a few more hours until my appointment so the wondering will be over soon. Thanks for all your guys' info! You've been helpful!

Okay, so they just make a GUESS pretty much? Because it's very possible that they could LOOK like a genital wart and simply be an ingrown hair. I guess I don't understand how they can diagnose you without having done a scientific test. I guess I don't quite understand how a doctor can just say, oh yeah sure that LOOKS like a genital wart. Ya know?

Now, if I had gotten from my ex, even if it was just barely contracted, the doctor would have been able to detect it with all the tests the ran right? I know the symptoms can be dormant for months, but if the virus existed, they WOULD be able to tell, right???

Thanks a ton guys! I truly hope it's just an irritation. I'll be devestated if I get an STD, seeing how I've always tried to be so careful and only sexually active with 2 guys. Plus, I'd know it was my fiance that gave it to me since I got checked after my last bf and I fear that if he gave me an STD that I will have resentment towards him for it.

Well, my long-time boyfriend a year ago cheated on me..I had suspicions that he had done it numerous times, unprotected so I immediately went to my gyno and got tested for EVERYTHING, even aids. I was clean and everything showed normal. So, I was relieved and not worried whatsoever. I am now sexually active with my fiance (we are getting married in February) and I noticed a few small (tiny) bumps on my bikini line. I didn't think anything of it because sometimes it gets irritated there when I shave so I thought that's all it was. However, it spread a little to the middle of my vagina where I only trim and should not be irritated at all. They don't hurt or itch or anything like that but I guess I'm starting to get concerned. I am going to the gyno today to find out, but I'm so scared and thought maybe I could prepare myself for the worst, if you guys do indeed think it's a big possibility that I've contracted something somehow.

Hey, I was just wondering what you guys know about HPV/genital warts. Any info you could give would be helpful. Thanks!

Gosh, I totally know where you're coming from. I guess from their point of view it's not really killing a baby since you're not that far along. But, they aren't the one with a child, a miracle, growing inside them. They aren't the one that has to go through the emotional and physical pain of the abortion. They simply just don't understand it. I'm caught in your position. My fiance said that we can have the baby if I absolutely want to but that we are not ready and that if I have it, it will probably tear our marriage apart. What the hell is that? I'd think it would bring us closer, but a baby requires a lot of attention and for newly-weds it could definitely come between us. I have considered all options. I am going to a seminar on the early option pill (abortion)..UGH, just to hear about it and take it as an option, but I have still not made up my mind. Like you, I worry about resenting him for pushing me into this and having that tear our relationship apart. I guess I'd think if he truly loved me, he'd be excited about having a child with me. What's the deal?

Sweetie, This is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! This guy is a total lying LOSER! You should be so happy and relieved that he is not in your life anymore. Just imagine being married and having children with someone who is unfaithful. You're lucky you found out now. You're spending too much time focusing on all the "good" things from your relationship rather than the reality of it all. This guy was completely fake to you the entire relationship, none of these things or feelings that you thought existed were real (at least on his part). Plus, think of it like this...the guy that you thought you were so in love with, wasn't even real, he doesn't even exist. You need to get out and start dating again..nothing serious, just fun innocent dates. Get a group of girls together and have a pampering girls day out. Spend time doing activities you love. Get him off your mind. DON'T contact him and if he tries to conact you, cut it off immediately. In time....you will heal. I promise.

When me and my exes broke up I actually boxed up everything and put them in my closet. Sometimes I found myself going through them regularly, I'd laugh and cry and reminisce but not in a non-healthy way. I never could bring myself to throw any of it away. Now I am engaged to the most amazing guy. Him and I threw them away when we moved out together, it was so easy and I had not reservations about doing it. I think that getting rid of that stuff can give you closure..however, don't do it until your completely ready to "LET GO". Once you are, it's actually a nice relief...you can still hold onto all the good times, but rather than items, you're holding the memories in your heart.

Don't make excused for him! This is not an innocent email. He is talking to this girl and she obviously has not idea that he even has a girlfriend. He might have met her on one of those internet dating sites. I would break it off with this guy, he has no intention in being faithful...just being sneaky.

Pornography is cheating. Simple as that. If you are in a relationship you should not be looking at other people naked. You told him how you felt and if he has continued to do this, he is betraying you and most likely will never stop, he will only get better at HIDING it from you. I have had a relationship in the past where my he looked at pornography at the beginning of our relationship, once I told him that I considered it cheating and WHY he realized that I was right and saw it from a whole different perspective. However, it still caused so many insecurity and trust problems for the remainder of our relationship. I questioned his every move on the computer, reviewed his past history on it and even blocked channels he could watch on TV because I was SO worried that he would do it behind my back. It only tore us apart. Pornography is a horrible addiction that guys seem to get drawn to, us women just don't quite understand it. I don't think we should have to, and I don't think you should give in and stay with him. Cut ties. There truly are guys out there that find it just as wrong as we do.

I think that a guy who looks at porn is cheating. Plain and simple. If you are in a relationship, the only body that you should be looking at undressed or fantasizing about, is your significant others. I know a ton of people will disagree but I've seen pornography tear families apart. It's not a "natural" thing like people say. it's a problem. Thats why people go to counseling for it! I wouldn't go so far as breaking up with him, but he knows how you feel and if he continues to do this then it's clear he doesn't care and he does NOT deserve you. contrary to what most people say, there ARE guys out there who don't look at it, who don't look at other girls in a sexual way at all. They DO exist!

Thanks so much for your advice. I went home on my lunch break and talked to my fiance. We have agreed to talk some more but right now we are leaning towards having our baby. I'm only 3 weeks along so we have awhile to really think it over and decide what's best. But thanks for the support and help!

I think you're a total jerk! If you truly loved your girlfriend you would never have even DANCED or CUDDLED with another female. Period. You need to tell your girlfriend the truth, she deserves to know. Hopefully she will give you what you deserve and break up with you. No one deserves to be cheated on.

Unfortunately, I would say "yes" you should be concerned and I think you have a completely valid reason to search through his phone. I was cheated on by a guy I was with for a year. I trusted him blindly until the last month of our relationship when he got this new job. He got a message from some girl on his phone that said "I really need to talk to you, I need you right now". She did not say his name in the message so he tried to play it off like the girl had the wrong number. So I told him I was going to call the number back that called, when I went to his missed calls in his phone book on his cell, he had deleted it. I knew then that he was lying. One night I was doing a photo-shoot (I model) and his phone rang, he left the room to talk and when I was done with the shoot I went upstairs to where he was talking on the phone. He hung up quickly and told me it was his mom, I checked and knew it was not his mom's cell phone number. Needless to say, I called the number back later the next day and talked to this girl. He worked with him and had been going to lunch with her every day. She told me she was married but that they did have feelings for eacother. He lied and said she was just a friend that needed someone to talk to. Instead of seeing all the red flags I chose to believe him. Well, a few weeks later, I went to his apartment (I have a key) to surprise him and I'm the one who got the surprise. To find him in bed having sex with another girl. A very UGLY girl might I add! I was horrified. I lost my temper and assaulted him and the girl. It was horrible. Believe it or not, I never spoke to him again after that night. That was closure enough for me. Basically, I don't want you to have the go through the same thing I did. I say research, be snoopy, follow him, surprise him at home when he thinks your not able to, call the phone numbers and ask questions. Your bound to find answers and you deserve them. But once you do, don't stay or believe what you want to hear. Hey, you may even find out he is being 100% faithful. Then you can get rid of that anxiety and worry that I'm sure wrenches your gut every day!

oh and one more thing. as for the fling...if he has a girlfriend, and is cheating with you do you honestly think you're the only girl he is cheating with? Do you honestly think if you were to be with him that he'd be faithful to YOU? You have another thing coming sweetie. If he'd cheat on her, he'll cheat on you.

Ok, this is absolutely horrible!! You can't possibly stay with this guy after everything you have done. It's way too late to even mend the relationship even if you wanted to. Plus, I'd hope that he wouldn't have you after knowing this. You owe him the TRUTH! I have been cheated on before and it ripped my heart out. If you really care about this boyfriend of yours you need to break it off and you need to tell him exactly why you're leaving. He deserves to know. Plus, it will make it easier for hm to get over you and move on. When my ex cheated, I moved on so fast and got over it so quickly because I realized what a loser he was for doing it. My opinion, you're not mature enough for a relationship if you cheat. You're still unsure what you're looking for and what you really want. Don't be in a relationship until you know you can be honest and loyal to that person. Ask yourself this...do you expect him to be honest and loyal to you? I'm sure you do and that's purely hypocritical! I'm sorry to sound so rude and blunt, but I feel very strongly about faithfulness and it angers me to see people who have dedicated themselves to a relationship only 1/2 heartedly. Plain and simple, he doesn't deserve this and you don't deserve him. Say goodbye.

He seems like a busy guy and you knew that when you started dating him. Maybe it was just a super stressful week for him, but I wouldn't say anything just yet. You might end up pushing him away if you do. He is a career man, and it means a lot to him. Try to understand that. If this isn't the sort of relationship you want in the future, maybe you ought to consider calling it quits. Sometimes different lifestyles conflict too much and if it bothers you this much now, eventually the relationship will come to an end anyway. Give it some time, see what happens.

My fiance and I just found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant. At first I was scared and sad and I cried a lot. He was excited and told me how everything was going to be awesome. I went to work and had a whole 8 hours to think about things and prepared myself for having a child. When I got home he started talking about how we aren't ready for a baby financially and how we are just barely getting married so he wants to spend some time with me as his wife before we start having a family. I was really confused because he was excited before. He wants me to consider the early option pill (abortion pill) for women under 7 weeks in their pregnancy. I was really hurt by his suggestion and wonder why he all the sudden has decided he doesn't want to have this child. We always talk about our family and even have our sons name picked out. Everytime we see little kids he will smile and play around with them and seems like he would be such a good daddy. He says he is excited to have our family but now isn't the time. I have no idea what to do because I agree with him that we are not ready and that I didn't want to start a family for at least 2 more years, but we created a child here and we can't just turn our backs on that. I'm not sure I could live with knowing I aborted my child. What do I do?