heavensent

Annie, I semi-disagree. I was completely over my ex when I talked about him. It's just I had so much history that the majority of my memories consisted of us..so lets say we were doing something where I had done something really silly one time, well I may share this with my husband and just because it was something I did with an ex does not mean I'm not over him, it's a simple memory. Now, him talking about their sexual relationship is a different story but I think he might be doing it in a way that he doesn't really think he is hurting his girlfriend...once he knows that it's hurting her, if he continues to do it then that's a whole different ballgame..but I think he may just understand and realize how horrible it sounded. Hey, maybe YOU should say "oh, yeah, well my ex and I used to blah blah blah" and then after you say it see his reaction...ask him how it made him feel...most likely he will get your point.

That's uncalled for. You need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't stop maybe you need to get out of this relationship. Now, on the other hand, I used to talk about my ex a lot with my boyfriend (now husband), the reason I would tell him about my past relationships was because of the things that my ex did that bothered me so he knew not to do those things. I didn't reminisce and I didn't go into details about our sex life. I don't think your boyfriend is necessarily comparing you to her, but he might be trying to tell you that he wants you to be more kinky or that he doesn't want you to start being less sexually active the further in the relationship you get the way she did. He is doing it the wrong way though and you need to bring it to his attention. I didn't even notice how much I talked bout my ex until my husband told me it bothered him. Once he brought it up I noticed how much I really did and I put a stop to it.

I am in my first year of marriage and it is SO true that it is hard. I love him so much and love any inputs on how to make sure our marriage lasts. The divorce rates these days are really discouraging. Thanks a lot for this post!

Well a few days ago he was unloading groceries from the car so while he was doing that I went and slipping into a mini skirt and some heels (he loves me in nothing but heels) and then I went in the kitchen and started to cook...after he saw me in that he got really aroused and started kissing me..but I still look at that as ME initiating it because I'm the one who went and got in a skimpy outfit to turn him on...I'd like him to do that WITHOUT me having to lure him into it..does that make sense?

I also want to add that almost every time I was not in the mood for sex, I would go down on him and get him off that way...he loved it. I would put a skirt on for him and hike it up really short and let him watch in the mirror...it was a fast way to please my man when I wasn't physically in the mood for sex. I always took care of him and pleased him sexually.

Poco, I think my situation is very different than yours. Our sex is AMAZING...it has been incredible even with me initiating it..there has not been one time that he has not gotten off.. EVER in our entire relationship. We go for hours sometimes and try plenty different and new positions..I dress up in lingerie and in sexy outfits..I strip for him..it's very interesting and not boring in the bedroom. He just waits now for ME to do the turning on, when I want him to do the turning on sometimes. It's a two way street and I love initiating it sometimes, just not ALL the time. Anyway, just wanted to add that the SEX is not the problem at all...it's the initiating of it.

I broke up with him after a 3 1/2 year relationship. I regretted it for a long time but now I am married to another guy who is truly the one for me so I guess everything happens for a reason.

My husband used to want me ALL the time and I swear he would try to initiate sex with me about 3 times a day. I work full time and I'm a full time college student as well so I go to the point where I would come home at night and just be tired and not want to have sex so when he would try I would say "not tonight honey." He got to the point where he just stopped trying to do anything with me...so for the past 2 weeks I have been the one to initiate sex. It's sort of fun for me because I have the time to dress up in a sexy little outfit or lingerie before he starts seducing me...for the past week or so we have done it every night but ONLY because I initiate it. Last night I decided NOT to seduce him in any way to see what he would do. He didn't do ANYTHING. I talked to him about it and told him that he is not making me feel sexy or wanted when he doesn't ever initiate anything and I'm always having to seduce him. He told me that he doesn't know what's wrong with him but he felt so rejected everytime I said no that he just stopped trying and now he can't get his drive back..he only gets in the mood when I make him in the mood. How can I help him get over this? I'm starting to get sick of being the one who always has to turn him on...I thin he should get turned on on his own just by looking at me or feeling my skin, I shouldn't have to seduce him to dress riskay to get him to want me.

A lot of people who have affairs string their "fling on the side" along by telling them they have every intention of leaving their spouse when that's really not the case. I agree with others in the fact that if she was going to leave him, she would have. I think that you need to tell her that you can't take things any further until she has ended things with her husband. It is morally wrong on both of your parts to pursue a relationship while she is in a marriage. You seem to feel the same way as you are reluctant to take things to the next level with her. Do the right thing and give her the ultimatum, you will then know how serious she REALLY is about you. If she does not leave him, you need to let her go and move on.

Ya know what's weird...I missed a lot of things that drove me away in the first place.. I missed his jealousy because it just showed he cared, I missed the annoying way he would always grope me when I was washing my face, I missed the fan that he HAD to have on every night when we slept...there were so many things I missed about him that I never thought I would. I guess you never notice how much you really love the quirky things that you thought you didn't like until yu didn't have them anymore. It's weird how that works.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know how you feel, because I've been there before. I know it's hard to see it now, but the pain will go away and it will get easier to forget about this man that claims he "loves" you. Someone who cheats is very immature and doesn't have a clue what love is really about. You deserve so much better. I know you say you love him, and that may be true, but you deserve someone who will love you back and give you the respect and loyalty that you really deserve. It's easier said then done, but if you surround yourself with people who love you, they can help you stay away from him and move on with your life. The sun will shine again and soon you will realize that you have done the right thing. If you stay, you will be full of anxiety and fear and worry all the time..that's no way to live. There ARE guys out there that will be faithful...go find one. Now this other guy, he doesn't deserve you sweetheart! YOU CAN DO BETTER!!! If you need to talk, feel free to PM me...I've been there and maybe I could help you stay strong.

I could never forgive someone for cheating. I was cheated on by a boyfriend of one year, I walked in on him in bed with another girl and it was the most devestating experience...I'm glad I found out and I'm glad I left him. He tried to get me back, he told me he loved me and wanted to get married...I called the cops and told them he was harassing me. I did not talk to him ONCE after walking in on him. We exchanged our belongings through the police department. I did not need any more closure then what I had seen. Nothing would have ever been the same, once trust is betrayed, it's over. I am now happily married to a great guy who although I fear it, would never cheat on me. I would never cheat on anyone, I don't think anyone deserves that. If you really love someone, being with another person wouldn't even be an OPTION, it would never happen, period...no excuses. I don't care what kind of situation you are in, it shouldn't happen. If you can't be faithfully committed to someone, then you aren't worthy of being in a relationship. No one deserves to be betrayed that way.

Honesty is definitely best...the truth ALWAYS comes out at some point or another. People make mistakes...big ones, I'm sure he's made them to. Sure, some people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I don't necessarily believe that, I believe people can change. Cheating is an immature action...so if you've grown up since that experience and believe yourself to be able to be 100% faithful now then you need to simply explain that to him. If he judges you for your past you don't want him anyway. Trust is going to be a bigger issue if you lie to him.

Thanks guys!! We are going to Jamaica for our honeymoon but we don't leave until Wednesday!! An entire week after the wedding! We are both really excited though, I've been there before and it's beautiful but he has never gone before. We are staying at a couples resort called swept away in Negril. When we get home I plan to schedule a counseling appt mainly for damage control. Even though things are great right now I still think it's good that we go in and make sure that any anger or pain we may be holding in (and not know it) we get it all out so that we can have a healthy and happy marriage forever.

Hey guys! I just wanted to let you all know that my relationship with my now HUSBAND is going fabulous!!! Our wedding was amazing, it felt as if we fell in love all over again. He cried when I walked down the aisle..it was the cutest thing ever. We each wrote our own vows to personalize our ceremony. It was super sweet. Then the reception was a blast. We had a DJ and just threw a big party. For our first dance we did the traditional slow dance song and then had the DJ go right into a fast song where we did a 2nd first dance as a really fast swing dance, which was AWESOME...the guests just LOVED it, they were all cheering (but hell, we practiced it for a long time). Karson (my hubby) sang to me, Keith Urban, Memories of Us. It was just such an incredible wedding. All my friends told me it's the funnest and most original wedding they'd ever gone to. Anyway, we did not have a chance to seek counseling...although things are perfect now, I know we still might want to. We have been getting along amazing, my depression and mood swings are gone (thankfully!!) Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know how great we are doing. I appreciate all of your support through my rough spots. I'm sure we'll have more, and I'm sure I'll be venting to you guys because you're so helpful. Thanks a ton!

Just an update for everyone. I talked to my fiance about counseling and he thrilled with the idea. He thinks it would be good for us to work through our problems while they still aren't as bad...rather than letting everything escalate until it's just too late to mend. I am going to call some places tomorrow to try to get an appointment scheduled sometime later this week or the beginning of next week. Even one session before the wedding would be helpful. Anyway, I think you all are so great. I love all the insights you provide me and the support. I just want you to know that. Anything else anyone wants to add is greatly appreciated.

I agree with all of you suggesting counseling. Pre-marital however might be a little short winded since we are getting married in about a week and a 1/2. However, I think we need it and maybe a few sessions of each of us on our own as well. It's definitely something I considered the second I started taking abortion as an option..also, I think I still have some inner-trust problems I need to tackle because in emotional situations they come out and take me over, I seriously can't even control it when I get emotional, and that's something I need to work on considerably.

I understand where my problems lie. I used to have very complex trust problems and insecurity issues due to a previous relationship where I was cheated on. However, we worked through these together and I've dropped my controlling ways to a minimum. I'm just concerned about where his problems lie. I feel that I'm the one going through the bulk of the emotions from the abortion, he can't be too stressed about the wedding because I've done ALL the planning and leg-work for it. Sure, I was overpowering, but this happened once and I guess I'm afraid that he was taking it as an excuse out of the marriage as if he had been having doubts or something. But if that were the case, I guess he would have left, right?

I am getting married on February 18th (less than 2 weeks away!) and last night my fiance and I had a HUGE fight and broke it off (we made up) but let me tell you the story. As some of you may know from my previous posts, I got an abortion (last wed). I'm doing fine with everything but it really tampers with your emotions. Yesterday I was really emotional and got upset at him ALL day long over stupid things, I called him numerous times while he was trying to work and really started to bug him. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to and then when he seemed irritated with my calls I got more sad and then upset at him for not caring enough. Anyway, by the end of the workday we were fine, we both got home about the same time and went grocery shopping. While we were grocery shopping he started saying how he needed to go tanning because he looked so pale and all this crap about making himself look better. Instead of thinking he was doing it for me I got all upset thinking something was up and why all the sudden did he want to look good? Of course, it was for our wedding but instead of seeing that I just blew up and started making accusations, which just made him furious. That's not all....THEN we get home and he checks the mail..I get this magazing from Fredericks of Hollywood (I'm not sure if you know what that is but it's like really riskay lingerie and there is this girl on the front that is in something really revealing..(a whole nother story but I have a complex about him seeing other girls in this manor, I feel it's disrespectful to me for him to look at it..I think it's soft porn and I feel that someone in a relationship shouldn't be looking at it...some of you may disagree). Anyway, that's not a problem with us, he has never been into pornography since we have been together and is really respectful of my feelings towards that stuff. But when he brought back the mail I noticed the magazine and automatically started questioning if he looked at the picture on the front and after he told me know I pretty much called him a liar. I have NO IDEA why I was acting this way. He finally got so fed up with me and asked me why the hell I was even marrying him if I think he's so horrible. Anyway, I gave him my ring and packed a bag and told him I was going to my mother's, but instead I drove around in circles for a half hour until he finally called me. I went home to mend things with him but he told me that he loves me so much but for the first time in our relationship he has doubts about marrying me. I keep my cool and don't cry the whole time while he gets his things together. He tells me how sorry he is about the abortion and that he still wants to be here for me if I need him but he just can't marry me. It hurt so bad to hear him say these things...seeing how one of the reasons I got the abortion was so we could build our marriage before bringing a child into it, I just wanted our relationship to be strong. He kept hesitating about leaving for about a half hour, walking around the house pretending like he was trying to find something (I think he was waiting for me to try to stop him) but I didn't. I sat in the bedroom and seriously had a blank stare..no tears..I was angry that he would leave me after all that I'm going through and about a WEEK before our wedding! He came back in the room and said that he felt as if he was forgetting something and then he kissed me and that's why i broke down crying. He told me that he feels like he should leave but he can't get himself to walk out the door. We talk for hours and he tells me he really wants to marry me and he just doesn't want me to get controlling or untrusting again (I used to be in the beginning but got better). I really think that having the abortion has just made me feel insecure and alone and for awhile I may be this way but I'm so scared I'll push him away and I don't know what I'd ever do without him. I love him so much and can't see my life without him in it. He stayed with me and held me all night long and this morning we were great. He left me a note in my purse that told me how much he loves me and that he can't wait to marry me. He says he knows I'm scared that he'll leave but he's not going anywhere. I feel so insecure and scared and vulnerable right now. I want to marry him more than anything in the entire world. I've never been so excited for anything in my whole life. Do I just take this as a stupid fight or a big red flag?

Okay, I'm really looking for someone with PERSONAL experience from these procedures because I have read PLENTY of info on websites about the differences of the two. In utah (which is where Im from) they don't put you to sleep for surgical but they do numb your cervix. Has anyone had it done this way before? If so, was it painful and uncomfortable? what's your experiences with Medical abortions? (abortion by the pill) I have heard some stories of such excruciating cramping that it's scared me away from that option but if you guys have any personal experiences from either that you can share, I'd appreciate it. abortion has not been my final decision but I am still trying to explore all of my options...I have become very educated on a ton of things but have not had a chance to talk to many people about their personal experiences.

When guys say "I only have eyes for you" sometimes they truly don't know what that means. My fiance told me that he thought guys used to tell their girls that just to make them feel better, he said he never knew how TRUE that saying can be until he met me. I have had boyfriends like that, perverted and disrespectful and I tried to convince myself it was just in a guys' genetics...THAT'S NOT TRUE. My fiance doesn't ever notice girls, unattractive or attractive...females are just people to him, nothing more. It's amazing how good that can make you feel. When you find "the one" you'll experience this as well. Some guys just don't grow up until they realize just what they have. Some guys don't realize what they've got til it's gone, so make his realize and dump this boy and get yourself a man. (easier said than done..I know!)

Okay, so of course your breasts will swell up and get bigger but I have heard a lot of people say that your nipples get HUGE and basically your breasts are just really ugly and different after having a child. Is this true? Do you guys know any tricks for avoiding stretch marks? any good exercises to keep your body tight and in shape during and after the pregnancy? I have a really great body now (not to sound conceited) and I really want to keep my body looking good for my husband and for myself.

Well, I think that he needs to see a psychologist..this sounds like a classic case of depression which may have nothing to do with your relationship at all. How is his family life? Some people go into depression for reasons that are totally unknown, but he needs to get help before it turns severe. The only way I'd wonder if it was because of you is if he is only acting this way around YOU, but if everyone is noticing his odd behavior then it most likely has little to nothing to do with your relationship. Just be supportive and let him know you are always there to talk...and I strongly suggest you urge him to see someone and maybe get on some anti-depressants. I have seen far too many people let depression run their lives and it's horrible. Eventually his depression will cause so much strain on your relationship that you won't even be able to handle being with him. Good luck!

Okay about Ray Kay...if our relationship isn't going to survive either way then I'd rather it not survive without a child so that our baby doesn't have to grow up with a broken family. I'd rather not be a single mother...I'd rather if our relationship failed that it be without a child invovled.

I do not take offense to this in any way and I can completely understand how you could form this observation. However, that's not the case. If anything, I'm most scared of losing him. I love him so much and I want this perfect fairy tale life and I'm just so scared that with work, school, and a baby I'll have no time to dedicate to him and then he will be unhappy. I mean, we have only been together for 9 months, we never really had time to be just "us" and we won't really have a chance to just be a husband and wife, plus I am working on some inner trust issues still (which he is so supportive on) I just want to give our baby the best life possible and make sure at the same time I'm not neglecting my marriage or letting it fall apart.