truckerbabe

haha well I have read it in the past... but this was just my opinion based on common sense.

My fiancee and I are eloping to Brazil over Xmas and then coming home to have a reception with all our friends & family. We want the wedding to be about us, and us only... plus we had already booked our vacation there anyway and what better way to get married & have our honeymoon in the same week in an incredible country such as South America! Do what YOU want and not what anyone else does. It's your life, be happy!

It's so nice to see a positive post about a relationship. I'm very happy for you for finding that one who still unleashes that animal inside you. I've found mine too. He's so incredible that it's almost surreal. Keep smiling!! Thanks for the uplifting posts.

Thank you for your concern, but he is not unfaithful to me.... he simply works long hours. There are still decent men in the world that dont always think with the little brain haha.

Wow, thank you so much for all the great advice!! Tonight he was going to help me with a couple things but I told him I would just handle them and went about things on my own. It felt good not to be waiting for him. I love him dearly and he treats me like absolute GOLD... except for the habitual lateness. I guess sometimes I feel maybe he thinks my time isn't as important as his is. He builds trucks so he is very busy (especially around now since everyone wants to go wheeling for May Long weekend). Buddies always stop by the shop and bring beer... just to shoot the * * * * and have a couple drinks so most of the evenings are spent with them because he is too nice to tell him he has to get work done or that he has to go home. Thats the thing... I'm extremely busy but I make sure I finish everything I have to do when we are supposed to meet so I have time to be with him. I have lots of hobbies and definitely a lot of time I can spend doing things, so keeping myself busy is never a problem hehe. It's usually almost always work and yeah he does call me if he's gonna be late... but usually it's an hour after the fact he was supposed to meet me when he calls and says he just has to finish a few things and he'll be home... then a few more hours pass.... I can definitely help him out and I do when I can, but right now I'm training for a fitness show so I'm extremely busy myself and don't have much time outside of my fulltime job, training in the gym and cooking my meals. His business is doing well... almost too well. They only have 3 of them working there so they are quite swamped with work and can't really afford to pay any new hires. I offered to help him more when I'm finished my training and have a bit more time on my plate. Excellent point... thank you. Another excellent point. I just might have to try that! I know for a fact he is definitely not leading a double life. I trust him with all my heart.

The funny thing is, I told him a while ago that I am not going to set any more times... so the time we are to meet is the time HE gives me. Last friday he told me to give him a time so I said 8pm... he says "that late? How about 6pm?" so I said ok... waited around for him till almost 9.

Ok, ok so I was just thinking about it & reading a few things on the net... I am always on time... with even minutes to spare just incase I get held up in traffic, or need to fill up on gas... so what I'm going to have to do is learn NOT to wait around for him. I know what he's like, I know he won't change... so I guess I'm just gonna have to go out and do my own thing. I will NOT wait around for him anymore because chronic lateness is a sign of control. My time is just as important as his so that is just what I'm going to have to do or he gets the best of me by being able to do what he wants & still come home to me waiting there for him. Ok, guess my new question is... how do I learn NOT to wait around for him? lol.

My bf owns his business and works long hours which is fine with me... but he is ALWAYS late when we have plans to meet up. I'm not talking 15 mins... I'm talking atleast 2 hours +. It is very frustrating since he will give me a time to meet him and I sit there waiting for him for hours upon hours until he shows up. Yesterday was 6.5 hours I spent waiting for him at home. I have told him I have no problem with him working late and I totally understand... I've spoken to him about it... he knows how I feel... he knows what he is doing to me and how much it hurts, but he can't seem to show up on time for anything BUT work. What do I do?

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married so when I read about how hard the first year is, I get a bit nervous. I do NOT want divorce to be an option for us so anything I can find I read just so I know what I can do to help keep the relationship strong. A couple newlywed girls at the office are saying the same thing... the first year was SO hard for them. Lots of arguments, lots of doubt... why do you think that is? Anything you ladies can tell me that might help me in the future?

I saw this great article I thought I would share: Surviving the First Year of Marriage - Creating a Successful Foundation by Cheryl Marks-Young We have all heard the statement, "the first year is the hardest". Can you picture the person who first said that to you? Did they seem happy about being married or were they proclaiming their happiness through gritted teeth? Does hearing the first year is the hardest really make you want to get married if you are still single? Have you witnessed your parents or married friends fighting or complaining about the difficulties of being married. Have you been the recipient of the famous comments, "you just don't know how hard it is" or "the grass is always greener" or "I hope one day you find out how tough it is to be married"? Have you been told you are too "pie-in-the-sky" or too "romantical" about what marriage really means? Are you ready to have that "blissful" experience you think of as marriage and not the one those people complain about? If you are ready to have a fabulous and fun entry into the World of Marriage, then this article is for YOU. A successful Marriage as anything else in this world, begins with a good foundation. You are responsible for creating that foundation. I know it seems like it might be a bit of work and it can also be a lot of FUN. 1) A good foundation starts with the familiar catch all phrase of "Self-Love". If you both take care of yourselves and take responsibility for your own happiness, then you will be very powerful in creating happiness with each other. Be responsible for yourself and for your actions. Know that taking care of yourself is a key component to a good foundation and a key ingredient to a successful marriage. 2) A sense of humor in the face of the everyday stuff, can be very powerful for your relationship with yourself and with your partner. It allows for creative solutions to otherwise challenging situations. Learning how to laugh at yourself and learning to not take life too seriously can create some very fun evenings that you will both be talking about for years to come. 3) Create an agreement that only one person can be crazed at a time and stick with the agreement. If your partner comes home from a bad day at the office and needs to blow off steam by complaining, give them the space to do that as long as you are not being harmed by the situation. Wait until they are finished before jumping in with complaints from your day. This is about making sure that both you and your partner feel heard and listened to and goes a long way in feeling appreciated and acknowledged. 4) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. The caveat here is to communicate without criticism. Your partner needs to know when they have stepped on your boundaries or when they have harmed you. You are BOTH individuals that deserve to be treated well and sometimes we make mistakes and occasionally we hurt each other unknowingly. You need to share your needs in a calm and non-critical way. You also need to make space for your partner to share their side of the story. If you both can understand where you are coming from then you will know how to take care of each other in the future. 5) Do not complain to your friends, your family or your partner's family about them. Even though you think these comments might be made in confidence, the criticism about your partner will be felt by them. Somehow we all know when we have been spoken about in a critical way. Even if we are not present, we still know. This can be a powerful force on your relationship. Unless you are being harmed in a way that requires the help of friends and family, keep your personal complaints between you and your partner. So, if your partner is sloppy around the house, do not share this with six friends unless you are seeking real help to resolve the situation. If this is the case, then you might want to speak with a coach or another qualified individual who can be constructive and objective in solving your situation. 6) Share responsibilities and acknowledge and use each other's strengths to get the everyday things accomplished. We don't often like to hear this but sometimes other people can do things better than we can. There is nothing wrong with letting your partner wash the dishes if you are the better cook - or taking turns depending on who wants to cook. The same thing with cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry or paying the bills or keeping track of Birthdays or whatever else needs to get done. There is also the other alternative of doing some of the chores together (i.e., food shopping or laundry). Express appreciation for the hard work your partner did to handle the bills or cook a fabulous dinner. This will go a long way in creating a successful foundation for your Marriage. 7) Greet your partner every day with a hug and a kiss and say I Love You at least once a day. Whether it is the first thing you do upon waking up or the first thing you do when they arrive home at night, this is a powerful way to reaffirm your bond every day. It is also a pleasant way to reconnect with each other. It is also powerful to say "Goodnight" to each other before going to bed. 8) Find something to appreciate about your partner every day and communicate that to them. It can be as simple as a Thank You for throwing out the garbage or telling them you love them in the color shirt they are wearing or simply telling them you love waking up next to them. This communication needs to be honest and sincere and can be extremely powerful in putting a smile on your partner's face when they are having a bad day. 9) Create some quiet time for yourself and your partner to be alone separately and to also be alone together. It is important to spend some time apart to allow each of you to recharge and do your own thing. Read a book or take a walk or go out with friends. Do whatever it is that you love to do when you need to recharge yourself. Sometimes you can be alone while you are both in the same house. My husband sometimes watches TV while I read a book and vice versa. We both do what helps us recharge and we can be together yet apart in the same space. 10) Celebrate and acknowledge your Anniversary monthly and do this with other important events (i.e., your first date, your first kiss or whatever makes you smile). You can do this with just an acknowledgement or a card or even an occasional dinner out. My husband and I celebrate the Anniversary of our First Date every year by riding the Staten Island Ferry. Creating a tradition of your own can be very fun and it keeps the romance going.

Here's my two cents... I agree with the ladies above in that he may feel intimidated by the fact that you are the provider of the family. I posted this in another thread, but men just want to make their wives happy by pleasing them. They want to be able to take home the bacon, but also be nurtured at home and praised for what they do. I don't know what you're like towards him, but if you are constantly focusing on what he isn't doing, rather than what he is... maybe (as hard as it is) praise him for the 5-6 hours of work he IS doing and realize he is making an effort to help you out as best he knows how. That will make him feel a sense of accomplishment and that you are happy with what he is contributing instead of feeling like no matter what he does, it isn't good enough. No one likes to be let go of any job. It's embarrassing and hard to get back on your feet again after it happens. I have no doubt in my mind that he is extremely grateful for what you do for him and the family, but I'm sure he's lacking confidence right now because he isn't able to provide or make you happy. If you showed him how much his contributions (no matter how small or big) are making a difference in helping you & the family out just by simply thanking him and telling him he is doing a good job... he will want to naturally take on more to help you out with other things. His confidence will boost and he will start working harder, working more hours and eventually he won't feel threatened by you being the bread-winner of the family because now he feels like an equal instead of insignificant.

I'm not defending either side here... but a man will naturally continue wanting to do more for a woman if it PLEASES her. If she does not show appreciation or give thanks for the things he does each day, naturally who would want to keep doing things. It's all a matter of appreciating what each person in the relationship does for one another.... no matter how little the task completed is. My best friend once told me a man who truly loves you will always say "bless you" when you sneeze.

hahaha too funny. Yeah sometimes I run over the "alotted time" but I know when to stop when he starts losing interest. I think guys just need to know when you will get to the point of a story or they get bored fast. Compensation? I dunno... hmm... a massage? Bottom line is we both put into the relationship what we want out of it and we both treat eachother like gold. It's the most amazing relationship I've been in... but there are a few things that we do differently, of course. It's all about who are are as individuals and we should never have to change who we are for someone. I'm sure there will be days when we want to strangle eachother, but just remember the proper techniques of communication and why men & women do the things we do... and usually it works out.

MEN: All men want to do is please women. Whether you think this or not... it's true. They pride themselves on being able to make their wife happy. If she is not happy (doesn't matter what it's about) he takes it personal and thinks he cannot provide for her. In turn, he works harder because he thinks more money will make her happy... but he still comes home to a "nagging wife" so eventually he stays at work longer or goes out with the boys and ignores her. It's hard to stay motivated when it seems everything you do won't make her happy. The truth is this... WOMEN: Women just want to be heard. We want to be able to rant about our day WITHOUT the men offerring a "solution" to the problem. Most of what we complain about has nothing to do with our significant others at all... we just had a bad day and need to get some things off our chest and just want the man to sit back and listen. When we complain about our job and hubby says "well why dont you just quit!" we get upset and say "You're not listening" then it turns into a fight because the man IS listening, he is just doing what guys do... solve the problem so he doesn't know why his wife is saying he doesn't listen when he is. Men have to learn to sit back, DONT SAY ANYTHING and just let the woman complain. It isn't a personal attack and isn't meant for you... she just has some things on her mind she wants to talk about. Ask her questions, dont argue, just reply with "uh huh.." or "hmmm" siple answers to let her know you're listening and you sympathize. Eventually she will solve the problem while she's talking and feel better just for getting it out. When she is finished, that is when you give her a hug and let her know you understand and want her to be able to open up to you when she needs to. Women have to learn to sit back and let the man do his own thing until he is ready to come out and be loving again. Men generally watch tv or read a book or go in the garage... whatever they do to take their mind off things after work to wind down from the stresses of work. Men dont like to talk about their problems... they like to sit quietly and think about them on their own. When women are poking at them saying "WHATS WRONG WHATS WRONG WHATS WRONG" men tend to snap and then a fight begins. LADIES... leave them alone, if they had a problem with you they would tell you... they need to have their space and alone time to solve their own problems and when they are ready, they will talk. Men need to know they are wanted, loved and are doing a good job at providing for their women. Women need to know they feel comfortable to be able to talk to their husbands without being offered a solution to the problem. We dont want a solution... we just want to rant and then it's over. Communication is KEY to making a relationship work. Society is lazy... they dont want to work, they dont want to TRY and understand eachother.. and it's too damn easy these days to get a divorce. If I need to get something off my chest, I begin by telling my man "I had a bad day and could really use someone to listen for 5 minutes... you dont have to say anything and I dont need a solution, I just need to talk." then he knows how long it will be, that it isn't directed towards him and that he doesn't need to do anything. He sits back and listens and when it's over he hugs me and offers his help if I need it but says he knows I'm strong and can get through this. When he is seemingly distant or stays late at work... I leave him alone. When he is ready to come talk, he does and he appreciates me for it because he gets to come home to a woman who is happy and will do anything for him. My tips for the day... haha. Sorry for the long post.

I knew it the second he mentioned getting married and I wasn't running for the hills... I didn't feel scared at all, just agreed with him. It sounds to me like you need to work on yourself and learn to trust people again before even considering a commitment like that. To hold onto the past & think every relationship is doomed because of your past family experiences isn't a very good way to look at things, not to mention unfair to the person you are in the relationship with. Wait till you're ready.. you'll know when you are.