heavensent

My opinion..she is trying to make you jealous. She wants you to think that she has moved on. The thing is, she may be making it all up. I know when I broke up with my boyfriend I would tell him I had dates or tell someone he knew that I had one when really I was sitting at home being depressed watching sappy love movies and eating a pint of hagen daz! lol, the truth is, she just wants you to think she is moving on..she may really be and she may not. Maybe if you talked to her and told her how this was making you feel she'd stop...she may not realize how childish she is really being.

I love the quote: "Nobody is perfect!!! Until....you fall in love with them" I just thought of that from reading the last post. It's a true quote, when you are in love, all of someone's so called "flaws" seem perfect to you. Anyway, I haven't been able to follow this post since I haven't been on in a few days but I think that Lily has given you some excellent advice. I hope all is well and everything works out for the best for you!

Hmmm, interesting point. I can't say that the statistic "MOST DIVORCES HAPPEN IN THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE" hasn't played a toll on me because I am in MY first year of marriage and it concerns me. Especially since is it truly known to be the hardest year of marriage and my husband and I have had our share of problems (probably more than our share)..so of course I fear divorce..but I still have full confidence in our marriage. We married for love though, we had a lot of things to work on and still do. So the only thing that would make me stop trying is falling out of love with him and I don't think that's a possibility. The statistics however, never would have stopped me from marrying and won't stop me from marrying again if this marriage happens to fail.

Hmmm, before you go planning for a child, I'd get some verification that she is really pregnant. Some women use this to get the guy back. She may not even be pregnant at all. Make sure you see her DOCTOR test results first. Good luck!

Of course it's not pointless! You can still date a girl whether you are moving away or not. You are young and have no reason to get into something serious right now anyway. Go ahead and ask her to prom! Have fun while you're still here..and make sure you keep it fun and non-serious so there is no leading her on. Make sure she knows that you are leaving but you'd still like to spend some time with her and get to know her, I'm sure she'll be thrilled!

Lily...Yes, my picture in the avatar is indeed me! Thank you very much! I also have one in my profile of my husband and I! Monsieur... NO you don't just give in and avoid dating! What good is that? That's just living your life in fear..what's life without taking chances and enjoying new experiences whether they be good or bad. It only makes us STRONGER.. This forum is helpful for advice, I love it..but it's not a psychiatrist, we don't have a PHD..we can give you ADVICE but we can't diagnose you, nor can we get to the root of your problem. Chances are it may be something that happened to you when you were a child, it usually is. I have seen a hypnotherapist and it's amazing the things you find out that truly scarred you that you never realized did before. I really think you should seek help. Don't give in to this feeling of being inferior or having anxiety..you should control it, don't let it control you!!

Well if you don't want to take pills you definitley need to see a psychiatrist becuase it doesn't get any better. Any of us can give you advice and tell you to stop worrying but it's NOT THAT EASY. It's something from within yourself that takes control of your feelings and it almost turns into obsessive-compulsive thinking. It's NOT healthy and it's NOT normal. I have had these thoughts and feelings and struggled with this for a long time...it just gets worse unless you do something about it. I was against pills as well, i thought they would turn me into an emotionless-zombie and that I'd be dependent on them. Truth is, they make me feel great..they make me feel like MYSELF again. I do not have a dependency on them and once I have taken them for the amount of time my doctor has prescribed (6 months) I plan to discontinue them and live my life the way that I want to live it..WITHOUT WORRY! It's all up to you, but it's an option you might consider taking.

Hmmm, I had this problem and I still do a little bit. Although I consider myself to be very pretty, I also married a man who is very attractive. Everyone used to compliment us on how we are such a gorgeous attractive couple..even strangers at restaurants. I sometime still get down on myself and think that he's so good looking he could get a girl better looking then me. It used to worry me that someday if he found someone better he would leave me. I had anxiety problems due to a lot of factors so I am taking Lexapro now which has helped me a lot with my worrying. Maybe you should see a doctor about it. That really helped me.

No way!! She will just resent you if you are telling her things to make her feel better about something YOU did to her in the first place. It's like a guy telling a girl how AMAZING she is while breaking up with her. She can't help but wonder, if she was so amazing then why would he be leaving her? I think it will ultimately just make her feel worse. Let her heal with her close family and friends and give her some time and space..if you do finally talk to her, try to veer away from the topic of your relationship and talk about new positive things like the future or what's been going on currently.

As bad as I don't want to ADMIT this..I'm the one who has the main control in my relationship with my husband. If I don't want him to do something, he won't do it. But, the way that I put it is: honey, I'd rather you didn't do that or go there but it's up to you. He'd then take my feelings into consideration and decide not to go. It's not like I would say NO! YOU CAN'T GO! But still, he lets me do just about anything that I want..besides wear revealing clothes lol..I think a lot more women have control in relationships then people think.

NOVASEEKER - I completely agree. I have strong morals against pornography and I have found a guy who feels the same way as I do. Although he hasn't always felt this way..I think it's normal for a guy in his teens to be curious enough to look and see what it's all about. It's the guys that become addicted and continue to look into their 20's that really enjoy it for what it is and not for the curiosity factor. Anyway, it's true, you can't change them and if you tell them not to do it, chances are they will just hide it and do it behind your back. I'm lucky enough to have a wholesome man with the same morals and values as me.

I think this is a great post and I agree with you 100%. It hurts me to know that my husband looked at porn BEFORE me..let alone him being WITH me and looking at it. I know a lot of people disagree and this is such a controversial topic but I think that porn is a form of cheating. If you are married or in a relationship you should be committed to just one person..and that means emotionally and physically. But luckily I have a man that respects and understands that...I think it halfway comes down to a man's morals. I don't care what anyone says....not EVERY MAN is into porn.

Well, he may not see it as a threat but YOU do and it bothers YOU so thereforeeee he should do something about it to make YOU feel better. That's what you do in relationships. compromise to make the other person feel a little bit better. He needs to take your feelings into consideration EVEN if he doesn't understand why you feel that way or think you have a reason to.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist..they will try to help you with some techniques to overcome this. Also, every time you start to worry, close your eyes and remember everything that you two have together..why in the world would he risk that by being unfaithful? I'm sure that if you love him this much he must has a stronger character than that. It's easier said then done but over time it gets easier. If you find that you get shaky and severe obsessivness over this then consider medication. I have only been taking Lexapro for a little over 2 weeks now so I can't really vouge for it yet, but I'll let you know how it goes. It's supposed to take it's full effect withint 3-4 weeks. All you will do is push him away by this....trust is a main foundation of a relationship, and although you don't feel like it's a trust issue..it really is. It's not your fault but it is yours to control...once you get it under control the next time something sparks it you need to stay calm and be rational. I still think that myspace needs to go. He can put a block on it to where no one can add him or email him...tell him to take all of his pictures off. If he needs it for work he can have a bare profile with no friends (BUT YOU).

Wow, you have a very similar situation to me. My ex-bf also cheated on me. I walked in on him in bed with his ex girlfriend. It was the most horrible eye-opening experience for me. I was not really in love with him but I did feel a whole new level of betrayal that I never felt before. Now I hold my husband responsible for his mistake...because I never kept track of my ex or controlled where he could go, checked his phone bills etc...I convinced myself that's why he cheated. Truth is, if a guy wants to cheat he is going to cheat no matter how much we control them. I always check up on my husband and check his phone bill and emails and it gets really exhausting feeling like I need to keep tabs on him all the time. I don't do these things behind his back and he has nothing to hide so he doesn't get upset...but at the same time I know it makes him feel horrible because when you are constantly not trusted it can ware on you...especially if you know you are doing nothing wrong. Eventually it will just push him away. I love him so much and I know he loves me to so I have been busting my little butt off to grab control of this. Do you ever constantly worry about what he's doing when you're not with him? Do you check up on him a lot? Do you jump to conclusions or accuse him of things at the drop of a hat? Do you get insecure and jealous if pretty girls are around when you go out? Does it bother you if he happens to see (not look..but SEE) a picture of a girl naked or a girl naked on TV or a movie? These are all things that I do and if you do the same, I might be able to give you some insight on things that might help you the way that they've been helping me. I'm not completely trusting or secure yet, but I'm well on my way and have complete confidence that I will get there.

Have you talked to him about Marriage? Right now you are well on your way to a common-law marriage but I know exactly what you mean about wanting a solid commitment. I felt the same way, but I will tell you this much - it doesn't change ANYTHING!!! This is all something that is coming from somewhere else..perhaps something that happened when you were a child. I have some trust problems and anxiety and am currently taking Lexapro for these problems because I got really controlling with my husband and I wouldn't even let him go out to eat without me because I was afraid of him looking at the waitress or her hitting on him because he's so good looking. I have been working a lot on these problems and the pills have helped my obsessive worrying calm down..although I do need constant reassurance from him and I have seen a hypno-therapist a few times to try to find the root of the problem. Maybe that's what you need to do...and make sure you keep communicating your problem with your boyfriend. communication is KEY. You don't realize it but your insecurities hurt YOU just as much as they hurt HIM. Take some action now because getting married WILL NOT make it go away.

Okay Sweetie, you guys have been together for a year and a half and from what I gather you even live together. It's obvious that he loves YOU for who you are. He must think you are good enough for him or he wouldn't be with you. Try to gain some confidence in that and remember that there are qualities that you must have that he is looking for that other girls he has dated lacked or else he wouldn't be in a long-term relationship with you. Love has a lot feelings attached with it...it's hard sometimes to see that you need to love YOURSELF before you can allow someone else to fully love you or completely give someone else your love. I think you really need to talk to him about deleting myspace. It is obviously creating this barrier between the two of you and that is going to cause some long-term effects if you don't tackle it now. Tell him you are willing to do it and see what he says. I know if my husband and I would have stayed on it, it would have caused some damage. But ultimately you really need to TALK TO HIM..myspace has got to go! After that, work on loving yourself and letting yourself know that he loves you too. You might what to explain to him your insecurities and tell him that for awhile you might need a little more reassurance, I'm sure he will give that to you. sometimes in relationships we feel a bit vulnerable and reassurance from our partner about how beautiful we are or how lucky they are to have us really helps us regain our security withint the relationship. My husband is incredibly GORGEOUS...He gets a lot of attention from girls and sometimes it's crossed my mind that he could do a lot better than me..but his constand reminder about how beautiful he thinks I am even when I've been in bed all day and haven't showered, reminds me that he loves me for a lot more than my outer appearance and NO GIRL can compete with that.

If you are doing the SAME thing that he is doing then yes that is a bit odd and quite frankly, hypocritical. Do you talk to these guys in the same manor that he talks to these girls? If that's the case then you either need to get over him talking to other girls and trust that he doesn't have any other intentions or else you also need to discontinue talking to these guys. I think that this is an INSECURITY problem...are you insecure with yourself? Do you sometimes feel as if you are not good enough for him? This might be something that you need to work on within yourself because I think it goes a lot deeper than just jealousy with you boyfriend. I am married now, and when my husband and I first me we were both on myspace as well...it caused a bit of problems with us as well so we deleted it about 2 weeks after we had gotten together. I am glad that we don't have myspace anymore..to me, it was just another dating website and no one really respected or cared if you were in a relationship. Maybe if this is coming between the two of you, you should both delete your myspace accounts.

I think you have every reason to be jealous. His actions are completely innappropriate for a guy in a relationship. I don't think it's YOU with the problem, I think it's him. Why are you blaming yourself for this? If anyone ruins this relationship, it's going to be him. You can't just tell yourself that it's you're fault and ignore that the things that he is doing are truly hurting you. Have you talked to him about this? Have you told him how him talking to other girls makes you feel? If he ignores your feelings on this matter or tells you that you are being paranoid then he doesn't truly care how you feel. He needs to take in account the way you feel and act accordingly. If you put up with it then he's always going to do it because he knows that he can. I think you need to stand your ground and follow your gut feelings. There is a reason you are feeling this way...and it's because he is in the wrong, not you.

Just a little update - I guess I was making a big deal out of nothing. I thought that telling my husband how I felt wouldn't go very far so that's why I came here for advice but it looks like talking to him worked. Yesterday when I got home from work he immediately greeted me at the door and pushed me up against the wall...we made very passionate love and it was amazing! Most of all, I really felt sexy and wanted again. I told him I wouldn't keep track of who initiated it but that we both need to make an effort to make the first move into turning eachother on, it can't be one-sided anymore..he agreed and I think things will be perfect from now on. *crosses fingers*

Sweetie, these are all questions that he is the only one that can really answer them. Sure, we can all tell you how we interpret them, but the only one who can tell you what it truly meant is HIM. You need to ask him where his feelings stand for her and you need to tell him how much this hurt you. He needs to respect that as your boyfriend and make sure it never happens again. But the REASONS he did this, only he can clarify that. You need to sit down with your man and have a serious talk. Good luck!

OHHH, I thought it was a college GUY friend sending him something about making out with a girl..I see...I got a little confused there for a minute! Yeah, he shouldn't be digging up memories about hooking up with other girls, nor should he be PROUD of that now that he's with you. Sorry sweetheart but this guy sounds like a real loser. You deserve a lot better than this. Give him a chance to hear him out, but if he shrugs off the way that you feel about all of this then I think you should call it quits. Oh and to DN - sorry if I offended you..I was speaking in a joking manor.. but in a lot of ways guys are dense to this kind of stuff. I had my husbands friends making comments to him to look at a girls breasts with me standing right there...don't they realize this is going to get them in TROUBLE?? Some guys just don't think that just because they are single their actions and thoughts are different than a married mans should be. I hope I'm making sense.

I wouldn't read too much into the friend thing...guys are idiots and they don't really think..especially if it's about someone else's relationship. You can't blame your boyfriend for that one..but the whole ex thing...that's completely his fault.

What he did was very disrespectful to you. You need to talk to him about this, if he gets defensive it's most likely because he feels guilty and thinks he did something wrong as well. You need to find out if he still harbors feelings for his ex and tell him you don't want him to have any means of communication with her again. He should respect that. If I ever saw an ex of mine I would ignore his presense completely and immediately leave where I was at. It's called moving on.

I dont think trust has much to do with this. You testing him by creating a fake email address might be something to show distrust. But for you to feel jealous or upset about him talking to other girls is totally understandable. If he respected you and your feelings enough he should voluntarily end this communication. Sure, you can't tell him he HAS to or else he may just end up doing things behind your back...but if you tell him it hurts you really bad and that you want it to stop and then leave it up to him then someone who loves you enough would disconutiue talking to other girls. I think it's really inappropriate, and depending on the content of the conversations they have you could really consider this "emotionally cheating", I think that's just as bad as any physical act. He doesn't need to play rescuer to this other girls...he should only be a hero to one person and that's YOU! Stand your ground and if he continues, I'd strongly consider moving out. (I know it's easier said than done)