mmaurer6

I didn't invite her over.

Well, the ex knows I'm leaving for Sacramento on Thursday for a week and now she wants to come up to my place tonight. She said she will give me a going away present, but I can't tell anyone and I shouldn't have any expectations afterwards(which means sex). Now she is supposed to be dating someone. Why does she want to come over my place if she wants nothing to do with me? Is it just that she wants me to be thinking of her while I am away? She is so damn confusing. I need her to just leave me alone. Why is she doing this? Marc

She left me about 5 months before our wedding. She just said I don't love you anymore and I don't know why. I did all of the begging and pleading and all of that crap. I desperately tried to get back together, but that stopped a couple months ago. I've been trying to move on, and I did have a date this weekend. We text messaged each other a couple times earlier in the week, and she was telling me that she was dating someone, but it wasn't serious. I told her it would be tough to see her with someone else, but then again I had a date on Friday. On Thursday, she showed up at work all dressed up and looking good for the first time since she left me in January. Then she intentionally came to a part of the building where she knew I would be, just so I could see her all prettied up. Up until that point, she was coming to work looking terrible and very unprofessional. Actually, I just saw her today, and she looked miserable as usual. I don't get it. Fides, Our relationship wasn't rocky either. I do think boredom set in with her as well. But why this sudden change of personality? Poco, Your right! I do need to ignore her and not let it bother me. It is hard as hell though.

Hey everyone! I'm just hurting right now because my ex fiance keeps doing things that make me miserable. I have been healing well, but she keeps bringing me down. For example, this past friday, she found out that I had a date, so she went to talk to a friend of mine and asked him about it. Then she told him that she was dating one guy, but keeping another guy on the side. She also told him that she was sleeping with this other guy and that the two guys don't know about each other. Why the hell does she have to tell my friend about this, knowing that it will eventually get back to me. Needless to say, while I was out on my date Friday night, I received a text message from her at about midnight. All it said was, "Just wanted to let you know that I took care of the loan today." Why the hell does she need to write that to me at midnight? I'm glad the loan is taken care of, but why tell me then, when she told my friend about it earlier the same day? Is she just messing with me, wanting me to be moping around and miserable? She went from an absolute sweetheart to a cold hearted * * * * *. She was always the good girl, and now she is the party animal who is sleeping with a couple different guys. I don't get it. She says she wants me to be happy, and that she wants to be friends because we were best friends for 2 years. If she wants to be friends, then why the hell does she want me miserable? Marc

No advice from anyone???? I would appreciate any help.

Well, I finally got a response from the ex yesterday that said: I don't hate you or even dislike you. U have to know I never wanted to hurt you, and I am truly sorry. Your not a bad guy. I want to be happy. I will take care of that loan. I wrote back to her and then she wrote: I know we were through a lot, and I'd like it if we could be friends. I do miss talking to you. We could hang out some time as friends. I don't want you totally out of my life. You were my best friend for 2 years. I proceeded to tell her that I lost myself in our relationship and that we didn't do the little things that we used to do. So she says, "I lost myself too. And right now I'm trying to find myself again. I'm just enjoying being with my friends and having fun. I am dating someone, but it is not serious. I'm not ready for that yet. I told her that I don't think I could see her with another guy right now, and that I did have a date this weekend. So she says: I agree. It would be weird to see you with someone else. But I do want you to be happy. So I asked her if she was happy. She said, "yeah, for the most part." and then proceeded to tell me to tell my nieces that Aunt Kelly still loves them and that she still has the stuff she bought them. Do I think it's ok for her to drop it off sometime. I told her to give me time on talking to the girls, that I wasn't ready for that yet. What I really wanted to say was, " YOU ARE NOT AUNT KELLY ANYMORE." "You lost that when you left me." But I didn't. She also said, "I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past few months. I can't tell you what our future will be, but for now I'd like to be friends. No one knows what the future holds. Thats all I can tell you. " I asked her if she misses what we had together, She said, " I do miss what we had, but that's in the past." Then we had a lot of small talk, and she finished by saying, " I enjoyed talking to you . I'll get in touch with you soon. Good night." What do you make of this whole conversation? I mean she hasn't talked to me or texted me in well over a month. Then all of a sudden we are holding a conversation, and she wants to be friends. She doesn't want me completely out of her life and I was her best friend for 2 years. Well if i'm such a great guy, then why the hell did she dismiss me without even giving the relationship a chance. I don't get it and I don't get her. What is this all about? Why even tell me she is dating someone, and that it's not serious? Actually, talking to her didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Although she did confuse the hell out of me. Maybe I read too much into things. Any advice would be appreciated. Marc

I agree that I am too nice. I actually just saw her again at school in the hallway about 25 minutes ago. We weren't close enough to each other to actually talk, but she actually smiled a little and waved. I was completely shocked. Like I said before though, when she isn't with her friends, she acts very differently. I just smiled and waved back. Probably should have just kept on walking and not even acknowledge her, but I'm just not that kind of guy. I can't be rude to anyone even though she probably deserves it. I'm still pissed that she didn't get back to me about the loan, and maybe after seeing me today she will call or something. Who knows? I think she will be regretting it as well eventually. Hopefully for me it will be too late. Marc

Thanks Michele. I was just wondering how you treated him. Damn, I give him a lot of credit for taking you back after being treated like that. It's really bothering me how she is treating me. She is being nasty as well. Kind of like I meant nothing to her at all and the 2+ years we spent together were wasted years. Are those the reasons why you treated him that way? As far as the car goes, I called the bank on my lunch break and they told me that the loan is still in both of our names. They also said there is nothing I can do to get off of the loan since I just cosigned for it. The title is in her name, which really sucks. She has to be the one to refinance it. Who would it be refreshing for, her or me? I think I really need to show a different side. I'm tired of being dumped on for being the nice guy. And to top it all off, who do you think I ended up driving past on my way back from lunch. Even when she isn't working in my building I end up seeing her. I just drove by and didn't even wave. I care for her deeply, but I am getting so tired of this * * * *. Actually, I'm supposed to have a date this weekend. I'm not planning on getting into anything serious, but it should be good for me to get some attention from another woman. Up until this point I've just been hanging out with the guys, and I think she needs to see that I'm not going to be waiting around for her. No woman I've ever known likes to see her ex with another woman. I'm not doing it to get to her, but to help me heal. Getting to her might just be an added bonus. LOL! I really do appreciate all of your support. I'm sure I'll be asking you for advice many more times to help me through this. I am sure full of questions, and she keeps doing things to confuse the hell out of me. Marc

Michelemybell, When you dumped your "nice guy" for the loser, did you completely blow off your ex? Did you intentionally try to show that you were happy when you were around him? My ex seems to try to rub it in when she sees me when she is around her friends, but when I see her alone, she looks at me like she is really depressed or sad. Like I said before, she no longer even tries to make herself look good. It just bugs me that she won't return my call about the car loan, and that she does this big act when I'm around. To me, it feels as though she hates me. Just curious as to how you acted toward the "nice guy" when you were with your badboy. Thanks dear. Marc

Unfortunately, I had to break no contact on Saturday. I was writng up some bills when I came accross my car payment and realized that my name was still on her car loan. I had asked her previously if she had taken care of it and she kept telling me that she would do it. I called her and, as expected, she did not answer her phone, so I left a pleasant message telling her that I was doing my bills and wanted to know if she did anything about the car loan. Needless to say, she never called me back, so in the evening I sent her a text message saying, "You don't have to hate me. I'm not trying toget you back anymore. Life is too short for me to be bitter about what happened between us. All I'm asking is if you took care of the car loan? Trust me dear, I have no other reason to contact you. After you let me know, contact between us will be completely up to you. I won't be holding my breath for that to happen anytime soon. Take care." Guess what? No reply to that either. I don't really know what to do about this loan. While we were together, she missed a payment, and the bank sent me a letter saying that it would be reported to the credit bureau. I don't want to be an * * * and push her farther away, but how can I do anything if she won't even talk to me about it? All I want is to get that taken care of and start back up with NC. This weekend was tough. I was at my parents house and my dad and were getting all of my niece's outdoor toys out for the spring. All I could think about was how my ex and I always played with the girls with those toys and babysat them. I have been doing really well, but that brought back a flood of emotions. Why is she being so cold toward me? It seems like she's acting like I did something horrible to her, which never happened. All I've ever done was love her with all my heart. This really sucks. Marc

This really sucks. I just took my class out for recess and guess who's gym class came out at the same time. She came out and said hi to a lot of the teachers who were out there, but completely blew me off. I was going to wave and say hi, but if she saw me look toward her she just looked the other way. She is being so cold toward me. It hurts so bad to know that all I did was love this girl with all my heart, and she can act like I mean nothing to her at all. She just stood out there with a few friends and laughed and giggled loudly to make sure I heard her having a good time. Like I said before, she definitely does not look nearly as good as she used to. Seems like she has to put on this big act when she sees me to prove that she is happy with her decision. I don't know if she likes trying to hurt me, but I just kinda ignored her after she turned away from me. It hurt like hell, but I didn't want her to see that. Why does she have to act like that?

Thanks Michele. It's nice to hear a story similar to mine. Doesn't make it easier, but now I know that it's happened before. I'm very happy that your situation worked out for you. I don't know what I would do if she eventually decided to come back. Your right that she does have some maturing to do before I should even consider it. As of right now, I'm just going to live my life as if there is no chance of her coming back. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Our relationship seems to be very similar to what happened to you. We weren't spending near enough time together and I admit that I did take her for granted. Thanks for your words of support and your advice. Poco, Your right about a few things in our relationship. The intimacy and romance were lacking somewhat in the last few months that we were together, and things did get a little boring for both of us. I was the one living in the basement. We weren't sleeping in the same room. This guy lives with his family, because he has no job. Also, I've been told that he really wants nothing to do with the kids. He carries pictures of them around and shows them to girls and uses the sob story that his ex's won't let him see his kids, and they feel bad for him. I know he did this with my ex, because she told me several times when we were together that she feels bad for him because he never got to see his kids. I guess maybe I was a little too trusting. I don't think she has to do any babysitting. Remember there are two kids to two different girls within the last year. One is 10 months old, and the other is 7 months. Your right in saying you think she got bored. I definitely agree with that. Tonight, I think I will be hitting some of the local bars with some friends. And I've been getting pretty good at avoiding the ex talk. I try to limit that talk to a few really good friends and here. Thanks for everything. Marc

I think that sometimes, but i still loved her with all my heart and wanted to make it work. She did seem to quit very easily. I also think she waited until she had this other guy to fall back on, so the excitement of a new relationship kept her from trying to work it out. I know the guy and nobody likes him at all. I don't see what she sees in him other than a thrill.

Well, I have given this a lot of thought as well. We really were spending less time together because of the late hours she was working to help pay for the wedding. We actually were living in her parents house so we could afford the wedding that she wanted. She would work until about 8:00 every night and then get home close to 9. We would spend a little time watching TV before bed, but really weren't talking as much. Also, we weren't going out as much as before either. Living at her parents house, I felt like I was under the microscope. I felt like I had to do everything right since I was the one who was taking their daughter from them. I felt unconfortable going out until all hours of the night drinking and partying with her under those circumstances. I also admit that i took her for granted a little bit as well. I know I made my mistakes, but she never talked to me about anything that was bothering her. We are both at fault, and everything that went wrong could have been easily rectified if we we were both willing to work at it. I am more than willing, but it seems like she just didn't care. To me it feels like she just gave up without even trying to work on things. It sucks, but I guess I have to deal with it. Actually, I just passed her in the hallway where we both work. She looks absolutely miserable most of the time, and she definitely doesn't bother trying to make herself look good anymore. This is a big contrast as to how she was when we were together. I just smiled and said hello, and she said hi. Nothing much, but I would definitely rather not see her at all. Every time I see her I get that pain in my chest and a knot in my stomach. I still have those strong feelings for her even though I am getting stronger. Wasn't as bad as it used to be, but I still miss her and want to be with her. It's unfortunate that I still see her a few days a week at work. Only a few months left till the end of the school year. Can't come soon enough!!!

Well actually, I have wanted her back in the worst way. I was so excited about the wedding and starting a family together with her. We had kids names picked out and were looking at houses. I do want her back, but I am getting better. I honestly don't think she was seeing anyone before she left me. Her best friend assured me of this, and she really didn't have any time to be with someone else. If she does come back in the future, I don't know what I would do, so I'm going to try to just take it as if there is no chance of reconciliation. Thanks for the advice and support. Marc