SuperDuper

It feels as if I am getting mixed signals from my ex. The past few weeks she's been initiating many conversations, and we've been hanging out a lot. Since yesterday or so, it seems that she doesn't really care. Only because she hasn't talked to me on MSN or anything. I sort of got the feeling something was progressing, and last night I saw her older sister who asked me if we "bonded" when we hung out together the day before, for like 6 hours. Her sister really wants us to get back together, and it was nice being back in her house again, and being involved in that comfort zone once again. I just don't want to be given the cold shoulder, and am wondering what I can do to avoid it. What can I do so she continues to be the way she was for the past 3 weeks or so. It may be just that she's busy, but she just came online, and we haven't talked since yesterday morning when I saw her at a friends house, then left because it was boring. Should I talk to her? Or just act as if it doesn't phase me the least? Advance or Retreat? Thanks.

Okay back up. You were happy that your mom quit drugs, so your step dad threw you accross the room?

Jealousy... oh boy. My least favorite emotion, yet, quite important. Don't worry, you're not alone, I've personally felt the same way numerous times. For instance, yesterday.. the girl I like had a guy over, but turned out to be nothing serious, at all.. he was just down the road babysitting, and they were both bored. SO I took a deep breath, and realized what I DID have in this world, and tried to stop focusing on what I DON'T have. Jealousy is known to make you feel pessimistic at times, and all you can think about is having what you can't. You know what? I concentrated on my own life and what I had, and today.. me and this girl hung out for the whole day, and I went to her house afterwards and wrapped presents. I feel much better. As for you, I really feel that you only have 2 options in this scenario. One being to start talking to this guy. If it means enough to you, you WILL find time to talk with him, and if you can't, then you have no reason to be jealous because then you'd have no time for a relationship. Start to develop something with him, over a period of time.. there's no rush, nor a deadline. Your second option is to look at other guys if you feel that this is only going to cause you heartache. Or talk to your friend and see if she has any interest in him. Maybe to ease your mind a little. My advice, talk to him. It may be the relief you're searching for. Good luck.

I agree with RayKay. There's nothing you can do to make your mom change her mind. The only thing you can do, is talk to her in a mature manner, and discuss some compromises. Let her know where you are, when you'll be home, who you're with, and so on. I'm sure if you handle it as an adult, she'll be more likely to reason with you as compared to if you are yelling at her.

I want to get back together with her, but not seem too anxious. Since that's not very attractive. She broke up with me in the beginning of summer because she wanted to be friends. I think she just felt I was getting too serious into it, and maybe too eager to please her at times. Since we did no contact for 2 months (I initiated).. I cooled off, and became a lot easier. I think she realized this, and realized what she's lost and is now slowly coming back, in her own way. She called me this morning, she was still in bed. We're hanging out today, and going shopping for christmas gifts, then maybe back to her house? I don't know.. we'll see how it goes.

Well we're friends I guess you could say. Since she hasn't mentioned getting back together. (she broke up with me beginning of summer). But she's been making plans to hang out with me suddenly, and just by knowing her for so long, I know how she acts towards someone she likes. I know that what we have now has a good chance of developing into a healthy relationship. Let's just put it that way. Hope this clarifies some things.

Hey everyone. Last night my ex suggested that we do something fun today since we only had a half day of school, (now christmas break for 2 weeks). She said we should go sledding together and I said that would be fun. Anyways it ended up not working out, and I had driving lessons today. When I came online after school today, I read her away message which said "Steve's here".. Steve was babysitting down the road, and he was bored so he went to her house to hang out. I know this because her sister told me, when I was talking to her on IM. Her sister then invited me to go shopping with her and my ex tomorrow, and said my ex already knows about it and mentioned to her that I needed to finish some christmas shopping. SO I get home from driving lessons about 20 minutes ago and find a message from my ex asking if I want to go sledding. I said sure, and she said ok but I have to get ready, cya. Then went offline. I called her and asked her if I could get dropped off there since my parents were goign to their anniversary dinner. She said "yeah but I think our car is already full because we might have to pick up steve".. so I said "alright don't worry about it then".. she then said in a sad voice "sorry.. but tomorrow Kay (her sister) is going to pick you up and we're going to go shopping" and I said alright cool, cya later. Now here I sit. I just feel bummed out.. because I think that she's hanging out with steve.. and I know it's nothing.. because my ex wouldn't get things started with me again, and then turn aruond and like this guy. I just feel bad.. but should I? We're hanging out tomorrow and it wasn't her fault that her car was full.. Her sister really likes me and suggested I go over to their house after shopping tomorrow, so we'll see what happens. What should I do/think about in this situation to feel better about it. I felt a little jealous when I saw steve was over at her house, and I wasn't.. even though I live 10 minutes away. They weren't even doing anything, and he didn't stay long because he had to go babysit again. Thanks for reading.

I'm posting this for one reason, which is not to gain back advice, nor teach anybody anything. But to explain how great love is. It's the overwhelming feeling you get, when you can't even attempt to smile because you're so happy. It's so powerful.. I've noticed this.. while listening to a song tonight.. I sat here and started crying. Not out of self pity, nor anything like that. I am just so blessed that I have experienced this wonderful feeling. I'm so greatful. I now realize I don't regret any of my past decisions that have lead me to this moment. I used to think that I made mistakes, but they weren't mistakes.. I feel wonderful, and full of life. Despite my young age of 16, I have endured unbelievable heart ache, nothing compared to what some of you out there have had to bear, and I congragulate you for that. I think back to a few months ago where I felt so alone, even when I was surrounded by family and friends. I felt somewhat empty, and confused as to why. I'm so proud at this very moment. I'm not afraid to show emotion in my relationships, that's the real me, and i'm going to try and be someone to produce an image, to live up to. It's useless. I'm still in love with this girl.. she has a constant hold on me. Even when she left me, I was in love. I hated the fact that I was, but I adored the fact that I was in love, and was greatful that I could experience the most powerful emotion on earth. She has now come back into my life. I have no expectations.. I am so young. I need to enjoy my life. And even if something ended up happening that broke my heart, I wouldn't care. I'm so in love and I don't care if i'm ignorant because of this, or oblivious to the fact of being a smart lover. I really could care less. I'm not going back to see if any of this makes any sense, because half the time my thoughts are totally scrambled anyways, but for once it seems like I am creating perfect logic. If love is the most important emotion, why do we hide from it sometimes. Why put ourselves out of contact with the person in order to lose the love. I understand it's needed in some situations, but there are some cases in which love can be re-united, and reborn. These are the situations as to which i'm referring. Im proud for another reason. Im proud for staying strong when I needed to.. and gained back what I deserved, peace of mind. This girl .... there's something about her that has a complete grasp on me. If I multiplied each of her flaws by each second I thought of her, I still would be in love with her. There's no way to describe the feeling, and the only way to know what i'm talking about is to experience it. It's as if a single smile sent from her can make my personal sorrow disappear, and make me feel whole again. I thank her for everytime she makes me feel good about myself. She is what makes me happy. When we were apart, I could manage.. but I knew I wanted to be with her, no matter how many times I subconsciously told myself otherwise. To my surprise she did a complete U-turn and came back to me, and I thank this feeling for that. This love. I feel she has the other half of it and followed it back to me.. and once she found peace of mind, she knew where to stay. I could be totally wrong, and she could turn around again.. and be gone tomorrow forever. Sure, i'd be heartbroken.. but it'd be worth it. Every single second. Every minute of sorrow, would be worth every second of happiness. I am thankful for that. Things do always get better. I thank love for that.

My advice, bite the bullet and trust him. If you don't, and he's innocent.. then that only makes you look bad, and him seem guilty. Trust him until he gives you a concrete reason not to. What tells me that he didn't do anything with her is that he was up front with you, and told you first, as if he had nothing to hide. Trust him, and get on with your relationship. Let him know you'd appreciate it if he would avoid instances like this in the future, and i'm sure he would comply.

If it bothers you to a certain extent.. leave him a text message stating you want to know what's so important, and get on with your life. Once he replies, you can see if it's worthy of taking the time to sort things out. If you'd rather stick to NC, then don't do it. The way I see it.. NC is definatley important in the healing process, but if you're only sticking to it, to see 'how long' you can go.. even though it's killing you and keeping you awake/uneasy all the time.. maybe you just need to find out what he wants, to get that doubt off your shoulder. If you feel like you can manage without knowing what's "so important" than, leave it alone.

Agreed, once again. DN and darkblue know exactly what they're talking about. Infatuation maybe, not love. I'd say start with mild conversation based on something you have in common, like db suggested, math. Move on from there, and you'll find it gets much easier as time progresses, don't be in any rush to tell her how you feel quite yet.

Ignorance is bliss. In this case.

Agreed. You avoided it without a fuss, because you knew if you went there would be unnecessary arguing, good work.

I agree with DB. She clearly was only doing this to get a rise out of you, despite what her intentions were. My advice, live your life as if she never did this at all, and if she actually does want something, she has to be the one to make an effort, meaning more than a random 'run-in'. If she wants something again, she has to make it more obvious than that.

Alright I understand now. I think the only way you're going to get 'untangled' by her.. if you are, is to constantly remind yourself of what she has done.. maybe even find yourself a new pretty lady to spend your time on. She doesn't deserve anymore of your attention, whether it be direct, or indirect, she's still wasting your time each time you think about her. The only way this is going to work, is tell yourself to not worry about what she's doing in 'other' relationships, because it's not your own. I don't mean this in a negative way, at all. I have felt what you feel in a sense, how could they go from me, to him? She's the only one the will know the real answer.. so don't worry about it.. the next time you should worry about her, is when she comes back to you and says "I made a mistake, we should try again".. until then, she should mean nothing to you, nor have the slightest impact on your life/thoughts.

^^^^^^^^^^ I agree with all of these posts, and I think you should take every single person's advice here, and move on without giving him any consent at all. Just to show you.. my ex broke up with me back in June, and I tried the friends thing for awhile, but the only person that got burned was me. So I moved on with MY life, and did things I wanted to.. and didn't consider anyone else for that period of time. Now, she came back, we're talking again.. hanging out, and there's a great chance feelings will rekindle somehow. Keep your head up, don't expect anything.. and accept what you're given in this life. Good Luck.

First of all, do NOT compare your current relationship with your past in any way shape or form, it will get you nowheres. If you feel this undeniable attraction for this guy, absolutley do not run from him if you feel you're in love with him, that's not fair to him, if he's treated you well. Also, the reason you're having trouble breathing is because you experience that slight feeling of being without 'him' .. which shows that you do have great feelings for him, and the only way to keep yourself with him, is to be .. ... with him. Hope this helped, fight your urges to do similar things as you used to..you know where the leads you.. and if you think about it, i'm sure you're happier with him, than you are without someone, aren't you. Good Luck.

Why should you think this? Take this as motivation to move on man, she basically is subconsiously showing you that you ARE better than this new guy, in a sense. Take it as a compliment. She must not be too intelligent if she is willing to drop your relationship in order to be with pugsley there. I have a question though, how did you know that she was talking to her "Lover" when the phone rang, couldn't it just be one of her friends?

Hey all, I am in need of some gift suggestions. As you know my ex and I are getting quite close again, and I am wondering if I should pick her up a little something for christmas. Though, I don't know if she's getting me anything at all.. Do you think this is smart? Or would it make me come off as overly zealous? If it's a good idea, what's something a 15 year old girl would like? She is into volleyball/soccer.. and smart in school, attractive. Also, we're hanging out at the school dance tonight, tomorrow night at a friends house.. and probably a few more times here and there.. do you think I should wait and see how these things go and base my decision on that? Thanks.

I re-read your post, and would also like to say these syndromes you have aren't your fault at all, you have no control over them and that's understandable, but they can be treated.. I think the trick in this situation is to realize up to this point, your life has been good, and currently your life is satisfying, EXCEPT for the small fact of these things in your head. That's exactly what they are.. just in your head. They're not real, and if you can fatham that, and realize what you see in your head, is not reality.. it might be a little easier to cope and manage day to day. Try to be optimistic and not let these darkened thoughts keep you down, I know I wouldn't.. you have to make the best of what you've been given in this world, there's no second chances.. if you give up on this life, you won't be handed a second better life on a golden platter, the only sensible option is to work with what you have. It does sound like yo have your head on straight though, since you do realize how lucky you are to have a family, and even a boyfrfiend.. some people don't have anyone, or anything. Take Care.

I can't believe you're only 17 and willing to give up on yourself. Not everyone's life is perfect, and what you have to realize is there ARE people with 10x harder lives than you, and have turned out great, with great jobs, and GREAT families in the future. Some things don't come easy, and some things do.. and maybe you just are tired of taking the difficult path, and are debating whether you should take the easy way out.. and suicide is NOT the answer. I am not trying to manipulate you in any way, nor tell you untrue statements, my life is quite nice.. I haven't had any family members commit suicide so I will not lie and say I know what the pain is like. I am a normal person expressing their views on suicide. Do you actually believe your life will never get better? IN 5 years from now you have the ability to have turned your life around completely, and be a whole new person for which you seem fit. All you have to do is believe in yourself and have that motivation. How? I can't tell you and and neither can any doctor nor professional, in the end, it's truly your decision.. and all us bystanders can do is hope. Please make a healthy decision that doesn't affect your future negatively, life does get better.. you have the chance to have a family, and kids, and love in your life.. don't bail out before you experience all of this.

Nope, she was the one that broke it off. But she's also the one initiating mostly everyone conversation too. How long would you say before something should change ways? I guess it's different for everyone. I'll just keep doing what i'm doing I guess, I just wanted to know if my situation sounds like it's going in the right direction.

Stop with the replies, I can only read so many at a time

Hey all, I'm just needing some short advice here. If you read my previous posts you will see how my ex and I are getting quite close again, and we've hung out the past 2 weekends, and we talk everyday on IM, and at school now. She always initiates conversations with me, and is obvioulsy into me again( I know her very well and she doesn't treat other guys like she treats me). I am just wondering what my next move should be? I want to get back together with her, but I don't want to seem too eager because I feel that will lead me down the wrong path. SO far, I have bee quite aloof, and very confident and the 'cool' guy to be around. She's been intiating mostly every conversation, and the odd time I do either at school or on the computer, just so she knows there's some interest. Christmas is coming up.. and I'm wondering if I should get her something, big small, or what? We also have an X-mas dance this Thursday night and im guessing we'll be hanging out there too.. and sometime on the weekend as well. What should my next move be, in order to receive the greatest results (getting back together.) Thanks