BYOB

I can understand intense feelings, intense emotions. That's what makes him do every move passionate or violent. Love is something as deep and strong but it doesn't head in the same direction as what that guy feels for you. One fear that kind of guy because they have no control. However, he fears himself. All those guys know best to do is physical. That is not something negative until you unleash your emotions so that you start hurting people around you. But being physical doesn't mean those guys are dumb. Some are no brainer, yes, but others are brilliant yet both can't get a hold at what they really want; they hate losing control. Plus, the idea of acting the way he'll be losing what he holds makes him go even more wild. So they try manipulating people. Fear is an excellent way to get what one wants. Taxation ? Torture ? Those methods work best at war; nobody enjoys those. In some way, it's true that they can't express their feelings but they don't want to appear weak so instead of crying, instead of accepting they're wrong, they'll want to repair their fault without any patience to their side. But you can't fix something when you're out of yourself. So again, since you don't want to feel weak, you make the tension go another way. You don't releash it. You keep it in. But when it goes out it's already too big to manage and you act like a bomb. In this case, you can't beat fire with fire. You gotta take the emergency exit. I feel like all you want is to understand. You're confused and are waiting for answers to your interogation to make a move. Keep asking. P.S: zrehman: You'd better not be taking anybody for a dirtbag. EVERYONE got their problem in life and I think that you should pay a lot of respect to those who suffer day after day, thinking and knowing they're a "dirtbag" and still coming home and getting coleric again without anybody to appreciate them for what they do. Afterall, they might be furious but they're emotional. If someone ever takes the time to help that kind of person, he'll make him a baby that'll cry you rivers.

Does that also concern friend relationships ? Is there anything else going on in your life that might cause additionnal stress and cause that discomfort ?

This is insane. Okay this is some kind of situation that is often lived but that is never acceptable. I suggest you to do a small research on this forum to find other posts of women having experiences similar to yours. Is he always under the effect of drugs or alcool when he beats you ? Either if he's packed or not when he is on you (harassment, insults, beating, etc, whatever), he is the cause of your problem. This means that you are not the cause of your problems. I want this to be clear. I got a feeling about what that means to you but you really have to stop seeing him. Ever seen that movie with Jennifer Lopez that gets beaten and she leaves home but gets followed and she learns to defend herself since the police won't help ? If it comes to the case where he follows you, that's what you gotta do too. If you wanna help him and make a bright move, you have to leave him. It might be the event that he needs to realize that he needs helps about anger management problem. That's all. Plus, you have to report that story to someone you know that can help you. Good thing you've opted for here first. Keep fighting. Be strong.

It's a question of moral and vertue. Do a balance of what's good/bad about one and the other. My personnal point of view: You can drop school if you're not interested or if you have bad grades but school can only drop you if you get really bad grades. Whereas You can drop your grilfriend if you're not interested or if you have bad grades and yourgirl friend can drop you for whatever the reason she got. As said: it's a question of personnality and priorities but I'd really have to disagree with studying with your girlfriend since I'm pretty certain it'll end up chatting all the time instead of studying. Of course, only you knows the true answer to that.

It got seriously debilitating for me and I passed by the same steps as hers. I still haven't recovered. No therapy has helped. This is some sort of critical mental illness that I don't possess and that I'm addicted to. I won't live without it even if I'm willing; because the day after I won't be willing and all of that effort will fail. Someone going through these problems might give a shot, trully believe into something ideal: A time where one will be successful. And right, it's only in one's head; the key is to trust ourselves. In my case, however, I am a victim of living so many things that brings me back to reality when I am in my ideology that I can't stick to my objectives. So I fail and now I think that I will be able to get back on track only when someone will help me do the first steps. But who cares ? Plus, this is a vicious cycle. I've been running into it without knowing it for years and I have kept running in it for years when I was aware of it but never was I able to get out of that vicious cycle for good. I sort of need to learn walking again. Hope that doesn't frighten you too much avgirl but this situation isn't normal at all; that's all you should know. Everyone is unique and so is my case and you don't have to think it fits you. Just continue wondering about things here and there and see if you see clear. Try new things out and benefit of all of the time you got. What's a normal day for you ? ie: What do you generally do in a day ? To answer that question as best as possible, gimme some sort of schedule. I can really help. Just do reply.

I've gone to the orientation office and asked to the secretary how I could get info bout studying abroad. She invited me to look at some books there were available and she said I try to have a meeting with a conselor working on that subject. But that conselor passed by, busy and basically told me that if I had that idea in mind, I had better be rich. All I remember is a number: "It's not like here, it's $14 000 a year at universities in USA." Basically, the most affordable plan that she was suggesting is to keep studying in the same country. At that point, I was thinking the same, you know... Then I thought that I could try to go somewhere that the money currency is lower so that my savings sound higher but that's only an undevelopped idea. So next year, I'll be able to go ? Next year ? Alright, I'll consider that point of view but there are a lot of consequences of making that trip a long term objective. Were you suggesting about working full-time after this fall semester? By the way, I'm not used to work at all. I've never been more than 2 months for the same job.

I'm stalling...I'm gonna stall like any other time...I need help. I don't wanna dream all of my life without being able to make those dreams happen.

I'm concerned about your activities outside of school. What's your parental relationship ? What do you do together with them ? If I'm not mistaken, since you moved, they're now more busy and they're neglecting a bit more about taking time with you. Tell me if it's the case or not. I think that it's significative.

annie24> yes I'm a high school graduate and currently a college student. Basically, that's right: I got nobody and no feelings that are holding me here in Canada but I got that high material and experience need. I'm 19, all I got is a high school diploma, had a very few jobs in life plus you can get an idea of my savings... That's the setting. Now what's to do with it ?

I got some deceiving information: fees for such studies in USA would be really much higher than I had expected. So what's left to me is either get back to idea number 1: move inside of the country or 2: look for information about working there without experience and formation or 3: stay here and deal with my "messy" home without being in depts But first of all, I gotta choose one...

Well, that's about what I had in mind except that I didn't use the same words to describe my intentions. So it make me come up with a summary of what I wanna do: Travel to an interesting place Live there for more than a month Have access to school Have access to a job (to help me balance my bills) What's certain is that I didn't have in mind to get a house; I'm still a kid and I'm still to studies. Note to myself: That's where you realize that knowing entirely a context is important...

I'm not aware about that green card. I'm not an adult yet. How does it matter ? Well trying to get answers is definitely what I'm gonna do. I could anytime go there and then decide to come back, huh ? So moving there wouldn't be the end of the world if I'm well informed and everything pleases me, I guess. I don't think that Hawaii can be too hot or humid. Looking at a chart on the temperature they got there annually, I think I'll be very satisfyed. What I don't know and that I should look up is if it's often rainy there.

I fear travelling since it's expensive and along my impression, it's not what I need. (The travelling cost convinces me enough to forget about going here and there.) Once I'm there, I immediately need a job, a temporary or permanent residence (whatever has a roof) plus have access to a nearby university. (as much near as possible) The first pick I got in mind is Hawaii but generally when you read an information brochure, it's full of "1 week trip to the super-mega-(expensive)-XoX-hotel-you'll-be-satisfied". When I'm concerned about dangers, I'm thinking about tornados, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, deadly animals, criminality.

There was that first time I thought about leaving home: I've thought about it and I wasn't ready to move yet. But now I'm reconsidering the idea and this time, I'm thinking about moving to a foreign country. However, when comes the need to get set about all kind of important things to know, it's harder. How or where can I find all of the information that I need ? Is it easyer to find on the internet, with a travelling compagny or by trying to make contact with people living there ?(the third possibility is best but the hardest is to find/get that contact) I also wonder what are the government rules and main dangers there. It's clearly something I should know before to move but getting information about that sounds rather a huge task to accomplish. If you were me, what would you do ? I'm seriously thinking about any kind of paradise island. (Obviously without the expensive part of it.)

It doesn't mean that the evolution must be convincing but I did notice that you evolved and became more accomplished. It CAN'T go all sweet and perfect everyday, with everyone plus you don't seem to have a good self esteem of yourself, especially about your physical appearance. Changing ground helped me a lot to diminish my shyness by getting a new start everytime and getting a new chance time after time to make a good impression of me to people. I think that the idea is to get practice. The more you practice, the more you perform. Of course, don't give up ! Everyone is gorgeous in a way or another, honestly.

Since she works there, you might think about trying to strike a convo about something you're looking for. (Or that you're not looking for but just for the spirit of asking to her, you pretend to.) That's up to you but since there is no real point of going to speak to her, in my opinion, I prefer making up coherent things (as looking for an item in a mart ! duh ) Anyway, just do something. Act with con-fi-dan-ce.

If you could get his e-mail address, you wouldn't have to see him and freeze. Of course, you wouldn't see him and thereforeeee it wouldn't be as intimate but at least it would give you a chance to get more confortable at being with him (virtualy), I guess. Aside of that, I agree -=Innocent=-'s advice. Good luck! Oh and you don't have to be perfect (hair, clothes) to have a guy notice you.

What if you don't want to date her ? What if all you'd be interested would be to become friends ? Since she might have a boyfriend, she would probably wouldn't see clear in one's intentions and would decline any offer. Is the chance to be wasted ? Is there a better time to take that chance ? Coz you got only one chance...

The questions are completely up to you to make them. Of course, it gets easyer when you get to practice yourself at it and it's really useful at many things. I think many people would call it creativity/improvisation or at least, that's how I see it. One basic rule; What are the main reasons for you to approach someone (a woman) ? Directions Directions All sort of directions Those that comment are usually very easy to talk with but those that ask for something are the most interactive to talk with. How many times have you seen someone passing a misplaced comment or a question ? Well comments are much more easyer to get misplaced than questions; I'd say by 50%. When you don't know someone; you either have: Some sort of link with: (Job, Activity, Neightbour,etc) Not a damn thing When you have some sort of link, you may speak about whatever you don't know and what's casual. Ask to borrow work material, pointing out rooms you don't know their location... I won't develop the matter too much as it's the easyest of the two. (Doesn't mean it requires no effort, though.) When you don't have a damn thing linked with that someone, you'll have, most of the time, to make up something. Start with something very casual: time, indications for some place. Then, you inquire on some problematic that you don't have (or do have since it ends up easyer when making up the story). "Do you know where I can find the nearest bathroom ? I got my arm all itchy, do you think that cleaning with water might help ?" (Think about why did your skin get itchy, first) "Excuse me, do you have time ? (Once your watch is hidden) Oh, mind if I ask you something?-I need to paint my room and I'm split between two colors. (Then you show her the two paint colors that you have with you if she's approbative) Which do you prefer ?" At first look, I'm telling you to lie; yes but it's for a good reason, a really good thing. Did you know that by simply approaching that random person that you don't know, you might make her day ? In that case, if you never see her again, just start over with someone else. If you do, come up to her, tell your name, ask hers (and admit that she was useful to your problem). Ask her what she does here and leave; her interest in where you are. (TWO questions, if you're as shy as I'm thinking, you better leave than stay and look like shy alias a fool.) Next time, salute, saying her name, and ask her if she remembers you. Ask how she's doing and what's new. IF she remember your name OR she speaks up about one long new (rarer), ask her for a date at the end. Repeat but not too many time; it is well known that a good impression is made within first seconds so don't waste time coming back again and again for someone with no interest. (Do you know where to invite someone for a first date ? With all of the books that you spoke, I hope so but otherwise, post here that you don't.) Aside of that, when to reveal your true intentions is when you get your second (not past fifth; but not at first neither) date. Hope hat helps, because I just spent a lot of time to write you back

It's fine you'll get at it plus you've improved; you've said it. My own advices on your description of the situation: You might want to try a different approach than be an entertainer. Since you lost some of your sense of humor and that you're (as I understand from your words) not interesting to listen to, try to take the role of an interogator. As a first step, it can develop your skills at speaking to women quite well. Then, you'd work again on implication into a conversation. Ex: What look more interesting to answer in the following sentences ? I lost my cat and I feel really bad. What do you do when you feel bad ? Have you lost an animal once ? The questions are the key to lead a conversation to something that she will have interest. Ask only two per conversation, TWO !(well don't have to count them) The longer she will speak, the longer it will determine the conversation. Obviously, if she asks you some, it will lead to a much more pleasant conversation. I wouldnt suggest you to laugh if you don't think it's funny. Instead, just smile, and still; do it if you feel it's natural for you. Otherwise; it's just not your kind of humor and that is FINE. Finally, speak up about your future experiences; I'm curious about how my advice will be good with you.

It's a bit after having lunch, you're sit, watching some kind of show and there is that charmant lady you've spotted many days ago also watching the show in front of you. That experience is painful and at the same time wonderful because you can eye her and the show is enjoyable too. That moment made me ponder a lot. The cases were so similar that it made me wonder if I was due to do something different than the first time. Obviously, I didn't do anything the first time; but was that shyness or pure logistic ? What are your thoughts ? Odd coincidence, isn't it ?

Down hill very "quickly" in a single day ? What are your expectations with that guy ? You seem to be interested to feel that one day is long. You should bother but... You're right to think that he could have answered you. We don't know what are his intentions but one thing that's sure is that it is he who asked you for a way to contact you. So, to summarize, don't bother until you get some news from that guy.

I've read enough today and my tolerance to reading is low. However, I'm replying on purpose to help you. I know I can help you answer all of your questions, without execptions but today, I'm exhausted. Don't, don't?, don't! pass by the following opportunity: PM me; wathever the message you'll send. I'll answer all of your questions. Any advice I can leave you for now is: try documentation on that matter. Better be warned right now: it is extremely hard to find. Even after those revolutive millenniums, humanity is still at a stade where it is ignorant and careless. To add anything constructive to this tread, I got a question to add: Why don't we have answers to such fundamental questions? My personnal opinion: if we really try answering, we get depressed... Quite amazing, isn't it !

I live at my parent's home and the deal is that I feel unactive and I believe that staying there leads my life nowhere. (Mainly, I just feel stucked; it's psychological but I can fix it and one way is to move.) I never moved and I feel like a bit of help would be needed. There are many things that I must consider, including the most important factor: money. (For now I got nothing to add, I got like so many things going in my mind that it's confused and I can't get anything coherent. However, instead of stalling and try to write back later, I'll just force it and post it or else, or else I bet I wouldn't be doing to do a further move... Gah I'm so unactive, it's that serious...my body and mind is used to lazyness.) EDIT: Is it best to be in the appartment alone or try to find an unknown roommate ? In your opinion, what is the best size for an appartment ?

A nutritionist would help you a lot in finding a solution for you. I think that a diet must go accordingly to the mass fat that you have to love. To lose 5-10pounds, you don't have to eat less. However, what's very important is to move. 1 normally. 2 note of your food intake. 3: Diet starts here: -Start doing exercices (I don't know what amount of time/day or /week. That's where a nutritionist would help you more.) 4 diet is in eating no more than you're used to eat. The basic rule: if you break these rules early, you gotta start over. If you break them after a month, you gotta start half-way. If you break it six months later, you're fine as long as you're back into it the day after... To conclude, gotta suffer to look healthy. Be strong!