Midori

You're really young and theres tons of girls out there... do you really want to go through this emotional escapade with her right now?

Hey guys, thanks for really understanding. I guess I was really blinded by my love for him, because he was the first one to be so into me, not a playboy, cheater, liar, etc. I guess you just can't have it all. Right now, I know I have to leave him but it's hard. Just like you said, you don't go unless you're ready. I still talk to him online sometimes, and I may agree to meet him in a public place to talk things over. However, I'm really not to go back to the serious relationship I had with him -- mostly because I'm scared. And I have started to see all the things wrong with him. His jealously, low self esteem despite a successful career, and controlling ways. It really digusts me and makes me feel tired. Maybe in the next few months I will start to lose more and more attraction towards him, and then I will be completely ready to break it off. I can only let my feelings tell me the truth. I've changed the locks and my friends are supportive. There definitely are tons of places for me to go if things get out of hand. My father will come stay with me for awhile in a few weeks, which means I will probably not see him for awhile. I guess it's good. My parents don't know about this, of course. Anyway, I haven't found an abuse hotline in Shanghai and my work is busy.... I'm taking more language classes to take up my time, also dance classes, etc. I just want to be too busy for him, and also think about all the freedom I had before him. Maybe this way I will really realize that I don't need him.

Hey guys, Yes, I know I should not go back to him. I'm very aware. But, it's hard to separate your heart from all the emotions you felt before. So, I need time to do it. As for China caring about images abroad... they don't even talk about most of the negative happenings to their own people in their magazines. Media is controlled by the govt. There's nothing I can do with that. But I can talk to the American Embassy if things get worse, so I will definitely consider that. I was trying to sleep again last night, since this just happened 3 days ago and I can't sleep. I still have to go to work everyday because I have so many responsibilities and though I'm exhausted at least I have something to keep me busy all day. I keep imagining getting back with him but then when I'm sleeping next to him he tries to kill me. Those images freak me out and I get so scared I can't sleep. Or I imagine that we are happy again and back together and then all of a sudden he tries to choke me or hit me again. And I get scared just imagining him touch me or being to close to me. And I realized that I just can't imagine him in the same way again, or when he gets too near my body just gets tense and scared. I don't think I can love him again, and I am glad I realize this because it helps me think more realistically. I still care about him a lot, and I miss him, but I don't know when he will go crazy again. And then I imagine years of this and I can't accept it. However, I'd still like to be his friend, or try to help him. Is this even possible? Have people been able to still keep in touch with each other even though this happened to them?

Ailec, I was with him because I loved him. Simple as that. And as I mentioned, I live in work in China. There are no authorities here that care about anything. Reporting him won't do anything, they won't even write it down. Moreover, I'm an foreigner in a communist country. Do you think their police would protect me, or him? I'm not try to find excuses to get back with him. I just want to understand why he would be like this. As Aurian mentioned, she tried to understand him too but he wouldn't change. Same with you, Aurian, he hides in insecurity. But he doesn't insult me about my job, etc, It's not that he is concerned if I am more successful. It's something else and I don't know what the issue with his insecurity is. I would just like to know why there are people like this, what makes them like this? I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so what happened was a huge shock for me. Nor did I know he was manipulating me. It was a bad, new experience for me and I'm just trying to understand it. I feel it'll give me more closure.

Hey guys, thanks for all your comments. It really helps a lot. Actually, I'm in Shanghai, China, expat working overseas. There really aren't many violence abuse organizations here... I know it's bad to be scared of being alone, but i can't help it in this foreign city. I try to focus on just the work but its nice to go home and have him waiting there for me...I know it's not the right, because when he beats me it all goes bad again. Why are people like this? is it because cant express what they're feeling they need to use violence? How can one human being beat the person they supposedly love?? Or, I thought he loved me...?

hi everyone, im new here and i just need some friends to understand my situation.. maybe help me make a good decision. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, and it was great. we love each other so much, everyone thought we were a perfect couple. And then once we got into a fight, and he beat me. My arms were bruised.... and he said he would never do it again. And then when we got into arguments, he calls me a that im stupid, im disgusting.. etc. this is all because he go party or clubbing and has never tried drugs. The last time I did drugs was 10 years ago, and i don't smoke, drink much anymore, and because of him, i dont party either. my life revolves around him and i am happy with it because i love him. but all our fights end up with him calling abusive names. when we fix it, and i ask him why he's so mean, he says, "its just to scare you, i dont mean it." also, when i want to go party, he goes, "why are you such a prostitute? how much do you charge?" i put up with it because im scared i wont find anyone better. maybe thats the idea he's planted in my head. last night, he beat me for an hour. he choked me, slapped me, punched me, bit me... kicked me... pushed me... and im black and blue and bruised all over. i hid in the bathroom and called a friend and she came to pick me up, and he hid in the bedroom. and i slept at her house last night. and then this morning, he went to my house but i never went home. and he told me he loves me and he is sorry for what he did. im so sad... and confused. i really do love him and i want him to change but is it even possible? is it wishful thinking? i love him with all my heart and he's my first real true love... im just so brokenhearted i dont know what is the right thing.. or my head knows but my heart may not be so strong to follow through... please help....