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Foz

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  1. Foz
    Hi Koline, Of course i think about my ex with this girl and i hate the thought of it but i also believe my ex is not the person i was going out with anymore, he is now cold and distant and cruel and he was not like that with me. My ex never discussed his doubts with me, i had no clue anything was wrong and i like you do believe that you should at least let the other person know you have doubts and give them a chance to make it work or something. Unfortunately however our ex's did not do that and we are left thinking where did it all go wrong and what could we have done differently. Truth is probably nothing, they probably were thinking about this for a long time and even a small argument about what coffee to buy made them think their decsion was correct. I would never treat someone like that, i would discuss my doubts, i would act like you did in your previous relationship and what makes me angry is that my ex did not have enough respect for me to do that. The fact that he is with someone else already also shows a lack of respect form me. maybe your ex did think he was doing an honest thing by telling you about this new girl but surely he knew it would hurt you?? How could it not?? At least he is saying it was hard for him, i would take some comfort in that. My ex just went on about how he'd been sailing and kitesurfing and having a great time and going away loads in the weeks after our break up which hurt like hell because i could hardly get out of bed and go to work and he was away with his friends surfing!! I dont think there is anything you can do to make the pain go away faster, but it does come in waves, one day you feel strong the next day weak..i do think that having no contact with the ex helps because anytime i spoke with the ex it made me more upset..i still miss him but i miss the guy i was with not who he is now.. My ex was 30 and i do believe that he went through some sort of commitment crisis, maybe it is an a thing that guys around 30 go through! they think wow this is getting serious, im not sure if she is the one, better break up so?? I dont know but that is what it seems like happened to me and my ex!! If you can try do something fun like salsa dancing (you are in the right country for that after all), try eat again (i lost 3 kg in a month and had no energy) start with lots of fruit. I smoke so im not going to say anything about that but im smoking way more since the break up and i did get a really bad cough as a result and had to take antibiotics for 2 weeks. best thing is to keep posting here and talk about your feelings and what you are going through, it helped me loads and i got some really good advice.. Chat soon, Foz
  2. Foz
    hi koline, That is good that you are going home for Christmas, that is a positive step and Family can be such a great support, they never get sick of you talking and crying over the ex. Secondly as for your ex seeing someone, i will give you some paraphrased advice i got from "Happy thoughts" in my thread. You have not been forgotten and replaced, this is your ex's way of dealing with his sadness, weird as it may sound rather than dealing with his feelings, he has jumped into another relationship and put his energy into that instead of grieving. My ex did the same and i was so hurt but i firmly believe that it is a REBOUND relationship and it is his way of trying to prove to himself and his friends and maybe me that it is over between him and me. REBOUND relationships do not work because that is what they are rebounds. You were with this guy for 3 years and he cannot forgot everything you went through together in such a short space of time. I still cant believe that my ex moved on so quickly but i also think he cannot have forgotten our times together and maybe he will start comparing his new girl to me and remember that he does miss me and all we went through together. i now believe my ex will never come back to me but also he has hurt me so much and been so cruel that i dont think i could ever take him back. Just try get through the next few weeks and focus on going home for Christmas..dont decide anything about your future just yet because it is too big a decsion to make when your whole world has been ripped apart. By the way, how old was your boyfriend??
  3. Foz
    Hi Koline, I couldnt believe it when i was reading your post, the same thing happened to me i was with my boyfriend for 3 years living together for 2 and he started having doubts about our long term future, unfortunately he never discussed them with me he just moved everything out of our apartment while i was away on a business trip. He collected me from the airport, told me he didnt think he wanted to marry me and that it was over but if he felt he had made a huge mistake he wouldnt be too proud to call back. No discussion, nothing. Just its over, im happy with my decision, goodbye. That was 3 months ago, he has rang me twice in them 2 months and each time he says that he does not regret his decision. I have since found out that he too is seeing someone else. I know how you feel, i have felt that devestation too. I too hoped it was a fear of commitment and that he would come back. But now i think i never knew this guy or i never meant anything to him. he has been so cruel to me and now he moves on without so much a second thought for my feelings. It has been really hard for me these past 3 months, but this forum has really helped me and i have got some excellent advice here. My story is on [link removed [/color]if you want to read it. I tried to create a link to it but i messed up. Anyway its in the breaking up forum on about page 4 and its called "please help me, i am completely brokenhearted". I am now moving out of the apartment we shared together because there is just too many memories and i also think that living on my own is not helping me..i dont think there is anything we can do to speed up the healing process, it just takes time. We wound not hurt so much if we hadn't loved so much.. I dont know what to say about moving back to France. it took me 3 months to move out of our apartment, i couldnt have done it sooner as i wasnt ready. I'm not sure if you are ready to make a big decision like that yet so just take your time. I too have the problem of all my friends being in relationships and too caught up in their own world to be able to support me, which is why this forum has helped me through some very rough times.. Are you going home for Christmas?? if not, i think you should..Christmas is a very nostalgic and upsetting time for some so i think you should go home to your family. Anyways im here to support you in any way i can so keep in touch.. Foz
  4. Foz
    Will it make you feel better to talk to her mother and are you going to be the one to tell her mom she is now with another girl?? i dont know would i get involved with the mother, to be honest no matter how badly your ex has treated you, her mom is going to stand by her and stick up for her so i dont know what you will gain by talking to the mom!! By the way, my ex has a new gf!! we are only broken up 3 months and he already has someone else!! didnt take him long to move on from a 3.5 year relationship now did it??
  5. Foz
    Well Ryan, i think if she is a lesbian then you will never have a future with her. if she is bisexual and breaks up with this girl she is seeing and wants you back, would you always be jealous when she is out thinking is she flirting with a girl or a guy tonight??? I think this girl has finally completely screwed with your head, i thought her emailing the girl you were dating telling her to back off was bad enough but this!! i think now you have your answer as to your future together!
  6. Foz
    Trish, you are amazing, i just read over your letter again and it is so beautiful but the thing that strikes me the most about it is it is so forgiving, i dont think i could ever be that forgiving..i know you are not sending him the letter hoping to get back with him but he would have to have a heart of steel not to want you back after receiving that letter.. When are you sending it??
  7. Foz
    im not too sure what is going on but i think the best thing to do is to meet him and talk it out with him, find out what are his fears and whether you can work through them and then take it from there. Keep us posted..
  8. Foz
    What are you talking about?? Have you never heard the saying "No man is an Island"
  9. Foz
    wow, that is a rough one. I too would be gutted on hearing news like that. My bf of 3.5 years broke up with me because,( i think, i am not entirely sure why we broke up), he didnt want to marry me so if i were to hear he was engaged i would be devastated. I too miss his friendship and just having someone to hug me and do things with..and i too never pictured myself single hitting 30. I actually thought my future was with my ex but he thought differently and i know that someday i will hear the news that he is engaged and to be honest i dont think i could be happy for him, because i wanted it to be me he married..instead he left me and shattered my heart..
  10. Foz
    Hey trish, my new flat mate is a guy ive known for years, im a bit apprehensive about moving as i guess it's another reality bite that the relationship is well and truly over and i am closing a chapter of my life. As for my friends, well i guess i have found out who my true friends are and to be honest alot of them could have made a better effort. I give so much to my friends, i believe in loyalty above all else, and well when i needed them i got very little back. I needed them to be there for me and they were not and that hurt and to be honest i didnt need any more hurt or rejection in my life. Ah well, life is tough!
  11. Foz
    i totally agree with Happythoughts. My ex dumped me in a very cruel and disrespectful way. we were together for 3.5 years and living together for 2 years. I was away on a business trip and while i was away he cleared all his stuff out of our apartment, acted completely normal on the phone to me, collected me from the airport and 5 minutes from the apartment told me he had moved out and it was over. He then dropped me off at the empty apartment and that was it. After 3.5 years together and me not having a clue that we had major problems, well major to him anyway, i was cast aside without so much as an explanation as to what went wrong. to be honest i still dont know and when i look back on our relationship now all i can remember is the cruel way he left. I cant focus on the good things just the way he left and how much of a mess he left me in. So herewegoagain, i know what you mean about breaking up with someone in a cruel way.. Its 3 months now and i still miss him and i still think life was better with him. I did think i would die without him but im still alive but its a pretty crap and miserable existence at the moment. I admire people who can pull themselves together but unfortunately all my friends are coupled up and have no time for me even though im going through this really rough patch. Part of the advice given is to go out with friends, i would love to do this if my friends could make time for me. They can fit me in for lunch but evenings and weekends-nope they are with their significant others while im at home crying about how lonely i am.. Im leaving the flat in 10 days and getting a flat mate so hopefully that will make things easier but at the moment i feel really low..
  12. Foz
    Yeah im such a romantic..i think your ex probably was just respecting your wish for nc and responding using the business like tone you had used..Lets not demonise him completely..YET anyway..if he doesnt respond to your letter then we will demonise him.. Found a new apartment today!! I had a very down day yesterday but i went to counselling and it helped, she said im finding it extra hard because my friends just havent been supporting me which is true. This forum has been my support network but my so called friends didnt care, they were all too wrapped up in their own lives to even bother seeing if i was ok.. So its the loneliness that is getting to me..anyway the big move out is on the 1st of December so hopefully things will start to change for me then, at least i will be living with people again so that will be company for me..
  13. Foz
    I guess that depends, i think most people initiate contact hoping to get back with their ex, if that is your expectation then you could end up hurt. personally every time i spoke to my ex i got my hopes up and every time they were dashed and i ended up even more hurt than before..it was like being dumped again and again.. It was only then that i figured out what NC was about, it was about protecting yourself from further hurt..and that is where i am at now.. i had some mad notion to text him on his birthday or something but the only reason i would do that is because i would want him to contact me back on my birthday and if he didnt id be dreadfully upset so ive decided just not to send him birthday wishes or christmas wishes..nothing because it wont achieve anything..
  14. Foz
    Trish, i am so sorry that you are hurt by the tone of his email, maybe just maybe he is trying to respect your wish for NC and is just keeping it formal. It was a business email so maybe he was being all business like??Maybe he is responding in the same tone that you wrote to him?? Men are usually crap at expressing themselves through the medium of email anyway!! maybe i should be encouraging you to think screw him but i think a part of me wants you to send the letter to him and see what happens..of course im hoping that he will come back to you once he reads the letter because it is such a beautiful letter.. Im not really helping you move on here am i?? Anyway keep me posted, you have been a great friend to me these past few months and i really appreciate your kind words and wisdom! Foz
  15. Foz
    from my experience, keeping in contact raises your hopes and also confuses the living daylights out of you because you over analyse every conversation you have with the ex. That is why people say to do NC to protect yourself from further hurt not to be rude and ignore someone.. Its hard to keep in contact i cant, it hurts too much to hear my ex is doing fine and doesnt regret his decision and hasnt changed his mind. if you feel strong enough to keep in contact and be friendly and light hearted then you are a hell of alot stronger than me..
  16. Foz
    hi there, this thread got my attention. My boyfriend recently broke up with me and moved out of our apartment after 3.5 years together and the loneliness i feel is terrible. He worked abroad alot so i was in the apartment on my own alot but it never bothered me because i always knew he was coming home to me. Now i dont have that reassurance and it is very lonely. I also find all my friends are settled in Relationships and to be honest they cant make the time for me..this was a problem for me ever before my boyfriend broke up with me.. I find myself in a very bleak place right now, because one of the bits of advice you get when you break up with someone is to go out there and socialise and i cant get anyone to meet me in the evenings because they are all too busy.. So i guess my relationship masked for me how self obsessed/unreliable all my friends had become and now that i am completely on my own, im not sure i can cope with this loneliness...
  17. Foz
    everyone has given you advice steve, you just havent paid a blind bit of attention to it. Everyone has said do NC and then you spend hours on the internet to her and you are posting in forums you know she is reading, that is not NC. Its upto you what you want to do but you asked for advice, were given genuine advice and didnt act on any of it!
  18. Foz
    no Steve, write it down and keep it, dont post it anywhere.
  19. Foz
    the first birthday i got him a helicopter flying lesson, the second year a trip to madrid, the list goes on but now he has no gf to get him any more cool christmas and birthday presents! HAH! your ex's rebound is bound to get her something crap like a bottle of perfume cos he doesnt know her like you do and when she gets that bottle of perfume she will be raging and remembering how thoughtfu your presents were!! last Christmas by wham should be covered by the Buzzc*cks and then it could be quite a cool angry break up song!!
  20. Foz
    it will get easier, ive been there, crying at the doctors too, sleeping tablets, thinking i was going insane, it will get more bearable, take this time to grieve, cry, scream, whatever, just dont contact her, you will not hear what you want to hear at the moment, give it time. whenever you feel the urge to ring, write down your feelings in a diary or something but dont ring, you will only upset yourself more and you dont need any more upset..
  21. Foz
    im going to see morrissey in december and i cant wait. My ex always claimed to be a fan but whenever Morrissey played in dublin he always had to go sailing or something so he obviously wasnt a real fan!! Sailing V Morrissey, i know which one a true fan would pick. Strangely the ex always sang "there is a light that never goes out" to me!! Obviously he didnt mean what he sang!! its his brirthday soon and the morrissey song "unhappy Birthday" springs to mind, but im not that bitter, i dont wish him dead, i just hope he has a miserable birthday!! I gave him cool presents and went out of my way to make it special for him, so now he has got no one to do that for him he might just remember how good i was to him!!
  22. Foz
    when i was 16 my first love broke up with me and the Smiths helped me through. 13 years later going through my most serious break up im still listening to them!! One by U2 is quite appropriate for me at the moment, its funny ive heard it played at weddings and have just thought, what are you doing, have you not listened to the words, its about a horrible break up. In fact the "acthtung baby" album was written mostly by the Edge when he was breaking up with his wife. Run by Snow Patrol is good too!!
  23. Foz
    Steve, she said herself you are not giving her the chance to miss you. Listen to her, please do not email her, you have said all you can say and now you have to let her be for the moment. You will not get the answers you want right now so give her space and time to think. there is no point emailing her and repeating yourself, you are just going to annoy her if you keep this up. Stop or you will lose her forever!! Crawl up and hibernate for a while and see the doctor, talk to him/her, they will reassure you that what you are going through is normal. When my ex left me i thought i was the only person on the planet that was feeling that much pain but guess what i wasnt, i do understand i have been there, im still there in ways but i stopped torturing myself and accepted it was over and that helped. You are not there yet but stop torturing yourself and stop contacting her..
  24. Foz
    she will contact you eventually, they always do, but let her do the contacting and dont hurt yourself anymore by contacting her. im sure when you said you wanted NC she was a bit taken aback but you pushed her too far and now she wants NC so give it to her. Everyone misses their ex even the dumper, it is only human to miss someone you have had a relationship with, but give her time and space to miss you also..you contacting her every day will not make her miss you, it will drive her away. SO DO NC. Believe me you are not the only one on this forum dreading Christmas and New Years, everyone is..but we will live through it and hopefully next year we will all be happy once more or a little bit of the way there!!
  25. Foz
    Steve, I have to agree with Caveat ont his one, you are not going to get the answers you want right now from your girlfriend, pushing for answers will only push her away further so try not to call her, text her or email her. believe me i know it is torture because you think that you just need to say one more thing and that may turn it around. It wont, leave it be for the moment, let her have her breathing space, she has asked for that and respect her wishes. I have been there but i did not call, in the first few days i said all there was to be said and then i left it be, there were many times i wanted to call and say something but all i wanted to say was something i had already said but slightly rephrased..you have said all you want to say and you didnt get the answers you want and remember that feeling when you got off the phone from her, you dont want to feel that again so dont call her because every time you do you will have that feeling when you get off the phone. I know its hard but for your own sake dont push her away further by calling her, respect her wishes and give her the time that she has requested. Come here to vent, just dont call her!
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