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Foz

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  1. Foz
    sorry iceman didnt mean to offend you..i was just trying to give steve a different perspective. When you first break up with someone the last thing you need to hear is people saying she is/wants to be with someone else. What you do need is support. I personally think telling steve his gf is with or wants to be with someone else is not helping him at the moment and i wanted to support him rather than upset him more.. That is all
  2. Foz
    hi there, ignore iceman and DBL. My boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of September, it was out of the blue and i was in a right state for the best part of 2 months. The first few days i begged,pleaded, promised to change if that is what he wanted and none of it made any difference. It made me feel even worse, i couldnt understand how someone could seemingly change overnight, truth is in his head it probably wasnt overnight but had building up for sometime, i just didnt see it and a few squabbles on holiday finally sealed it for him. I too couldnt sleep, eat, work nothing, all i could do was cry and go over and over conversations we had trying to figure out what happened and what could i have done to prevent it and what could i do to get him back. In short i was driving myself mad but in retospect i dont hink i could have acted differently because i was distraught. I do agree with what caveat says about exercise and socialising but i do think there is a time frame for that too. Im at the stage where i can do that but its nearly 12 weeks on for me. At the start i couldnt, take this time to grieve, it is important, write down your feelings, but i would say dont contact her, let her come to you, she will eventually. Dont contact her because at this stage nothing you say is going to change her mind, she does need time to think and if you ring every day with a list of questions, you are only going to annoy her. And you will feel like you are pushing her further away and then you will feel worse. i thought if i didnt ring him it was giving him carte blanche to move on, it doesnt work like that of course they still think about us but they need their space too and give it to them. I then decided to do NC purely because i thought he would miss me and come back, after a month he rang and said he missed me, we met up but still he hadnt changed his mind, back to NC for another month, he rang again, still no change. Now im doing NC because it hurts me too much to hear his voice and i cant be his friend if that is what he wants. Im better now than i was 12 weeks ago but it still hurts and i f you dont believe how bad i was check out my v long and rambling post "please help me i am completely broken hearted". Anyways pm me anytime you need. Foz
  3. Foz
    that is an awful situation, but i would strongly suggest 1.asking him to move out and renting out the spare room. 2.Tell the landlord the situation and ask him is there any way that you can get out of the lease, no landlord can be that much of an ogre that eh would expect a couple who have split up to live under the same roof!! 3. you move out and let your ex rent out the spare room. You cant live in them circumstances, it will drive you nuts! a break up after 3 years is painful enough without having to see the ex every day. Also your ex sounds like he is being a bit nasty about the situation and you dont need that further upset!
  4. Foz
    So i have made a major decision.. I am going to move out of the Apartment, its a pretty big move but i think it is me accepting that it is over and leaving that part of my life behind and moving on. I will be sad to leave the place but there are too many memories there and im lonely on my own..so im going to get an apartment with some new people and hopefully widen my social circle as well!! So just thought id share that bit of progress with you!!
  5. Foz
    i'm sorry but i just cant accept that there wasnt a nicer way of dumping me, i would never do what he did to another human being and i just wont accept that there wasnt a nicer way. i in fact resent the whole way he acted in the week up to the break up, the going out for dinner, the making me dinner, the wedding we were at, having sex with me knowing the minute i headed off on my business trip he was was going to start packing, the sweet text messages and phone calls while i was on my business trip and he was in the process of moving out, i resent it all and nothing will change my mind..he did what was easy for him and yes ICME i do agree that had i talked him out of it he would have left at some other stage anyway, his mind was made up. Wow Trish, i never knew how he broke up with you, again not nice and maybe i judge people by my standards but there is no way i would let someone who was dreadfully upset walk out of the house in the middle of the night and drive home.. it was very big of you to talk to the kids, i couldnt have done that, i would probably have blamed them for the break up cos it would be easier to blame them than him (for me that is).. I still think the quote refers to Dumpers and in all fairness if your ex had sat you down and talked to you rather than saying it while you were in bed and then just letting you leave while you were dreadfully upset, maybe you would have alot more respect for him.. Or maybe im the only one that thinks like this, maybe i judge others by what i would have done.. I'm just fed up today and sick of all the crap i've been through in the last 10 weeks or so, i just want my life back and i'm sick of thoughts about my ex that just wont disappear..did you ever see that movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, where they erase all memories of your ex from your mind, i wish i could do that cos im just sick of him being in my thoughts all the time...
  6. Foz
    i see the point you are trying to make ICME but there is a great post some pages back which says "you are remembered by your exit, if you leave with dignity and grace then you wont have any regrets". I resent the way he did it and no one can convince me otherwise that there was a nicer way.
  7. Foz
    well i woke up at 5am and couldnt get back to sleep and i was cursing the ex cos he was just going around and around in my head. The thing is, i probably will have thoughts of him for a while to come yet but even in 9 weeks they have changed from i cant/dont want to live without him to it is SO over and i have no choice but to move on. That is the thing i have no choice, his mind is made up and there is no going back, in a way could i ever have taken him back given what he did to me?? id probably always have had doubts and we would have fallen apart again! anyway it is irrelevant now. It is over, the end. it is tough and what annoys me is he wont apologise for the way he broke up with me, i think he has tried to convince himself that moving out while i was away on a business trip was actually the best way to do it but then again its easy for him to convince himself of that cos he wasnt the one who came home from a business trip to find that his partner had cleared out the apartment and didnt want to be in the relationship anymore-sorry about the rant but there is still anger in me!! And i hate the way i have become so cynical, when i see a couple kissing at a bus stop, i just think ha you may be happy now but be careful, it might not last.. Anyway i have my closure now and i believe there has to be better things in store for me!! Happythoughts, did your ex contact you on your birthday??
  8. Foz
    hey there, from someone who checked my ex's email, i wouldnt advise it, guess what i found..within 4 weeks of breaking up with me he was scoring as many girls as possible and was "happy enough" that he had "finally packed it in" with me. i cried for a week after that and now i dont know what to make of him, this was a guy i was with for 3.5 years!! So as ray kay says, you wont like what you find..
  9. Foz
    yeah i think i kinda appear to him like i handled it with grace and dignity, i only rang him once (last night) since we broke up, the 2 other calls were initiated by him as was the meeting.. of course the truth is i have been acting like a slightly deranged person what with checking his emails and the like!! yup ICME he is gone, and its hard but as trish said above, hard and all as it is for me, once someone makes up their mind that it is over, there is nothing we can do or say to change that. i tried but his mind was made up some 9 weeks ago and all the calls and the meeting did not mean what i thought it meant, deep down i knew that he wasn't ever coming back, i guess i just didnt want to believe it. but now it is time to move on with my life...hard and all that that is, it is so over and i have no hope left.. well i do have some hope but it doesnt involve the ex, it involves someone that i havent yet met!!
  10. Foz
    i guess i must have been lonely or something but i rang him last night. i think after the friendly chat last wednesday i started to miss him more and i just wanted to talk to him. he asked how i was i said i wasnt good, i said i didnt know what to do, it hurt hearing from him and it hurt not hearing from him, i said i really enjoyed catching up with him the other night but i fell apart afterwards because it made me realise what i was missing out on and what i couldnt have. he said in the short term he thought it wasnt a good idea to be friends because it wasnt fair on me, i said i kinda knew that but at the same time when i didnt hear from him i was wondering was he ok and what was he doing. i said that i was finding it really hard and i just missed him so much, i asked him did he miss me and he said of course he did but he didnt regret his decision. i said i resented the way he left me and he said there was no easy way to break up. I said im sure you could have thought of a nicer way.I said you are remembered by the way you left and he said that that is why he came over the next day so i wouldnt think he had just left me like that..He said he left like that because he had made his decision and he didnt want to discuss it. he said it ended because athens brought up all the self doubt that he had had after mexico and he just knew he didnt want to take it to the next level, ie get married, and that while he would have been hhappy to live with me for another year or more that would have been disingenuous to me.. He doesnt regret the 3.5 years and thinks im a great person, he just didnt want to take it to the next level.. he said he wished he could help me but he couldnt because he was the cause of the problem and he was sorry. He said i would feel like this for a while and acknowledged that it was easier for him because he was the one who made the decision. He said there was nothing he could say that would make all this go away. i just had to go through it.. And that was the conversation..dont know why i did it, i still have no answers, well not the ones i wanted anyway.. i guess this is it, he doesnt want me back and that is obvious, the friendly phone call last wednesday made no difference..there is no point anymore.. Maybe i do have answers he doesnt ever want me back and there is no point staying friends because it will only hurt me more. well only thing is i tried and now he is gone but maybe not without some sense of guilt for what he did to me..i know i shouldnt want him to feel guilty but i do, he has hurt me beyond description and at the moment i hope he does feel like crap for doing that to me..
  11. Foz
    broke up 9 weeks ago, he called after 2 weeks, met one week later no change in the situation then 6 weeks NC, then he called, i acted all upbeat and friendly and jokey, didnt mention how hurt i was or anything else about us and left it to him to contact me again. To be honest, the phone call made me miss him all over again,
  12. Foz
    hey Happy Thoughts, Happy Birthday!!
  13. Foz
    i know that urge, ive had it many times, but i never acted on it, and he eventually called me and maybe if i had done the ringing he would think of me as a pest but i never rang and he eventually missed me(??)enough to call. to be honest its confused me and i wish he hadnt..
  14. Foz
    Trish, you are so wise and happthoughts unfortunately you speak from experience and dont want me to go down that route. yeah i felt so proud of myself for the way i handled it yesterday but today im cursing myself for letting him off the hook and letting him think he is forgiven. i was so friendly and upbeat that im sure he is thinking he didnt do anything wrong..which he bloody well did, moving out while i was away on a business trip, i can forgive many things but not that!! yeah i guess there is a part of me that wishes he could see the me he fell in love with and come back but that is wishful thinking.. i guess another part of me is afraid to close all doors of communication just because it is so final... but i do think you are right trish there is no point in contacting me again unless he has changed his mind about us..but can i say that to him?? Trish your letter is so beautiful, if he does not get down on his knees and beg you to marry him then he is one stupid man..Tasmania sounds great, when are you off?? it will be the summer there as well!! Cool nothing like a bit of winter sun to lift the spirits
  15. Foz
    now i get why NC is a good idea, since the chat i know what im missing out on and it hurts, we had a really good chat and it was like old times but it hurts because that is all it was -old timess- and we are not together and now im thinking along the lines of see how good we are together, why cant we have that back, why did you throw it away?? guess im having a relapse... maybe i would have been better off not having the friendly chat with him because now im missing him and the friendly chats! i lost my best friend and i miss him, especially now that i know we can still have them type of conversations.. maybe i should just email him and tell him no more chatting, if he aint coming back i cant be his friend... Damn, im not as positive as i was yesterday.. and yeah i feel like i made it so easy for him, he didnt even say sorry, nothing, sure he didnt have to because i was so friendly, now he probably thinks he is forgiven and he is such a nice guy keeping in contact with the ex blah blah blah...DAMN
  16. Foz
    I dont really hold out too much hope for anything, deep down i believe he made up his mind the day he started moving out and i dont think he will ever go back on that. And as for him feeling less guilty and being able to move on with his life more quicly as a result of the phone call, he had already begun to do that anyway so guilt wasnt stopping him. Before he spoke to me last night he had already got a new flat, started "scoring" other girls and planned a trip to NZ to do a triathlon so guilt was not stopping him moving on with his life. im still grieving and i am still hurt and im not quite there yet but before i was existing and now im survivng and soon enough i will be living again!! i may have one more chat with him but i will then make it perfectly clear that i cant just be his friend and unless he has changed his mind about us there is no point being mates.
  17. Foz
    yeah there was a part of me that felt that i was making it easy for him to feel less guilty about how he treated me, but i just didnt want to go on about how hurt i am. I wanted to appear strong not a victim so that is what i chose to do. Im sure if we ever do meet i will tell him how much he hurt me and how i can never forgive him for the way he did it but i dont want to carry around too much anger cos that wont help me either..
  18. Foz
    princess didnt get your reply in time!!! i responded to his text, said something banal about bush and said id got his voice mail and hope you are keeping well. then i got a phone call from him, i was very friendly and jokey and upbeat, said i was doing fine, i was thinking of buying an apartment, work was going well, id been on a few weekends away, i was back in the gym, he said work was slow for him, he was living with a friend until december but didnt know where he was going to go then..anyway it was a 30 minute chat, i didnt bring up the emails, the other girls or us..it was like old times. In a way i didnt want his abiding memory to be of me balling my eyes crying, telling him how he destroyed me..so i acted upbeat..i was sad afterward because it reminded me of the good times.. i left it up to him to contact me saying i didnt feel i could contact him because he was the one who didnt want me in his life anymore so i didnt feel i could call him.. I think the call went well because i appeared strong, there was no blame or anything, just catching up and laughing like we used to, it was nice, im a bit upset now but im glad i appeared strong. I still dont get the impression that he is coming back but i wanted him to feel like he talked to the girl he fell in love with last night and i think i achieved that..he certainly wasnt talking to the person he nearly destroyed. I dont know if this is a good or bad thing but for the first time in a long time i felt strong and i felt like i handled the situation well. I dont have any expectations at the moment and im so glad i didnt get angry and start going on about the other girls or anything. i just was myself before the break up.. What do you guys think??
  19. Foz
    so do i respond to the text and wait for him to ring me?? i dont know what to do, i do agree with all your saying happythoughts but im afraid i will set myself back by talking to him if what he is saying is he only wants to be friends or some other crap like that..see i dont know what he is thinking so i could be setting myself up for a fall. its not like ive my hopes up or anything, i dont, i just am confused...
  20. Foz
    this is what my male friend said when i emailed him about J's call So J is all friendly and chirpy.... Well, I guess there's no reason why he wouldn't be. After all, it wasn't him who came home one day to find that his home had been dismantled by his partner without so much as a word of warning. As to whether or not you should call him, I'm not sure but I think probably not. It might be no harm for him to know that after the dust settled that he still comes accross as an arseh0le. He may just be deluded enough to believe his own bullsh1t about it being the best way etc. He behaved appallingly and couldn't have been more cowardly. That said, I don't think it's your job to set him straight before he does it to the next person and the next. It'd probably make no difference. And it is all correct and everyone else is saying do not call him, let him call you again if he really wants to talk. Inresponse to your question Happythoughts, i dont want to be his friend, i could never be happy for him that he would find what we had together with someone else. do i want to know what he feels and wants? yes do iwant him back?? now that is tough, part of me says no way, you had your chance and you walked out on me and left me in a right state and part of me wishes we could have the good times back.. God i thought i had come so far but this phone call has set me back to thinking about all sorts of scenarios again.. just got a text from him now saying " thinking you must be pretty pissed off today, its amazing how america thinks so differently to the rest of the world" my god what is going on, he knows im a fervant anti Bush person but what is all this about. Please help me out here guys..
  21. Foz
    ok, i am battling with myself now, i still stand by what i said in my previous post but part of me wants to call him just to see where he is at and what will he say to me.. its tough because i know i would be taking the risk of having a relapse but there is a part of me that wants to know what he has to say.. Im finding it hard not to pick up the phone or maybe email but i dont know what i would say in my email.. Im not upset im just curious..or confused. oh i dont know what i feel actually..
  22. Foz
    I think the reasons he rang are, he was at a wedding that we were supposed to be going to together and i had sent the groom (his friend) a text wishing him all the best and also the wife of another friend of his, who would both have been at the wedding, emailed me 3 weeks ago and i emailed her back saying how devastated i was. So im sure this and the text to the groom were mentioned. Hence why i popped into his head. if this had happened 3 weeks ago i would have rang back straight away but now that i have read his emails, i firmly believe he has moved on and is never coming back to me so i dont think anything would be achieved by me ringing him back. In fact it would only confuse me more and upset me all over again. Also im afraid i would say something about the emails in anger and i dont even want to go there. And the big one, he has had all the control over my emotions so far. Me not ringing him back is getting some control over my emotions and showing him that maybe he is not as important to me as he thought he was. Im sure he is baffled as to why i havent been in touch given that i was saying i couldnt do this and i needed him. Yeah screw him, i will show him and muneca i like what quote-it sums it up really.. thank you guys, you have been my saviours over the past 2 months!!
  23. Foz
    well ive done it and i found out things that were not nice but it made me look at my ex in a different way and i certainly dont have him on the pedestal he was on. But what i found out was really hurtful..
  24. Foz
    no, i think i would leave it and not bring your childhood into it because then he may start to pity you and feel guilt and the last thing we want is them pitying us huh??
  25. Foz
    Start a journal and when you feel like calling her write down what it is you want to say to her, write down all your feelings and get them out of your system. But please stop with the texting and phoning before you drive her mad and she starts seeing you as a pest. When that happens you have ruined it. Dont even reply to her texts-nothing..just write in your journal, if she wants you back she will make it very clear to you.
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