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Foz

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  1. Foz
    well i dont know if im ready or not but to be honest i do want to know either way what is going on in his head. If he says that it is most definitely over then i can pick up the pieces and move on and stop with this glimmer of hope thing that i have been carrying around.. if he says he is still not sure well then i guess it has to be NC until he is sure. And if he feels he has made a mistake well there is alot of repairing to be done... i am so nervous, i just hope i can remain in control and not break down and cry...
  2. Foz
    just got a text saying he wants to meet tonight, in complete state of panic now. i dont know what to do...or say..how do i act?? please advise??????
  3. Foz
    well this is the week we are supposed to meet up and to be honest im scared. Im scared he is going to say he made the right decision and it is well and truly over. And im scared because then that tiny bit of hope that was getting me through this is gone and i really will be on my own.. As i said i dont really think there is anything i can do or say to make this work out, the decision has to be his. Its like the future is in his hands and ive no control and im really terrified. The past few weeks have been so hard, they all seem like a blur, it isnt only emotional pain but physical pain as well. the words gutted do really describe what it is like to have your heart broken.. No matter what i still love him and would take him back and the thought that he may not want me is shattering..of course there would have to be lots of dialogue, its not like i would take him back, let him move back in and never discuss this. But maybe he is not coming back... I dont know how to feel, im so scared... do you think the longer the time they have to think, the more sure they are about their decision or they should know whether they have made the right decision or not straight away?? so for example if you have a short break, say 4 weeks and get back together, it is more likely to break up than say if you have a 3 month break and get back together. i dont know why im saying this cos he didnt say it was a break, he said it was over but then last week when he rang he said he was thinking and trying to sort his head out...so i think it is a break but....... oh im confused and rambling now...
  4. Foz
    Thanks guys, your replies have really helped me through the last 3 weeks. To be honest im confused right now, i dont really know what to make of his contacting me, maybe there is hope but maybe he just wanted to ease his guilty conscience by ringing me and making sure i was ok. i dont know i guess as princess said, only he knows these things. i think i will meet him and just listen to what he has to say because there is no point in me saying anything unless he wants it to work out between us. It will only work out if he wants it to because he has chosen this and only he can decide if he has made a mistake. I know now that i cant make him come back, that he has to come back out of his own free will and because he feels it is right. If he comes back we will really have to work at it because it will be hard to get over this hurt. if he doesnt come back, well ive got through the last 3 weeks so im sure i will be able to keep on going. Im just trying to be philosophical about all this but in truth i am very confused as to what all this means. We were supposed to be going to another one of his friend's weddings today. He is going on his own now, maybe being on his own at a wedding surrounded by couples will make him decide one way or another.. any advice as to how i should play this??
  5. Foz
    Well last night about 7pm he sent me a text message saying "turn on channell 1 on the tv now if you can", i was out for dinner and didnt look at my phone until about 7.45 so only responded then. i said "missed it, what was on?". decided there was no point saying where i was or who i was with or anything, just ask what was on. he responded straight away with " there was a program on about the anne frank of Sarajevo, it wasnt that good anyway" The significance of this being, Sarajevo is where we went on our first holiday together.. I didnt respond but im now thinking maybe, just maybe he is beginning to regret his decision or is definitely confused as to whether it was the right decision to make. What do you think?
  6. Foz
    well guys, after 2 weeks of NC, he rang last night. i was so shocked to see his number come up. well this is what happened, he asked how i was i said i'd been better , he said he had wanted to ring me loads of times but he didnt know what the right thing to do was, he said after 3.5 years he found it hard not to speak to me every day but he needed to create some distance, he said he missed me, he said he hadnt anything to say that was going to cheer me up, he said he hadnt been out having fun, he was just doing some sports and thinking and trying to sort his head out, he said he would be back in Dublin next week and wanted to spend some time with me. he said he had just been trying to keep busy and that he really misses me and wants to do the right thing but doesnt know what that is. he was crying down the phone. i said i missed him too and that i had wanted to contact him loads of times but hadnt because he said he wanted space but that i would like to meet him. I didnt do the whole please come back, i love you stuff because i thought that would put too much pressure on. because he was crying to ease the pain that both of us were feeling,I jokingly said you took my shell from mexico, he said he didnt realise he had taken it and was sorry. Anyway i left the conversation at contact me when you are back in dublin and want to talk. I dont know what this means, does it mean there may be hope??
  7. Foz
    i bumped into a friend of his at lunchtime, i tried to act all calm but tears welled up in my eyes and my voice was faltering.. anyway i said i didnt really understand it all and was there someone else, he said 100% no, he said he thinks its because j travels alot and he didnt want to settle down and that he wanted to be a free spirit but that he doesnt really know why and that it came as a surprise to him..i asked him was there any hope, he said he didnt know, that he hadnt spoke to J in 2 weeks and he didnt know, he kept saying he was sorry and i would get through this. i said i wasnt sure i even wanted to..he said he would meet me for coffee during the week.. well at least i know for sure there is no one else cos this mate of his couldnt lie to save his a** and he didnt even blink or blush or any of the usual signs of lie-ing..to be honest i always did know there was no one else but sometimes people plant seeds of doubt in your mind.. also at least i know he hadnt been planning it for months and everyone else knew except me.. maybe i shouldnt have been as honest with his friend about how i was feeling but im the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve so i couldnt help it. back to the photo's, yeah he took about 20 or 30, really significant ones as well, like one that was taken the night we first met and stuff.. i really dont understand that, why did he take them?? what could he possibly want with them?? he doesnt want me but he wants the momentoes??
  8. Foz
    Last night i looked up at a wall in the flat and noticed there were some photo's missing, i then took out my photo albums only to discover that he had gone through them and taken out photo's of our various holidays together. he even took photo's of the 2 of us together. why would he do this?? if he doesnt want me in his life anymore and isnt sure if he wants a long term future together, why would he take photos of the 2 of us together?? and why would he go to the bother of going through a photo album in the middle of his massive move out?? what does that mean??
  9. Foz
    hi there, thanks for the replies! well 2 weeks on and i havent heard a word from him. The pain is unberable, i must have cried for 3 hours yesterday. I know everyone says that with time the pain will go away but it is hard to see through that at the moment. im slowly coming to the realisation that it may in fact be over for good. He did move everything out and he hasnt contacted me and well sometimes actions speak louder than words and maybe all he said about fate and time was just to soften the blow. it all seemed so sudden though, i wonder how long he had been thinking it and how i couldnt see it. i dont even know what i would say to him if he did ring because i dont even know where to start, i miss him, i still love him and i want him back, not because im hurt and lonely but because i think we were great together, i remember the laughter, the cuddles, the affection, the pet names we had for each other, the way we understood each other and the way we would turn to each other for advice on everything that was going on. i also wonder does he miss me, does he cry and hurt like i do and does he still think he did the right thing. i try not to cry but everytime i think of him or talk about it the tears just start coming, now i think they are coming because i am mourning the loss of him, whereas before i was crying because i didnt know what was going on and when he was coming back but now i am slowly beginning to tell myself that he has made his decision and i just have to live with it as best i can.
  10. Foz
    i dont think because someone cant tell you they love you yet is any reason to break up. it is only 3 little words and sometimes actions speak louder than words. All that should matter is that you enjoy each others company and are happy together. men sometimes find them 3 words hard to say. Give it time, i waited over 18 months to hear them words and when i did hear them it didnt really make a difference to the relationship because i was already happy with him.
  11. Foz
    i am not getting any better, this is slowly killing me, i really cannot picture my life without him in it. I am so scared that he is gone forever and if he is what will i do without him. i really dont see a future without him. I have never felt so lost and alone in my life. I have coped with grief before, my Dad died suddenly 8 years ago but this is different, this is worse even and im not sure i can do it.
  12. Foz
    i'm beginning to think he is not coming back, the more time i spend in our apartment the more stuff i see he has moved out which leads me to the conclusion that he is not coming back. He even took a shell that he had got for me while scuba diving on xmas day in mexico. What does that mean?? I really want to text him about the shell and ask him why did he take that?? I still dont understand why he moved out in such a cruel and cowardly way and why after over 3 years together he could not discuss whatever doubts he had with me beforehand and see if we could work it out. And im also surprised that after 3 years of talking to me about every little thing he did i havent heard from him. why has he completely destroyed me like he has??
  13. Foz
    hey there, i feel like im in the same boat as you, 10 days ago my live in boyfriend of over 3 years moved everything out while i was on a business trip and told me it was over when he collected me from the airport. (full story on my post)I felt my world collapse around me and am still struggling to understand why. well i guess the why is he has commitment issues. Everyone has told me not to contact him and i havent. i dont feel better for it but i do know that i have to get right in my head what i want to say to him when i do talk to him and right now im in no fit state to contact him so maybe that is why NC is good. Like you i cant eat and have lost about 10 pounds as well. Im also on sleeping tablets and walking around like a zombie most of the time. i also cry everytime i talk about it. I used to go to the gym 4-5 times a week and couldnt do that either but last night my mum said something that i listened to. She told me that he is probably going about his life and going out and doing things and so should i. And i thought she is right, he is probably off surfing somewhere and here am i crying away. so i went to the gym, it was tough but i went and spent 45 mins there and it wasnt so bad. Everything is a struggle but if i want him to come back which i do, he isnt want to come back to a basket case who just cries all the time so ive got to show him and myself that i can survive. just take it one day at a time and pm me if you want.
  14. Foz
    well i havent contacted him in a week and i know everyone says this is the right thing to do but it is SO HARD. i want to talk to him and figure this out and i dont know how long im supposed to wait for him to contact me. i dont think im getting any better, in fact im driving myself crazy most of the time. when is it ok to contact him and say that i really need to talk to him. i need to understand what happened and why and is this the end??
  15. Foz
    oh god, im at home in my mum's at the moment and i feel like im either cracking up or im going to die. i even went to the docotor yesterday to see if there was something he could give me to get over this but there isnt apparently i just have to through it. im afraid that by giving him space and no contact that im giving him time to forget me. im afraid he will think he's done the right thing and wont come back and all i want is a chance because i had no say in the matter and i really feel that is unfair, why didnt he let me discuss it with him. all i do is cry, im on sleeping tablets and even they are not working and ive to go back to our empty flat tonight and go to work again tomorrow and i just dont know can i do it. i hate life without him, maybei should write him a letter and tell him how im feeling. im so afraid that if i do the whole NC i will never hear from him again!! he's got all these trips arranged with all his mates to keep him occupied and im just dying inside
  16. Foz
    hi guys, thanks for your messages. well i dont know what to do with myself, ifeel like everything is a struggle, all i can think about and talk about is him, i wake every morning at about 5 and cant get back to sleep, i cry and i cry but i havent rang him or texted him which is a good thing. He left a few pictures and wine glasses behind so i put them in a box and put them in the store room. i was going to email him and tell him to collect them this weekend while i am away but then i thought no just leave them there. i think i was going to use it as an excuse for him to have to talk to me but now ive decided to let him contact me if he wants them. also i dont want him to collect them because then it means he really is gone forever. Same way as im afraid to move out of our flat, if i do that im in some way turning my back on the fact that he may come back. i feel my bickering did make him question our future and now im doing the whole what if thing to myself. i sometimes feel im hanging on to sanity by a thread. i met a friend last night and i just felt she was cruel, she kept saying, its over move on, accept it, his actions speak louder than his words and his actions are that he has left. I couldnt cope with it, im such a mess, im going to visit my mum this weekend and just get away and try cope.
  17. Foz
    hi Disillusioned Guy.there aren't any children, did you read my post properly?? or are you replying to the wrong one??
  18. Foz
    Hi Princess 777. think you misunderstood something but i never broke up with my boyfriend before, you said maybe he's doing this because i broke up with him before but i didnt. Does that change your advice??
  19. Foz
    i know i shouldn't contact him because to be honest by monday i felt like a pest and knew i had to stop and give him space. but its so hard when you have talked to someone every day for 3 years to just stop. sometimes i just feel so much despair that i just want to talk him. i really cant see a future without him and maybe yes i did see living together as a prelude for marriage and he didnt and he has had commitment issues in the past with me so maybe this is what the break up is. but i didnt want to get married in the near future but not never. alot of his friends got engaged and married this year and maybe the fact that we were at a wedding a week before he broke up with me is significant but how if you claim to be happy with someone can you decide that while you may not be ready for marriage tomorrow you never will be?? when i gave him the ultimatum about moving in with me 1 year ago it was because i wanted something more serious than dating and if he didnt then was his chance to get out. he did say at the time he was wary about it because he wasnt ready for marriage. i said i just wanted us to live together so he moved in. he says now he has never once regretted moving in with me and loves living with me so what is he doing?? i really dont understand! then he said because we argue maybe we are incompatible, i have tried to explain in the past that everyone argues and it is a good way of clearing the air. he is 30, i am 29 so its not like im pushing him and he's too young to make a commitment. i am so confused and hurt. also maybe he is not going to come back to me ever, he did move all his stuff out and maybe if all he wanted was time to sort his head out he wouldnt have moved out his stuff and maybe all the things he is saying about fate and time are just to cushion the blow and ive just stupidly clung on to them. i just feel like im existing and not living, everything is an effort, it is so hard to wake up in the morning and be in an empty bed all alone. maybe i should move out of the flat because there are too many memories. Advice please??
  20. Foz
    hi there, any advise is welcome!! my boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years of being together, 2 years of which we were living together. i didnt see it coming at all. i was away on a business trip for 3 days and in that time he moved all his stuff out of our apartment. we chatted on the phone while he was away he even said i was beautiful and he told me his sister had stayed over and he had to put her sleeping on the couch in case he rolled over and cuddled her in the middle of the night thinking it was me.i came home on fri, he collected me from the airport and halfway home he told me he was moving out, i thought he was joking, to say i was shocked was an understatement. he said he didnt think he wanted to marry me and to be fair to me he had decided we should break up. we got back to the fairly empty apartment and talked, well i was hysterical he was talking. he said he loved me, he said he loved living with me but he didnt think we had a long term future. he said we were very different, that we had argued alot in Athens (aug 11-17) and that was when he started thinking about us breaking up. He was working over there for 3 weeks and i went out for a week, yes we did bicker, i was stressed, he was stressed and it could have gone better. im not delusional i know we had problems there but i really thought everything was sortable, for the past year he has been working abroad alot 2 weeks away, 1 week home etc but with the olympics over he was due to be at home for the foreseeable future and i thought we would sort everything out. Anyway he came home on the 25th of aug and i genuinely thought we would work everything out. on the 27th we went to yet another one of his friends wedding. on the sat we went to a bbq, on the sunday we went to a gig, monday i came home from work and he cooked me dinner, tues we went to the gym together, wed i went on my business trip and well fri he dumped me. some background, it took him 18 months to tell me he loved me, i gave him an ultimatum about moving in and he chose to move in. i had been saying i need to know we have a future, ie i need reassurance here. im so confused he's telling me its over and he's also saying if he thinks he's amde a mistake he wont be too proud to come back, he's saying to give it time, fate will dictate if it is to work, then he is also saying he thinks he's made the right decision and it is over and it is not a break. Sat i rang him and he came over and i begged him to come back and give us a chance and he said he woulnt make that decision now. Sunday he called over for an hour as well, when he calls over he is hugging and kissing me and saying sorry, he is crying too saying this is horrible and fate and all that. Monday i rang him and told him that i knew i had to stop ringing him but it was just so hard for me. he told me to be strong. i havent rang him since and i feel like im dying of a broken heart. i cant eat or sleep, ive lost interest in everything im crying all the time and hoping he will realise he has made a completely rash decsion and come back. i had no say in this. iwant him back and i dont know what to do. please please help me. i love this guy so much all my hopes and dreams for the future included him and now im destroyed.
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