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Foz

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Everything posted by Foz

  1. Foz
    you have good days and bad days, im like a yo-yo really, but one thing for sure is there is no way im going phoning him especially when im in the depths of depression cos then i may reinforce for him why he broke up with me. Chat here, tell us all about the bad days and the good, that's what i do. im ok today but monday and yesterday i was awful. it comes in waves and you just have to go with it but dont contact the ex, you will feel worse afterward, believe me i know, ive done it and i felt even worse afterward. the desparation will pass and then you will be proud of yourself that you didnt ring and were strong
  2. Foz
    hey there ryan. i dont like the way she wanted you to kiss her, she is kind of messing with your head, me i would want to know what he hell that is about because i personally cant stand being in Limbo. However you have to be prepared for what she is going to say, even if its bad. If you are not strong enough to hear a negative response then do NC for a while longer, if you are ready to hear no matter what then go for it and at least you will have an answer one way or another. I did NC for a while my ex rang crying, said he wanted to meet up and spend time with me, got all my hopes up only to be dashed all over again..so basically im back at square one but at least im not trying to heal with false hope. Im not in Limbo anymore but im really hurt. i wasnt really prepared for the finality of it all but im not fooling myself anymore. I am devestated but slowly coming around to the idea that i want to be with someone who loves me no matter what, J didnt and left and i deserve someone who will be there through good times and bad.. My thread is still in Breaking up if you want to read the whole sorry saga, i dont know how to create a link to it, how do you do that??
  3. Foz
    umm that's a strange one, she did sound like she was leading you on when you called over to her house. i dont know sometimes when you meet the ex again you can get your hopes up and get really let down again, that is what happened me and i now know that it is probably best not to see my ex again. you however were duped into seeing her and it was really unfair of her to ask you to kiss her and then leave you in Limbo, i dont know what is going on in her head but she should not have done that to you. i dont know what everyone else out there thinks but i would probably ring her and ask her what that was all about, otherwise you are going to mull over it for ages and drive yourself mad.
  4. Foz
    i think it was from sex and the city but they say it takes half the time you were going out with someone to get over them. so i will be over my ex in 24 months, now that is daunting!! i am nowhere near over him, i cant pull myself together at all but 24 months to get over him sounds scary!! hopefully it wont take that long..
  5. Foz
    so he is contacting her to reassure himself that he is attractive and wanted-its kinda pathetic dont you think???
  6. Foz
    i have them setbacks too, although it has only been 6 weeks since my ex broke up with me.. some days im ok-ish and other days i am so overwhelmed by what has happened that i dont think life is worth living without him in it. Yesterday was one of them days, today im ok-ish, still have shed a few tears but im not hysterical, i think it just comes in waves really and unfotunately you just have to struggle through it...
  7. Foz
    i know all im doing is hurting myself more by reading his mails but i just wanted to know what was going on in his head. of course now i feel worse. it just sounds like he doesnt care at all about me and that is so hurtful. i dont know why he is acting like this, it is like he hates me or something and believe me the relationship was great and the arguments werent that bad, well i never even saw them as arguments just bickering.. im finding it very hard to cope, its like im consumed by thoughts of him, it is all i can think about and talk about and he is all i dream about. Breaking up with him was something i had NEVER envisaged happening and it is like my worst nightmare. My self confidence is gone and now im doubting every aspect of my life, im confused about whether i should remain on in the apartment im in(which we shared together), should i change jobs, move to a new country??? Also he left a painting behind and im wondering if he calls about collecting it should i meet him?? or should i just let him collect it from the landlord because if i meet him is he just going to reiterate that he has made the right decision and me get upset again and also what if i blurt out something i read in the emails. he doesnt even seem to miss me, he is out Kitesurfing and mountain biking going to weddings and bachelor parties and what am i doing crying?? i cant get it together at all and he is doing just fine. its been 6 weeks now and im not able to cope, and i just cant see myself being fine, i still think if he came back everything would be fine again..but that is probably never going to happen.......
  8. Foz
    yeah but his ex lives in Australia and he lives in Ireland so what is the point in contacting her after all this time when he cant exactly hook up with her??
  9. Foz
    oh i know i shouldnt do it but yes because i am hurt and sad and i wanted to know what was going on in his head. now that i do know im shocked and hurt but in a way im seeing how over me he is and how i should really stop snooping because all i find is stuff that hurts and shocks me more. i have to snap out of this moping and get myself together and heal. its just so shocking after 3.5 years he moved out and moved on with his life in a way that is completely incomprehensible to me..
  10. Foz
    why do they do that?? to make them feel attractive?? to boost their ego?? or just because they have moved on that fast and want to play the field??
  11. Foz
    having gone snooping i have now discovered my ex is contacting ex flings of his after only 5 weeks of breaking up with me..we were together for 3.5 years and living together for 2 of them years and now he is off playing the field while i am crying my eyes out and mourning him.. god what kind of fool am i to be crying over him and what kind of a**hole is he??
  12. Foz
    yeah you are right, i have to stop checking his email, in a way im angry at myself for being so weak and that he has driven me to such crazed behaviour. its just so hard to pull myself together..
  13. Foz
    because i was feeling so down in myself i again checked his email. i dont know why i keep doing this to myself, i guess i want to see if he is hurting too, which it would appear he is not.. again one to his friend saying its s*** but it is the right decision and then one to a girl he was with for a month in Australia 5 years ago saying hi, are you still there, email me and let me know what you are upto, love j. Love j?? god now he is getting in contact with ex flings of his..and using the L word.. why do i do it to myself, i just end up more astounded by the coldness of him, what has he become, how can he just switch off everything and move on like he seems to have done. I really have to pull myself together and stop torturing myself, im not helping myself at all.. ICME you speak such sense i wish i could be more like you about this whole break up but instead im either in the depths of depression or acting like a crazed person checking his emails.. this is so difficult..
  14. Foz
    i just feel sad that its over between us, that someone who i thought the world of doesnt want me in his life anymore, that he has just switched off his feelings and it seems so easy for him. i just miss him so much, apart of me would still take him back despite all the hurt and pain he has caused me.. god i am having a relapse, i thought i was doing ok but somehow ive taken a few steps back..
  15. Foz
    yeah but why do i still feel that life was better when he was my partner..
  16. Foz
    i so agree, i had hope that he would come back but now i do think i loved him more than he ever loved me, and i want to be with someone who loves me no matter what and takes the bad with the good, not just walk out on me because they couldnt be bothered when things went through a rough patch.. the whole sorry saga is on the breaking up Forum under "please help me i am completely brokenhearted" in a nutshell he destroyed me, gave me false hope and then one month later said his decision was still the same. it was like he dumped me all over again. Now i dont think i would ever take him back because of all the hurt he has caused me and also because of the nasty way he did it and everything he did and said since. for sure i miss him and sometimes when i feel like that i want him as a friend but that is just cos im feeling low and its still early stages (5 weeks) but really i could never trust him again...
  17. Foz
    Yeah in a way the discovery of that email helped me to get angry and view the whole break up differently, now im thinking wow how cold and heartless is he and do i really want to cry my eyes out over someone who obviously has very few feelings left for me.. i still dont know what happened to make him feel like that but i guess i never will and in a way it doesnt matter, that is how he feels and there is nothing i can do to change that but it does hurt that someone i loved could just switch off and walk off like that and leave me to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. I do know now that it is so over and well me reading his email dashed any hope that i would otherwise have clung onto but it hurt to know that that is how he feels after 3.5 years!! Sometimes i blame myself and wish i could turn back time and do things differently but i know that is pointless cos he should love me no matter what and he obviously doesnt. he wants us to be friends and sometimes when i miss him i think yeah id love to hang out with him but then when i think of the hurt he has caused i think no, you chose not to be with me and you dont get me as a friend either. its been really tough but i have moved on from the despair and feeling that i couldnt face life without him. i miss him and there are days when i am sad and lonely but i know now that it is over and i will not let him destroy me and i will move on form this and find love again hopefully!!
  18. Foz
    i dont know why but i miss him so much even after all he has said and done. Part of me wishes we could be friends if we cant be together just because there are parts of him that i miss. The other side of me wonders did he ever love me because if he did, why did he do this to me..i also think how could i ever take him back if he did come crawling back 6 months down the line..because he has hurt me so badly. its hard some days im angry thinking how selfish, cruel and cowardly he has been and other days i just miss him. its like he cant even commit to breaking up with me properly with his "if in 6 months time i feel ive made a mistake i wont be too proud to crawl back" line. and then there is what icme said someone else may not find fault with me the way he did. someone else would accept the bad witht he good. oh its such a confusing time..but i am stronger than i was 5 weeks ago but i still miss him and part of me yearns to talk to him..but i know its not getting me anywhere so NC is probably the best thing for me but... still havent got back into my fitness regime..just cant motivate myself that much but i am going away for the weekend and hopefully next week i will get back into the gym and start a fitness plan again..
  19. Foz
    my friend has a theory that couples get together in may and break up in September. Why?? well summer is over and change is in the air.. Why do they get together in may, long hot summer nights on the way, people are looking not so pale and wrapped up in wooly sweaters.. weird theory but me and my ex did get together in may 3.5 years ago and it was a great summer, outdoor cook outs and parties all summer long, and well he broke up with me at the start of September so im beginning to believe the theory.
  20. Foz
    i told my ex all about how hurt i was and how i would do anything for us to be together again and begged him for a second chance. he was pretty cold and controlled and basically said he still thought he made the right decsion in breaking up with me. Now i feel like a fool for breaking down crying and losing all my dignity in front of him. he has moved on and no amount of grovelling on my part will change that so If i had my time back i would have kept my mouth shut and not let him know how much he hurt me or how much i missed him.
  21. Foz
    well my ex contacted me after 4 weeks to tell me he missed me and wanted to spend time with me so i got all my hopes up that he had changed his mind and was coming back. He did call over and let me down all over again, he hadnt changed his mind, he thought i was a great person but just not the one for him, it was like being dumped all over again so to be honest in a way i wish now he had never contacted me cos im back to square one again in the grieving process, whereas if he hadnt contacted me and i hadnt gotten my hopes up i would be after progressing in the whole grief thing, now ive just regressed and have to start all over again. i dont know does this help you or not but maybe the kindest thing they can do is leave you to grieve on your own. ringing you to see if you are ok only eases their guilty conscience for leaving you the way they did and gets your hopes up that they still care. Better off leaving it. And yes, swingers is a great movie!!
  22. Foz
    well guys you may say it serves me right for snooping but i checked his emails last night, i had his passwords because he had given them to me to check his email for him when he was abroad and couldnt get to an internet cafe. i dont know why i di it, i guess i was curious to see was he hurting, or was this break up easy for him. and this is what i found " finally packed it in with k at the beginning of september. happy enough with my decison its just s*** the way you can make someone feel so bad. she is getting on with things now but generally has not been coping too well" i was so hurt..finally packed it in?? its like he is so over me, the last 3.5 years obviously means nothing to him..all that crap about wanting to be friends and im a great person-yeah right, he just doesnt care at all.. if anything it has really spelt out to me that he is gone forever and has completely moved on from me and the past 3.5 years mean nothing to him.. everything he said to me was just to ease his guilty conscience, he just does not care.. i dont know how i feel, shocked i guess that he could be so cruel.. PS thanks icme, you put things in perspective, it does take 2 and i cant blame myself..
  23. Foz
    i felt so awful after that stupid phone conversation that i rang him and said i was really hurt by his comments, he said he didnt really understand the conversation and didnt mean to cause any hurt. i said it was too raw to start laying blame and that it happened and we should leave it at that. that we had to be careful not to cause more hurt and end up hating each other. now for the sake of self preservation i have to go back to NC. god when he left my house on tuesday night he gave me a hug and it just brought tears to my eyes because i miss that physical closeness, that feeling when someone hugs you or holds your hand while walking down the street, no one can hug you like your partner can.. this is so painful..my heart is aching from all this and im thinking it will ache for quite a while yet. Eric i dont think im doing that well, in a way i have pleaded by trying to make him see that he didnt fight for us and that he gave up. But it didnt work because he thinks he did fight and he had given up fighting. Maybe i will never understand this.. maybe it is just one of them things that 3 years down the line when someone asks me why did you break up i will still be saying im not too sure.. anyway thanks for your comments.
  24. Foz
    Rang him just now because i just felt that he blamed me for the whole breakdown of the relationship and i just had an enormous sense of guilt that it was all my fault. he said that he did have a problem with my moods otherewise we would be together still and that he didnt have a problem with commitment, he just didnt think he wanted to marry me..talk about brutally honest...oh yeah he does feel guilty for walking away and leaving me like this... now i feel like texting him and saying U2's One sums it all up for me and never contacting him again, right or wrong thing to do??
  25. Foz
    Well he came over last night and he hadnt changed his mind about his decision. He stayed for 2 hours and well he still thinks he made the right decision at the moment. He again said if i feel i made the wrong decision that he would not be too proud to crawl back but he is viewing it from the standpoint that it is over and that i should view it from that stand point too. He said i was a great person and i changed him and he loved living with me, that we had been through alot together but he had no fight left in him. he said he wasnt unhappy in the relationship and he didnt look back on it and go oh that was awful, he just looked forward and couldnt see.. i said i didnt give up on a relationship unless i was really unhappy and that i would have fought for it and obviously i was more sure about us than him and i believed in us more than him, that he would never know how much he hurt me and that i had never envisaged this happening. i told him it was going to be hard for me to readjust. i went to a counsellor last night and she asked me where had it started to go wrong and i told her we had a bad patch last christmas in mexico but had got through it. she asked me what had led up to that, i told her i guess it had been me being let go from my job and not being able to get out of the holiday that we had booked at the last minute so we went. i was stressed on the holiday and we bickered alot and nearly split up but then we got through it, she then asked what led to the bickering in Athens and i told her i had a new job where i deal with victims of child abuse but ive no counselling for that and ive to take it home and deal with it myself and i guess that is what led to the bickering in athens. Basically i put this to james that in times of great stress i had become short tempered because i dint know how to deal with it. he acknowledged this but i guess its too late now to go there. he said in athens he was in a state of disbelief that it seemed like the mexico scenario was hapening again and he just gave up. he also said that maybe the timing was wrong that he doesnt want to get married for another 5 years and i wanted to get married sooner. Anyway that is what happened, at least i know that there is no hope anymore and ive just got to accept his decision. it is hard but i guess the shock and denial have gone and now there is just the floods of tears. i think the counselling will help, i think i need it not just because of him but also she pin pointed a big stress in my life which is work and i dont know how to deal with that. My heart has been broken again but now i know i have to let go. i dont think being friends with him is going to help so i think i have to go back to NC.. When do the tears end???
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