Jump to content

Vampiremoon9

Members
  • Posts

    26
  • Joined

About Vampiremoon9

  • Birthday 09/30/1965

Vampiremoon9's Achievements

Contributor

Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. After leaving a 3yr relationship that went sour I now find myself living in a small eff. apartment. I cant afford much more on my own and have to see about getting a part time job to help meet my bills. I never let on to my ex that I might have a hard time without his help financially my pride would not let me fall that far. Its the first time Im actually alone. There is no one waiting for me to return home, no one in my big bed to curl up next to, there is no one concerned if Ive eatten that day. My life feels so uncertain and lonely. I tried to live as a housmate with another but they suffered from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and I just could not take it. So Im finally in a tiny place all my own. I feel pretty decent and hopeful about it but I still cant erase the fact Im lonely. Im not pinning over my ex by no means. I sometimes find myself rehashing the shock of learning he never really loved me and never intended to ever marry me but that's about all Ive done in the direction of drumming up the past. I think its my way of confirming I did the right thing in leaving and Im going to be better off in the end. I want to make new friends. I dont have any friends and Im so lonely without another to confine in or share with. I dont have any girlfriends or such and its sometimes so hard to go through the gambit of emotions with no one to share them with. I hear many say start dating, get involved with a romantic adventure and it will take you mind off your troubles..but golly how do you get such a thing started and with whom..?? Another good soul advised me to change everything about my self from weight to hair style. Starting over fresh and with a new look give you a new perspective its healthy. That way if I should suddenly find myself in the same place as my ex I will look "put together" and not suffering from our seperation. I will look on top of the world. What's your ideas?
  2. Its been several weeks now since I moved out. I feel empty and lost missing the things that were routine and filmilar to me. My life no longer seems my own. I went from a beautiful town home to just a bedroom. I feel uncomfortable around my new housemate and uncertain. My world downsized in such a profound way that Im left feeling invisable. I want nothing more than to be held, cuddled as I cry or have my back rubbed gently. I hate sleeping alone and there is no one to spoon me to warm me up on cold nights. I keep seeing in my minds eye past times spent with this guy, moments shared and I feel like I dont belong anywhere now and I have no sense of balance for my daily routine has been disrupted and my world turned upside down. I accept that the relationship ended for I am strong enough in my own right to know that he never really loved me and my pride wont let me belittle myself by begging or clinging. I realize you cant force someone to love you no matter how much you care or how deeply you love them. I realize now I loved him so much that I chose to ignore the signs that he was not returning that love. I some times feel a sense of shock that 3yrs were wasted "playing house" with someone who never entended to marry me but let on differently. I know now would be a good time to focus on me. To do things I otherwise could not or did not do. But in truth Im very lonely and want someone in my life. Rebound, no..just someone to pay attention to me, show me affection, romance me a little. I want to feel pretty again, desirable and wanted. I want to get out of this muddy feeling and start having some fun.
  3. I just recently had to accept that a 3yr relationship was over. I also had to move out since it seemed only right and I could not stomach watching him receive calls and go out on dates with others. (we lived together) But now Im living in a new home as a housemate and I feel totally lost and bewildered. I dont seem to fit in anywhere socially and have no friends of mine own. Most I did know were his friends so of course I have no support from that peanut gallery. I work nights which adds to my sorrow for I meet so very few because of this shift. But I love my company and wont give it up its the one true stable enviorment I have left and I feel like I belong there. Does anyone know of a web site for us vampires who are single and looking?. I know we each have different levels and times we heal but how do you stop thinking of what could of been rather than whats it going to be like. I hate being alone and I hate not having someone to touch me, hold me, kiss on me..and my first summer single is looking pretty lame. I feel like Im just too old who'd want me most men I talk to want that tanned young 20 something to grace his arm. I feel like I dont fit in anywhere. I just want to curl up and sleep my whole life away. My dreams, wishes, and hopes were all wrapped up in that relationship and he just decided "I dont love you, never did and I never intended to marry you" how do you hold firm to your sense of self when that's been slammed into you full throttle. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. He ended our relationship with that line and with me in financial dire straights and Im going to be looking for a second job on the weekends. Otherwise its PB&J for the next 19months..Ive applied for food stamps but proably wont get them since I dont have children. I sure could use some encouraging words of hope.
  4. Okay Ive broken up with my bf of 3yrs that Ive lived together with..he told me he never loved me, never intended to marry me and was relieved I did it. In the heat of the argument I learn he's cheated on me and I was stunned I had thought all this time he had been faithful, I was very wrong. So I went and made plans to move out..I had him sign a roommate release agreement which is legal and binding in my state. I agreed in writing to stay at our town home till February 5th and then Im moving out. So legally I am responsable for only the first week of rent that's pro-rated. Problem is he wont accept the agreement and can't grasp he signed it and gave his okay to the whole thing. He wants to hold me to paying my share of half of the rent. When that failed he then tried to force me to pay half of the half..but still no luck. Finally he has resorted to threatening me and my new car. He has threatened to take my bed that he bought me as a gift to replace the one he didnt like sleeping on 2yrs ago. The law firm told me it would cost him 3x that of what the 2yr old bed is worth and the lawyers would get a 33.3% cut and once its all done and said he'd really have nothing to show for putting himself further into debt. They told me he is tossing a fit over a mere $90.00 difference and that its not worth getting upset over. Besides they said your moving to an undisclosed new address how is he going to get a bed back if he doesnt know where to look?. He doesnt know the true date Im leaving and is thinking its on the weekend so Im advised to let him continue thinking that. He has not yet become aware he cant sue me for rent after signing the release agreement and when he does it will come as a shock to him. Ive spoken to the apartment's law team and they told me he has no legal grounds when he signed it he became the soul party responsable and Im no longer even on the lease. Im free to move and not look back on the cheating runt. Here is my problem...I only have to pay for one week. What Im doing is legal and binding and I owe him nothing. If I choose to pay anything more its out of the kindness of my heart and right now after learning about the "other woman" I dont feel inclined to be so generous. He knows he's now obligated to pay for the townhome now on his own be he somehow thinks he can bully me into paying. So he is still is tossing a tantrum about the whole deal. Ive got one more day and Im avoiding him at all cost. Advised not to anwser any calls he may make to me on my cell so he cant keep track of my location or activity. How would you deal with this situation if it were you?
  5. Dear... I cant seem to communicate with you anymore so I'm writting this letter and hope you will understand and find it in your heart to forgive me. I think we both know by now that our relationship has gone as far as it can. I have cherished every moment we have shared. I will always remember the laughter, passion, and fun we had. I feel miserable that it has come to this but its unavoidable. You see, we want entirely different things. Ever since that day you told me you never really loved me, and that you didnt think you ever really had and you never planned to marry me things never seemed right again between us. I was quilty of dreaming of a life with the man I knew you could become, but failed to notice the man you became. So its with a heavy heart that I say this to you now. I will always love you deeply, buts its time I let go of the dream and begin anew. I will never forget you and the love I had for you for we shared so much in such a short time. I wish you the best and hope one day you find the man you could become and the love you desire. Respectfully,
  6. I need some advice. I ended a 3yr relationship and we continued to live together as just friends. I found it too emotionally hard to sit back and watch him day in a day out. I was still clinging to a love lost and the thought of him dating another and witnessing this would be crushing. He had admitted he did not love me and I felt it was time to let the relationship which for now had been on life support die..so I pulled the plug. I have since found another place to live. I plan to move out at the end of next week. He is not aware of my plans and I want to leave quietly and with out any fan fare. But I want to leave a dear john letter. But what do I say?
  7. Please forgive my computer..it hic-upped and spit out doubles of my most recent post...sorry all...
  8. I ended a 3yr relationship a week ago. This was a huge and heavy decision on my part. It took guts to do it for my heart screamed for me to stop and reconsider. What brought on my change of heart was I began to sit and observe that he could only do things for me that dovetailed with his own needs or desires. He was incapable of doing even the most simplest thing simply because he loved me. He has kept me on eggshells demanding I change to accommodate his expectations and if I failed he'd end the relationship. Like a carrot dangled in front of a mule he'd taunt me. I found I made all the compromises and sacrafices while his greatest sensitivity was to him self. Im intelligent and bright so this made me angry that I have put up with this for so long. I have felt great shame that I have settled for such a partner who has neglectrd me. His emotional blackmail has been cleverly disguised behind critism, threats of rejection, with holding affection, and no intimacy. Perhaps my own desire for marriage and love blinded me so that would explain why its taken me 3yrs to finally end this relationship. For months now its been on life support and going no where. I simply just pulled the plug. How do you move on with life when your mind tells you he never loved you to begin with and your heart weeps for your loss and wants him. I failed to take notice that the one thing I was most quilty of doing was seeing him as the man he could become, but failed to see the man he had became.
  9. Unable to continue with the rejection and lack of affection and intimacy between us I feel moving him out of the bed and bedroom was perhaps best. I sat one evening and came to terms with my own true feelings. I knew deep down inside it was over. I knew he did not love me anymore and in fact may not have ever. I realized I was building a dream on the man I knew he could become, but failed to take notice of the man he was. So in a calm voice and steadiness I did not feel inside I told him I released him of any obligation or relationship with me. I felt so scared and so alone that it nearly choked me. I did not want to let go, I did not want to be alone, I did not want to sleep all alone with no heartbeat or warm body to curl up againist. But knew Id be misrable if I clung to him. I told him I would be his best friend since we had a history together that could not be denied. That we had to be able to get along till the lease was over and being friends seemed to be the best decision. I told him that no physical intimacy would be seen again. But that I would still treat him with warmth and affection as I would any male friend. I stated that if the apartment Im trying to acquire is not available by May and I might have to wait another 2-3mo then I expected him to be respectful and sign the "roommate release agreement" form that earlier he had refused to do. That would release me of any binding to the lease should I want to move out in the course of the new lease agreement. He was agreeable and did not give me any grief over it. Several days have since past and now Im seeing behaviors that disturb me. He acts like nothing ever happened. He seems really interested in being helpful, he communicates when before he did not. He almost seems happy or untouched by the heartache of the break up. The fact that Im not able to let go so easily is making it diffulcult to accept this all. Im misrable, lonely and feeling very scared about being all alone at my age. I read where the person who feels the least is in control and Im worried that he is in fact in control and I want to change those odds. But how?
  10. I read your story and it was so like mine I was in tears. Im the female of the relationship and after coming to terms with the fact my man did not want me and did not really love me romantically I ended our relationship. I felt why share a bed when no intimacy is being shared. Our relationship was on life support as it was and straining just to stay a float. We hardly saw one another and we shared even less time as a couple. In my opinion just because we slept together it didnt make it a committed relationship. I ended my long time standing 3yr living together relationship just two days ago. I stressed we'd be just friends for when we were just that we got along famously. But this time around its going to be odd for we share our living space where as before we did not. I cant use NC in this regard but can learn to ween myself off needing him by a strict personal dedication. We have separate bedrooms with no intimacy anymore. And I know that myself I hate that decision. Id rather would have had him at least sexually wanton and full of passion and desire. I made up my mind that Id treat him like long ago when we were great friends. I But Id still show him open affection like a hug or even a quick peck on the cheek. But for any sexual side, well its not going to happen. One thing Im finding hard to deal with is that Ive grown attached over the years and dependent on them for affection and attention and now by my choice its gone. I need to break the cycle of "neediness". Accept he is not ready for a relationship and move on. Be willing to let go and start focusing on me for a change. Find balance, devote to taking on a great and fun new project...even date new guys too. Acceptance of what's happened in my relationship is the hardest to cope with.
  11. I dont know why a man would reject initmacy when he agreed to rebuild and rekindle a relationship. In my own opinion its very upsetting to lie next to someone who has, quite literally, rejected your wish to be with them in the most profound and intimate way possible. If it had occurred once maybe even twice it could of been bearable, but its constant. Even if he didnt want sex as often as I do there are other ways to communicate to me Im still loved when we sleep side by side in the same bed. He could cuddle me close and hold me. He could touch me affectionately (not to be confused with sexual) like a gentle caress or rub my back. Simply touching me in some fashion thats non threatening and offers up the feeling of belonging and acceptance. The fact he has no interest to even try says it all. He's more interested in what he wants (or doesnt) and you can't fight that kind of narcissism. Its not right to minimize my needs then expect me to gush forth with affection to feed his.
  12. Im tied down to a lease agreement that I can not get out from under. Ive broken up with my guy about 4wks back and Im stuck there for the next 5 months. We decided in the heat of an emotionally charged talk to give it another try once more. That we loved and cared about the other still. But weeks later as I see it its not working out. I removed him this week from my bedroom and forced him into the spare room and into the twin bed. I felt I was too "available" and he lacked the drive or desire to make any changes and that I was doing all the work. My question is.."how do you inforce and use "NC" when your living together.?
  13. My situation currently is very simular. My guy and I broke it off about 2mos ago. Then in a heated and very emotionally charged talk we decided to give it another try. We hugged and kissed and told each other we cared and did not want to let go of the other. I felt on top of the world and began in ernest the "rekindling" of our once very sour relationship. But as things progressed I began to see something was just not right between us...we slept together just like before (we live together) but he was not as responsive, he would not cuddle me or hold me. He kept nearly a foot between us in a king size bed. Often he never aknowledge I even came to bed. I saw his back more often than any other part of his body! He was not showing any interest in sex and found several weak and lame excuses why he was not so passionate. Finally after weeks of this behavior and feeling islolated I took a deep breath and stood my ground and this past Sunday booted his hinnie out of the bedroom. I made him go bunk up in the spare room in the twin bed alone from now on. My theroy is: I agree with sleuth...sleeping together is not a commited relationship. If my guy loved me enough to want to rebuild our relationship then certain very obvious signs should exsist and rejection sexually and not showing affection is not one of them. In your case he is showing the sexual side but is choking on the commitment part. I had come to terms that my guy was not offering me what my heart truly wanted most and that no matter how much I gave or how much I worked at showing him the depth of my love, unless he too felt just as deeply it was never going to get off the ground. I had to admit to myself which is the hardest that he just did not love me. My pride would not allow him to remain in my bed under false pretenses so I made him leave. And its only been about 3days now but let me tell you what...I feel great! the stress and the pressure is gone. Now Ive commited myself to treating him with respect and kindness but I have removed the intimacy. I will not be easily "available" and this time around if he wants a relationship he is going to contribute and put forth some serious effort to show me I matter. So my advice to you is to stop being so easily "available" and make him take a stand on where you are in his life and in the relationship besides under him..
  14. There is a fine line between love and hate its called indifference and I believe I have reached it. After constant rejection and emotional abandonment you begin simply not to care or feel the desired responses to things that otheriwse you would. Me and my guy broke up a few months back. But somehow we came to the conclusion that we still loved, needed and wanted the other so we decided to go through a "rekindling period". This was supose to be a time of rebuilding our failing and sinking romance and a time to make strong our commitment to each other. But sadly the only one putting forth the effort was me. He shared my bed and bedroom and yet rarely touched me. He often kept at least a foot between us and never pursued sexual intimacy beyound his own needs. If I questioned this behavior he got hostile and loud screaming at me and such. So finally unable to take this anymore I removed him from my bed and removed all his personal effects as well. Now Im in a room free of any influence of him. I still live with him and have to per our lease agreement till May. My question is how do you practice "NC" successfully while still having to live with them?.
  15. After about a week of careful thought and consideration I decided to observe him and watch his behavior more closely and what I found was a guy who rarely touched me, never pursued sexual relations even on the weekends and who slept in my bed but kept nearly a foot between us. I decided then if he is cheating then so be it..if he is just a cold fish then let him swim in someone elses pond. Im tired of this mess. There is a fine line between love and hate its called indifference and I just dont care anymore what he does. I need peace of mind and closure so I removed him from my bedroom in the heat of an argument and made him bunk up in the spare room along with all of his personal effects in a twin bed. Im now going to look into using NC as I hear it used in here often. Im also still bound by our lease agreement so I cant leave till May but that doesnt mean I have to kiss his hinnie till then. So I will conduct my life in the townhome as if he is just my self centered, obnoxious roomie and yet still show him some measure of respect back that's given to me. Thanks everyone for your imput!
×
×
  • Create New...