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Foz

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  1. Foz
    leave it all up to her, she knows how you feel. She was the one who did the dumping so i would say let her have some space to make up her mind what it is she wants. She cant miss you if you are always around. Dont pick up every time she calls and if it is painful to be in contact with her tell her not to call for a couple of weeks as its confusing you! It is early days, after 5 weeks everything is still raw. let the dust settle and you will begin to think more clearly about things.
  2. Foz
    Hi there, I am nearly at the 6 month mark and it is impossible not to have some hope that they will come back, i think it is only natural. As for contact, in the beginning i desparately wanted to hear from my ex but because he broke up with me i didnt feel like i could ring him so i let him do the contacting. he rang after 3 weeks of being broken up and we met shortly after but i was a complete mess. he then didnt ring again for 6 weeks, again i was a mess after hearing from him. I met him after xmas and still cried but wasnt hysetrical. now i can talk to him without getting myself in a complete state but this is only after 6 months. I think NC helped at the start, even though it was hard. it helped because it created some distance between me and him and if i didnt see him i didnt hurt so much. Every time i met him or we talked i realised how much i was missing out on and i ended up a mess all over again. 6 months on, i still miss him and i still want him back but i am not a mess anymore and while it still hurts, it doesnt hurt as bad.. The hope is still there but one thing i do know is, i dont know does he feel the same, only he can tell me if we will get back together, second guessing his feelings is a waste of time. Whether you will get back together or not is not something that anyone who has read/heard your story will know. Only she knows but give her space to figure out what it is she wants. Chasing after her will make her run further away so give it some time. It is early days..
  3. Foz
    In my nostalgic mood last night I sent j a text cos there was a program on Bosnia since the war on. The background being we were in Croatia 4years ago and I insisted on driving to Sarajevo. he was scared as he thought there would be loads of unexploded land mines everywhere. Anyway it was a brilliant holiday and we had a cool time there and it was one of our best holidays ever. Anyway sent him a text saying "u watching tv.? program on about Bosnia, v interesting" and heard nothing till this morning. "just got your message now, I was asleep in my leaba (Irish for bed, a word I always use) I read a great book when I was away (name of book) you'd love it. how did job rese..." I sent a text back saying "end of your text was missing as per usual! saw results of race on net and noticed your name wasn't there, what happened? " Phone call 5 mins later and he was laughing saying I am the only one who doesn't get the end of his texts, started telling me all about the book, the town my mum lives in is mentioned in it so he started saying they were mentioning this pub that i had brought him too and he recognised people i had introduced him to in the book. Said he got back Monday and is back living in his mum's house and has started his new job and is doing 12 hour days, asked me how my interview had gone(job I applied for), told him it had gone well but I hadn't heard back so I didn't think I was going to get the job. He talked about the race and how disappointed he was that they didn't finish it and I said it was a remarkable achievement anyways and sure he could always go back next year to do it! He said he flew over Ayers Rock and it reminded him of all my photos of the Australian outback. Told him I didn't really have any news, just working and going to the gym. He asked me was I sleeping well, I said I was, he asked was his duvet keeping me warm (the one thing he did leave which I refused to give back to him), I told him I was snug as a bug in a rug! I asked him did he want to meet up, he said he would be "very keen to meet up", he said he was in meetings the next few days and only had Sunday off, I told him I was going to watch the rugby and then go to a concert on Sunday so told him to do his thing and give me a buzz when he was free. So there you go, god I love talking to him, part of me thinks maybe I shouldn't put the friendship being too painful for me bit in the letter cos I would miss the chats and maybe the more we meet the more he will realise what he is missing out on?? And if i clearly state that there is nothing i would love more than for us to get back together well then surely he will know that maybe friendship wont work without me having to say it!! I guess i dont really want to say i never want to hear from you again!!
  4. Foz
    I feel really depressed today, i have been composing a letter to the ex saying I love him, I miss him, I want him back but if all he wants is friendship then i cant do it as it is too painful for me. i do want him back but I really feel that he is not going to want to get back together with me and that the letter will be in vain. And I am scared because I know I will probably never see him again. I really don't think he cares about me the way I care about him. he is back from his trip since Tuesday and he hasn't bothered to contact me which again proves that I don't really enter his thoughts too much. Why I continue to love someone who obviously doesn't love me back is beyond me.. Its hard to imagine how my future is going to turn out as I thought it was with him and now that he has taken that away from me, I'm just lost.. It's nearly 6 months since he left now and still the feelings have not faded. I still want him and I am scared he does not want me and this is the end and all the hope that i had that we would get back together is gone. So why am i sending the letter?? Because i love him and i want to feel like i really fought for him even if it leads to more heartache..at least i will know i tried and it still wasnt enough and i can finally stop hoping, if that is possible!
  5. Foz
    tell us more than that!! What happened?? So are you officially back together?? How long was if off for?? And what alot of us want to know-how did you get him to come back??
  6. Foz
    wow, the difference between you and me is i would drop everything to meet him!! My ex is out of the country until the 22nd of feb so i wont have any updates for you until after then!! How can you stand the suspense of not seeing him until next week knowing that he misses you and thinks he made a mistake??
  7. Foz
    Hey katie, I am so sorry you feel so bad right now! i am in the same state of confusion as to what do the phone calls mean. The thing is only they know what the phone call means. We can try decipher what they mean but we will never know whether it means they want us back or they feel bad for breaking up with us and want to ease their guilty conscience. Some people say go back to NC and see if he keeps contacting you. What i am going to do is see if my ex contacts me again and if he does, meet up with him and give him a letter saying i still love him and want him back but if all he wants is friendship then i cant do it as it is too painful for me. The reason for the letter is he can read over it again and mull it over. If i say it, it requires an immediate response and i really want him to think about getting back with me and what it is he wants. Dont mind your sister 1 month is not enough time to be over someone!! Im at the 5 month mark and i still love my ex and want him back. It will take as much time as is needed to get over it!
  8. Foz
    Excellent post Snarfnaj. im at the 5 month mark and, although im better than i was a the 2-3 months mark, i still yearn for my ex and wish that we could get back together. Its tough and i still feel that no one knows me like he does and how only he can take away all the pain and well i still feel life was better when he was my partner!! im not doing too bad at NC either but he has recently started contacting me and confusing me again and making me miss him alot!! FOZ!
  9. Foz
    well that is what i would do but i desparately want my ex back so much that i probably wouldnt even go there with the how do you expect to re-enter my life so easily bit, but that is me, pathetic, would take him back no matter how much he has hurt me!! you sound a lot stronger than that. That is a good thing and probably far more attractive to you ex too!!
  10. Foz
    Go meet him and talk to him. Find out why he thinks he has made a mistake and how does he plan on rectifying the mistake!! Good luck!!
  11. Foz
    sent a text saying thanks, he replied with glad you liked them. Then a week later he phoned to tell me he got a new job and he was going to be out of the country for 3 weeks. I said congrats on the job, good luck with your trip and since then i have been confused out of my mind as to what it all means. Is this him trying to redeem himself in my eyes or is this crawling back. If all it is, is him trying to redeem himself, i wish he had stayed at NC as it was helping me heal. now im back to wondering does all the contact mean he wants me back when maybe it means nothing of the sort!
  12. Foz
    my ex broke up with me 5 months ago and i didnt ackowledge his birthday (beginning of Dec) or christmas and new years. But on my birthday( mid jan) he sent me a bunch of flowers and a card! Dont know what to make of that but there you go!
  13. Foz
    it's all very well to say be patient and be friendly but wouldnt i be a right fool to be his friend for a year in the hope that we might get back together and then him turn around after a year and tell me he was getting married to someone else or something like that. The reality is i still love him and the only reason i am meeting him and taking his calls is because i hope it will lead somewhere. If he were to tell me there is no hope of us getting back together and he just wants a friendship, i would tell him where to go with his friendship!! I will do nothing for the moment and let him do the contacting but i really have to stop him if i know it is going nowhere because if all it is is friendship on his part then its not worth the pain. I pop into his mind, he calls we have a nice chat and he hangs up and doesnt think of me again for 6 weeks & in the meantime im shedding tears and analysing everything he said on the phone and he isnt giving me a second thought cos he has no intention of getting back with me. I will just be reliable old Foz who he can call when he needs to hear that someone thinks he is great and loves him no matter what. And im not going to be that fool who boosts his ego the odd time i pop into his head. So i will see what happens over the next 6-8 weeks and then by march it will have been over between us for 6 months and he should bloody well have a good idea of what it is he wants and if all it is is friendship well i will just have to tell him, that i cant be his friend because i want more and wont settle for being just a friend and that will be that. He and i will then probably never see each other again. The other alternative is he comes back, says he still loves me, we get married and live happily ever after. What would the odds be on that??
  14. Foz
    As i am now in a state of utter confusion thanks to all the renewed contact from the ex, i would advise to only meet him if you are strong enough. I understand you want answers from him but you may not hear what you want to hear and that is why you need to be strong. if you are not ready for the worst case scenario then dont meet him yet and give it a bit more space!!
  15. Foz
    wow NC obviously makes him want to talk to you!!
  16. Foz
    well that is what i would do but i do know meeting up with my ex after a month and not getting the answers i wanted set me back and i had to do NC for quite a while after that to regain my composure again. If you are prepared for the fact that he may say he is happy with is decision and can cope with it then go for it. If not do NC until you are stronger!
  17. Foz
    if it is any consolation i thought i would never hear from my ex again and now i have heard from him once a week for the past 3 weeks. he has initiated all the contact. i too struggled with the no contact thing but i kept on focusing on the last phone call we had in november and how crap i felt afterwards and how i did not get the answers i wanted from him. That stopped me calling, emailing, texting until i finally got used to the fact that i would probably never hear from him again. that is till i got drunk 3 weeks ago and rang him and since then well he has been initiating quite a bit of contact which is confusing the living daylights out of me!! believe me, he will contact you again.
  18. Foz
    Dinner?? Ok unusual choice. I personally would not go to a restaurant with him for fear of bursting into tears and making a show of myself but if it is in his house and he is cooking for you then i would go and see what he has to say for himself. Once again remember i am a sucker for torturing myself so i dont know is my advice the best.
  19. Foz
    well what is he saying in the emails??
  20. Foz
    hi tryingtobestrong! Yes what your guy said to you is pretty similar to my situation! maybe it is some kind of crisis guys go through!! No i never checked the emails again because i was so distraught by what i had found out when i did check them. It really hurt to know he had had a one night stand with some french girl within 4 weeks of breaking up with me. At the time he was having his one night stand, i was on sleeping tablets, crying all the time and could not eat and me reading that in his emails nearly sent me over the edge. It really seemed like i meant nothing to him. In the space of 4 short weeks he had wiped me from his memory. he told me the last time we met that he wasnt seeing anyone and i left it at that as i didnt really want to know anymore. i do feel that me being friendly does help him feel not so guilty about what he did but unfortunately i just dont have it in me when i meet him to rant and rave and be angry. I am just my usual friendly self for a while and then i break down and cry in front of him. Im sure that makes him feel slightly guilty as i did get an apology from him last time we met. So why the sudden contact with me now after all these months?? Maybe because i was friendly he feels absolved and thinks that we can be friends? Or maybe he is beginnning to regret his decision?? Obviously i prefer to go with the latter because in my logic he could have just left things after our last meeting but instead, 5 days later he sends me flowers and then a week later phones me to tell me about his new job and the fact that he is going to be out of the country for 3 weeks. Really there was no need to keep up the contact after our last meeting. So what does it mean?? maybe i am fooling myself here because it is what i want to believe, all i do know is, it is confusing and has me thinking about him/us all over again. To be honest i am afraid to say anything to him as i am afraid he will say "no we are just friends, i thought you understood that" or something to that effect and i really dont want to hear that. In a way if that is all he wanted i wish he had not contacted me again! I really dont know what to do know!
  21. Foz
    yup when they start contacting you again, it confuses the hell out of you!! I ignored the first call but took all the others. Curiosity and a sense of "oh he wants to talk to me, maybe he still cares about me" made me take the calls. It hasn't led anywhere and maybe i have false hope now!! So maybe im not the best at giving advice on this subject but i took the calls and im even more confused now, when i was doing NC i was healing quite nicely, im not back at square one or anything like that but i am thinking that him initiating contact means something when maybe it doesnt mean what i think it does!!
  22. Foz
    Well Guys, This is just getting bizarre. He rang again on Saturday night to tell me he had got a new job and was very excited about it. He also wanted to tell me he was going to New Zealand the next day for 3 weeks to do some triathlon thing with a blind friend of his and was very nervous about it because his blind friend would be relying on him being his guide and if he failed, then he would fail his friend. 10 minute conversation, I said congrats on the job and good luck with the triathlon. My question is, is this him crawling back or testing the waters to see would i take him back or is it just being friendly?? He didnt have to ring me to tell me about his new job or the New Zealand thing but he did so what does that mean?? My head keeps telling me remember how he left, it was very final but my heart says remember he said "if i feel i made a mistake i wont be too proud to crawl back". Im not the one making contact he is, he didnt have to send me flowers on my birthday or ring before he left for New Zealand but he did so does that mean something??
  23. Foz
    you do sound remarkably strong considering what you are going through and if that is down to NC, then keep it up!! As regards wanting him to learn from his mistakes and wanting him to come back to you, that is normal, you love him and you want him back in your life! Everyone told me that NC is not about making him realise what he is missing out on, it's about allowing you heal. I didnt understand that for ages and i did NC in the hope that he would realise his mistake and come back. I do understand now that NC really did help me gain some strength back and by a strange twist of coincedence the ex is now making small bits of contact with me again. I dont know where it will lead, maybe it will lead nowhere but at least i have got to the stage where i know i will survive regardless of the outcome. Sure i still miss and love my ex and would love for us to get back together but if it doesnt happen, i know i will survive and that is down to, putting some distance between me and the ex in order to be able to heal on my own, in other words NC!
  24. Foz
    thanks for your replies guys! I am not going to get my hopes or anything like it, it is a strange twist of events but it could be just him trying to redeem himself in my eyes. He knows how i feel about him so there is no need for me to say it again, there will be no ultimatums either, i will just keep going as i have been going and will respond to him if he contacts me. If he is testing the waters to see if there is a chance of reconcilliation, it will take a little bit more than a bunch of flowers and a card. If he isnt testing the waters, he is obviously feeling bad about everything that happened and is trying to redeem himself or take some of the bitterness away. Another strange twist is that his Mum was in my Mum's home town ( they live 500 miles apart) on Tuesday night and she spotted my mum (they have met before), anyway she went looking for my mum but my mum had already left the hotel. Instead she found a friend of my mum's and proceeded to tell her that i had gone out with her son and it was all off and she was very upset and disappointed about it?? Anyway i sent him a text saying, "thanks a million for the flowers, they were beautiful. And thanks for remembering me today! Prefer people to think im 27 now, 30 sounds a bit too old". Got a reply saying "Glad you like them. I tcould be worse you could be 31. Hope you have a good day". And i am going to leave it at that!
  25. Foz
    The oddest thing has just happened, the ex hand delivered a bunch of flowers and a card to my place of work. I didnt see him but he left them in reception for me. Card reads "Im glad we met the other day, it was good to see you. I hope you have a great 30th and a great 2005. lots of love, j" In all the years i went out with him i got 3 bunches of flowers and they were never sent to my place of work!! Dont know what to make of this!!
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