moviestr

Are you responding to my post? Because I was agreeing with you that STDs are very common. The statistics I found on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that STDs are very common. I AGREE. I would never say that someone with an STD is a leper. And I am awake.

It may be difficult to categorize all stds into one group, but HPV, or genital warts, which is one of the most common stds, is very common. As of December 2003, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year. Check it out for yourself: cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/HPVInfo.htm

1.yes 2.yes

Thank you for your post curly183. I think it's high time we realize how common stds are and that we need to adapt to the changing world, which means understanding that it happens to everyone. STDs don't discriminate. . .anyone can be affected.

Those sound like two different questions. if I saw someone with a coldsore on their lips I wouldn't necessarily be repulsed. Besides, most people get cold sores in their mouths once and a while, and those are actually from a herpes strain. As for sleeping with somone with an STD, I don't know how I'd react. My best friend has an STD, and she's told me a lot about her situation, so I'd hope i'd be more sympathetic. STDs are more common than we think, so I don't think I could end a really important relationship just based on my partner having an STD.

That's a great date idea, but maybe for date number three or four. For a first date, try doing something active, where you can both interact--bowling, miniature-golfing, going to a park, etc.

It's bad because you are hurting yourself, and it hurts the people who care about you to see you doing that to yourself. Why do you feel the need to continue cutting yourself? What is it that you feel you can't verbalize that turns you to cutting? What does your twin say? Are you getting along with your dad now?

When I was fifteen I wanted to kill myself because I was so depressed and confused about who I was. Then I kept thinking about it and thought about how stupid an idea it was. Didn't I want to find out what would happen five years, ten years down the road? Well, I'm glad I decided to find out. . .it's nearly ten years later and I look at who I am today and I realize how much stronger I am and that I overcame the sadness and the frustration from people who put me down. As for these girls that you fall for, you can't expect to find your happiness in someone else. Happiness is what you will find for yourself. When you have the attitude that you aren't going to take anymore **** from anyone, people will see that changed attitude in you and be forced to respect you. As for the physical abuse, especially with your parents, you need to go to the police. Do you have a relative you can confide in? Maybe live with? Learn to accept what you have control over. You don't have control over other people's feelings, but you do have control over people learning to respect you. Once you respect yourself, people will see that you are stronger than they thought. But please, see a counselor and the police. Don't put up with this abuse anymore, and most of all, stop abusing yourself.

death_rider hello, How are you doing? Have you read my post? I wasn't sure if I was able to help in any way or not, so I found some links for you. Also, don't be afraid to talk to your parents about how you're feeling. You may also want to suggest talking to a counselor if you think it could help. link removed link removed link removed Most of these sites were created for parents, so keep that in mind, but they might give you an idea of what it's like through a divorce, and even many years later. Keep us posted.

There are many girls who go through the same agravation posed by men who are only interested in sex. . .so you see, there are girls who you will meet who will be interested in you for you. You're frustrated with life right now, but like someone else wrote, think about what you could be missing. Remember, life has its ups and downs. . .that's what it's all about. You feel down right now, but eventually you will feel "up" again. And besides, do you really want this girl to get the better of you by letting her determine your self worth? Have more respect for yourself! You are worth much more.

Hello, I can relate to what you posted because my parents are also divorced. They divorced when I was 2, and my father divroced for the second time when I was sixteen. I can only respond to what you've written because I don't know what else has been going on in your life. . . But your parents' divorce will always affect you. I'm twenty-four now, and I can state that with all honesty. Not to make you think that your future is ruined, because it isn't, but you will eventually need to accept that life is and will be different without them together. You didn't mention anything about the rest of your family--do you have siblings? If so, how have they reacted? Just because your parents are divorced doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship with each of them or with the rest of your family. Granted, you will experience conflict from time to time and there will likely be tension. Have you talked to anyone in your family about your feelings toward their divorce? Also, what is their relationship like now? Civil, uncivil, friendly, abusive, etc.? For now, I can't really write much else because I don't know your individual experience. Are you afraid that your parents' feelings towards you have changed? You should be rest-assured that they still love you, and that just because their feelings towards each other have changed doesn't mean their feelings towards you have changed. If you are fearful of that, you should express to them how you feel. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside isn't going to help you. I'm going to look up some websites at home and post them tomorrow that may be of some use to you. . .they're about children of divorce. Believe me, you will grow from this and be able to reach a happy state of mind. Divorce doesn't mean your life is over; you also have to understand that living a life with divorced parents will always affect you in some way, but you will have a future. . .you're already on the path to a good future if you're willing to talk about it now. One word of advice before I go: Don't agree to be the "spy" for either parent. Any problems they have with each other they need to discuss with each other, not with you. If you have a problem with either of them doing that or badmouthing the other one in front of you, tell them it bothers you. Don't be afraid to be vocal. Hope that helps a little. Maybe you could give a little more information so that I can give you more feedback.

I've read some interesting comments in regards to DrNick's suggestion that this site can become a crutch if one sticks around too long, but I think that just by reading others' posts and responses I am helped. Yes, I came onto the site after a painful breakup, but I've found discussions on other issues that have helped me reflect on and reevaluate my beliefs. I've also stuck around because now I feel the need to help others as I have been helped. And when you are offering advice to someone, whether they be older or younger, you are forced to articulate your thoughts and sometimes this allows you to improve your understanding of yourself. There's good and bad advice out there, no matter the age of the one responding, but what this forum offers is a place where you can get a very well-rounded group of opinions. If I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear, I would just go to my friends for solace, but if I come to the forum, I can get a more unbiased opinion. It's unfortunate, Ash, that you feel that if your opinion doesn't fall into the median, you are judged negatively. I would have to disagree, but I'm sure we have different experiences with this website. Maybe you could try another post when you're ready and see if anything has changed. We're all here to help. You must have stuck around this long for a reason, no? I do agree with you, though, when you say there'd be no one left to assist newcomers if we all decided to move on after healing from a difficult breakup.

I'm not sure if you're still looking for some input, but I read this post and thought it sounded a lot like me after I graduated college. It took me five years to finish because I had two majors and also studied abroad one year. After I graduated, I was suddenly confronted with the reality of not being able to find a good job. I couldn't find anything, let alone something related to the fields I studied. . .and I felt culture shock. I had been in school almost my entire life, and all of the sudden I was living life without school. I wasn't sure what my purpose was. The whole time I was in college I thought that after graduation I would be working somewhere where I would feel happy and secure, etc. But even with a college degree and some job experience, I had the hardest time finding anything. Eventually I found a job (unrelated to my field), and I had practically no responsibilities and hated it. But almost a year later I stopped waiting around for opportunities to come my way and I found something better. Then, I started questioning, again, what it was that I wanted out of life. After much soul-searching, I reevaluated my plans and dreams for the future. The point is, when you discover what it is that you hope to do for the world, and what you'd like to receive from the world, you will be much more at ease. Like some of the others have written, degrees, a nice lifestyle, and a wonderful girlfriend are not intended to supply you with happiness; you have to find your happinness first and then the rest will fall into place. Maybe you realize that you studied something that doesn't truly interest you. It doesn't mean that you can't change your mind now. Figure out what it is that you want to do, and then make the steps to realizing your dream.

Even if she doesn't have it and you somehow contracted it another way, she should get tested, but it's her choice, and you're not going to be able to do anything about it. You're probably sure that you got it from her and you want the confirmation to gain some peace of mind, but you should understand that her getting tested is going to be for her benefit. . .you can't expend so much energy worrying about who you contracted it from or trying to blame someone else. Of course it's unfair, but you'll be able to date again, and have sex, too. Just because you have an STD doesn't mean that you can't be intimate with someone again, it just means opening up to your partners, and always using protection. Right now, it may seem as though you hit a dead end road, but you'll have a future, don't worry. Another thing is that now you have the opportunity to take it slow and to really be able to get to know the person when you're dating someone new. Everyone faces rejection, whether or not they're dealing with an STD, and, honestly, there are just some people that aren't going to want to deal with that, but it's their decision and you'll just have to learn to respect it. There will eventually be someone who is willing to date you and become intimate with you despite the STD. My best friend who had an STD had a very serious relationship that lasted years and was intimate with her partner after she told him about it. Try not to focus on the negatives too much. . .I imagine it won't be easy all of the time, but things will get better.

I agree with kuhl--if you haven't seen a doctor by now, go ahead and see one. If it's left untreated it could cause you more problems; and sometimes when a person contracts a STD, they contract more than one. If you're afraid or embarrassed about seeing your doctor, you can go to a clinic like Planned Parenthood. As for confronting your ex, after you have medical confirmation, you could approach her by saying you have something important to discuss. You are probably looking for closure by wanting her to admit that she gave it to you, but she may very well choose to deny having it. I wouldn't worry about her friends or what she will think about you. Just tell her so that if she chooses to, she can get tested herself. You have to realize that she might always deny having it or having given it to you. Moving on might be the most challenging step in all of this. I have a friend who contracted an STD and she only told her closest friends and, of course, anyone she planned on getting involved with sexually. Having an STD is a stigma, and it's not very socially-accepted, but when you find the right person, they will be able to accept you for who you are. Just remember that it's important to tell your partner before sleeping with them, and to always wear a condom, since, if you have herpes you can pass it when you don't have any symptoms. Don't feel alone! Believe it or not, contracting an STD is probably more common than you think--millions of Americans contract STDs every year. Even though you are hurt and angry, eventually you have to try to focus on moving on and accepting yourself. That's the only way other people will. Good luck. If you want, you can p.m. me. -moviestr

Have you heard of rosacea (I don't know how to spell it)? This is a condition I don't know a lot about, but I know it causes redness on your face, especially on the cheek area. I think the only person who can really help you is a dermatologist. I also get red cheeks. My skin on my face is pinker than the skin on the rest of my body. . .I think it's weird, but my mom's side of my family is Dutch, and whenever I see them, I notice they all have it too. So, it could be hereditary. Again, only a dermatologist can answer your questions and be able to help you.

Look out the window and look around. . .see what it is that makes you happy, makes you laugh, and makes life worth living. Think about the positive aspects of yourself; everybody is unique and different and has a special purpose in life. Go out and do something. Distract yourself from negative thoughts by doing some activity. Do you have any hobbies? Do you play sports or exercise? What helps me feel good about myself and express myself and release tension, is dancing. I started taking a lot of classes and now I don't feel normal without them. Get lost in a book or a relxaing walk in nature. Hang out with friends or family. You didn't mention whether or not there was a specific event that has ignited your depression, but in any case, you can always seek counseling just to at least talk to someone face to face who won't judge you. Therapy can really help by allowing you to express yourself. Just hang in there, buddy. Anytime you need advice or just want to vent, you can seek out this forum. That's what it's for. -moviestr

Of course people recover from heartache experiences. Trust me, you are well on your way if you can find moments of joy and laughter while going through this. I am also recovering from a recent break, and I just have to remind myself to take it one day at a time. It's normal to feel sad or nostalgic, and only with time and the support of your friends will you be able to move on. . .so just be patient with yourself. Love is a difficult thing, but also a beautiful thing. I've recovered from a few tough breakups, so I know that it is possible to recover and move on. -moviestr

I'd really need more details to see what might have happened in your situation, but I know that when I lose interest in a conversation with a guy it is often because we don't have any common interests. -moviestr

If I were you I would see if I could get a restraining order on him. Do you have friends, or family that can help you, advise you, support you? You need somone close to you that will be by your side if your immediate family isn't helping to protect you. Other than that, I'm not sure how I can help you. This is a horrible situation that you are in, but if your family is not supporting and protecting you, than that is what the law is for. Good luck. I hope this helps.

WEll guys, I'm not going to say don't do it. . .but just make sure, JT, that the women you are sleeping with or intend on sleeping with don't get the impression that you are interested in something more than that, because you would be hurting other people only to try and help yourself heal. But, you know, women have needs to. Just because men sleep around without being interested in a relationship, doesn't mean that women can't or won't. Good luck on the healing process.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I just needed to hear what other people had to say. . .and after talking to my friends and hearing others' opinions, I have some more peace of mind. I think I realize now that not only did this man have no respect for me, but he obviously had some of his own insecurities and issues that have nothing to do with me. Even though we were dating for such a short time, the difficult thing is that I think I fell in love with him. Despite him being such a jerk as of recent, he was such a loving and affectionate man and he made me feel so good. Now I feel like crap, of course, but anyway, it is better that we're through. I was probably too confident and mature and ambitious for him anyway. For now, I just need to get out there and meet some people and try to recover as best as possible. It's hard starting over, but I think I learned some valuable lessons here. Also, I think I just need to demand a little more from others. I mean, it's okay to tell people what you want. I'm just going to try and not be so intimidated or fearful. Thanks so much for the advice!

You know, the hard thing about being in love is that you are willing to do anything for the other person, even if it's not necessarily good for yourself. Trust me, I know from experience. In fact, I am still in love with someone, but it's obvious that he doesn't share those feelings. I'd say that either way, your friends sound reasonable. Either get out there and meet some new people--it may not be as painful as it sounds-- and wait to get in touch with her again, or cut off all communication. Ask yourself what you really want from this relationship. If you end up getting back together, will you be happy? Will you excuse her immaturity and insecurities? She also sounds a little finicky or hasty in making her decisions. Think about what that could mean in the future. Then, if you still decide to contact her in the future, best of luck. But, hard as it may be to accept, I think she's already given you her answer. Trust me, I know what it's like to feel like you're losing the person you thought you'd end up with. . .it's devastating. But, again, what you need is some time and space to gain perspective, and go out on a couple dates with some other women. You might have a good time, and at least it will be a breath of fresh air.

I think you need time and space away from her in order to make any clear decisions. What do your friends tell you? My boyfriend and I just broke up and my friends have helped me a lot in sorting out what happened and why. It's hard to let go of someone you care about so much, but, again, think about the pattern of behavior. Furthermore, someone who can't be alone seems fairly insecure. You may love her, but you have to love yourself, too. Despite what this new guy in her life really represents, she may be too immature to be able to move forward with. Just be cautious if you decide to communicate with her again. You probably value your time and energy more than she does.

My problem is this: my boyfriend broke up with me without any explanation, but only called and said he wanted to talk. . .which sounded like he wanted to break up. We planned on meeting in person but he disappeared after that and turned his cell phone off so I couldn't talk to him. I feel cheated after having loved him so much and not receiving any explanation for why he wants to break up. I know this was probably for the better since he was over twenty years my senior, and we had broken up previously because he thought the age difference would pose too many problems in the future (even though it was he who had pursued me). I had contacted him after that and told him we couldn't predict the future. He agreed and we rekindled the relationship. Three weeks later he called as I mentioned above. I felt so offended by his actions that I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt and I went to his house to retrieve something of mine. When I arrived he made no apology for not calling and cutting off communication. He was rude and acted like he didn't care. So, I gave him the letter and left. I am just so hurt. I wonder if I did the right thing by not responding to his rudeness. Should I have yelled at him? When I see him again, should I act like everything is fine?