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Thread: I Can't Keep up with My Partner Mentally

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Itís about once a month that these feeling seem to consume you enough that you feel you need support.

    Ok.

    Letís own that.

    You arenít actively doing anything to change the trajectory of your relationship dynamic or your feelings.

    Ok.

    Letís own that.

    Look Iím not going to sit here and lie, Iím still feeling some type of way about you snapping at some of us for pointing this core issue out a few months back with the whole coworker fiasco, but it is what it is, at this point to pretend the elephant in the room isnít suffocating you would just be silly.

    Reassurance is a temporary fix as you Iím sure are starting to realize.

    If you want to continue on this road of monthly reassurances, it is your life.

    But own it.

    And recognize the limitations.

    The power of these hits of reassurance become less and less potent with time. This dynamic isnít sustainable if you arenít happy, and perpetual insecurity isnít happiness and who knows maybe it was always there and this relationship brought it to the surface, until you face the core issue here, you are chipping away at yourself

  2. #12
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    This again, OP? Really?

    At some point you have to actually do something about your underlying anxiety and insecurity beyond just creating threads on the same issue all the time. It's clearly not making a lick of difference.

  3. #13
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    You have posted this same type of thread multiple times. Either accept the situation or break up with him. Damn, this must be exhausting.

    Deal with your insecurities.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    That's a recurring question that keeps coming up. Which I don't know why, it has nothing to do with my post. I have not. Never have I stated I would. I would like to but we're taking our time to make that decision.

    And asking for others experience isn't the same thing, it offers a different perspective.
    What do you want from us? You have received many answers on this issue. Are you getting therapy?

  5.  

  6. 01-24-2020, 05:51 AM

  7. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He doesn't sound like the type who is looking for an equal. He also sounds a bit full of himself. Try no to be impressed this much by him, just yawn when he does this. People who pontificate this way tend to be the insecure ones.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    He is a total wiz. Heís definitely a wealth of information. Any topic could be brought up, from Greek Mythos, to politics, ANYTHING he can dive deep and make meaningful contributions to any conversation.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I, too think it has to do with how bad the problem is.

    If it's a couple subjects and the conversation peters out due to you not being able to contribute, then I don't see the issue. However, if this is the case on many subjects, then yes, you've got yourself a problem.

  9. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would say my husband and I have close to the same intelligence. He is smarter at some things and I am smarter at other things. For instance he could give you a blow by blow of any battle thatís ever happened on this planet me I could care less. I find war emotionally devastating. He was also raised in a very politically rabid family. Me, I know more about medical and mental health . I am very people smart and he is very not. We have very close to similar education levels but our careers are completely different. We can both have very complicated conversations with each other. The point is to learn from each other.

  10. #18
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I would say my husband and I have close to the same intelligence. He is smarter at some things and I am smarter at other things. For instance he could give you a blow by blow of any battle thatís ever happened on this planet me I could care less. I find war emotionally devastating. He was also raised in a very politically rabid family. Me, I know more about medical and mental health . I am very people smart and he is very not. We have very close to similar education levels but our careers are completely different. We can both have very complicated conversations with each other. The point is to learn from each other.
    I love this type of balancing -it makes so much sense! Yes for me personally I am most comfortable when I'm with a person who challenges me intellectually and mentally - but not where I don't feel comfortable around the person or comfortable in my own skin. I feel confident in my intelligence. I feel humble too. I know what I don't know and I own it. I know what is out of my grasp (math, ugh). My husband is a math whiz.

    I am writing this while agreeing with those who said - it's like you're constantly on eggshells generally so I don't know if it is helpful to give input on these specific examples

    But let's have fun and assume it would be helpful. If this was your only issue I would agree with Seraphim and Cherylyn and some others AND I would recommend that you ask yourself if you like being well read. Be very honest about that. I've been a total bookworm for almost 50 years. I love reading and I love being well read. So I read the New Yorker when I can (no you don't have to be from NY to enjoy the heck out of it), I read good fiction (and also some not so good) and good nonfiction. I read every day. I probably should read more. Try to keep up with non-horrifying current events. And I also will try to watch a bit of Star Trek (yes husband is a fan). I also surround myself with people who are intellectually curious and like to talk about more than our kids for example. A lot more. My work requires brain work a lot of the time. i love that- feels like a good workout on my brain. My mom is 85 and does sudoku to keep sharp and goes to lectures and a book club and took college classes the last 10 years.

    So ask yourself if you're willing to extend yourself in those areas - if it won't be enjoyable for you then don't do it and accept that it's not your thing. It's certainly not everyone's thing. But it's his thing and I bet if you delved into a topic you liked he might come along for the ride if he's truly intellectually curious. I like to learn new things all the time. Do you? Be honest. I have a friend who is heavily into a certain kind of Brazilian dance, another who is a lawyer but now has her own ceramics/pottery business, another who is starting a life coaching business - so they might love being intellectually curious but they also love working with their hands, challenging their bodies, being an entrepreneur, using emotional IQ. Find what you're into. See if that is compatible generally with him.

    But that's only if this isn't just another excuse for "why am I so insecure generally"

  11. #19
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    His response is that he knows what he needs. To love and be loved. He tells me that I provide him the love heís been wanting.
    - You are right - he is a very smart man indeed.

    So let him think tank with his genius friend, and date you. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

    Additionally, if you find someone better than you, that's a good thing. An asset is better than a liability.

    Everyone has their gifts. God does not respect any one person above another.

    Besides, you have the world's best aphrodisiac on your side, love - he loves you. Never underestimate the power of love.

  12. #20
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    My husband has an encyclopedic memory, so can discuss any historical fact and science tidbit for days...but when it comes to expressing himself emotionally, he can be mute a a wall.

    Lady, if he wanted someone just like himself, he'd be dating something just like itself, and it's not pretty. They don't want a historian - they want love and kindness and touch.

    I can't help your insecurities - they are a waste of your time, but if you want to know more, read some history books.

  13. 01-24-2020, 04:07 PM
    Reason
    Disrespectful/Flaming

  14. 01-24-2020, 04:09 PM
    Reason
    Reference to deleted post.

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