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Everything posted by ConfusedLady21

  1. Yes, I did. I went back to him, because I see the value in him and noticed the things I could improve on and I have. I've never been this serious about a partner before. When we have good times, they are lovely, and we are having less dramatic times now (maybe because I am taking antidepressants). My therapist thinks that I should date other people, because she states that my boyfriend is avoidant and has issues emotionally connecting. I don't want to give up on him. I've re-read my old post and responses on there. I realize that I have been and continue to be foolish. He's not a saint.
  2. Hey Enotalone, I am dating a man who can really come off as cold and uncaring sometimes. He has told me that he cares for me very deeply, but he doesn't love me yet because he is "emotionally slow". He mentions the only thing standing in the way between him and deeper feelings is time. We've been dating for about a year and a half and I just can't seem to get anywhere in our relationship. I've met his colleagues and I love his parents. I am craving for a deeper more intimate relationship with him. I open up to him about my feelings. I know that I love him. I will try to do things to keep
  3. Just logging in to say that the age difference is 8 years. And I actually share all of the information with my therapist. I don’t hide anything. I don’t lie. My therapist told me that it’s not a good idea to go back to him but I did anyway because he gave me the opportunity to. I though that I could maneuver my relationship with him while going to therapy. I have never left out any details about my relationship with him
  4. I don’t miss his lack of empathy. His stonewalling or his unwillingness to allow himself to feel. I don’t miss his white lies. I don’t miss the excuses he makes for his disrespectful lady friends. I don’t miss his unwillingness to compromise. I don’t miss his concealed yet obvious feelings for his ex. I don’t miss feeling unimportant and unloved. I don’t miss being dismissed when it’s a subject he doesn’t want to talk about. He never argued with me, but he WOULD be mean. I don’t miss his nitpicking. I don’t miss trying to live up to unreal expectations
  5. His company. His jokes. Him coming up behind me, grabbing my waist kissing me on the cheek while I’m cooking. I loved to hear him talk about subjects he was interested in, he was so sharp. I missed being included when his parents would visit. We’d all sit around and play cards over dinner. I miss going in grocery store trips and putting the food away together. Late night, the kid in him would come out and he’d want to roast s’mores on his kitchen stove top. I miss the little prank war we had going on for a bit there. I miss being held. I miss our nights in. I miss going down to AZ and hanging
  6. No. I was honest with him. I asked him if he wanted this and why he brought me around a second time. He said that he saw something in our relationship and he wanted a future with me. He said that. I latched on your the possibility... I cry every day.
  7. Honestly I’m very hurt. I haven’t been able to eat for days. Love doesn’t fade because someone doesn’t love you back. It all stings. He loves her. I asked him while we were in our relationship if he just wanted to be friends... because if he doesn’t love me by now, he probably never will... and he told me that he wanted a relationship with me, so I stayed because that’s what I wanted. And I waited hoping that we’d grow closer and stronger our second time around
  8. I don’t think I’m the smartest person in the room nor have I ever claimed that. I was nervous around my ex because I viewed him to be smarter than me.. you’re looking further into this than need be. But I appreciate your feedback
  9. I’m reading all responses. Sorry if I have t responded directly to your answers... And to address someone’s comment earlier. Ever heard of this saying? If you’re the smarter person on the room, you’re with the wrong people. Well I feel that way. I want to be surrounded by intellectuals to learn from them. Not because I think I’m better than other people.
  10. He told me that he was broken up with her for 3 months and I felt insecure then. I had to find out on my own that he was actually left her and got with me right away
  11. And honestly, I am inexperienced with dating and I have a ton of issues myself. I have helped on here before on situations I felt like I COULD help with. I usually don't have an answer. I don't know what to do or say in their situation. People want advice just like I do, and just because I am not frequent flyer like a lot of you on here does not mean that I don't want to help
  12. I purposely keep my distance now. Everyone talks to one another at work and I am the quiet one because the moment I see a little turbulence I retreat in my shell like a turtle. I am nervous and really don't know what to talk about since I don't watch tv or go out as much. I go to lunch by myself. I go home and stay by myself. I don't want to be this way. I'm just extremely nervous now til the point my palms sweat and I get a lump in my throat. People automatically test me because they think I would be a popular girl. They would not think that I am as nervous as I am.
  13. I have helped people on here before and reddit I've been trying to go back to volunteer helping the homeless, but theyre not accepting help anymore because of covid. I am not a bad person. I am a shy person and I stay to myself now. I know you guys don't know me. But I go out of my way to help people. I give money I don't have. I had a girlfriend who had her man leave her high and dry with kids. I bought her clothes, did her resume, paid her light bill, put diapers on her babies, helped with groceries. Drove her back and forth to interviews. I never asked for a dime back because we were g
  14. I am familiar with confirmation bias. I understand that there might be a bit of paranoia. But I SEE people ACTIVELY going out of their way to hurt me or throw me under the bus in work situations when all I have been was nice, open and understanding until they give me a reason not to be. I have been in a situation with being in training with 10+ people not once but TWICE where they have invited the entire classroom out but excluded me. This job that I am now actually did the same thing. And they all had an individual group chat so that they can arrange where they wanted to meet up without discu
  15. Omg, I am not leaving gay people out. I don't think they are a different species. I am simply saying. Women are catty, men want sex. And the gay men that I want to be friends didn't like me either. I am just giving you the full picture.
  16. I'm just responding to everyone at this point I go to a therapist for my personal growth. Not just because I want to talk about my failed relationship. I hear my therapist. I don't lie to her because I pay her and I want to be a better person. I kept what she said in mind, but I still stayed with my ex because he gave me a way in and I did not want to to deny the man I wanted. I was weak, everything I ever shown him was week. I am embarrassed about that as well. Early in our relationship I was strong enough to tell him I wasnt ready for a relationship but he insisted which made me feel li
  17. I have gone out of my way (before covid happened, before my ex happened) to be included in things that I enjoy. I tried getting involved in an indie film because I love acting. I was in a room surrounded by people who like the same thing that I do. However, I felt uncomfortable and out of place. I come across as an oddball. One girl almost called me weird before she caught herself and said something else. The gay makeup artist did not want to do my make up and saved me for last. In fact he refused to do my face and had an inexperienced girl make me up instead. I tried to go back out into ne
  18. Everything my therapist recommended to me is closed right now. Toastmates? it's virtual. School? I reached out a number of times over and over. Finally someone emailed me and it was too close to the deadline to go...I struggle with making friends now. I don't find myself as interesting now that I am not working on a business. I am a very lonely person. And it's not like I don't want to connect, I am somewhat afraid to. I have issues making new friends. Which is part of the reason I admired my ex. He's strong at making connections. He get's around people and he's right at home. Meanwhile, I've
  19. I am at work now so my responses aren't as quick. But I am able to read responses. Thanks again..
  20. @ Rose Mosse- Thank you. He didn't appear to be as dysfunctional as I am. He would always told me that if I were to just calm down and be myself, things would be fine between us and he would get disappointed in me when I would react. He'd ask for space, I wouldn't give it to him. I just did everything wrong. He asked me the same question that you did. I accepted him. Flaws and all. I accepted that he didn't love me. I accepted that he's not necessarily the nicest person but even with his flaws, I still loved him.
  21. My apologies for responding out of order. I am reading all of your responses and all of you have really good points and I know you are right. I'm on here because this community acts as a comfort when I need to spill my feelings and get a dose of reality. Especially since many of you have read the problems of many. @hollyj- I am aware that he was quickly made to be a major part of my life. When we broke up and even when we even got together, I told myself that he is no longer going to be my life. This time around, I tried not to be so available. I have gone on meetup and right now, there
  22. @ Hollyj- Honestly, no. I didn’t have a social life. I did at one point but I was at a low point. My therapist states that I have purposely self isolated because of past let down from friends and business clients. Even at work I didn’t connect, I stayed to myself. But then he came around and swept me off my feet. Made me feel like I was on cloud 9. Introduced me to family and friends. He made me feel important. He knew I was lonely. I noticed that when we broke up he had a lot of acquaintances asking him if was okay or if he wanted to go out (via text), I had no one. I really would love to
  23. @ Dias - yes I’m in therapy. I’ve avoided red flags, and advice from therapists and friends because I made excuses for him. I told myself that they didn’t know him like I did. And sometimes he could be reassuring. I ignored it all because I loved him.. but deep down with my mind I saw him and I ignored all of the painful facts hoping that we could move past it all. Yes, right now I’m spinning. He’s not my life. I missed my deadline to get back into school but next semester is in January so I’ll be ready for that. I’m trying to live my own life but I’m sad and unmotivated and ultimately not hap
  24. @ boltnrun - one of the things I could have done different is handle things through grace no matter how much it hurts. I knew not to call him and argue with him while he was with friends... or drive other there to see him when he didn’t want me to. I drug out or break up again because I knew it was our last time seeing each other again for a while and a part of me just didn’t want to leave. I was thinking that maybe if I handled things better, he’d warm up to me and maybe even love me back one day. Just a fraction of how much I love him. I didn’t mind waiting. I’ve struggled with feelings of s
  25. We are all working from home now. But eventually I’m going to see him in office. Am I a fool for hoping that one day he’ll come around again? I see the things I could have done different...
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