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ThatwasThen

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ThatwasThen last won the day on April 1 2020

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  1. They switched partners. She married the husband of the woman that had an affair with her husband.
  2. What? How did she have your contact information? Did you know her? Sorry all of this has happened to you.
  3. ... and yet another reason to break up with him. He refuses to see a medical professional to help him be a good partner. He'd rather wank to some online floozies then be responsible for his own health. Being "too embarrassed" to talk to a medical professional is reason enough to dump him. Be glad you have decided to move on. You will stop missing him in time and you'll be better off for it.
  4. I suspect that he will be searching out visual aids to help him masturbate as long as he's not getting actual sex from you or anyone else. There's that and there is also a possibility that he has become addicted to what he does and he will never stop it. You broke up with him every time you snooped (or otherwise found out) so if you think logically about this, rather than with your emotions of missing your contact with him, do you really think that hashing it out with him again is in your best interests for the long term? Logically speaking, do you? My advice: You're hurting now but you will soon get over that with zero contact and with accepting that you've done the right thing by breaking up with him. Stay n/c and soon enough you will get to that blissful stage of indifference to him.
  5. This is called trying to control while failing at it which has manifested in you being frustrated at your own failure to fix him. You NEED therapy with a therapist proficient in codependency issues so seek one with knowledge in such, (continue on with your psychiatrist regarding your BPD) you also would do well with the help of a group (such as Alanon) to help you with your codependency. You might also try reading up on "Nurturing Your Inner Child" because its clear that you had little to no nurturing as you had to be the adult to your alcoholic father. Stop worrying about what happened with the current alcoholic in your life and instead concentrate on getting past your codependent nature and how to learn to love and nurture yourself. You can't fix anyone but yourself so work on you and start to feel the relief of fixing someone that you have 100% control over fixing ~ yourself. No you wouldn't... all you did was postpone the issues for a wee while but they always came back.
  6. It is if that is the dynamic you two relate in a as rule.
  7. Well, take a look at the relationship history of Shania Twain her ex and her new husband and his wife. They seemed to have worked it all out. Does she even want to date you or are you just wishful thinking at this point?
  8. IMO... He's well on his way to being in a reciprocal emotional affair. Ask him to bring her over for a drink so you can meet her too, (might have to wait until social distancing is over with) that if she's just a friend, then you'd like to be included... then see what he has to say. Then let us know. In the meantime, google "Emotional Affair" and educate yourself... highlight anything that applies and if he denies your request to meet her, then start showing him what you've found and how these affairs can end up playing out. I'm surprised that he is even still at work. Does he work in a business that has been mandated as an essential service?
  9. Because you're the one that is feeling slighted in some way?
  10. A good time to tell him that you're not interested in having a relationship with a guy that doesn't have proper child custody and child support in place. Does he live on the streets? Why did he have to go to her house to see his kid? Words without actions to back them up are just words. You may have acknowledged that you were to blame for "believing him" but you've not acknowledged your own ignoring of the red flags nor have you been very open to learning about why you find yourself with d-bags for lovers. Until you learn to forgive yourself for volunteering to be with a d-bag and stop looking at yourself as a victim who was "played" you will have a hard time moving on from this and you'll not have learned anything to keep you safe from future d-bags.
  11. Did her sneering at you start after you reported the pot smoker or was it going on before that? Did you go to her first about the pot smoker or did you immediately go over your managers head?
  12. He didn't lie to you... You lied to you. He told you he was off and on with her. They have child together. You didn't even consider the dangers of being with a man with his ex dynamic. Foolish on your part, luv. If you're not going to listen to good advice, just because it doesn't go with your own narrative swirling around in your head then you're always going to end up thinking you're a victim when in reality, your a volunteer for what you end up with. Try not to be so defensive and listen and self reflect on your own behaviour regarding your so far, failed love life. Sure, he's a jerk but you're not taking any responsibility for your own emotional well being or your lack of boundaries when it comes to men. That saying once again is: "You are what you eat." They have a child together. He will never be done with her particularly when you know that they have been off and on. He's still emotionally connected to her somehow. If he wasn't then the "off" and the "done for good" would mean that he never went back to her. He would have broken up, made custody arrangements where he gets the kid at his place (not hers) and child support was in place and being paid. You ignored all the red flags that a man in this ex dynamic displays. You don't believe guys like him... you forsake them.
  13. Not meant to be rude of insensitive... just something for you to think about. You ignored a very fundamental red flag to be with this guy so ask yourself why you would do that and then work on that. It will be the beginning of you not falling for garbage men that you say you are sick of being with. Nothing rude about trying to teach you to change YOU rather than hoping who you get with will change. The saying "You are what you eat" is relevant in this situation. Worth repeating.
  14. All of THIS should have been your warning sign... not his tatoo that you would only have seen if you schtuuped. The very fact that they "break up often" also means that they tend to get back together just as often. Common sense, No? Just to state the obvious and not to be mean... The common denominator here is you. Learn to read read flags... like the one I quoted for example and quickly get away from men who often get back with their ex.
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