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About ConfusedLady21

  • Birthday 09/23/1992

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  1. Yes, I did. I went back to him, because I see the value in him and noticed the things I could improve on and I have. I've never been this serious about a partner before. When we have good times, they are lovely, and we are having less dramatic times now (maybe because I am taking antidepressants). My therapist thinks that I should date other people, because she states that my boyfriend is avoidant and has issues emotionally connecting. I don't want to give up on him. I've re-read my old post and responses on there. I realize that I have been and continue to be foolish. He's not a saint. Neither am I, but saying goodbye is so hard. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I just want to exhaust all options first for a slim chance that maybe we might work..
  2. Hey Enotalone, I am dating a man who can really come off as cold and uncaring sometimes. He has told me that he cares for me very deeply, but he doesn't love me yet because he is "emotionally slow". He mentions the only thing standing in the way between him and deeper feelings is time. We've been dating for about a year and a half and I just can't seem to get anywhere in our relationship. I've met his colleagues and I love his parents. I am craving for a deeper more intimate relationship with him. I open up to him about my feelings. I know that I love him. I will try to do things to keep him in mind, like bake him dessert. I made his favorite cookies from scratch and he could not see the sentiment behind it. The fact that I think about him, and I want to make him happy. The cookies were a token of my appreciation, a symbol of my love. To him, it's "just a cookie" and there is "nothing special about anything or anyone". So, I find it sad that I will never be "special" to him, and his response is that at least, I will be his. Which is nothing more than possession. I am not trying to annoy or irritate my partner, but I feel we need to have conversations to form a more intimate bond. Conversations about feelings... and this makes him very uncomfortable. If I try to calmly talk to him about how he hurt my feelings or upset me about something (the cookie situation), he'll shrug it off and tell me he did nothing wrong. I have been having strong feelings of doubt about us, but I really REALLY love him. We've made it this far. I don't want him out of my life. It's so hard to get him to open up. And I am feeling like there is something wrong with me. I wonder if is something about me, or about our chemistry that's preventing him from loving me, opening up to me. What can I do to communicate effectively and understand someone who is emotionally available? Navigating these waters are hard and difficult, but I want to try to make things work.
  3. Just logging in to say that the age difference is 8 years. And I actually share all of the information with my therapist. I don’t hide anything. I don’t lie. My therapist told me that it’s not a good idea to go back to him but I did anyway because he gave me the opportunity to. I though that I could maneuver my relationship with him while going to therapy. I have never left out any details about my relationship with him
  4. I don’t miss his lack of empathy. His stonewalling or his unwillingness to allow himself to feel. I don’t miss his white lies. I don’t miss the excuses he makes for his disrespectful lady friends. I don’t miss his unwillingness to compromise. I don’t miss his concealed yet obvious feelings for his ex. I don’t miss feeling unimportant and unloved. I don’t miss being dismissed when it’s a subject he doesn’t want to talk about. He never argued with me, but he WOULD be mean. I don’t miss his nitpicking. I don’t miss trying to live up to unreal expectations
  5. His company. His jokes. Him coming up behind me, grabbing my waist kissing me on the cheek while I’m cooking. I loved to hear him talk about subjects he was interested in, he was so sharp. I missed being included when his parents would visit. We’d all sit around and play cards over dinner. I miss going in grocery store trips and putting the food away together. Late night, the kid in him would come out and he’d want to roast s’mores on his kitchen stove top. I miss the little prank war we had going on for a bit there. I miss being held. I miss our nights in. I miss going down to AZ and hanging out with his family. Loving him was different... I know these are things that sounds so childish and not even important... but to be accepted by someone I adored was nice. He’d chat about philosophy and I’d give my take on it, but he was more well versed in the subject. I learned a lot from him.
  6. No. I was honest with him. I asked him if he wanted this and why he brought me around a second time. He said that he saw something in our relationship and he wanted a future with me. He said that. I latched on your the possibility... I cry every day.
  7. Honestly I’m very hurt. I haven’t been able to eat for days. Love doesn’t fade because someone doesn’t love you back. It all stings. He loves her. I asked him while we were in our relationship if he just wanted to be friends... because if he doesn’t love me by now, he probably never will... and he told me that he wanted a relationship with me, so I stayed because that’s what I wanted. And I waited hoping that we’d grow closer and stronger our second time around
  8. I don’t think I’m the smartest person in the room nor have I ever claimed that. I was nervous around my ex because I viewed him to be smarter than me.. you’re looking further into this than need be. But I appreciate your feedback
  9. I’m reading all responses. Sorry if I have t responded directly to your answers... And to address someone’s comment earlier. Ever heard of this saying? If you’re the smarter person on the room, you’re with the wrong people. Well I feel that way. I want to be surrounded by intellectuals to learn from them. Not because I think I’m better than other people.
  10. He told me that he was broken up with her for 3 months and I felt insecure then. I had to find out on my own that he was actually left her and got with me right away
  11. And honestly, I am inexperienced with dating and I have a ton of issues myself. I have helped on here before on situations I felt like I COULD help with. I usually don't have an answer. I don't know what to do or say in their situation. People want advice just like I do, and just because I am not frequent flyer like a lot of you on here does not mean that I don't want to help
  12. I purposely keep my distance now. Everyone talks to one another at work and I am the quiet one because the moment I see a little turbulence I retreat in my shell like a turtle. I am nervous and really don't know what to talk about since I don't watch tv or go out as much. I go to lunch by myself. I go home and stay by myself. I don't want to be this way. I'm just extremely nervous now til the point my palms sweat and I get a lump in my throat. People automatically test me because they think I would be a popular girl. They would not think that I am as nervous as I am.
  13. I have helped people on here before and reddit I've been trying to go back to volunteer helping the homeless, but theyre not accepting help anymore because of covid. I am not a bad person. I am a shy person and I stay to myself now. I know you guys don't know me. But I go out of my way to help people. I give money I don't have. I had a girlfriend who had her man leave her high and dry with kids. I bought her clothes, did her resume, paid her light bill, put diapers on her babies, helped with groceries. Drove her back and forth to interviews. I never asked for a dime back because we were girls and that's what friends do. The one moment I needed her she let me down big time. I won't go into those details. I have friends who messaged me and asked me for money. I didn't want to give the money I had because I was trying to save for myself, but I did anyway and he didn't pay me back just like imagined.
  14. I am familiar with confirmation bias. I understand that there might be a bit of paranoia. But I SEE people ACTIVELY going out of their way to hurt me or throw me under the bus in work situations when all I have been was nice, open and understanding until they give me a reason not to be. I have been in a situation with being in training with 10+ people not once but TWICE where they have invited the entire classroom out but excluded me. This job that I am now actually did the same thing. And they all had an individual group chat so that they can arrange where they wanted to meet up without discussing it in front of people they didn't invite. I can understand where you are coming from. But the evidence is just so strong... something is a miss. Anyway, I know at this point i am just complaining. I do feel low, I don't like myself. I have no friends. My sister and brother don't even include me. Haven't talked to dad, next month marks 11 years. I try to connect with my mom but getting her to go out and spend time with me is like pulling teeth. I don't have people in my corner. No one. Why is it that in my late 20s I have no one? I am kind and empathetic. I am not a gossip girl. I don't live for the drama. I don't think there is anything wrong with me until I keep going through bad waves with people and I don't know why. I appreciate you all trying to help and as always its appreciated that you all have responded... because i literally have no one else to talk to. I am a lone wolf. And this break up makes me feel it all over again. Just hurts more now because I loved him more than anyone that I've been with. Idk, thanks guys. I don't want to drag this out..
  15. Omg, I am not leaving gay people out. I don't think they are a different species. I am simply saying. Women are catty, men want sex. And the gay men that I want to be friends didn't like me either. I am just giving you the full picture.
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