Jump to content

Skeptic76

Gold Member
  • Posts

    588
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    5

Everything posted by Skeptic76

  1. Sounds eerily similar to when I lost my mom 7 years ago this month. It was really hard for the first couple years, but these days when I think of her it’s usually with a smile and a chuckle, or that deep, warm love feeling and gratitude. Of course I still miss her and occasionally have a good cry, but it definitely gets easier. All she gave you is evident in the way you parent your children and conduct your relationships at home, work and so on... pass the best parts on and make her proud! All the best
  2. It seems like it was a good relationship, but if you aren’t okay with your partner watching pornography this might not be a good match? Of course being called “a pain in the ass” would hurt someone’s feelings, but you’ve never complained about him? The thing about venting to friends who don’t know you doesn’t seem too bad to me...better than poisoning the well with mutual friends. Seems like what he was DOING spoke louder than a hurtful remark he made, or how he spent alone time (if it wasn’t impacting your sex life?) That said you have every right to choose a partner who doesn’t watch pornography.
  3. I can understand what you are saying, but as a guy who is intentionally sterile (vasectomy) I can’t relate. It seems like you are the only one who is judging yourself as inferior? If other people are determining what it means to be a man for you then that’s the problem. You are the only person who gets to judge what it means to be you and how you should live your life. You can’t judge your insides by other people’s outsides. There are so many women who don’t want kids; if what you are looking for is a solid relationship then they should be your dating pool.
  4. I won’t pretend to know what’s best for you, but when I found myself in a similar situation I chose to leave the marriage and started my life over from scratch. Everything you’re saying about the hardships of divorce is true. Everyone hurts and finances are shot. The saying is “It’s cheaper to keep ‘er.” The other saying is that “divorce is so expensive because it’s WORTH IT.” I separated in 2013 and even though it was insanely painful I would do it all again. I took time away from dating and relationships to heal and learn to love myself. The insight and security I got from that experience has repaid the initial pain tenfold. Just my own path there...only you know what’s best for you. Best wishes!
  5. Personally I don’t see any reason to blow up the relationship over anything you’ve written. If you stay with him then you need to decide if it would be healthier to give him the benefit of the doubt, or to obsess and ruminate.
  6. It will only be “it” when you are no longer willing to tolerate his manipulative break ups.
  7. She went to his house drunk to “sober up” instead of coming home? That isn’t just dancing. Just dancing happens on the dance floor and then it’s over. Based on my own years on this earth and my own travels, there is no way I would trust that situation to be free from mutual desire.
  8. She’s your ex. You didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her - let her manage her own feelings. And I agree with the other with other sentiments About staying off of OLD for a while until you get your feet u see you again.
  9. She had an affair. We couldn’t get past it. I also got sober two years before the divorce and she had a drinking problem so that creates a significant rift too. In my own case I am very glad we split up. She ended up getting sober to get me back, and even though we didn’t reconcile she remains sober to this day so that was a positive. Also the kids stopped being exposed to horrible fights. I was forced to truly “find myself” and so I’m a much happier person today and that was a big positive. We get along fine as co-parents and I would make the same choice if I had it to do again, despite the pain we all had to go through to get to “well.”
  10. I’m another man who behaved as your husband did. The third time I filed for divorce was the time that it “stuck.” We have been divorced for seven years now. Although the divorce was the worst pain I ever went through: my kids, my ex wife and myself are all happier now. I understand about the doom and gloom fear about “who would ever want me now?” I knew that financially I would be starting over from square one, single father, I have an STD, yadda, yadda, yadda... Like you I decided not to do any dating right off the bat. You’re smart for that. I took a year to be by myself and focus on my parenting and my healing. That helped SO much. Therapy, self-care and doing everything I could to be the best father I could possibly be were places to take my mind and be “productive” or positive when the pain was crushing me. As a result, I was a far more secure and confident person “on the other side.” I healed and GREW so much. And guess what, dating is actually fun and interesting WHEN YOU ARE READY for it! Plenty of great, single men are family oriented and in your age bracket. My experience is that if you want to find love after divorce, then you can make healthy choices along the way that will enable you to enjoy that. Don’t beat yourself up for staying in the marriage past the expiration date, and don’t feel guilty for making a difficult, but ultimately positive choice for yourself and your children. All the best!
  11. You’re having the worst night ever - I am so sorry. Good for you for posting before making any decisions. That is a wise move. As somebody who made many “cry for help” threats and actually failed one genuine suicide suicide attempt I wanted to let you know that you're not alone...and if you want to talk to somebody 800-273-TALK is 24/7 and anonymous. My life today is more full and wonderful than I EVER could have imagined when I was on the brink and I genuinely believe yours can be too. All my love.
  12. I’d move out toot sweet and try my best not to be punitive or passive aggressive about it. Like a “cheerful your loss” kind of attitude as best as I could muster. I’d likely continue dating her, albeit with a WAY dialed back approach. I’d be hopeful that she would keep on wanting to see me but totally prepared for a fizzle-out and dignified exit. Good luck man
  13. Haha, manipulators gon manipulate.
  14. If you have to ask if your behavior is inappropriate, it is.
  15. You can make a conscious choice to be secure, rather than mistrustful while he goes on vacation.
  16. Are you exclusive with him? I think actions speak louder than words and you probably already know what direction it’s going...if you had to guess what would you say his goal with you is? Depending on the answer you come up with I’m personally a believer of getting vulnerable and saying honestly and openly how *I* feel about somebody/what I want before I ask them what their thoughts are. Seems to open people up and put them at ease when I go first, and they feel less like they’re being put on the spot? I’m sure you will get some really good advice and I wish you the best of luck!
  17. Shave your head, you’ll look tough af ;) Seriously though, sounds like you’re handling your business and staying open to life lessons, good on you!
  18. Man, breakups suck. Even the ones that are overdue or right on time...no bueno. Don’t make choices out of fear. You’re not too old to have a family (generally a healthy man can be virile well into his 60’s.) You have serious self-diagnosed compatibility issues with this woman, so the fear of not finding somebody better suited for you to date seems illogical. As far as what she does, well that’s truly none of your business anymore. Yes, she will sleep with somebody else. So will you. And frankly unless she was the one who chose the “things she still needs to work on” you mentioned in the OP then they aren’t really things she needs to work on. In other words you do you, and stay in your lane. It’s not your place to determine where other people need to improve. You keep your side of the street clean and if you can’t accept someone as they are then don’t make a project out of them, just relate to them (or cut relations with them) accordingly. Your fear of being alone (it is painful at first, but not dangerous) Can be transformed into an opportunity to enjoy yourself regardless of your dating status. It will help you land that perfect mate to work through the discomfort to a place where you don’t “need” somebody for yourself...but want somebody to share your awesome self with haha. It sounds from the outside like you’re experiencing some second guessing and painful adjustment which is absolutely normal, though no fun. You’re well spoken and apparently prosperous and generous...you will get through to the other side and profit from the experience if you hang in there!! Keep on keeping on man. Best wishes!
  19. Are you under some sort of pressure from an ultimatum? Why is it “now...commitment time” in regards to living together?
  20. As a sensitive person myself I can testify that it’s a blessing and a curse. My daughter was once beating herself up for being very emotional and from out of nowhere I thought of this analogy: In the realm of scientific instruments, the most expensive devices are always the most sensitive ones. They pick up more information than other less sensitive instruments. This information can be extremely useful! She liked that. But these tools must also be handled with care because they can be delicate, or thrown out of adjustment if not handled properly. Not everyone is sensitive and appreciates the added information you are aware of...not everyone uses precision tools like you have so they simply aren’t aware that these tools require special care; it’s not that they don’t care about you, it’s that they simply don’t have a need to maintain specialized equipment so they can’t understand why you can’t just go banging around with your oscilloscope as if it were a hammer or a maglite flashlight. The trick is knowing it’s up to us to be able to reap the benefits of sensitivity by learning to carry ourselves in a manner that protects the equipment without forcing everyone around us to walk on eggshells. We don’t ask bricklayers to care for the lab microscope, no? So daily calibration helps me...I like to do a reading that resonates with me on a deep level each morning and then meditate for 10-20 min. Knowing when to keep my emotional array folded up and go into “business only” mode (you will never see me cry talking to a mechanic for example) is very helpful too. In other words I am learning how to give people just enough of me, and not to make them uncomfortable by opening up more than they can stomach...but I have that depth if and when it will be helpful... Making a deal with my heart to “feel it fully later on.” When something really gets to me I will think to myself “heart, we can’t do this right now. Tonight at 9:30 after the kids are in bed we can come back and revisit this and feel it all the way through, but I need you to let it go for now, thanks.” And I follow through with some quiet reflection time that night. It probably sounds super dumb (well it sounded dumb to me when I first heard about it anyway,) but it works like a CHARM for getting through challenging social situations. And guess what, if I do get emotional despite myself and it makes somebody else uncomfortable? That sounds like a THEM problem lol. Your discomfort is your issue and you get to choose what to do about it. Helps weed some non-compatible people from my day to day life haha.
  21. I’m so glad I’m old. Dude, there is WAY better waiting for you out there when this ends. Don’t get me wrong, I remember being in my twenties and raw animal attraction being everything (it’s still an important factor for my relationships.) But if you always strive to grow and improve yourself, you will attract a woman with character to match the Level of chemistry you feel together. You will absolutely refuse to tolerate behavior like the woman you’re with now has exhibited and you will know better than to try to change someone. You will dodge a few bullets and then take Cupid’s arrow straight to the heart with somebody who treats you with love and respect. Best wishes!
  22. In this day and age it’s pretty easy to get a hookup for sex just by swiping right enough and being direct if that’s what he really wants. Do you think there’s a possibility that he’s somebody who enjoys the “conquest” at the expense of someone else’s feelings? Based on your responses to everyone I will say this: if you were my daughter I would absolutely trust you 100% to make a healthy decision in the scenario you have laid out here. You seem to be an intuitive and thoughtful woman. Keep us posted??
×
×
  • Create New...