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Thread: Should I Ruin My Three Year Relationship?

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Exactly. Things are not adding up. And...staying sober has a ton of Free support groups.
    The reason I canít afford therapy right now, but can afford a house is because of my budget. I budgeted more for the house and havenít quite reached what I needed for therapy. Even the house budget, my boyfriend contributes the most because he has a high paying job.
    Honestly I havenít put therapy as high up in properties as I needed to. I am doing that now.

    Also the house is a townhome, not an actual house so itís cheaper Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by freedomfight
    Rose this is one of the most thoughtful responses I couldíve gotten, so I thank you for that.
    I love him. Like any relationship we have ups and downs. Some weeks weíre a little out of sync, but we try our best to communicate through it. We fit so well together, we make each other laugh, we handle problems together well. Weíre both aware of our youth but also both of us are working towards building a better future for the other. He knows I have baggage and is always willing to help me when I need it. He was the first stable thing Iíve had in my life. I know I donít deserve him now, but more than anything I donít want to lose him.

    I think for him, he thinks of our relationship as healthy and loving. He sees a lot more in me than I do. I know he must think of us as a couple very highly because of how hard he works to build a future for us.
    People say weíre young I know, but I know we compliment each other in the best ways and I know if we stay together weíll build a happy life.
    If this is truly the case, I'd focus more on the positives and let go of the negatives. Don't allow the past to keep traumatizing you and having that negative hold on you. Take the good parts with you, heal and leave the bad parts in the past. The more you keep training yourself to think positively and make better decisions for your future, the easier it will get with time. I'd try to be open to the future and check yourself when you begin to do things that jeopardize your present and future plans with your boyfriend. You have a whole new life ahead of you.

  3. #13
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    OP, are you sure you're actually ready to make such a huge commitment to your boyfriend?

    You're young, and have been together for 3 years. That's a long time in that stage of our lives. I realize he's a stable force in your life and loves you, but I have to wonder if some of this sexting is also borne out of the fact that you might not be ready to settle down and commit to him and only him forever.

    It is normal to be curious about what else is out there when you haven't had much dating and life experience yet. To be clear, it doesn't make sexting someone else okay. I simply bring this up to present an alternative explanation for your behaviour, one that I would urge you to reflect on before committing any further.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Trust me, I have been sexually abused as a kid. Get therapy and forgo the house until you are in a better head space.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Being able to buy a material things doesn't compare to being in an emotionally healthy place. You'll have a house and not be able to support it. Not in the sense that you'll be a stable and responsible partner.

    This is the exaggeration of the putting the cart before the horse.
    Please invest in yourself first and foremost. The rest will come and you will be more inclined to be successful at it.

  7. #16
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I donít think itís fair to dump your shiznit on a partner in order to free yourself of your guilt. The best apology here is changed behavior in my opinion.

    Sounds like you had a rough past and heís been a positive, healthy partner through much of it? If you want to break up thatís ok and itís probably just your word choice in the title of this thread but you can make a change to the single side without ďruiningĒ everything that was good in the relationship too - if thatís what you want to do.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You are so not ready to buy a house with anyone, never mind a boyfriend. You are too young and immature and your drinking issue will surely land you in hot water. You need to clean up your act before you enter into anything legal like buying a house. Some therapy is in order too.

  9. #18
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    This has nothing to do with drinking alcohol but more to do with alcohol bringing out the real you.

    Your bf is not your knight in shining armour. He was more of a safety net.

    Iím sorry for what you have been subjected to in the past , but your safety net will eventually wear away. And you will have to deal with your issues without it eventually.

    If you can save for a house , you can afford therapy.

    You will lose the house, the bf, the safety net if you do not first seek therapy.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend might feel like a safe harbor from everything that troubles you, but he can't shield you from those things forever. As you found, these things have a way of sneaking out when your defenses are down.

    It almost seems like you feel you don't "deserve" a nice guy like him, like you're "damaged goods" and he can do better. So you're attempting to sabotage the relationship. Or, maybe you just want to be free. Because the guy is emotionally supportive doesn't mean you love him as a man or future husband.

    I married the nice guy who took care of me because I too had past childhood trauma. I married him BECAUSE he took care of me, not because I loved him as a husband and wanted to share a life with him. We ended up divorced after 2 kids because we discovered how truly incompatible we were. The caretaker/wounded bird dynamic will only last so long.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by freedomfight
    The reason I canít afford therapy right now, but can afford a house is because of my budget. I budgeted more for the house and havenít quite reached what I needed for therapy. Even the house budget, my boyfriend contributes the most because he has a high paying job.
    Honestly I havenít put therapy as high up in properties as I needed to. I am doing that now.

    Also the house is a townhome, not an actual house so itís cheaper
    If you and your BF live together and he has a good paying job, most likely he has insurance benefits through his work. He can put you on his policy as common law wife for a small extra monthly fee. You can see if counseling is covered.

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