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Everything posted by Billie28

  1. Sorry Op but I doubt anyone will read past 10% of your post unless they have insomnia or an Incredibly boring life . Please re write including only relevant information and not in the third party. You can remain anonymous but we need to know who you are and your involvement in the story in order to give any constructive opinion or advice.
  2. Sorry but I think you are sugar coating what actually happened in that first year. “ We dated for a year before he decided to make it official.” The operative word in that statement is “HE” When did you decide that it was up to him to decide on you being “official” ??? What in your mind does official even mean? Exclusive??? So basically for a year you were ok with him dating others? And vice versa? When you first found out he was in contact with his ex , you basically told him that it’s ok and that he can pursue her and you will be there for him regardless. Why? At that point in time you lied to him and he knew it , so he lied back. Basically you gave yourself up as an option. Again why? When you found out a second time that he was in contact with her , you renaged. The first time when you told him to go be with her if he wants and you would be there as a friend , ultimately came out as the lie it was and revealing the test it actually was. What eventuated and the duration of it was not all on him. You had a big part to play in it. Why were you ok with not exclusively dating him for one year? Why did you allow the decision to become official his? Why didn’t you make that decision when you wanted it? Why did you not set boundaries? Why give yourself as an option? Why not remove yourself from the situation? Setting boundaries is different to being controlling? You ignored major red flags. You can’t hold him accountable for that. Your time with him had an expiry date. That’s obvious. But it’s still up to you to recognise that.
  3. Sorry but I think you misunderstand each other? Is he autistic? Perhaps?
  4. Why were you paying a ton of money for childcare expenses? How many children do you have? Where do they live? Why did this woman move her and her son into your house? And why did you allow her to care for your children in exchange for a bed for her and her son?? None of that makes any sense to me?? Why wouldn’t you if you were in a relationship with her , fine have her move in although it seems like it was a premature move , but have her pay rent AND utilities. Her figure out how to pay them and you continue with childcare? But instead you had her move in as a housewife. That means you ARE telling her that YOU will pay for everything. You became her employer , whilst also paying all her bills?? And you agreed to that? Seriously??? Fast forward a few months , she got bored of looking after your kids and got a job. That was when you stopped being her employer but still continued to pay all her bills. Why? She didn’t refuse to pay rent. You allowed her to not pay rent. On top of that you also paid for her car etc. You are not being taken advantage of , you are a willing participant. Stop paying for her car etc. She has more disposable income than you and probably putting that money into a secret savings account that you are fuelling. Let her leave. You can sort out custody agreements later and back to paying childcare. Seek a financial advisor.
  5. He sounds very smart but at the same time making foolish decisions. He started dating you when he was a child and you were an “adult” He responded to you in the manner a child would to a parent. He assumed you knew better. He is now an adult and responding to you as one. Albeit a bit cowardly. He doesn’t want to commit to you and rightfully so. What he is offering instead is convenience. Because of his uncertainty about the relationship and his decisions surrounding it. You would be making a foolish decision to accept his counter offer which is based on uncertainty. Only. What was your purpose in gaining a degree? If you want a career you need to work on it and cement it before having children. You have that opportunity right now. Why would you give it up?
  6. He is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. He has let you know that after about 40 days of meeting you. He is trying to do a slow fade but you aren’t getting his hints. Why aren’t you?? Sorry but this is not his depression talking , this is him with or without depression. Early dating people say all sorts of lovely things. Everytime. But once we start to actually know someone and realise that’s not the person for us we put on the brakes. Like he has. He did enjoy sharing his depression thoughts with a perfect stranger but that doesn’t mean he is interested in you beyond that. If someone with depression is genuinely interested in you , they will hide the fact that they have depression from you , not tell you about it. He was interested in a temporary boost for which you served that purpose. Sorry. He is not ready to be in a relationship and nor does he want one with you. Enough about him. I’m more concerned about you? Why would you entertain discussing mental illness with someone you barely know? Are you not on top of your own mental health ?
  7. Of course I read it. It was a case of someone going through no contact for the wrong purpose. Unless your timelines are not clear , it seems like you only moved on after your ex contacted you? If I misinterpreted it then please provide dates of these timelines? Otherwise it’s a simple story of a breakup and subsequently another relationship. That’s most peoples story so why post it? your response has only served to confuse the issue further?
  8. I think you missed the point of no contact as many people do. They seem to think it’s a tool to get an ex back. It’s absolutely not. It’s about self healing. So because you utilised it improperly while in the background remaining hopeful for contact , 3 years later it sucked only because you hadn’t used the no contact for it’s intebded purpose. After 3 years you should have long got past being indifferent. “Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever for about a half a year. Only to get the "I miss you, but I love the other guy, shpeal." I hope people reading this will realise no contact is for self healing and moving on. Only.
  9. “Couple that to her lack of commitment to the relationship” “She is also totally unwilling to move in with me and will only consider us getting a mortgage together” “Thankfully, apart from a dog, we aren't financially dependant on each other” Firstly , where the dog resides , that person is the owner. Secondly , I don’t think it’s your gf that’s non committal , it sounds like the non committal person is you. Your reasons for not committing may or may not be valid ones , but your gf’s reasoning for not moving in with you without a financial commitment from you are also valid. For her to move in with you is a greater commitment on her part than for you to simply have her move in. You can have her move out just as quickly as at the eve of the day it’s your property not hers. She wants you to actually commit to the living together by getting a mortgage together etc. She sounds smart to me. So what exactly is holding you back? Clearly there is no proper communication between you which is something that will break any relationship. But it can be resolved. If the will to do so from both of you is there. I sense that she is jaded from the lack of commitment from you and in turn that leads to arguments, mostly unresolved. If you are not willing to work for this relationship then why be in it? And to work on it , is to have those crucial honest conversations with her. So, instead of talking to your friends and random strangers online , actually have a discussion with her? Tell her how you feel , ask her how she feels. And most importantly be honest. Good luck!
  10. She tells people what they want to hear in order to get what she wants. What did you have in common with her? You only knew her for 60 days? In that time how many dates did you have? I don’t think you knew her at all? And really at the end of the day does it matter??
  11. FaceTime is not Snapchat lol Of course you can record , screenshot and no notification of it. And it’s not illegal to do so. What’s normal for a 23 yr old guy when it comes to sex? Everything lol But 23 yr old females generally won’t put out as easy as 40 something’s. The reason being that most 40 something’s are very secure within themselves and their needs sexually and emotionally. Unfortunately for this guy , he is wasting his time. You might be of age to fulfill his fantasy but you are not Mrs Robinson. And he is not the graduate.
  12. It’s all about perception. The above poster perceived that you had a few long term relationships from people you met in real life. And thereby insinuating that , real life is the way to go. However , define a successful relationship? Your end goal currently is to have a relationship that leads to marriage and kids. Because your real life relationships didn’t result in that , does that mean they were unsuccessful relationships or that your goal back then wasn’t what it is now? You have been online dating for 17 years. Why? What were you looking for as an 18 year old in 2003? Marriage and kids? I somehow doubt that? Maybe I’m wrong? But really were you looking for a serious relationship at 18? And at a time when online dating wasn’t that popular? Most people didn’t have easy access to Internet in 2003? No smart phones back then? So what was the reason as an 18 yr old with limited access to Internet drew you to online dating?? I have had a few long term relationships from online meets. And a few from real life meets. Were any of them successful? Well again that’s all about perception. And end goals? Online dating should only be supplementary. If you are spending a lot of time on these sites over real life interaction , meaning meeting with friends, enjoying hobbies etc then it’s dooned to fail. Because basically you become someone that’s not interesting to others. You mentioned you are putting in more effort into online dating , which suggests less effort into life in general. It should be something to do when you have nothing else to do!?! Also , meeting someone online is not really that much different to meeting someone offline. The first meet is simply that whether offline or online. The second meet is a first date. After that , it’s irrelevant how you met. But people dwell too much about what others put on their OLD profile. And assume it to be true. Do you believe your profile is accurate? Did you actually put on there that your ultimate goal is marriage and kids ? That won’t scare a guy whose bed goal is the same? It will deter the guys not wanting the same. And thereby reducing the amount of contact you get but in a good and productive way. What you need to realise is that OLD allows you to talk to numerous people in a short amount of time. If there was no OLD , how long would it take you to actually bump into that amount of people to have a chit chat with in real life? The rejection rate is super high. But that’s just a reflection on the amount of people you chat to. How many dates (encounters) have you been on over 17 years via OLD versus real life? Basically what I’m trying to say is be present online but only supplementary. You really shouldn’t spend more than 30 mins per day online. Be more interesting than that and don’t have the free time to put in more effort into it. Good luck!!!
  13. You have been saying that for 2 days now. Still haven’t done it. It’s a simple phone call. Make a dead line and stick to it. 24hrs from now .... I suggest the next time you reply on here will be after you’ve made the call.
  14. His perception would be a valid one. His only “crime” was asking for a simple photo not a raunchy one for verification. Restaurants and coffee shops closed. No big deal. A walk in a busy public park is fine. When will you? Because if you don’t today you probably never will. No reason to put it off. You claim yourself you have wasted too much time already so get it over and done with.
  15. Just call him and see if he up to meeting ! No explaining why you haven’t so far. That’s going back to square one with the endless chit chat! If he asks for any explanation , tell him you will chat over coffee or a walk in the park or whatever current covid restrictions permit. Today please?!
  16. “Its just theres a lot riding on this..ive wasted so much time and i know that..so if it doesnt work out it will be really unfortunate.” What does that even mean? If what doesn’t work out???? A meet doesn’t lead to a date? I wouldn’t call that unfortunate , I would call that life! Most people we meet doesn’t lead to marriage and babies ? Mostly rejection. Is that what this is all about??? You are scared of rejection? You do realise people get rejected more often than accepted and we only need to be accepted by one? You yourself have rejected 50 by blocking them. And you didn’t even give this guy a chance to accept you? Because of fear of him rejecting you???! You have got to get over that or become a nun?
  17. Again , you are using the pandemic as an excuse. Fine, wait until the lockdown eases and then contact him with a suggestion of a date. It’s absolutely normal that he would want to progress from texting to calling to meeting. And as far as asking for another pic, that’s ok too. He wasn’t asking for a nude pic otherwise you would have said and I think he only asked because of your reluctance to meet. Of course that would cause someone to be wary. You could have said you are happy to meet so he can see it’s teally you if you were not comfortable in sending another pic. It doesn’t sound like it was a deal breaker for him. What was a dealbreaker for him was your avoidance. The fact that you have 50 guys on your block list is a reflection on you not each individual you have blocked. Are these guys blocked on the OLD site or your own social media? Doesn’t really matter which but there is never a need to block that many people purely because it went “nowhere” Do you somehow feel empowered by blocking people??! What do you gain from doing so? It might be worth your while unblocking them all. And IF any of them contact you , you can simply ignore. Even this guy you are talking about contacting , you don’t talk about him in a positive way at all. It’s all very negative from your perspective that I don’t even know why you want to contact him? Tell me why you want to contact him? What are his good attributes? Why did you not agree to meet him pre pandemic? A first meet is simply an in person introduction. It’s not even a date? Regardless of the countless texts or phone calls. A second meet is a first date. You want people here to be positive and upbeat but I’m yet to see or hear anything positive coming from you wrt this guy? Please clarify?
  18. You say it’s all about taking the chance . Ok go ahead and take it. But don’t contact him unless you are actually going to MEET him within a week of contacting him IF he responds positively. You said that 6 months ago he kept wanting more and more from you as if that was a bad thing? The “more” he wanted was a meet !?! That’s the purpose of OLD not endless chit chat. So when you contact him, don’t just initiate idle chat. Ask him if he is feee on x day to grab a coffee or whatever. And in future don’t remain in contact with random guys you met online. You are there to find someone compatible to date. Not make fake friends. Be smart about dating. Good luck
  19. You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown. You chose not to meet him. That’s fine. That was your choice. You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet? And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person? My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but that’s where your confidence ends. You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse. Perhaps it’s time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite. It’s a false ego boost for the insecure. (You) And really it’s not helping your self esteem at all. That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most. I suggest you leave him alone.
  20. IMO he was simply flirting for the sake of flirting. Flirting is done for one or both of two reasons. Flirting to let someone know you are interested. Flirting to gain compliments. My guess is you flirted with him for both reasons. He flirted with you for the latter only. Flirting escalates. There is only so many times you can tell someone they look hot or have nice eyes etc So the flirting progresses to the what I would do if you were with me right now lol And so on But that’s still just flirting , not an intention to meet. When one eventually suggests meeting and it’s rejected then game over. Saying I’m too busy , sorry can’t tonight etc without suggesting a firm alternate date is rejecting that suggestion to meet. It’s then up to you to realise that it’s just flirting with no further intention and bow out if you are looking for more? I agree also with Sarah Lancaster that he might have been fishing to see if you were up for no strings fun and that perhaps you mentioned something that made him realise you weren’t? All in all , I don’t think it’s something to be hurt over , esp as you have never dated him. Disappointing yes since you had hoped for a date and more. He didn’t go out of his way to hurt you or disappoint you. At the end of the day neither really got what you wanted out of it?
  21. All I see is that the op got pregnant within a few months of meeting this guy. They didn’t know each other. Subsequently the guy admitted to being bisexual. OP decided she was ok with that under the condition that if he was to pursue sleeping with another man that he lets her know. Meanwhile OP is trying to gain self esteem by posting photos where men are attracted to overweight women. It’s a small niche. The followers might be in the thousands worldwide but it’s minimal compared to what the majority of men will follow. Fit models etc. Don’t judge me for saying that , it’s fact and proven. As far as I can tell , the OP’s partner has not done anything wrong in the way of posting images online or sending to groups. She didn’t ask him to communicate that, she asked him to let her know if any chat thatmight lead to a physical encounter. Only. As far as her parenting skills. I don’t think there is any issue there! And I don’t think people should judge her parenting based on her low self esteem belly posts. As for his parenting skills. Well that’s up to the OP to decide if she is happy with it? Will tolerate it? Etc It’s clear that both parents have low self esteem issues. And needs to be looked into. OP??? What’s your thoughts?
  22. It sounds to me like you are a caring and nurturing person but to your own detriment at times. My best guess is that he was faking being the person you thought he was? And that he couldn’t sustain that long term. He doesn’t want help. But you were always offering help , that possibly was what led him to bow out. You were not happy being in a relationship with someone like him , so you wanted to change him. He knows you wanted to change him for the better, he seems very self aware but he is simply not ready. But this is not really about you and all about him. He left the relationship because he doesn’t want to face things. And with every contact with you , it’s like you are again nudging him to. You are not abandoning him. Instead he has simply chose to leave you because that’s easier for him. He may or may not seek therapy. If he seeks therapy he might contact you in a year. If he doesn’t seek therapy he might contact you in 3 years. How long are you willing to put your life on hold for this movie romance? Given what you have told us , it was far from a Prince Charming story , but you romanticised it? My suggestion would be to look into why you were interested in him from the get go? What kept you in the relationship? What did you gain from it? And why you would ever consider getting back with him? Would there be conditions? What would they be? Would you trust him to stick to them? Etc
  23. I’m confused ! How would you know the precise moment she unblocked you? Unless you have been checking every hour every day for the past 4 months??? But you have decided in your own mind that the minute she got engaged her first thought was to unblock you??? Unblock you on what platform / social media?? You were a rebound for her as much as she was for you. Often rebound relationships are a stepping stone to get over the grief of a loved one. Essentially making it easier to get past the grief but really prolonging it by masking it. That seems to be what you provided for each other. So is this guy for her really a rebound? Or simply her next relationship after her ex from 1.5 years ago? But does it matter? What’s good is that you have remained single and hopefully continue to be until you are actually over both her and your ex. Take the opportunity now to block her and move on. Good luck!!!
  24. You do have someone to talk to . Your partner. If you can’t communicate with him then the relationship is doomed. I don’t mean arguing when there is an issue , but discussion when there isn’t. Be open and honest. Say that lately you feel you are not meeting his expectations and that when you don’t it makes you feel miserable. And see if there is a compromise. Don’t get petty and say remember that day I didn’t do the dishes and you said x, y and z. Instead say , sometimes I might not get around to doing the dishes but 90% of the time I do. I would like if you could maybe realise that I’m not 100% perfect and be ok with that. And if he isn’t ok with that , then you can’t strive for his perfection because something would have to give. That might be you working less , earning less, not having the time to do his coursework etc Btw it’s actually fraudulent to be doing his course for him so you need to stop that anyway. All of the above is only really if you think there is a good chance for a good relationship. What I really want to tell you is to dump him. But I don’t think you are there yet.
  25. The reason he still looks at your Instagram is simply because he can. Nothing odd about that at all really. He likely is looking at everyone’s Instagram. If you don’t want him casually looking at Instagram stories on his feed then don’t be on his feed. How was he supposed to know that you like him? You went over to his place 4 times without a date organised. That doesn’t tell him you like him? That simply tells him you are willing to hook up with no effort on his behalf? “We were supposed to go on a date but he cancelled the date and he invited me to his the following week. After that, he only invited me over his. Never out. We spoke almost every day. After the 4th time seeing him, I asked if he actually wanted to go out and do something and then he replied saying he doesn't want to lead me on (bit late for that).” Sorry but he didn’t lead you on. He never committed to leaving his bedroom to see you. In future respect yourself a little more . You didn’t like him. You didn’t even know him. He didn’t know you either. And didn’t try to. Just like this other random chick. Block him and move on. Nothing to lose.
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