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reinventmyself last won the day on February 11

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About reinventmyself

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  1. So sorry S. It's still like some bad science fiction movie. We are doing cautiously well here. Numbers are down and vaccines are rolling out like they are on fire. But the numbers eeked up just a little in the past few days. Nothing to get excited about, but we've been here before a few times. Waiting to see the outcome of the recent spring break freedom. Had my first shot 10 days ago. Arm hurt. That's about it. From everyone I hear it's the 2nd dose you need to watch for. Mine is 5/5. In the past 10 days, I've been out with friends 3 times. (a friend came into to to
  2. It means just that. He wants to be alone. The *at this moment* part is to soften the blow. His reasons don't really matter. Don't get stuck on trying to decode this. Just know that if he is was really interested, then he wouldn't risk losing you to begin with.
  3. People who are controlling, abusive and jealous are this way due to very complex and historical reasons. It isn't something that is just wished away. It is part of their character. I have dating them and married one. Based on my personal experiences these men need professional help to overcome these issues. I've heard all the promises and believed them once or twice myself. Everything smells good in the beginning because they are able to hide it for a period of time before it rears it's ugly head all over again. In the meantime you walk on eggshells so as to not upset him.
  4. I've been working from home for 13 months now and I look at it this way - If I were in the office the entire 8 hours, 480 minutes were not spent grinding out work. There were periods of time I was chatting with coworkers, getting a cup of coffee and doing personal things. Realistically it probably translated into a solid 4 to 5 hours of focused work in an 8 hour day. Your employer is fully aware of this dynamic. Early pandemic, it was pretty comical that the CEO's secretary sent out an email to our classified email address (social) with a picture of a glass of wine at 3pm challengin
  5. It's only been a couple weeks. It's not ghosting, it's a cooling off period. I wouldn't overthink it and let time do it's thing. If you two were such great friends, you'll be friends again. Just not right now and not according to your time line. And . . .if your friends are unanimously telling you to leave it alone, they are likely saying that for good reason. I would listen to them.
  6. Unless the two of you have forensically dissected what went wrong and what efforts were made to address the issues and create solid change, I wouldn't do it. I've done the same, more than once and repeated the same dance over and over. There's the initial honeymoon, where you are both on good behaviour and then the old bad habits come rushing back. Listen to your Mother and any other outside advise. They are more objective than you are.
  7. This type of commitment is not to be taken lightly. Add in the additional factors with your current health and money issues, I can understand his need to take his time making this decision. He also is committing to stay in the area and give up any option to return to another country. That's a lot to ask from someone. Marriage is about compromise. It appears he'll be doing all the compromising.
  8. . . and having anxiety myself and just enough therapy. . What I have learned, or have been told, is that anxiety is typically about something you are avoiding or not addressing.
  9. I can think of a couple instances where I needed to check my heart and think with my head. One guy comes to mind. He agreed to the sexual exclusivity but wanted to be open to meeting others. Mind you, I had already been intimate with him before my talk. We both agreed the chemistry was off the charts, we were amazing friends, but I just knew in my gut it wouldn't end well. His entire life was in transition and he wasn't in a place for a relationship. I took a few days to think about it and told him I couldn't see him anymore. He tried to talk me out of it. We hung o
  10. I don't think you have some mysterious character flaw that requires therapy. Though you may run a little on the anxious side, which is perfectly normal, you are becoming attached to someone romantically and sexually and you don't know where you stand - or even what you want. You are in a position of feeling very vulnerable and given the circumstances would be a little anxiety provoking. For myself, I know I get attached when I am sexual with someone. It took a few times of stumbling and getting hurt that I now tell any potential partner up front basically what makes me tick.
  11. Not sure one can change the consistency of ones saliva. Can't imagine how to approach asking someone to change something they have no control over. Probably not a good way to start a relationship. Your friends who made mention were probably in a relationship for quite some time before they asked for change. To go as far as to be grossed out by this is a sign to not continue.
  12. Then the subject of your post should have been that you had a mean, critical friend who took advantage of you. You should have left the part out about the way in she personally chooses to grieve the loss of her mother and somehow made it about you. Carry on. . .
  13. Prior to the puddle incident, you shared how he was bored and basically pouted when you paid more attention to them. Dating is the time of good behaviour. All of you being under the same roof with a man who thinks it's appropriate to exercise his authority and opinion on a child's behaviour that is neither his or lives with is a bad sign. *Unless the child is hurting puppies or similar. But if jumping in a puddle is the hill he wants to die on, I can't imagine more challenging and typical parenting scenarios. Imagine when the dating good behaviour wears off. You will be at od
  14. I read something once that was helpful for me. That a marriage or partnership (where you are sharing a home) is like running a business. Set all the warm fuzzy things aside for a moment and ask yourself if this is someone you would run a business with. Because running a household is very much like running a business. From what you've shared this is not a good business investment for you and the long term losses may be too great. Often times we need to balance dealing with issues such as this with you heart and your head. It's hard to seperate to the two at times, but in this case i
  15. you aren't being immature. This man has been emotionally cheating on you and lying to you. He said he lied to you so he wouldn't lose you. That benefits him, but disrespects you. A grown man would behave trustworthy and respectful to honor his relationship. Not lie. Hold out for a mature man. Not an boy who can't keep his stories straight and leads a double life.. Certainly don't marry him.
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