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reinventmyself

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Everything posted by reinventmyself

  1. I think there are often hidden truths behind comments such as this. You caught the first comment about your brother and likely gave it the benefit of the doubt. Second time and it's very possible your intuition is telling you something. Is she guilty? Only time will tell. It appears you are on the brink of finding out who she really is. Will a couple weeks cost you anything?
  2. first and foremost, his online activity has nothing to do with you and your worth. So don't make this about you. He was doing this before you met. You didn't say if he admitted to continuing. Would it make a difference if he pays or does it for free? I don't know, but it apparently matters a great deal to you. Would it bother you if he was looking at free porn instead? This is going to come down to your personal values. What bothers you may not bother the next. You have every right to consider this a deal breaker.
  3. having just glanced at this previous thread of yours, is it possible your boyfriend needs a little more space from you? Everyone has a different tolerance for togetherness and yours may be higher than his. That coupled with his demanding work schedule, he's probably wanting some alone time. That would be a lot easier to give him than a "break" That can be interpreted a few different ways. It could be his way of asking for space, not a break (up) Not matter how you look at it, this likely calls for you to give him some time to himself. It's a minimal request that a lot of couples
  4. You asked if she was free next Friday. There are 24 hours in a day and you didn't state a specific time. Based on her enthusiastic response "checking her timetable" is about her circling back as the day draws closer to arrange a meeting time for the date. Don't always assume the worse. It will come through in your energy and women can sense it.
  5. You seem like a really nice guy. Telling a really nice guy after a great date that you just aren't feeling a romantic connection is not an easy thing to do. Don't second guess that and think that there might still a possibility if you were to try a little harder. The only thing that will come of that is you will likely lose her as a friend too.
  6. I hear you. At the same time, this early on with someone you really don't know, I would let this one slide. If it becomes a pattern then I would cut him lose. Are you an option? Possibly. He's a free man and can date others. Try not to read between the lines and jump to the conclusion he was holding out to the last minute for something better. For all you know his elderly grandmothers drs appt got rescheduled. You just as easily fill in the blanks of something unknown with something a little less cryptic. You don't know why he responded so late, but if it's pattern in the fu
  7. You are exclusive. He dropped the bf/gf words early on and gave you an out just in case. What does a title prove? Life has taught me that people will only be with you because they want to. Period. Call it cute name, titles, whatever, will not guarantee you anything. If it's important to you, then ask for it. But if you are overthinking to this degree, I can pretty much bet putting a stamp on it isn't going to make you feel much better. You both have the free will to choose and you both currently have the desire to be exclusive with only each other. Title or no title,
  8. I will chime in and share that I had my first boyfriend at 15 and it ended at 18. Looking back I don't believe we have the maturity to be responsible in a romantic relationship at such a young age. We are likely to form unhealthy attachments to each other and when this is all we know, we tend to hang on longer than necessary. You said this yourself. That this was all you know. To sum up my relationship. It was a parent/child relationship. Myself being the child. Like all children, they eventually grow up. I didn't want to be parented any longer and recognized it as unhealthy.
  9. You previously passionately argued the age difference, using comparisons of 30 to 50 and so on. As you get older the maturity gap closes, but there is no argument that a 20 year old has not fully matured. There are studies that frontal lobe of a young adults brain isn't fully developed until around the age of 24. It explains why some young people do reckless things because the reasoning is controlled by ones frontal lobe. They can't conceptualize the consequences of their actions. I am a parent of two young adult men. If this was my daughter I would lose my mind over her engag
  10. I'm sorry if you are feeling judged. Is it possible these things are just hard to hear? It will be hard pressed for someone to celebrate your relationship with this girl. I think you know that already. I was in a bad place, post divorce. My dating experiences were tragic and messy. I kept thinking if I tried things differently, or tried harder I might get it right. What I learned (in therapy) was it was important to get right with myself first before I took my show on the road, so to speak. Yes, it was lonely at times, but the alternative was accumulating a lot of collater
  11. The same was said about my husband of 18 years. Still makes my head spin that they disliked him so much. But at the same time I understand the bind they were in about saying anything to me, 2 kids later.
  12. . . It's kind of like acknowledging you have a drug habit, but you will continue to use until you find something or someone to motivate you otherwise. It doesn't work that way. You abstain and the discomfort motivates you. You start working toward something healthy that feels good and it reinforces you to work harder to get to the other side. You are currently medicating your discomfort by engaging this young woman.
  13. The longer you continue to engage her the further away you get from being motivated to resolve your own issues and having the fulfilling relationship you desire. Consider this a crutch. not to mention you will be encouraging young lady who has some sad issues to continue to act out. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. You shouldn't be either.
  14. You are admittingly emotionally unavailable and you are very brave to admit the shortcomings you are wanting to work through. Unfortunately considering anything more with this basically fantasy person is perpetuating more of the same. Her being younger, the distance and never having met currently makes her pretty unattainable at the point as well. The likelihood of it coming to fruition is low, so you end up exactly where you are currently at. There must be a sense of safety in knowing that things will likely stay the same, but frustrating at the same time It's no surprise you find
  15. Seeing you are neither marrying him or breaking up with him at this point or any time soon, why stress about it? Nothing you do at this very moment is going to change the outcome, so table this for now.. Time has taught me if I don't know the answer to something, it will come to me eventually. Have some faith and remember, noone gets a crystal ball to predict the future. Live in the moment a little more.
  16. That's all well and gone but given your propensity to stall longer than most, be careful not to miss your opportunity to move this along. Enjoy!
  17. If you can describe her as someone who is a great deal younger, with possible daddy issues and sexting others, why wouldn't that be more than enough to abort this? You referred to her as your partner but have only been sexting for a week. Yet, you are wondering if you should fly to meet her?? This is the very moment you stop trying to figure out what she's all about and turn the focus on yourself. Why did you become so quickly attached to this young troubled girl? Is there something about all of this that is a wake up call for you to address something going on with you? The
  18. Did he ever disclose which sti is was? Personally, to my knowledge a lot of sti's are curable are, but a lot are not. A good number are virus's that live in your system He could have been sussing you out to see if you'd be up to taking a risk on someone who might put you at risk as well. A curable sti would have been treatable in a 7 week period. If things weren't adding up on his timeline, not dating yet getting an sti, chances are pretty good other things don't add up either. You haven't heard from him in about 18 hours from the time you wrote this. It doesn't necessarily mea
  19. I would just consider it not very smart. You mention it's a guy you are newly dating and I'll assume it hasn't been very long. It's no different than showing up for a date drunk. It's really inconsiderate.
  20. My boyfriend are on a similar page where covid is concerned, but there have been a couple of trying times. I get your knee jerk response and it seems like you took her actions personally. As if she chose them over you. After a few instances I have learned to not personalize it but rather just state my position respectfully. I understand that it is my bf's right to chose his own path and we are either are on the same page or not. My bf's son was at a brunch with all of his friends on a Saturday. Sunday morning he's texting, wanting to have a bbq with his dad and I and I respectful
  21. So sorry S. It's still like some bad science fiction movie. We are doing cautiously well here. Numbers are down and vaccines are rolling out like they are on fire. But the numbers eeked up just a little in the past few days. Nothing to get excited about, but we've been here before a few times. Waiting to see the outcome of the recent spring break freedom. Had my first shot 10 days ago. Arm hurt. That's about it. From everyone I hear it's the 2nd dose you need to watch for. Mine is 5/5. In the past 10 days, I've been out with friends 3 times. (a friend came into to to
  22. It means just that. He wants to be alone. The *at this moment* part is to soften the blow. His reasons don't really matter. Don't get stuck on trying to decode this. Just know that if he is was really interested, then he wouldn't risk losing you to begin with.
  23. People who are controlling, abusive and jealous are this way due to very complex and historical reasons. It isn't something that is just wished away. It is part of their character. I have dating them and married one. Based on my personal experiences these men need professional help to overcome these issues. I've heard all the promises and believed them once or twice myself. Everything smells good in the beginning because they are able to hide it for a period of time before it rears it's ugly head all over again. In the meantime you walk on eggshells so as to not upset him.
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