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Thread: Has anyone here not date for awhile due to financial reasons?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006

    Has anyone here not date for awhile due to financial reasons?

    Times get lonely and I feel depressed at times not having a partner but I know Iím not financially ready to date since Iím still living at home at 30 and paying rent here, have an old car but already paid off, some debts to pay off etc..

    Has anyone ever had this situation where they didnít date for awhile until they got their financial problems sorted out? I have these dating apps and my last date was terrible due to her talking about my car and why Iím still living at home. Then thereís this woman that I was chatting with a few days ago who insisted we should get dinner tonight.

    My goal is to pay off my debts, get my own place, and upgrade my car to a newer model since itís already on its last leg. My self esteem and confidence is at an all time low right now due to still living at home & having an old car but I just miss that feeling of having a partner. I miss it so much that I still reminisce about what me and my ex-gf of 4 years had.

    When I take women out on dates, Iím not cheap either. Itís always a nice dinner somewhere with a nice view & drinks and walking downtown for the views and a good time. How do I stop thinking about dating for now?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    ... youíre your own problem. Why the nice dates?

    But yes. You will have more success if your life is in order.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    You should be focusing on your debt, a second job, and expanding your education for a higher paying job.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Either wait for the right woman who understands your (hopefully temporary) circumstances OR get your personal life in order first. Know you'll have more to offer financially in your future relationship. That's life, the dating world and reality of your situation.


  6. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Maybe this will provide you with a new perspective on your situation:

    A friend of mine owned an old second-hand car for a while whilst having a long-term partner.
    Someone else didn't drive, yet had a long-term partner as well.
    Another person I met was in debt and still managed to have a long-term partner too.
    I've also met low income earners with partners.
    The list goes on.

    You stated that your self-esteem is at an all time low right now. Therefore, it seems to me that you are looking for a partner to fill a void. That's not an attractive quality at all.

    What is attractive? A positive mindset. That despite the struggles you are (temporarily) facing, you are interesting, fun, etc. Is there anything in your life that's exciting? If the answers is no, then find a hobby or something.

    Also, a date isn't suitable if they focus solely on your old car, your debt and whatnot. A suitable date will appreciate the fact that you own an old car to save money and to pay off your debt.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    I Can See The Sun!
    Who the hell in todays world 'isn't' in debt...!?

    The right woman would love you for your kindness and strength, not the size of your wallet and house....

    Find the right girl and grow together*

    And when I say 'find', yes it's a numbers game... I got 40 no's before I got a yes :)


  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Yes I have avoided dating because of my financial situation but in the end I realised that my value isn't based on material things but character. Work hard to improve your situation and better your self esteem. If you feel like a loser because of your situation that will translate to whoever you meet. Start some hobbies, see friends, take a second job/do overtime to pay off your debts quicker. Do you have a time line to pay off debts and get your own place? If you can demonstrate that you are working hard to be debt free and put in a lot of work to do so that shows good character. Your car may be old but you own it outright. Most people with flash cars are on finance.

    The date who picked at you for living at home and having an old car (unless your insecurities coloured your perception of her response) was just rude. The one who insisted on a fancy meal, sure if she is so desperate to go to a fancy place, she won't mind paying right?

    Date people who are frugal/trying to save and stop going on expensive dates. Go on free/very cheap ones.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Why not solve the main problems and the minor ones will solve themselves. Instead of living with mom and dad, get a place, any place. Start today looking for affordable housing. A house share, roommates, anything but mom and dad.

    Start working part time. You don't have to be debt free to live like a grown up.You can live modestly and drive a modest car and still have an affordable lifestyle. Start by managing finances better and resolve the issues that got you in debt in the first place. Once you have your life together it doesn't matter if the dates are just coffee and a walk. You'll get more respect when you live on your own two feet.

    Start selling off stuff, get a less expensive phone, etc. Unfortunately yes, women will be put off by a 30 y/o who lives at home, can't manage money and drives a beater. That's life but you can fix that.
    Originally Posted by JDMxTeGrA101
    Iím still living at home at 30 and paying rent here, have an old car but already paid off, some debts to pay off etc..

    I have these dating apps and my last date was terrible due to her talking about my car and why Iím still living at home.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 06-09-2019 at 06:31 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    You are paying rent so why not pay that rent elsewhere?
    Since you do still live at home and your debts are not related to assets (home, car like most peoples are) what has got you into debt?
    Are you currently spending less than your income?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    I would for now plan first meets that involve meeting for a walk or indoors at a free museum kind of place or walking around an outdoor festival. Explain simply and confidently "right now meeting for a meal is not in my budget" and if the person pries then you know that person either is focused on $ or perhaps simply wants someone who is financially stable right now which is totally understandable. No, I would not have met you right then because at that age when I was single I was financially stable, lived independently, and wanted someone who had the same situation (even if very temporarily unemployed) since I was dating for the purpose of marriage and family. Someone who, like you, is not financially stable and/or is financially stable but would enjoy or be ok with being the sole or main provider might be totally fine with your situation.

    I do not think meeting for dinner on a first meet is a great idea anyway -too much time to spend with someone you might not click with at all and gets too expensive especially if she's wanting you to treat for a first meet. Good luck!

    I'd add that if it's important for you to be independent/financially stable take those steps towards your goal preferably every single day. And that way if you meet someone you can be specific -when the timing is right - in describing what you are doing to become financially stable and independent.

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